Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

10 Ways to Make Your Bridesmaids Never Talk to You Again

Today’s guest post comes from Elaina Osteen who muses about the trials, tribulations and “first-world problems” in the life of a single young professional on her blog Quarter Life Confused.

I’ve spent the last seven years of my life in what I somewhat affectionately call “The Decade of Weddings.” As my friends and I have traversed this love and lace-filled minefield, I have seen, heard and experienced the many trials of the ever-loyal, always-a-bridesmaid. Trust me brides, there is no one more qualified to tell you how to clean out your friendship closet as you enter into your marriage than a bridesmaid spurned. After the jump, 10 ways you can ensure your bridesmaids will never speak to you again after your wedding.

1. Ask your bridesmaid for her “honest” opinion on every wedding-related decision you make. Then, explain to her in pain-staking detail why her opinion is completely wrong. Bonus if you can incorporate some kind of self-made diagram or spreadsheet.

2. Forget your bridesmaid’s birthday/graduation/arrival of her firstborn. Blame it on “bride brain” and invite her over for a glass of wine to make up for it. While she’s over for wine night, have her tie 250 bows on your wedding programs while you “catch up.” And by “catch up,” I mean you catch her up on all the latest wedding hoopla including, but not limited to, the heinous dress your mother-in-law is planning to wear to the rehearsal dinner.

3. Tell your bridesmaid you don’t care what shoes she wears with her bridesmaid dress as long as they are silver. And strappy. And sandal-ish but not stripper-ish. And 2.738 inches tall.

4. Spend your entire bachelorette party weekend on the phone with your fiancé talking about how much you miss each other. It’s your party, and everyone is there for you so they totally won’t mind that you would rather whisper sweet nothings to your boo than participate in any of the activities they planned months in advance.

5. Invite every person you’ve ever met in your entire life — your grandmother’s bridge partner, the wife of that guy who mows your aunt and uncle’s yard, your entire sorority pledge class, including the girls you hated — to the wedding shower the bridesmaids are paying for. They said the more the merrier, right?

6. Don’t give your single bridesmaid a “plus one” even though she will be the only person over the age of 11 attending the wedding alone. Then have the DJ call her to the dance floor by name for the bouquet toss. With the sub-11-year-old set.

7. Invite your bridesmaid to every dress fitting, cake tasting, venue visit, etc. that you have. When she says she can’t come because she has to work (yeah, right), tell her how disappointed you are because she’s the only person who she can really trust to give her an honest opinion. (See #1.)

8. Ask your bridesmaid to “help out” with any of the following: paying vendors, dipping hundreds of strawberries in chocolate, polishing silver, arranging centerpieces, wrangling the unruly children of relatives, running interference with you mother-in-law, and/or convincing your groom to wear the outfit you picked out for him for the rehearsal. Make sure that the above tasks include chaos, sweat, sleep deprivation, and the risk of ruining her outfit and/or manicure.

9. Expect your bridesmaid to be as excited and involved in your wedding as you are. When she acts uninterested, make her feel guilty because this is your one and only day. Promise that when her turn comes you’ll be there every step of the way for her. Later, as soon as she gets engaged, get pregnant.

10. After you get back from your honeymoon, call your bridesmaid and ask her what’s been going on with her. For the first time since you got engaged.

BONUS: Never send her a thank you note for the wedding gift she bought you.

Elaina Osteen is a semi-professional bridesmaid and wedding enthusiast, who muses about the trials, tribulations and “first-world problems” in the life of a single and questionably fabulous young professional on her blog Quarter Life Confused. Elaina is currently obsessed with college football, pinterest, fall recipes, and Ryan Gosling.

145 comments… add one
  • avatar

    MissDre February 22, 2012, 12:10 pm

    Am I total idiot for not knowing the point of a wedding shower? Why do people have to buy you gifts for a shower and then for your wedding? What’s the difference between the wedding shower and the bachelorette party? What actually happens at a wedding shower? I don’t understand!!!!!

