Newbies who don’t know what this is all about, you’ll soon figure it out. Everyone else, go crazy. Everything you post here today will be deleted by by 4 PM EST. Spill it.
This Sunday marks eight years since Drew and I were put in touch — over the phone — by our mutual friend, Meg. I was talking about the list of things I was looking for in a guy when suddenly something clicked in her head, and she immediately picked up the phone and called Drew, whom she knew from her days living in New York. That first conversation led to a blind date two weeks later, and the rest, as they say, is history. I’ve been thinking about that initial meeting and how much has changed since then and how lucky we were to have been introduced to each other. I’ve also been thinking about how, if Meg had made that call even two months earlier, I might not have been open or receptive to the idea of dating Drew.
I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this here, but I do credit some of my readiness – a lot of my readiness, actually — in meeting and dating Drew to a book I’d been reading in the weeks leading up to our introduction. It’s a (work)book titled, Calling in “The One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life, and my friend and I started reading it and working through it together, kind of on a whim. I don’t remember which one of us found the book, and I’m pretty sure we didn’t even spring for two copies of it, instead passing the same copy back and forth. As the title suggests, the book is a basically a seven-week “course” with activities and questions and daily lessons you’re supposed to work through in order to prepare yourself and attract your soulmate. It sounds pretty woo-woo, and, in all honesty, it kind of is. I don’t think either one of us did all the activities and lessons inside the book, but we did a lot of them and we made an honest effort to look inside ourselves and deal with some of the potential blocks keeping up from having fulfilling relationships.
Anyway, as I said, the book is pretty woo-woo and at times I felt really silly working through the various activities, but, since I was also at a place in my life where I was tired of being alone or getting stuck in the same relationship patterns, I figured, “Eh, what will a little silliness hurt? And what if it actually helps?” And it did help. Seven weeks almost to the day after I started Calling in “The One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life is when I first spoke to Drew — the man I would eventually fall in love with and marry. Coincidence? Maybe. But I really do think that, if I hadn’t addressed some of the issues keeping me from giving and receiving the kind of love I was looking for, I wouldn’t have been truly ready to give a relationship — especially one across hundreds of miles — a real shot.
I’m not saying this book will work for everyone. But I do think that, if you’re in a place like I was where you’re really ready for a life-changing relationship, this book can’t hurt. I don’t make any promises, but I also feel pretty certain that, if you give it an honest effort despite any potential feelings of silliness, you’ll get something out of it. And maybe you won’t meet your soulmate in seven weeks, but I bet that, when you do meet him or her, you’ll be in a better place of readiness. It worked for me. It might work for you too.
This week in the forums, we’re discussing:
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.
We used to constantly fight because he wouldn’t want me to go shopping or anywhere else with my mom and sister, or go anywhere alone. He works all morning, he gets home around 4:30 p.m., and, if he didn’t find me at home when he got there, he would be mad. Also, if he had to work on Saturdays and my family would invite me to go to the beach, he would throw a fit and we would have a fight, so I just wouldn’t go at all. He usually tells me I can go out with my mom or sister while he’s at work, but he says he will want to come home and have me “be home waiting for him.” Sometimes, I would get home a few minutes after he was home from work and he would ignore me and just be mad, so I tried to make him happy and get home before he did–but then he would still be mad, saying I have no business going out “all the time.”
On one occasion in 2013 I was about four months pregnant when my mother and sister were going to Mexico for a week and I had my own money to buy a ticket. But we fought about it for over two weeks before I left because he “was scared something would happen” and I would leave him alone and he would miss me. But I still went. The day I left he came home early from work, he took me out, and we had a great time. But when it was time for me to leave, his mood changed — he didn’t even want to go say bye to me at the bus station, and he didn’t help me carry my luggage to the car.
Now, in May, my parents and sister are going to Mexico again. They said they would pay for my ticket, and I would really like to go for my cousin’s wedding and go to the beach, but last time he told me that, if I went out of the country again, he wouldn’t be here when I came back. The problem is that he can’t travel out of the country…and also I have a son with him. I don’t know what to do. It would only be for a week. Should I go and enjoy my mini-vacation or stay home? — Not Allowed to Have Fun Without Him
Recently, his ex mother-in-law had a health issue and he travelled two hours to surprise her and spend the night with his niece. I was somewhat uncomfortable that he feels the need to remain that close. I didn’t say too much about it, but he knows how I feel! When he left for the visit, we were OK. We text often when we’re not together, but when he went down there it was like I didn’t exist — the entire second day I didn’t hear from him at all, which completely pissed me off! He thinks I’m over-reacting and being childish, but I think, if he hadn’t have ignored me during his visit, I may have felt more comfortable, especially since he knew I wasn’t thrilled about it to begin with. So what do you think: am I over-reacting? Acting childish? I know I’m insecure — I’ll agree to that much! — Not Thrilled