Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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This week in the forums we’re discussing:

I’ve been needing to vent and commiserate this week; maybe you do, too: This whole Trump situation just gets worse and worse everyday

MIL Venting & Advice

I think my boss is crazy!

Boyfriend refuses to discuss issues with me when he’s upset

Anyone going on awesome dates?

Disease-Related Advice Needed

Name Change Mess

His new girlfriend is already buying gifts for our daughter

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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I recently made the decision to walk away from one of my oldest friends and I’m feeling very guilty. “Leigh” has been married for a long time to a terrible, terrible person. Her husband has a long history of neglecting Leigh and their children, verbally abusing Leigh, and isolating her from other friends and family. I have tried everything I know to do to get her help through domestic violence shelters, counselors, therapy…you name it. I have personally visited domestic violence counselors myself to try and help her as her only friend. She’s refused help every time, often backtracking things that have been said or done by her husband. I’ve often suggested that she work toward leaving him, but she never takes steps she needs to. Instead, Leigh has become a shell of her former self, and it’s truly heartbreaking.

I believe the years of abuse have left Leigh in a severe state of depression and that her children suffer for it. Many days she doesn’t get out of bed, doesn’t care for herself, and leaves her children to fend for themselves. In the past five years, her parents have had to step in to care for her two children after discovering living conditions where her children haven’t been bathed or fed. Her oldest child has behavioral issues which have led to school suspensions and outbursts about his parents not caring for him.

Leigh and I live a few hours apart from each other but my husband and I have personally witnessed neglect when we have been together. In my pointing out different incidents, Leigh has waved them off. Her parents are essentially raising these two children as their own, with Leigh handing them off without much care. Despite this, Leigh has announced she is expecting a third baby in the winter — a baby Leigh says was planned and that she is over the moon about it.

After twelve years of being by her side, I had to walk away from the friendship because the day-to-day phone calls, text messages, and e-mails about the things her husband has said or done, or the re-tellings of how her children have become injured because she’s not properly supervised them, or her parents keeping me updated about their daughter’s living conditions have left me drained in the wake of her news. I cannot believe another child will be brought into this life. Leigh reached out to me, shortly after I told her that I couldn’t believe this news, that she understood why I needed to walk away, but she insisted her life was actually much better. I don’t believe that.

Her parents have chosen to not speak to me further because they are angry with my decision to walk away from their daughter and with my recent decision to not attend a baby shower for her. I now feel guilty, and I do miss her. Was I wrong to walk away? — Feeling Guilty For Walking Away

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I have been in a fully committed relationship with my fiancé for three years. We are due to get married this December and are parents to a beautiful little girl. Well, things sort of hit the wall and I was vulnerable. I kissed my ex on two accounts. This “mini affair” happened over a span of three weeks, off and on. I have NEVER done this before, and I felt extremely guilty while doing it. My fiancé and I have had the talk about cheating in the past and he said he would never tolerate it — that it would be the end of the relationship if I ever cheated (he comes from a family where adultery has destroyed the family.) If it weren’t for this past conversation I would just tell him because I know honesty is key, especially in a relationship. Not to mention I feel guilty every single time he does something sweet. The guilt is eating at me alive; I have a hard time enjoying things with him because it constantly pops up in my mind.

What do I do? I feel like the guilt alone is enough punishment, but, at the same time, I feel like I’ll never feel “ok” unless I tell him. — Feeling Guilty

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Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Speaking of secrets we’ve kept from significant others, apparently “Keeping These 5 Minor Secrets From Your Partner Won’t Totally Ruin Your Relationship.”

For Transgender Women, an Extra Dose of Fear

Google Fires Engineer Who Wrote Memo Questioning Women in Tech

“Drinking On The Rise In U.S., Especially For Women, Minorities, Older Adults.” Oh, so basically the same people targeted in the uptick of cruel changes in legislation, police brutality, and bigotry? Huh.

Here’s some good news: Being single will kill you faster than obesity, study says

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

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updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Just Friends with Jane,” again, the man whose girlfriend, “Eve,” requested that he stop talking to his longtime female friend from childhood, “Jane.” Jane is like his sister, he said; he talks to her on the phone every Sunday and occasionally sees a new superhero movie with her (which Eve is invited to as well). “Eve says that I’m disrespecting her by continuing to associate with Jane and that she feels like an outsider when the three of us are together. Before all this, I was ready to propose, but now I’m having doubts. If I marry Eve, then maybe she’ll feel more secure in our relationship, but if she doesn’t, then I might never be allowed to see my friend again.”

He updated us once before, and despite our advice in the original column to leave Eve (L’Eve?), he seemed committed to making it work. Here’s update #2:

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