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Happy 4th of July weekend, mi Americanos! And Happy Canada Day to most of the rest of you. (And happy Friday to everyone else). What are you up to? We have zero plans except that my sister will be here visiting. Guess I better think of some stuff for us to do (a challenge these days with a baby who only sleeps in a crib and will freak out if more than 2 1/2 hours have passed since her last nap. Do you know how hard it is to do anything in New York with only a 2 1/2-hour window? It takes half that time just to get anywhere!). We’ll have a family birthday party for Joanie at some point while my sister is here. Joanie’s actual birthday is the 7th and I remember very clearly the 4th of July holiday weekend last year when I was nine months pregnant with her and very anxious about going into labor while the bridges to Manhattan were closed for fireworks and not getting to the hospital in time. I didn’t go into labor over the weekend, but I did worry so much that my blood pressure skyrocketed and it stayed that way long enough to be a risk to the baby and I had to be induced a couple days later. So, happy birthday to Joanie, born two weeks early because her mom’s so neurotic, hooray!

Have a great weekend, everyone! Enjoy the festivities.



Illustration by Wren McDonald for The New Yorker

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Casual Sex: Everyone is Doing It

Related: Where’s the Sexiest Place to Have Sex in Some Water?

The appeal of narcissists: why do we love people who’d rather love themselves?

“30 percent of married households contain a mismatched partisan pair. A third of those are Democrats married to Republicans. The others are partisans married to independents.” — How Many Republicans Marry Democrats?

Kind of surprised by this: 62% of Women remove their pubes

An Open Letter to the Female Hat-Wearing Dog From “Go Dog, Go”

This is hilarious: Man sends woman an unsolicited d*ck pic, woman responds brilliantly. Man regrets it. (Maybe NSFW)

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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I have been dating a man, “Henry,” who had a relationship over seven years ago with a woman who had three children — two sons and a daughter. They dated for eight years, so he raised the children along with his own two sons for the eight-year period they were together. Once they broke up, the mother would not let him see the children, so he was out of touch with them for seven years.

About the time we started dating (seven months ago), he said that his ex-fiance’s daughter, Loretta, had contacted him. Since then, she’s texted him prom pictures and has asked him to work on her car. He hasn’t really mentioned much about the ex or her sons, but yesterday he told me that Loretta is coming over to his home so he can work on her brakes. I asked why it was his responsibility to do this, and he said that he was a father figure to her and her real dad was useless. I asked if the mother was in another relationship and he stated, without hesitation, “No.” I would have been fine with “I don’t know,” but the definitive “no” was a surprise to me.

Loretta is now 17 years old and she came to his home by herself last night for him to work on her car. That was a bit weird to me, and I feel that maybe the mom has allowed this new relationship because she is interested again. Henry told me that the issues that caused the break-up were all children-related, and, now that they are all grown, I feel a little threatened that he is allowing this girl back into his life, which could lead to the mom getting involved with him romantically. I told him last night that I was very confused and did not understand the need to establish an adult relationship with a child he has not seen in seven years.

Since our relationship is so new, I am unsure how to handle this. I do not want him to have a relationship with this girl, let alone her mother. What is your advice? — He’s Not Really Her Dad

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Dear Wendy readers are some of the most intelligent, stylish, super-cool people around (it’s a proven fact), so it’s a no-brainer to feature some of their favorite products. Many of the recommended products happen to be affiliate products, which means I’ll receive a commission on any click-throughs or purchases you make through the affiliate links. As always, I appreciate your support! Today’s recommendations comes from MoominOtter who lives in Virginia’s beautiful Shenandoah Valley with her remarkably patient husband and four overindulged cats. She divides her time between adjuncting at a local university’s writing department, professional acting gigs, and serving as a children’s librarian. Her enthusiasm for food is off the charts. Check out her recommendations below:
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My boyfriend (37) and I (30) have been seeing each other for a year. We both own condos in the suburbs, fifty miles away from each other. We started discussing moving in together about five months ago as I am tired of the distance between us and only seeing each other on the weekends. I work at a university in the city, fifteen miles away from my home. I also have one semester of grad school left at my university, and my tuition is free since I work there. He is self-employed, working from home, and makes three times my salary. His sister is moving back to this state this week and is renting out his condo with her family. I offered for him to move in with me, and he declined because my condo is much smaller than his and too far away from his golf courses and family/friends.

He said he wants to buy a house for us to move into together. He will be buying it all by himself, and I will be contributing monthly when I move in. I also have a solid tenant for my condo. My name will not be on the mortgage, and I am not investing any money with him. Properties that meet all of his requirements (specifically over one acre of land and that he can also afford) are all located over forty miles away from my work. This would make a three-hour daily commute for me. He sees it as no big deal, but this commute is a deal-breaker for me. He won’t budge on the land or space. My work has amazing benefits and flexibility that I don’t want to give up. I have to stay there at least until I finish grad school. Then I said I would look for another job, which I really don’t want to do.

He is trying to find properties closer, but everything is too expensive. I also offered to stay where I am until I get a job closer, but he just gets mad at me. He says that he wants me to be happy and doesn’t want me to move out of the house if I hate it. He won’t compromise on the land or space at all. I feel like I don’t have much say because he is paying for the house, but at the same time I feel very bitter because I will be the one commuting eighty miles a day, living sixty miles away from my parents and friends. I am also giving up beach living that I absolutely love. Waterfront location is the main reason I bought my condo. And overall I feel upset that he won’t compromise. — Looking For a Compromise


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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.