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      applescruff February 22, 2012, 12:21 pm

      Oh MissDre, I wish I knew. I’ve been wondering for YEARS why I’m expected to buy two gifts for the same wedding!

      Here’s a good one. When your bridesmaid, who lives 1000 miles away and flew out for three separate wedding-related occasions (engagement party, wedidng shower, wedding itself) graduates with a doctorate, say you’ll go but instead take a road trip – 1000 miles in the other direction.

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    • becboo84

      BecBoo84 February 22, 2012, 12:23 pm

      Have you honestly never been at a wedding shower? It’s just a fun day to celebrate the bride and get her (and the couple in general) a few things that will help in their married life (think kitchenware, bath towels, etc.). There are normally a few silly games (trivia about the couple, toilet paper wedding dresses, etc.), some yummy snacks, and a couple of cute stories about the bride and groom to be. It’s not always the best time ever, but it’s a nice way to celebrate your friend, family member, coworker, etc.

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        MissDre February 22, 2012, 12:39 pm

        The only wedding I’ve ever been to in my life was my brother’s last year. It baffles me when people say “Oh I have 3 weddings to go to this summer!”. I’m 26 years old and I’ve never known anybody (except like, vague distant acquaintances) who has been married.

        Actually that’s not true. My best friend got married at city hall with only two witnesses. Then we went for lunch and went home.

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        evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 1:43 pm

        I went to 4 last year, including my own. Next year it looks like I might have 2. This is the first year in a while that I don’t have any to go to.

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      • becboo84

        BecBoo84 February 22, 2012, 2:57 pm

        Do you live in the city? 26 is pretty youngish to get married in urban areas. I live in a more rural area, and at 27, I, unfortunately, already know people who have gotten married, divorced, and married again. Plus, my husband is from a very small town and has a huge family, so that accounts for quite a bit of my shower/wedding experience. I assure you, your time will come. We had a stretch last summer/fall, where 9 weekends in a row we either had a birthday party for one of our daughter’s friends (she’s 3 mind you) or a wedding.

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        applescruffs February 22, 2012, 4:09 pm

        That sounds lovely.

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        KAM February 22, 2012, 2:22 pm

        @ BecBoo84: celebrate the bride, get a few married-life things for gifts, games, snacks and cute stories. Sounds like a bachelorette party to me. Minus the excessive alcohol. I’m just as baffled as to why both are considered essential. Seems like a lot of hoopla for something that should just be engagement party, rehearsal/dinner party, bachelorette party, wedding and reception. I’m all for celebrating the couple but that much fuss just seems ridiculous to me. Too showy.

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        lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 3:32 pm

        I don’t get the ‘its showy’ argument when it comes to these pre-wedding parties. The bride isn’t throwing the parties, its her friends or family throwing it.

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        GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 4:49 pm

        It depends on the situation…One wedding I’m involved in the bride clearly stated she didn’t want all the parties but her family threw them anyways and another the bride clearly stated she was going to have them and someone was going to host them for her. So just because someone is hosting the party doesn’t mean the bride isn’t the instigator.

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        DebMoore February 22, 2012, 3:32 pm

        Yes but you usually don’t invite Grandma to the Bachelorette party!

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        SpaceySteph February 22, 2012, 3:24 pm

        It should be this. And because the bride’s mother and other older female relatives are not usually attendees to the bachelorette party so its a chance for her and these women to celebrate together. But often it becomes something else entirely.

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      ChemE February 22, 2012, 12:24 pm

      My experience is that there is a bridal shower – where the gifts are for the bride, and the wedding is for couple/new life gifts. I would assume a bridal shower is the more formal proper celebration for the women in the wedding, that might not attend bachlorette parties that some family members wouldn’t attend.
      My boss threw me a bridal shower, and they got me things like picture frames, scrapbook, handmade quilt, and then the wedding shower was stuff for our apartment. Of course ours was weird I guess, it was a wedding reception type thing, a moving in party, and a homecoming party for my husband. Which we had about a year and a half after we were married – but timed when he was done with active duty and we actually could live together.

