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MILES profile picToday is a very special day in the Condellberry household — Miles turns 10! It was just under four years ago, when Miles was six and I was eight months pregnant with Jackson, that Miles suddenly — like over the course of a few hours — got very sick (from complications of his just-diagnosed diabetes) and almost died. But he beat the odds and survived, and we count every day with him since as a gift. We love him so much.

Those of you who have been reading the site since the beginning probably remember the wise and surprisingly philosophical advice Miles has shared in the past through his guest column, Dear Miles, but what you don’t know is that he’s been slowly, between naps and bird-watching, working on a book of columns for the last couple of years. And now it’s on its way to publication! Later this summer, you will be able to buy a copy of his first collection, tentatively titled: Dear Miles: Letters to a Cat. And in honor of Miles’ 10th birthday today, he’s sharing an excerpt from the book below:
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Around six months ago I graduated from college. Since then most of my friends have moved away, and I have yet to find a secure job. It’s been tough and it has affected my relationship with my boyfriend. We started dating almost a year ago, and then, around a month ago, I broke down a bit from the stress of post-grad life and growing insecurities and we broke up.

We recently got back together because he said he had made a mistake and that I was “the one.” Things resumed rockily at first but are going very well now. That is, until yesterday when I asked him if he still thought we might move in together in a few months when his lease is up. He was the one who had originally asked and I was the one who wasn’t ready. Now he says that he hopes we have a future together, but that he can’t give me an answer and it’s too soon to make any plans for our future (even just two months in advance). He told me he thought that we had gone through a lot only a month ago and he is focusing on the now. He says he’s still unsure of me, and that really hurts my feelings.

He says I have so many qualities that are exactly what he wants, but at the same time he also seems to have issues with how shy I am around new people, and he wishes I were more outgoing. I fear I may never be enough for him. And I’m confused about how someone can go from begging to get back together with you to being cautious and reserved about planning anything for a future with you.

I can see myself marrying this man, and he used to see that with me, but I really don’t feel like he does anymore based on his not being able to discuss any plans. Should I break up with him, or remain in the “now” too? — No Longer His Dream Girl

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This week in the forums we’re discussing:

I doubt the LW expected the reaction she got in this thread: I thought he was going to propose but he didn’t…

They’re the worst. Another reason to hate the Duggars

Am I being *too* lax in my relationship rules

Do you have a checklist for your potential life partner? Women in their 30s need to lower their expectations

I hope she found a new home for the puppy, at least. Living with my mom’s abusive boyfriend

“My Husband Behaves Like a Child”

Career related advice?

Boyfriend tells me to focus on now, not the future

Nope. “He Pays More Attention to His Dog and Ex-Wife than to Me”

Personal v. Professional Conundrum

Follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.



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I’ve been in a relationship for a year with this great guy with whom I have great chemistry and feel so in love with. The only thing that bothers me is how we argue. I get annoyed at a lot of little things and I am aware of how taxing it can be to another person. Although I try not to verbalize my annoyance, my boyfriend can tell how I’m feeling, will make me explain why I’m upset, and then will get angry and defensive.

A recent example: He was texting someone while we were hanging out, but it was just one text to someone he hasn’t spoken to in a while. He could tell that I was annoyed, even though I remained silent, and he asked me what was wrong. I said “nothing,” because I was still annoyed but I didn’t want to blow up at him. He continued asking me and I got even more annoyed until finally I told him why I was upset. The second I explained he started to defend himself. This almost always happens when we argue – he keeps asking why I’m annoyed, I refuse to explain until finally I am forced to, and he gets upset regardless and it turns into an argument.

I told him this and he reasoned that, if I don’t tell him what’s wrong, I’ll bring it up later. This is partly true, which is why he’s started forcing me to express my feelings right away. However, I’m not happy that, when I do, he reacts poorly. I understand that a lot of these arguments start because I get easily annoyed, but it’s unfair that when I do explain what I feel he always tries to reason why it was “wrong” for me to feel that way and doesn’t offer a solution that actually helps the situation. It’s like he is always setting out to debate with me and prove himself right instead of help the relationship.

HELP! — Annoyed By the Little Things

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It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Parenting the Teens is Complicated” who was wondering how much to restrict and limit his 15-year-old stepdaughter’s interaction with her boyfriend in their home after she became sexually active. Well, now there’s a new twist in the story:
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