George Clooney’s new wife, Amal Alamuddin, who is an accomplished woman in her mid-30s, took his last name when they married and some people were all, “Woah.” HuffPo even posted a poll this week asking readers what they really thought about women taking their husband’s name when they married. I thought it would be interesting to pose the same question to the DW audience, 80% of whom are female and 53% are between the ages of 25-44. The question isn’t whether YOU would or did take your husband’s name, but what you think about other women who do. And if you’d like to explain or expand on your response in the comments, please do.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.
At the beginning of our relationship we shared our dating histories. He is 55 and I am 48. His background of never being married was a little worrisome to me because I wondered if he was a commitment-phobic person. He has been completely attentive and committed to me, so that doesn’t seem to be his problem. What is disturbing to me is that over the past few years I have learned that he lied to me about his dating history. He told me initially that he had never dated anyone beyond six months, but then I learned that he had dated one woman for ten years and another for two. He told me about a month-long trip to China that he took with a group and his daughter, when his daughter was a teenager. Later I learned that he took a girlfriend with them, too. That was after he had told me months before that it was just he and his daughter on the trip.
We never fight, but, on the two occasions when I confronted him about the lies, he got angry with me and stormed out of my house. Then he texted me from his car, stating that he was done with me. Later he returned to tell me he was sorry for behaving very immaturely and that he had over-reacted.
He is still friendly with his daughter’s mother, and each year his family gathers for Christmas and she is invited. I was invited the first year we dated, and the ex attended. It was uncomfortable for me because his daughter is now 26 and her mother has been remarried for 15 years!! When I told him it was uncomfortable for me, he said that he understood and that she (the ex) should not be included, but that it has just become tradition. The following year, he invited me and told me that the ex was coming. I said that I was uncomfortable since I believe that, by this point in our relationship, she should not be included in such intimate family gatherings. (The gathering takes place at his house). I did not give him an ultimatum but said that I just did not feel comfortable with it and elected not to attend. He said “ok.” After a few days, he decided to dis-invite her, but he used a lame excuse that had nothing to do with the real reason. Why could he not just tell her that it is no longer appropriate for her to be included – she is long married to someone else and I am his serious girlfriend? Her husband never comes to these things, and I believe he probably is uncomfortable about them, too.
I feel very torn. On one hand, this man is very attentive, loving, and committed to me. We get along beautifully. On the other hand, I feel like I am one in a long, long, LONG string of girlfriends. He assures me that I am “the one” and he believes we could be married “one day.” I wonder if I am being strung along and will fall to the wayside like 50+ women before me, or if he is sincere about marrying me.
Thoughts? — One in a Long String of Girlfriends
There’s a Boston meetup planned for this Friday, October 24th, at 5:30pm (continuing throughout the evening so that those who want to join when they can don’t have to worry!) and Cask & Flagon in Fenway (62 Brookline Ave, Boston, MA 02215)
Feel free to respond in the forums or find taurons, the organizer, on twitter (twitter.com/atlimbo) if you need anything. We had so much fun at the last NYC meetup. Hope you guys in Boston have a great time too!
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Just My Name,” the woman who was in an open relationship with an older man who refused to call her his “lover.” She wrote: “He introduces me to other people by my name and chooses not to exhibit any kind of ‘claiming’ behavior. Do I dump him because he’s not proud sharing that we’re together? Or am I blind to his super-progressive approach to relationships?” Keep reading to see what she decided to do.
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