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        lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 12:28 pm

        I’ve never heard of a wedding shower. Only bridal shower, engagement party, bach. parties and of course the wedding. It only has to be too much if you make it too much. Only little gifts are usual for the shower and engagement party. Then the wedding is where you end up spending on a nice gift usually close to your plate cost.

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        ChemE February 22, 2012, 12:45 pm

        I guess I mean wedding reception. We didn’t have one when we got married, we got married in my parents living room and then went out to dinner. So we didn’t have the venue for people to give gifts – which everyone hassled us about until we had the party.

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      EricaSwagger February 22, 2012, 12:40 pm

      Bridal shower is a more “proper” event for (generally) the women in your life to give gifts for the “wife” (this is an old tradition) such as kitchen and bathroom stuff, other housewarmings, etc.
      The bachelorette party is very improper, to which you’d never invite your aunts or grandmother.

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      • Budj

        Budj February 22, 2012, 12:50 pm

        What like your aunt or grandmother never drank out of penis straws and wore cowboy hats while bar hopping?

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      • AKchic_

        AKchic_ February 22, 2012, 3:15 pm

        *laugh* I’ve made my mom a penis-shaped cake when she got laid off, and “decorated” it quite accurately.

        My grandma’s a prude. To the point that she almost wouldn’t let me into my own grandpa’s funeral because my tattoo was showing on my chest.

        My aunt? She’s a great-grandma at the age of 55 (her 15 year old granddaughter tried to get on Teen Mom, on purpose). Bar hopping, cowboy hats and penis straws are a normal weekend for her.

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      • Budj

        Budj February 22, 2012, 3:34 pm

        You sound like you could write a successful sitcom with all the people experience you have.

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      • AKchic_

        AKchic_ February 22, 2012, 6:11 pm

        *laugh* Probably could, but then I’d have to leave Alaska!

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        Pinky February 22, 2012, 8:50 pm

        AKchic, I LOVE your posts.

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        ktfran February 22, 2012, 1:30 pm

        Yeah. I don’t care for that tradtion – the “gifts for the wife” thing. When I go to bridal showers, I try to get a present specifically for the bride. Or something the bride and groom can do together that is fun. For instance, I bought my sister a straw beach tote from J Crew, swimsuit cover up, flip flops, a beach towel, suntan lotion, etc. for her shower. She was going on a beach honeymoom.

        Or, I might do wine glasses from the registry and a bottle of wine.

        Or even a gift card to a day spa or something.

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      septicidal February 22, 2012, 12:43 pm

      I decided that I’m not having a maid of honor because there’s weirdness going on with my sister (who expects to be my maid, rather matron of honor, but I decided it would cause too many issues to have her be in the bridal party), and one of my friends (who is a bridesmaid) immediately responded with, “But who is going to organize your bridal shower???”

      I felt like such a failure as a person when I responded with, “… [blank look] I have to have a bridal shower???”

      I feel like it’s just grubbing for extra presents. And like no one would come if I did have one, so why in the world should someone go to the trouble to throw one?

      FML and the fact that I only have about 4 female friends who live close-by (and I don’t feel very “close” to half of them).

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        lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 12:46 pm

        You can always write ‘no gifts’ on the invite.

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        Red_Lady February 22, 2012, 9:01 pm

        Or instead of gifts, ask guests to share a favorite recipe. Recipe cards can be sent with the invite.

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        Amanda February 23, 2012, 11:28 am

        What a great idea!

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        kerrycontrary February 22, 2012, 12:55 pm

        Could you have one back home/closer to your immediate and extended family? I know it seems silly now, but its nice to have all of the women you care about in one place at the same time (how often is that going to happen in your life?).

