Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread


You should see the other guy.

One of these days, I need to write about that feeling — relief? nostalgia? longing? bittersweetness? — one has when her babies are no longer babies. Although Joanie still has a couple final milestones to cross before all traces of babyhood are gone forever — she’s not totally potty-trained yet and she still enjoys a bottle of milk a few times a day — as you can see from this photo, taken yesterday, she’s looking more and more like a kid and much less like a baby at all. Add to that Jackson starting first grade last month and turning six recently and bringing home homework that I don’t really understand and making up jokes that are actually really funny and growing out of his clothes faster than I can order them, and I feel like I’m on a merry-go-round that keeps intensifying in speed and refuses to break for anything.

Related: I’ve started shopping for the holidays early this year because if everything goes smoothly, we will be moving into our new home shortly after Thanksgiving and I expect to be totally distracted by unpacking and shopping for curtains and light fixtures and new furniture in the weeks I would normally be searching for stocking stuffers and making sure Santa has the kids’ Christmas lists. Jackson has made perfectly clear he wants matching “Christmas PJs” to wear with Joanie on Christmas morning and, luckily, that brand I mentioned recently that has the best kids’ PJs — Hanna Andersson — is having a site-wide sale this weekend. So, I got these in a size 2 and a size OH MY GOD, HE’S ALMOST AS TALL AS I AM. Maybe you want to get some for your kids, too?

Hope you all have a great weekend! We have pumpkin patching and birthday parties and hanging with an out-of-town friend, oh my.

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Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“In a just system, Weinstein would have faced career-ruining social and professional consequences the first time he changed into a bathrobe and begged a horrified woman for a massage. In a just system, the abuse wouldn’t have stayed an open secret for decades while he was left free to chew through generation after generation of starlets. Weinstein’s life, like Cosby’s, isn’t the story of some tragic, pitiable downfall. It’s the story of someone who got away with it.

The witches are coming, but not for your life. We’re coming for your legacy. The cost of being Harvey Weinstein is not getting to be Harvey Weinstein anymore. We don’t have the justice system on our side; we don’t have institutional power; we don’t have millions of dollars or the presidency; but we have our stories, and we’re going to keep telling them.”

Yes, This Is a Witch Hunt. I’m a Witch and I’m Hunting You

Literally, Why Can’t I Say #MeToo?

The ‘Me Too’ Campaign Was Created By A Black Woman 10 Years Ago

“And to me, if Harvey’s behavior is the most reprehensible thing one can imagine, a not-so-distant second is the current flood of sanctimonious denial and condemnation that now crashes upon these shores of rectitude in gloppy tides of bullshit righteousness. Because everybody-fucking-knew.”

‘Beautiful Girls’ Scribe Scott Rosenberg On A Complicated Legacy With Harvey Weinstein

How you’re sabotaging your relationships without even realizing it

Is “Cuffing Season” Real? Here’s Why People Crave Relationships In The Colder Months, According To Science

A Catfishing With a Happy Ending

Men Are More Satisfied By ‘Bromances’ Than Their Romantic Relationships, Study Says

Motherhood Is Hard to Get Wrong. So Why Do So Many Moms Feel So Bad About Themselves?

Alt-Right asshole, Richard Spencer, says women shouldn’t have the right to vote

Well, this is kind of crazy: “Instagram star lifts things with her vagina and takes photos…”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

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​​It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.

I found four videos on my fiancé’s mobile of women at work with close-ups of their feet. “Dan” is filming them while helping them with their computers and they have no idea. I am in shock and disgusted. Do I contact the police and HR where he works? I also found two videos of poor women in town who had no idea he was filming their feet while he was at the bus stop. Is this normal? What is the law? He lives with me and my two boys, and I’m in shock. — Shocked

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Related to our earlier conversation about sex in committed relationships and keeping the spark alive, there’s an article in the New York Times this week all about how to have a better relationship, with a big emphasis on sex in committed relationships. It’s full of interesting statistics, tips, and tidbits. For example, there are six distinct types of love found in our closest relationships — Romantic, Best Friends, Logical, Playful, Possessive, and Unselfish — and “researchers have found that the love we feel in our most committed relationships is typically a combination of two or three different forms of love.” Maybe not so surprisingly to people whose relationships are often rocky: “two people in the same relationship can have very different versions of how they define love.” It’s important to know how your partner defines love to navigate conflict in your relationship.

There’s a whole section about sex — how much everyone’s doing it, who’s having more, etc. You might be surprised to learn: [click to continue…]

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A physician who screened me for breast cancer in January 2015 has had the hots for me since day one. He is two years older than I am and is a single father to a son. His Baby Mama bailed out on them when the kid was weeks old, and much to his surprise, at 31 I don’t have any children and I’ve never been pregnant.

We regularly bump into each other and we have both been apparently single throughout this time period. He has been too hesitant to make a move although he professes to be in love with me and to be seeking a long-term relationship, even going as far as to discuss the possibility of marriage – all without even a single date so far.

He is moving overseas in November on a Fellowship Program and has hinted at flying me over “to visit him for a date,” which is strange as he has barely made a move all these years. Since the day I met him, whenever I see him I always have a recurring dream that very same night warning me to “be careful” as he is apparently “not whom I think he is,” which may be my subconscious mind reacting to my fears regarding his sexual history from his days at Medical School. I am concerned consciously about any STDs he may carry possibly even without his own knowledge. He makes no bones about the fact that his two exes post- Med School, including Baby Mama, resent him, walked out on him, and are each now married with kids to other men.

I am not enamored with him although he clearly is with me. Up until the beginning of this year I was wholly willing to give him a chance if only to see where things could go as I have been single and celibate, focusing on my spirituality, for several years now. Now that I’m turning 32 later this month I feel I want to travel and meet new faces in new places, so I really have no idea how to handle this man in that respect. Please provide me with a perspective on this situation in the context of my new endeavors. — Ready to Travel

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