Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy
I’ve lived with my boyfriend for close to seven years now and have been included in all family activities. But just a few days ago, after traveling a long distance to my boyfriend’s daughter’s wedding, I was told by him that he volunteered me to babysit his other daughter’s 2-year-old while the guys went golfing and the bridal party had their hair and makeup done. I was shocked that the child’s dad, who wasn’t in the wedding party, took off to golf and was unable to babysit. And suddenly, I had a 6-year-old and a 15-year-old to watch too!

I am currently dealing with a serious medical condition and was in pain and very tired from the trip already. Reluctantly, I agreed but was trying to be nice as no one included me in any of the activities for the groom or the bride. It hurt a bit because I thought I possibly meant more to these people than simply her dad’s girlfriend. My boyfriend’s ex-wife — the bride’s mother — was not invited as the kids do not like her and call her crazy.

I’ve tried as much as possible to be there for my boyfriend’s kids as a mother figure and as a substitute grandmother to their kids, and I had assumed they loved me as much as I love them and their children, but boy was I wrong about that. The guys came back after a good fun game of golf while the women were still getting the spa treatment, and I told my boyfriend that I did not think it was right I had to babysit at all let alone three kids! He told me since I wasn’t a guy, in the bridal party, the mother of the bride, or a part of the family and that since I had nothing else to do, I had to babysit.

This is ridiculous and I feel that I was treated wrongly and taken advantage of by all of the parents and by my boyfriend! I was invited as a guest and not as the babysitter. This has caused a huge fight that I cannot win. It makes me feel disrespected by all who stuck me with their children and went off to have a great day. By the time of the ceremony I could barely walk and felt so sick I wanted to cry.

I feel that I could have been included more in some way, maybe I would have wanted my hair or make up done, but since I’m not a family member, I was not thought about in any way other than to babysit. Shouldn’t they have hired a real babysitter? What do I do to make my bboyfriend understand that it was wrong how I was treated? — Left Out

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Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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I think my boyfriend and his sister are TOO close. His Instagram is covered with pictures of her (she’s in about 90% of the pictures he posts). He doesn’t even post pictures of the two of us despite that we’ve been together almost a year. When he gets good news or something cool happens, he speed dials his sister to tell her, even if he is with me. He calls her multiple times a day just to “check on her” and “see what she’s doing.” If she doesn’t answer, he immediately worries something may have happened to her. He doesn’t do the same for me though. They are ALWAYS texting all throughout the day and late hours of the night.

His sister didn’t approve of our relationship when we first got together. She said awful things about me and tried to convince him that I was no good and I didn’t really like him — that I was just with him to get back at her and my ex, whom she is now dating. She eventually “got over it” when she saw I wasn’t going anywhere, but we’ve had multiple arguments throughout my relationship with her brother.

I am currently eight months pregnant by her brother, and a few months ago, when my boyfriend and I were going through a tough spot and had trust issues, I went through his phone and found that his sister was saying to him that I’m the type of girl who would hold our baby as leverage against him. This is the kind of stuff she fills his head with constantly.

His sister is only home about 60% of the time, and when she comes home, he gets so excited. If we’re lying in bed, he’ll hop right up and go hold an hour conversation with her, even if they’ve been texting all day. His sister doesn’t have a room at the house. so if she decides to stay home that night, she shares the bed with her brother, my boyfriend. Yes, they sleep together… she is 20 years old, he is 22! She could sleep on the couch but would rather sleep with him… in the bed we have sex in. If my boyfriend and I have plans to sleep over at his house but his sister decides to stay home and sleep in his bed, he’ll call off the plans. Or sometimes before we even make plans to sleep over at his house, he will first call his sister to basically check if it’s okay with her, if she’s sleeping in his bed that night or not. Sometimes I’ll invite him out and he’ll refuse to go unless his sister is going. Whenever we all go out together, the two of them hang out and leave me out.

I feel like he’s dating his sister more than he’s dating me. When he gets dressed, he runs to ask his sister if it looks okay even though I’m sitting right there. If he needs something ironed or folded, he asks his sister to do it, not me. Sometime I feel that she is TOO involved in our relationship, too opinionated about us. Am I just jealous or does this make you uncomfortable too? — Feeling Uncomfortable

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Sometimes, at the right angle, I can catch a glimpse of my kids and see what they’ll look like when they’re a few years older. Here, in this photo of Jackson taken on Saturday after a birthday party (hence the face painting and goody bag), I think I can actually see what he’ll look like in ten years, when he’s around 15. And if the past five-and-half years are any indication, that day will be here more quickly than I imagine.
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This week in the forums we’re discussing:

Dealing with sex issues related to health problems

Feel Stuck In Family Business

Otto Warmbier

At odds about church

He wants kids, I don’t

Mom and Grandma do not get along

Products for protecting heat-styled hair

Anyone going on awesome dates?

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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