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        septicidal February 22, 2012, 2:05 pm

        My extended family mostly lives halfway across the country, so I will be surprised (and very pleased) if they are able to make it out to the wedding. Mostly, since a horrible incident with my supposed “best friend” a few years ago, I haven’t had many female friends and haven’t allowed myself to get very close to anyone in a friendly capacity. My friends at this point are people who were friends prior to that whole incident, who weren’t in any way friends with the ex-best friend. I wound up with two friends from college as bridesmaids, plus my future sister-in-law (who is a total sweetheart, and my fiance loved the idea of having her in the wedding).

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        bethany February 22, 2012, 2:11 pm

        You don’t HAVE to do anything. If you dont’ want to have a shower, don’t have a shower. I guarantee that when you look back in 10 years you’re not going to regret not having one!

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        SpaceySteph February 22, 2012, 3:48 pm

        I do just want to say that I think not choosing a maid of honor can lead to trouble. Even without wanting a bridal shower. It’s good to have a clearly defined chain of command. I had a friend who named 2 co-maids-of-honor and it was kinda a nightmare for everyone, because the two girls had very different styles and they could not make decisions as a team.
        If you have a maid of honor, then its easy for someone to pull rank.

        I know weddings should not be run like a battlefield, but sometimes they have to be.

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    • katie

      Katie February 22, 2012, 1:50 pm

      i always had heard that the bridal shower is the older women, mostly from the grooms side- aunts, mothers, grandmothers, ect… and they welcome the new bride into their family, and welcome the woman into the role of “wife” as a whole. advice about marriage, gifts that are girly, ect… atleast thats what i always thought.

      i dont see the point of them, though. i dont care about any of the other parties.. i just want a nice wedding, really.

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        Riefer February 22, 2012, 3:20 pm

        Yep, this is what they’re for. For the women of the two families to meet the bride and each other, and to celebrate her becoming a wife. I think it was probably such a big deal in the past because if a woman didn’t get married she was essentially considered a failure in life, so they had this extra shower for her to celebrate that she managed to get a husband. Pretty sexist, but such was the world. Thankfully it’s moved on a bit.

        Personally I didn’t want a shower, but my MIL was scandalized. It seems like it was also an opportunity for her to show off a bit, because she invited a bunch of her friends that I’d never even met. So awkward to open gifts from them.

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      GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 1:55 pm

      Personally I don’t get it either. It does seem like asking for 2 presents for the same life event. Last weekend I went to a Stock the Bar wedding shower…it was a couples shower that you brought gifts to fill the newly wed’s bar with. It was fun, but for this wedding I’m also invited to a wedding shower, the 3 day bachelorette party and then the actual wedding. Plus there was an engagement party and there will be a rehearsal dinner.

      It’s just too much in my opinion. I do not plan on doing any of the pre-wedding parties.

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      fallonthecity February 22, 2012, 9:37 pm

      I grew up in a huge family in rural TN/AL. I never went to a wedding where more than one gift was expected until my college friends started getting married – with the home folks, there may be several showers (thrown by bride’s family, groom’s family, friends of the bride and sometimes the “church family” if the couple is active in a church) but unless the bride or groom is immediate family or you’re in the wedding, you’re only invited to one shower and that’s where you give your one gift. The wedding is just a wedding, and the reception is just a reception, and the only gifts there are stashed under the cake table by the people there who didn’t get to attend a shower. I still only give one gift per wedding unless I’m super close to the bride…

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 12:19 pm

    Funny list. I had #6 happen to me actually, and I was the MOH. The “rule” was anyone not engaged or married doesn’t get a plus one, so I didn’t really care and was fine with it, but its pretty stupid, especially when I was one of like 3 people out of 200 who wasn’t married but I had a long term SO. I understood they had to keep costs down though. It was kinda weird though.

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      evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 12:36 pm

      I hate that rule. When we made our guest list, everyone over 18 got a plus 1, single or not. If they were dating, engaged, or married, we found out the name of their person, and invited them specifically, as well.

