In honor of 420, a new one from the forums:
I have been married to my wife for over a year, and we have been together for three. We have nothing shared and no kids yet. I am 30 years old and have been smoking marijuana on and off since I was 18. I have quit for various lengths of times (four years being the longest) and for various reasons.
Currently, I am partaking and fully enjoying it as it helps me unwind after a long stressful day. My job (IT Support) is very stressful and I have to deal with douchebag customers every day. I will not make this an excuse to why I smoke. I will admit: I just flat out enjoy getting high at night and having a good night’s rest.
The issue is that my wife has differing values and is completely against any illegal drug. She is very ignorant on the subject and does not know the difference between cannabis and meth. In her mind, all illegal drugs are the same and will ruin your life. Her stance is it’s illegal, end of story. (For the record, I live in CA where medical marijuana is legal, I possess a doctor’s recommendation, and I legally purchase from a dispensary). There is no reasoning with her, there is no room to present educated facts, and no room to debate anything since marijuana is “illegal.” Trust me, I have tried and tried to educate her with no success. She is so ignorant to how bad our legal system is. To give you a perspective on her views: Her cousin is completely addicted to Vicodin. He pops these pills like they’re candy, and it’s clear that he needs help. To my wife, it’s fine because a doctor is prescribing and it’s legal. Talking to her on this subject on an intellectual level is like trying to talk sense to a monkey.
I love my wife, but I am reaching a breaking point. I don’t want to leave my wife, but what bothers me the most is her ignorance and her unwillingness to educate herself. I have challenged her to research her claims and I will listen to her findings. Of course, she doesn’t do it. The other thing that is really bothering me is her imposing her “righteous values” on me and telling me I can’t do this or that. To give you another idea how bad her view is: She grew up having the idea that pot smokers are rapists/serial killers (she still holds this belief). We had a huge debate/fight over her views early on in our relationship. I should have taken this as a red flag and ended the relationship right there and then. At the time I was not smoking, so I let it go.
Fast forward to a couple months after marriage when I decided to start smoking cannabis again. Eventually, she found out and I pretty much told her my whole history with it. She basically gave me an ultimatum that, if I continue smoking, the relationship will end. So by knee-jerk reaction, I said, “OK, I will quit.” Of course, that did not happen. I continued to smoke and she continued to find out. Over time, I am starting to just not care what she thinks anymore and I have started telling her that I will quit when I am ready and to let me be.
I have offered compromises such as cutting back on my smoking and not smoking around her. I have made good on these promises, but it is not good enough for her. I tend to smoke everyday, 1-2 times at night after work. I have cut down to not smoking on the weekends just for her. Still she keeps nagging me to stop, nagging me that I am a drug addict, nagging me that I care more about marijuana than I do about her.
I will admit that it’s my fault for not telling her my history with marijuana when we got married. We are here now and there is nothing I can do to change that. Sometimes, I wish she would just divorce me already. I am becoming unhappier by the day, and it’s only a matter of time before I initiate the divorce myself.
Should I keep trying to reason with her and make things work? Should I just do us both a favor and initiate the divorce? — Daily Pot Smoker