Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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Hey, check it out — DW got a little makeover (and if you’re looking at this on a phone or tablet, you’ll see a who new mobile site — one that is cleaner and should be much easier and enjoyable to read). Thanks to Zel Creative for the design and development — I highly recommend them for your WordPress website needs.

Functionally, everything remains about the same. In the sidebar, you’ll still see social media icons at the top if you’d like to follow me on any of these streams. Lower down, there’s a search bar, an archive tab where you can search posts by month, followed by a forum search bar, and finally recent comments and forum activity (on phones, you’ll see sidebar content at the bottom of the page). On your phone, you can access the menu (including forums) on the menu icon (three horizontal lines) located on the right side of the header.

I think that’s it — hope you like it!

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This week in the forums we’re discussing:

Cold Feet about Taking the Plunge

Making New Friends

Need strong advice on “budding” long distance relationship

Disclose feelings or keep hiding

“Should I Give Him Another Chance?”

Online Dating: Advice for Beginners

Financially dependent on boyfriend, feeling very low and insecure

Invitro/adoption

Epic dating thread

Weight loss/get in shape thread?

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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About fifteen years ago, my older sister’s husband Jake cornered me in my own house and asked me to comfort him by hugging and kissing him after a fight between him and my sister one night. I refused and told him to get out of the house; I went to a hotel for the night because I felt unsafe and I called my sister the next morning. My sister believed Jake, who portrayed me as the one flirting with him. My family treated me like a pariah over this incident until several years later when Jake punched her and gave her a black eye in front of her three children and our entire family at a family reunion. Then they realized his true nature.

My sister divorced Jake over ten years ago, and I have since repaired my relationship with her. Jake never apologized, and he instead continued to be emotionally manipulative, telling his children and my family I was a slut. I have vowed to keep him out of my life after these incidents. This has been fairly easy until relatively recently.

Now Jake’s and my sister’s 20-year-old son Zak needs help moving. I like spending time with Zak, and I thought I would let him discover his father on his own adult terms. Therefore, I have not explicitly told him the history with Jake or my vow to keep his father out of my life. I have a truck and I volunteered to help Zak move, but I just found out Jake will be there as well. Is it time to tell Zak? What do I say? Do I just tell him I don’t want Jake in my life, or do I also tell him why? Or should I suck it up and avoid Jake but still show up for the sake of Zak? (The thought of him still makes my skin crawl after all this time.) — Supportive but Anxious Auntie

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I recently had this text conversation with a guy trying to set up a second date.

Me: Can you hang out Sunday?

Guy: Can I let you know Saturday? I’m swamped with work and might need the whole weekend to myself.

Me: That makes sense, but it seems to answer some unspoken questions that make me think it might not be a good idea after all. Do you want to hang out again?

Me, again (when he took awhile to respond): I understand if you need to rest, but I don’t have the energy for mixed signals. I appreciate honesty.

Guy: Honestly, it is way too early for this conversation, so it’s probably not a good idea.

Youch! I meant to let him know that I was looking for something serious (eventually) and that I’m not okay with being asked to wait around, but I didn’t mean to launch into a “where is this relationship going”conversation that early.

So I have two questions:

1) Can I salvage this without coming across even more needy and dramatic?

2) What’s a lighter, less dramatic way of letting someone know you want to spend time with them while not wanting to wait around for them that won’t be so easily misinterpreted? — Wanting a Second Date

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Hello from Long Island’s North Fork, where Drew and I are on a mini vacation for the weekend, enjoying about 55 hours away from the kids and the hustle and bustle of the city. (And celebrating my 40th birthday a little early). Today, Saturday, I slept in til 7:48, about two hours later than I’m usually awakened by one child or another, and I feel like a new woman. We just enjoyed a four course (!) breakfast, wandered around the grounds where we’re staying and now the agenda for the day is: bike riding from farm stand to farm stand and vineyard to vineyard and hitting a few wineries for tastings and live music, followed by more wine drinking in the gazebo of our B&B, maybe a nap in there somewhere, and then a late dinner somewhere or another.

P.S. We saw the most amazing shooting star last night, with a long fiery tail and everything. I almost wished Jackson had been there to see it, too. Almost.

Hope you are having an equally wonderful summer weekend wherever you are!

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