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        lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 12:41 pm

        I think that’s the way more polite way to do it. But it honestly didn’t bother me. I thought it’d be nice if he were there, but I knew they weren’t doing it for the sole purpose of being rude, just trying to save where they could and I know they both thought along the lines of ‘why should I pay close to $200 for someone I probably will never see again and don’t really know at my wedding.’

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        evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 12:46 pm

        Oh, yeah, I mean, I get the idea behind it, too. The thing that no one knows until they are at their reception, you get to spend about 30 seconds with people. If you’re lucky. I can’t tell you how many of my friends I didn’t get a chance to see. I acutally felt really bad that they came out for me, and I didn’t get a chance to spend any time with them. I had no idea how chaotic it can be (and I had a wedding planner dealing with everything!). You get pulled in so many directions at once. We had a few people there that I had never even met. No big deal to me.

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        lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 12:54 pm

        I hear all these horror stories on here about weddings and its just crazy to me. I’ve been a MOH/bridesmaid for 5 weddings now. I was happy to be there for those friends who asked me to be, helped in any way I could, threw the parties, etc, etc. and everything was fine. There was appreciation and understanding from both sides. I can’t believe people behave like animals when it comes to a wedding.
        Even the guests get crazy it seems. If its such a hassle to attend your friend’s wedding, then just don’t go. Is it not that easy? I feel like I’m missing something.

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        lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 12:56 pm

        I feel like if/when the time comes for me to get married, I will have gotten to the point where I think people will secretly hate me if I have a wedding.

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        evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 1:03 pm

        haha it’s really not TOO bad. If you pay for it yourself. The actual event is a blast, it’s just all the planning upfront when other people are involved that is a nightmare. The thing I find that makes the biggest difference is if the bride and groom go out of their way to think about their wedding from the perspective of a guest. Everything we planned was actually fun, and I think a lot of things we did were really appreciated (like, letting the spouses of our bridal party go upstairs with us at the reception to hang out before the introductions because they didn’t know anyone else there so they didn’t have to be alone, etc). When we had to insert the opinions of any parents (which, thankfully, was incredibly rare) is when the stress started. Otherwise, it wasn’t too bad.

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        lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 1:06 pm

        Just seems like so many people are talking behind your back about what a major inconvenice/expense it is for them to celebrate your marriage. I honestly would prefer people just not attend then act like that. I find it hard to believe these people are true friends. I was genuinely happy to help my girlfriends with their wedding and wanted them to be calm and happy. Did the weddings cost me a small fortune, yes. Would I have missed it because of that, never.

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        evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 1:15 pm

        It’s true. It happens. You literally cannot do anything that someone won’t like. They won’t like your colors, they won’t like the location, they’ll think you spent too much (or not enough), they won’t like your centerpieces or your dinner options, they won’t like your cake or your dj or the time of day or the time of year, etc. You can’t even escape it if you elope. People will always be pissed about your wedding. It’s inevitable, and definitely annoying. So, do what you can to ignore the noise and be accomodating where it makes sense. At the end of the day, if most people had a good time, and you had a good time, who cares what the naysayers think?

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      GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 12:59 pm

      Well I think that is downright rude! However I disagree with the notion that everyone over 18 gets a +1. I don’t want my 18 year old cousin and his flavor of the week girl coming to our wedding. I do want a long term partner of a friend or relative to be there. I don’t think the hard rule ove everyone getting a plus one is for me…exspecially when most of my single guests are relatives on the same side of my family who all know each other and hang out!

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        lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 1:03 pm

        IDK, it really didn’t bother me. I knew they weren’t doing it to hurt my feelings or anything. I think your idea of avoiding paying for the flavor of the week is what they were trying to avoid. And then I guess if you let one person bring their BF, someone else who wasn’t allwed is insulted and then its a whole mess.

