Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Happy weekend, everyone! I hope your week was better than mine, which totally sucked. In addition to some family and friends dealing with various crises, we have a small crisis of our own — our new home, in which we’re having some renovations done before we move in, won’t be ready for us to move into at the end of the month due to some unforeseen circumstances, and we found out our current apartment was just rented out for December 1 (despite our landlord telling us not to worry if we needed to stay an extra few weeks, that we’d work something out), so… I don’t know what we’re going to do. Maybe move our stuff over to the new place and sublet something else for a few weeks. Which isn’t ideal under any circumstances, but especially during the holidays and when you have small kids and cats. We also found out that our commercial tenants — we’re landlords now — are going out of business and terminating their lease, so we have to find new tenants in addition to everything else. Good times.

Anyway, I’m sure it will all work out, but this period before it does is nerve-wracking. I’m finding it hard to focus on much else. Yesterday, I even forgot to pack a lunch for Jackson to take to school (I made the lunch — I just forgot to pack it in his backpack) — and, oh, the horror, he had to get a school lunch (he hates school lunch, I think solely on principle).

How is this coming week already Thanksgiving? It is! Do you have plans? We’re probably going to take the kids to watch the Macy’s parade from Drew’s office again at Rockefeller Plaza. And then a quiet meal at home later in the day, just the four of us. And over the weekend, I hope to take advantage of some sales (at least online) on things we need for the new place, and maybe knock out most of my holiday shopping. As you’re doing your own holiday shopping, too, don’t forget that when you shop through my amazon affiliate link(through that widget in the sidebar or any link to Amazon, like this one) I get a small commission on your sales, which helps run this site. Thanks so much, and enjoy your weekend!


Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Our anger has been unleashed:

“But for the past six weeks, since reports of one movie producer’s serial predation blew a Harvey-size hole in the news cycle, there is suddenly space, air, for women to talk. To yell, in fact. To make dangerous lists and call reporters and text with their friends about everything that’s been suppressed.

This is not feminism as we’ve known it in its contemporary rebirth — packaged into think pieces or nonprofits or Eve Ensler plays or Beyoncé VMA performances. That stuff has its place and is necessary in its own way. This is different. This is ’70s-style, organic, mass, radical rage, exploding in unpredictable directions. It is loud, thanks to the human megaphone that is social media and the “whisper networks” that are now less about speaking sotto voce than about frantically typed texts and all-caps group chats.” — Your Reckoning. And Mine. As stories about abuse, assault, and complicity come flooding out, how do we think about the culprits in our lives? Including, sometimes, ourselves.

Sarah Silverman Speaks on Louis C.K.: ‘Can You Love Someone Who Did Bad Things?’

Being on the Right Side of History in 1998 Sucked

Related: What Hillary Knew

Yep: “I Applaud our Feminist Resurgence. I also Fear the Backlash.”

Better treat your partner well: “Sex unlikely to stop your heart—but if it does, your partner may let you die”

Senior Couples Try the 36 Questions That Lead to Love

I’m A Trans Woman, & I Feel Pressure To Be A Mother One Day

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

I recently read the story of the flirting SIL and the smirking husband. I have a similar situation. My husband (twenty-nine years together, twenty-five married) started flirting with my sister shortly after our wedding. I told him numerous times how much this hurt me. He laughed and told me I was reading it wrong or I was too sensitive. Even after our talks he kept flirting with her. I just grew to ignore it and look past it and live with it. In addition, I was never allowed to show affection to him in public. If I tried to hold his hand or hug and kiss him, I got shoved away and told: “Stop, we are in public, people will see us.”

Then in 2011 I was sent a letter of a private message between him and my other sister flirting. My husband had said to her: “I can’t wait to see you in those short skirts, come on summer.” I confronted him and at first he lied. Then I showed him the letter and he said: “That’s not flirting — it was just a conversation.” How do I forgive and forget? — Dismissed

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My boyfriend, “Stan,” and I have been together for about six years and met while I was still a teenager. Not too long ago we broke up but then got back together pretty quickly. I initiated the breakup because I felt that I was allowing the relationship to hold me back from social and academic opportunities. We got back together because we felt that we could encourage each other to pursue other things while still in the relationship.

First breakup aside, I am noticing some things about the relationship that make me feel unsure about our ability to stay together in the long run. We have very different political and world views. On the rare occasion that we do discuss these topics, it does not end well. I find myself trying to change his opinions and unable to accept the way he thinks. Not only do we not agree about many issues, but also I find that I am much more interested and curious regarding societal/moral/cultural issues and he prefers to ignore them. It bothers me that he does not care about the same things I do, and I find it difficult to discuss intellectual topics with him.

When we are not discussing political, societal or intellectual issues, we get along very well. He is a good listener, able to share his emotions easily, and very kind and caring. My question is: How important are the topics we have problems with? Is it paramount that your partner be intellectually stimulating?

I realize that these barriers are significant and cause me to lose respect for my partner and treat him less than he deserves. I am terrified of breaking up with him. My social circle is smaller than I would desire and I depend on him for a bulk of my emotional support. The last time we broke up it was devastating and very lonely for both of us. I worry that I will be too lonely after the breakup and not able to remain strong in my decision. With our six years of history, we know each other very well. I hate to think of causing pain to a person I really care about.

(Side note: The first time we broke up his mother told me she never thought we were compatible and that I had stolen the best years of her son’s life. I am very stubborn and hate to think that, if we break up for good, she wins.)

How do I get past all of these things and do what is best? — Obvious Questioner

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This week in the forums, we’re discussing:

Need advice about friendship

New Job vs. Family Planning

“He Talks to His Daughter About Our Sex Life”

“My Husband Flirted with Another Woman at a Wedding”

My boyfriend still hasn’t filed for divorce

People suddenly go silent after I speak

Husband having trouble fighting fairly

“My Wife is addicted To Conflict”

New Job vs. Family Planning

This whole Trump situation just gets worse and worse everyday

Anyone going on awesome dates?

Follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].