The election of Donald Trump as the next President of the United States is a scary and horrific thing for many of us. He and his cabinet, full of unqualified and unsuitable candidates, threaten civil rights, voter rights, climate control, health care, public education, social security, the first amendment, foreign relations, free press, and the values of most good and decent people everywhere. We must resist his actions to destroy the fabric of democracy and the security of our citizens. In an effort to do that, each week I share some acts of resistance and steps of activism you can take. Here are this week’s:
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Ok, since we’re already talking about weddings, and since I’m still sick (finally saw a doctor this morning who said it’s a bad cold and may linger another week) and I’m sort of phoning it in this week anyway, here’s another wedding question to keep things thematic:
About a year ago, my girlfriend’s cousin got engaged. Due to an unexpected death in the family of her cousin’s fiancé, the wedding was postponed until this November. We’ve had the date to their wedding for months now. My girlfriend is extremely close to her cousin and their family and that side of her family does not come together often. Furthermore, many of her closest family members, whom she hasn’t seen in years because they live on the other side of the country, will be there. Also, her cousin comes from money so this will probably be the nicest/classiest event she will be able to attend for, what she believes, the rest of her life. This wedding will be one of the only chances she will get to see the entire side of this family together. There are no other family members on this side that have potential to get married in the future. So this would be one of her only chances to introduce me to everyone. To complicate matters, her ex-husband is extremely close with her cousin so he will be in attendance with his girlfriend at the same table as my girlfriend. Normally, this would not be a problem since the four of us know each other, are very nice to each other, and are all very involved with their kids. But I have a date conflict and don’t think I can make the wedding.
About four months ago, I helped my best friend of ten years propose to his girlfriend. Today I received a gift invitation to be a groomsman for their wedding. This will be the first wedding for me where I am in the wedding party. I’m not his best man but will be next in line. This is a smaller, less classy wedding — meaning less food, less time, less everything. Again, he’s been my best friend for a decade, and, since my girlfriend and I moved from the state, I won’t have an opportunity to see them or take them out and I feel that, by not going, I could permanently destroy my relationship with him.
My girlfriend’s wedding is in northern New Jersey; mine is in Florida. Both are scheduled on the same day at the same time. My girlfriend is extremely upset/sad about this. We feel that we both have to attend our individual weddings and that there is no other option. But the fact that she has to be alone at a wedding with her ex-husband and his girlfriend at the same time is making her sad. She says it will chip away at her and she doesn’t think she’ll handle it well. She knows she will think about her first wedding while she is there since I won’t be there to help her think about our future wedding instead.
I tried looking at airlines to see if I could do what’s needed in mine and get to her as soon as possible, but that’s looking like an impossibility as well.
I don’t know what to do. Please help me. — To Go or Not to Go
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It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “The Key Issue” who was unhappy that her girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend had a key to her new place. “One day, while I was staying at her place, he was over to see the [twins] and, when he left, he locked the door with a key that I didn’t think he had or needed. This issue has caused problems. Do I have the right to be upset?” she asked. Update below.
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