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        GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 2:04 pm

        Yeah, you can’t please everyone. I know this +1 issue is going to cause a rift with my BF’s mom. Even though we’re not *officially engaged* we’ve started wedding planning and she has very strong opinions. She’s already stated she feels it is mandatory for all guests over 18 to have a +1 and that the bride and groom shouldn’t pay anything for the wedding (which in the same breath she offered to pay for it, but we want to pay for it ourselves).

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        Britannia February 22, 2012, 2:35 pm

        If I had to pay for it myself, I definitely wouldn’t pay for every single person there to have a +1… at this point in my life, most of my friends my age are not in serious relationships and that would increase my guest list by at least 1/3 of the original list. That’s a boatload of money spent on people who I don’t know and who probably won’t even appreciate the marriage aspect of the wedding! However, if someone else is paying for it and wants to include +1’s for all, they can go right ahead and spend that money 😛

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        GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 2:44 pm

        We’re basically choosing to pay for it ourselves so that we can make our own decisions. A lot of our friends are single by choice so it doesn’t even make sense to give them +1’s; most of our family guests are married. In all honesty, we’re inviting the people we want there. The people who have supported our relationship and will be in our life for years to come. I don’t care if I offend someone for one evening…this is about our life long decision.

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        christyMI February 22, 2012, 4:10 pm

        “who probably won’t even appreciate the marriage aspect of the wedding!”

        What’s that supposed to mean?

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        GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 4:51 pm

        Some people just go for the free food and free booze…not the union two people are creating for the rest of their life. It’s sad but true.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson February 22, 2012, 4:54 pm

        What does that have anything to do with whether you’re single or married? I’m married and I go for the food and booze. Are you implying that someone that is single can’t possibly appreciate or even understand love? I mean they’re just so pathetic and single.

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        lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 4:57 pm

        You obviously don’t understand love and are just a pathetic lush. Go drink alone. Forever.

        If you are the +1 that doesn’t know the bride or groom, I assumed it was obvious you were there as a date, not as a witness to the love of a couple they do not even know.

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      • Budj

        Budj February 22, 2012, 5:02 pm

        I don’t think people should be generalizing those that say “Free food and booze” is what they are most anticipating either. I think in most cases everyone attending the ceremony is genuinely happy for the couple involved…but the reception is also to celebrate the union of the couple anyways…and the food and booze is a part of that celebration. Tomatoe Tomaaaato imo…if there is that much disdain for that portion then just have the ceremony and go home.

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      • Budj

        Budj February 22, 2012, 5:03 pm

        For the record I am invited to a wedding…am in the wedding party…and was not offered a plus 1. That kind of bugs me because they have made an entirely new group of friends since we graduated from college that I don’t know and it would be nice for me to have been able to bring someone to level that playing field.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson February 22, 2012, 5:06 pm

        Exactly! I’m happy for the couple – I’m happy for the food – I’m happy for the music – I’m happy for the booze – I’m just happy all around!

        I think it’s kind of funny that people just automatically assume married or coupled up people have a greater appreciation for the wedding. Apparently they’ve never invited me to a wedding.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson February 22, 2012, 5:08 pm

        Wow – low blow. So you go ahead and spend money on a tux, buy us a gift, spend money on the bachelor party, everything else – and go ahead and have a shitty time.

        I dare you to get wasted just to prove a point. You didn’t give me a dance partner so I got shitfaced. Suck it.

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        GatorGirl February 23, 2012, 8:56 am

        I didn’t specify married or single in my statement. I think there are people of any/all relationship status who just shows up for the party (the food, the drink, the dancing)…and are not there to really celebrate and support the union the couple getting married. IMO there are plenty of single and married people who don’t understand or appreciate marraige. I like a good party as much as the next person, but I wouldn’t attend a wedding that I didn’t support the marraige.

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        cporoski February 22, 2012, 4:49 pm

        totally agree. I feel lik single people do not understand how expensive it is to have a date come.

