Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

This week in the forums, we’re discussing:

Why does my boyfriend treat me differently when he has his son?

“My Husband Flirted with Another Woman at a Wedding”

How to uninvite toxic friend to concert?

“My Husband Says My Weight Gain is ‘Grounds for Divorce’”

“He Talks to His Daughter About Our Sex Life”

Need advice about friendship?

My boyfriend still hasn’t filed for divorce

“My Wife is addicted To Conflict”

This whole Trump situation just gets worse and worse everyday

Anyone going on awesome dates?

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

One of my best friends since fifth grade (we are 32 now) was diagnosed with stage IV cancer two and a half years ago. We don’t live near each other anymore – she lives in Texas and I live in Florida, but we talk frequently and have visits as often as possible. In the past few months, she has been getting significantly worse, and chemo treatments haven’t been working. Up until now she has always been very positive about fighting cancer and her diagnosis, and obviously I have followed her lead anytime we talk. I let her share what she wants with me. Recently, she mentioned that doctors had started asking if she had end-of-life plans in place, and she said she isn’t ready to think about that.

My dilemma is that if it comes to it, I would really like to say goodbye in person. But I have no idea how to broach the subject. I am in contact with her mother, who is very involved in my friend’s care and treatment. I was thinking that I might send a handwritten letter to her mother asking about it. Assuming they would be comfortable with my presence at some point. I don’t know – is this an inappropriate request for a non-family member? I am at a loss for words. How are you supposed to ask a mother to please let you know if her daughter is about to die?

I don’t know what the right course of action is. I don’t want to cause any additional pain or stress to the family, especially since I really hope I am worrying for nothing. But my friend means so much to me, and I am afraid I will regret not asking if something does happen.

If you have any thoughts or suggestions I would very much appreciate it. — Worried About My Friend

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I am a young professional woman in my late 20s and I started dating my boyfriend, “Mike,” about a year ago. We get along splendidly and are very much in love! I can see him being my future something or other and we’ve talked about moving in together next year.

The reason I’m writing you for advice is because, prior to our relationship, he was in a five-year-long relationship. He and his ex met in college and were very serious. When we first started dating, he teared up every time he mentioned the relationship and refused to give details. From what Mike has told me, they broke up because she got into graduate school on the other side of the country. Two of their five years of dating had already been long-distance and she finally called it quits when it was clear they were not going to be in the same city for the near future.

Fast forward to now: His ex-girlfriend is graduating from school in less than a year and they still exchange texts back and forth. From my social media detective work, she is not dating anyone. I’m worried that, once she finishes school, she’ll realize how much she misses him and try to woo him back!

Am I crazy to be concerned? — Worried about His Ex

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Happy weekend, everyone! I hope your week was better than mine, which totally sucked. In addition to some family and friends dealing with various crises, we have a small crisis of our own — our new home, in which we’re having some renovations done before we move in, won’t be ready for us to move into at the end of the month due to some unforeseen circumstances, and we found out our current apartment was just rented out for December 1 (despite our landlord telling us not to worry if we needed to stay an extra few weeks, that we’d work something out), so… I don’t know what we’re going to do. Maybe move our stuff over to the new place and sublet something else for a few weeks. Which isn’t ideal under any circumstances, but especially during the holidays and when you have small kids and cats. We also found out that our commercial tenants — we’re landlords now — are going out of business and terminating their lease, so we have to find new tenants in addition to everything else. Good times.

Anyway, I’m sure it will all work out, but this period before it does is nerve-wracking. I’m finding it hard to focus on much else. Yesterday, I even forgot to pack a lunch for Jackson to take to school (I made the lunch — I just forgot to pack it in his backpack) — and, oh, the horror, he had to get a school lunch (he hates school lunch, I think solely on principle).

How is this coming week already Thanksgiving? It is! Do you have plans? We’re probably going to take the kids to watch the Macy’s parade from Drew’s office again at Rockefeller Plaza. And then a quiet meal at home later in the day, just the four of us. And over the weekend, I hope to take advantage of some sales (at least online) on things we need for the new place, and maybe knock out most of my holiday shopping. As you’re doing your own holiday shopping, too, don’t forget that when you shop through my amazon affiliate link(through that widget in the sidebar or any link to Amazon, like this one) I get a small commission on your sales, which helps run this site. Thanks so much, and enjoy your weekend!


Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Our anger has been unleashed:

“But for the past six weeks, since reports of one movie producer’s serial predation blew a Harvey-size hole in the news cycle, there is suddenly space, air, for women to talk. To yell, in fact. To make dangerous lists and call reporters and text with their friends about everything that’s been suppressed.

This is not feminism as we’ve known it in its contemporary rebirth — packaged into think pieces or nonprofits or Eve Ensler plays or Beyoncé VMA performances. That stuff has its place and is necessary in its own way. This is different. This is ’70s-style, organic, mass, radical rage, exploding in unpredictable directions. It is loud, thanks to the human megaphone that is social media and the “whisper networks” that are now less about speaking sotto voce than about frantically typed texts and all-caps group chats.” — Your Reckoning. And Mine. As stories about abuse, assault, and complicity come flooding out, how do we think about the culprits in our lives? Including, sometimes, ourselves.

Sarah Silverman Speaks on Louis C.K.: ‘Can You Love Someone Who Did Bad Things?’

Being on the Right Side of History in 1998 Sucked

Related: What Hillary Knew

Yep: “I Applaud our Feminist Resurgence. I also Fear the Backlash.”

Better treat your partner well: “Sex unlikely to stop your heart—but if it does, your partner may let you die”

Senior Couples Try the 36 Questions That Lead to Love

I’m A Trans Woman, & I Feel Pressure To Be A Mother One Day

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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