≡ Menu

This week in the forums, we’re discussing:

Husband secret \”best friend\” at work

Help a feminist out

Am I the only one who gets frustrated at friends bailing?!

How long is too long to wait for a ring?

Health and fitness

Does he genuinely want me to go?

What do you wash your hair with?

“My Parents Hate My Non-Asian Boyfriend”

How to eat sushi

Well this is fucked up…

Boyfriend didn’t propose by the time he said he would

Do you want to play a game?


NYC — March 20 (place, TBD)

Follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.



In early November, about a week before we moved into our new apartment — the bigger, three-bedroom apartment our family could grow into regardless of whether we remained just the three of us or were lucky enough to add a fourth Condellberry to the mix — we grabbed some dinner at Shake Shack one evening. At the table next to us was a woman who used to own an upholstery and design store in our neighborhood until she closed it a couple years ago. She was there with her tween daughter. “Hi,” I said as we sat down, “You reupholstered a chair for us a few years ago.” It was a chair we’d bought on Craigslist for our soon-to-be nursery. She did a beautiful job with it.

“I remember,” she replied. “You were pregnant then. How old’s your son now?” she asked, gesturing to Jackson who was already making a mess of his food and demanding my attention.

“He turned three last month,” I replied, as he knocked over his whole cup of water. Our table mate jumped up to grab some napkins.

“Oh, thank you!” I said as she helped clean up.

“Girls have such a different energy,” she said calmly, glancing at her daughter who was sitting quietly working on homework. “When you have your daughter,” she continued, matter-of-factly, “You’ll see.” And without missing a beat, she slid back into her seat and finished her meal. [click to continue…]


It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Her Older Man,” a 60-year-old man who had been dating a 34-year-old woman for nine years. The woman kept him a secret from her parents, whom she moved back in with in order to save money to buy her own place. She then broke up with the LW, saying she needed a younger man whom her parents would approve of and whom she could have a family with. “Since the split we’ve either texted, chatted, or emailed every day. Our breakup is killing me and I know she’s hurting. Do I just walk away or stick around knowing that, if she meets someone else, I’ll be gutted?” Keep reading to see whether he walked away or stuck around.

[click to continue…]



Well, the blizzard that wasn’t was a bit of a bust here in NYC. And since the city virtually shut down, with subways, bridges and tunnels closed, and a driving ban in place from 11 last night until this morning, we got all the inconvenience and none of the excitement. At least, in my household anyway. Most people get a snow day, including Jackson’s babysitter who usually watches him Tuesday mornings, but Drew works for the Today Show and the show must go on, so they put him up in a hotel near work last night so he’d be able to get in this morning. Which means, Jackson and I have been on our own today. Alllllll day. Actually, it hasn’t been nearly as challenging as I originally thought it would be mostly because instead of getting three feet of snow, we got about three inches so we haven’t been stranded like I imagined we would be. We had a playdate at our friends’ place this morning and later, we’re going to build some snowmen, make snow angels, and maybe do some sledding.

Anyway, a few thoughts of this great blizzard of 2015:

– I went to the grocery store yesterday not necessarily to stock up for the whole day I might not be able to get to the store, but to buy ingredients for dinner last night. The bread aisle was completely decimated. It was also the busiest I had ever seen our neighborhood supermarket on a Monday morning. People were frantic. Absolutely frantic. I wanted to say, “You know, bodegas on every corner will probably be open tomorrow, right? Like, if you really need a can of Pringles, chances are, you won’t have any problem getting one. Also, even if everything is completely closed on Tuesday, it will just be for 24 hours, max. We’re not talking about being stranded at home with no food delivery for weeks. You’ll be able to Seamless your lunch by Wednesday at the latest, everyone, chill.”

– All of you who live on the West Coast or some place warm who are posting your pics of your glorious weather with captions expressing “sympathy” to those of us less fortunate: stop it. Look, some of us actually like seasons. Some of us dig the snow and winter-related activities. Some people even get excited by a blizzard! It’s cozy to snuggle up under blankets with our peeps and our pets and a cup of hot chocolate, watching movies and watching the snow come down hard (especially when you don’t have to drive in it or shovel it or really clean it up in any way). Plus: snow day, bitches. You think all the public school teachers who get a paid day off today give a shit about your beautiful sunset over the beach in Santa Monica. Well, ok, that does sound kind of nice, actually. A temp of 75 degrees and a walk on the beach? Yeah, I guess I could get into that.

Snow day check-in: Who’s got a day off today because of the great blizzard of 2015 (whether it was actually a blizzard where you live or more like a lot of hoopla over a bit of snow)? How are you spending your free day off?

I have an amazing 10-year-old son, “John.” He’s smart, creative and a really empathetic child. My ex-husband Mike and I have been divorced for three years. Although we share custody, my ex has not been very present in my son’s life. However, since he has moved in with his girlfriend “Sam,” he seems to be showing more interest in our son. I work seven days a week to keep us afloat, so John now spends most weekends with John and Sam.

I’m happy that John finally has a healthy relationship with his father, and it’s good to see them spending quality time together. However, I’m beginning to grow concerned about Sam’s influence in John’s life. Sam has been texting John constantly, and he has been lying to me about who is texting him. She wants to know what he’s doing every day, and a few times she has said things like, “I’m sorry I yelled at you last night.” Or she’ll put undue pressure on him by asking questions like, “Well, why can’t you spend the night on Sunday?” Additionally, Sam has been buying clothes or gifts for John but insisting that he cannot take them home with him and must leave them at her house.

The straw that broke the camel’s back here happened when John had to write an essay to read aloud at an awards ceremony. He wrote the essay at Mike and Sam’s house and had asked for my opinion on it, but, when he requested that Sam print the essay so that he could show me, she refused and told him I had to wait to hear it just like everyone else and that she would print him a copy only when he really needed it.

My heart is breaking. I love my little boy and I feel like I am being pushed out of his life. At first, I thought I was just jealous, but my parents as well as Mike’s parents seem to share my concern. Mike’s parents recently told me that they were afraid that Sam was too controlling with John and that she has a very short temper. I don’t know what to do in this situation. Mike and I aren’t exactly close, so I don’t feel like it would be appropriate to critique his girlfriend. But I feel like we need to start setting some boundaries. Is this normal? Am I overreacting? How should I proceed? — Tired Mom

[click to continue…]