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        lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 4:59 pm

        I bet they understand how much they have to write that check for though as a gift to the couple.

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        cporoski February 23, 2012, 9:00 am

        I don’t think that is true at all. As a rule, my single friends gave way less than older people. From my single friends, I got 100 a couple and it was 150 a head. so i was down $200. Honestly, a “random” date never gave money because they didn’t know us. I think if you don’t like that you didn’t get a date then politely decline.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson February 23, 2012, 10:36 am

        So you invite people to recoup the costs? Romantic.

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        GatorGirl February 23, 2012, 12:00 pm

        I don’t think that’s what cporoski is trying to say. I think it is more so the point that spending money on a random +1 person is a big expense. Clearly having a wedding isn’t to get gifts to off-set the cost of the wedding.

        Also in my experiance it is custom to give a gift that is of similar value to the price that is paid for your dinner/drinks. Of course it is not mandatory, but if you can I beleive it is the appropriet thing to do.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        Iwannatalktosampson February 23, 2012, 1:18 pm

        Well she is saying that you shouldn’t need to give single friends plus ones because in her experience they give smaller gifts. Awesome. Listen I know you’re defensive about this because you have stated that you’re not giving plus ones, which is fine, it’s your wedding. I am just saying I would never go to a wedding if I didn’t know anyone and I didn’t get a plus one. And my other point was that it’s really gross to say that you invite people to your wedding based on who will give you the most expensive gift, and that a plus one is a “waste” because they won’t give you a lot of money. But hey I know i’m in the minority with a lot of this stuff – I also can’t believe that brides make their bridesmaids pay for their own dresses that they will wear one time. It’s like you are making other people pay for the cost of your wedding.

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        Riefer February 22, 2012, 3:27 pm

        The problem with not allowing a +1 for everyone is that you’re now throwing a party where some of the people may know hardly anyone else, but they can’t bring someone along to talk to. Wow, fun party, right? I’ve been to weddings like this where I knew the bride but not many of her other friends, and so if it hadn’t been for my date, I would have basically been alone all night. I’m not an outgoing person so it makes for a pretty horrible evening. In fact, if I couldn’t have brought a date, I probably wouldn’t have gone. You barely see the married couple anyway, so if you’re not able to hang out with them, and you don’t know anyone else, what’s the point? I would go to the ceremony and then excuse myself from the reception.

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        GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 4:54 pm

        You have a very valid point. I only have one person on my guest list who is not family and not part of our larger group of friends. We’re going to extend a +1 to her but not other singles. As I’ve said before most of our friends are single by choice so it won’t be an issue. I honestly don’t think this friend will bring a guest anyways…but good point.

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    Something More February 22, 2012, 12:32 pm

    #9 “…Later, as soon as she gets engaged, get pregnant.”

    This made me laugh out loud.

    #8 – Meh – I could see asking for help dipping strawberries or arranging centerpieces. As long as it’s not in a “You HAVE to be here to do it with me!! I thought you were my FRIEND!! That’s what you’re SUPPOSED to do!! WAAHHHHH!!!” completely bitchtastic way. The other examples – yeah, no.

    Sound advice, tho.

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    • dabbler

      dabbler February 22, 2012, 12:53 pm

      Ha. I helped one of my best friends carve 40 pumpkins for her center pieces on her kitchen floor… But I offered. No harm there. The part that sucked was the next night when she got so wrapped up in everything and forgot to return my phone calls/texts to give me directions to the rehearsal dinner. At her fiancé’s parents house. Who I’ve never met. Because they live in another state. So I’m all dressed up, with nowhere to go, except the bar at chili’s next to the hotel.

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    • MandaNoA

      MandaNoA February 22, 2012, 2:18 pm

      I got to help my friend dip 350 carmel apples. It only bugged me because I didn’t even get one…

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      SpaceySteph February 22, 2012, 4:16 pm

      I agree with this. I loved the list except this one, which I thought “Isn’t that what bridesmaids are for?” Yes you shouldn’t force your friends to give up hours of their lives for your wedding decorations, but to ask someone to help you out… yeah, that’s kinda why you have them.

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    savannah February 22, 2012, 12:47 pm

    Bridesmaid Question: My very good friend got married in september and I was her maid of honor. It was super nice and she and I are still very close, no issues with ptsd or anything haha. But..it’s February and while I received a thank you note for the shower, theres been no thank you card for the gift. I personally could not give a flying pig about this but I’m concerned that other people care/it has been mentioned by some of the wedding guests. So do I bring it up or keep my mouth shut?

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    • Budj

      Budj February 22, 2012, 12:49 pm

      I wouldn’t say anything. Just use it as reinforcement to remind yourself to do it when it is your turn.

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      evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 12:53 pm

      My SIL got married in May 2010 and my brother got married in July last year – we did not get a thank you card for either. In fact, my brother sent zero thank you cards (and he can’t even use the excuse that he had no money for stamps as my mom bought the cards AND stamps). Some people are just rude. Don’t say anything. It’s not worth it. You might end up with a thank you card after that, but not because they are actually thanking you, more because they will feel obligated to send it. Technically, though, the rule of thumb is one year from the date of the event. Personally, I could never wait that long. We had ours out within a month. If I had to still be writing them, I’d be so annoyed.

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        GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 1:01 pm

        No thank you cards at all?! My mother and my BF’s mother would have our heads!

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        evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 1:05 pm

        Yep. My mom is pretty pissed about it, but that’s just how they are. One of her friends got invited to both my wedding and my brother’s, and she sent us these absolutely wonderful gifts that were very personal. She actually thanked me for thanking her because it seems to be a lost art these days. That’s pretty sad she felt compelled to do that.

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    • cmary

      cmary February 22, 2012, 12:57 pm

      I’ve always heard that the couple have a year to get thank you notes out after a wedding before it becomes jerky, too, but apparently, Emily Post feels three months is the maximum.
      .

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        HBomb February 22, 2012, 1:07 pm

        Three months for thank you cards, but guests typically have up to one year following the wedding to purchase a gift for the couple.

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        evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 3:04 pm

        It’s not on there, but I also think there is a rule somewhere about NOT having your spouse just sign their name, that whoever writes the card should sign both names at the bottom. I don’t know why, or where I read that, though.

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      bethany February 22, 2012, 2:17 pm

      You just made me totally paranoid because I got married in September- I’m thining “omg, did I forget to send a TY to someone?!?!”

      I could see accidentally missing one TY card (I had a small wedding, and it was still hard to keep track of them all), but for her to not have sent one for either is weird. If she had a 200+ person wedding she might still be working on them. After about 6 I felt like my arm was going to fall off, so it might just be taking a while- At least I hope so!

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        evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 3:07 pm

        I had my husband write thank you notes to his family and friends, and I did the same). That cut the list down substantially already. I think I spent one day just writing out the addresses on the envelopes, then the next few days I wrote out cards until I couldn’t write anymore. I didn’t send any of them until I had them all done, though. Didn’t want someone to get theirs and someone else not to and then think I wasn’t going to thank them. We kept a list, and checked people’s names off as we went down the list. That helped a lot. I also verified when I was done as a double check.

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        bethany February 22, 2012, 3:43 pm

        I kept a list too (thank god for Excel!), but somehow I marked down one of my cousins as a “yes”, and I knew I didn’t send them one. So then I had to FB message them saying “did I send you a thank you?” It was pretty awkward. Luckily they weren’t the type to get offended about something like that.

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        savannah February 23, 2012, 12:07 am

        Wedding size was about 80 people, not too big. I get why people advise to say nothing its just that this couple is not rude at all, the bride would be mortified if she knew people/family were talking about this. I guess I’l just wait it out a little longer, but Im with Emily Post, she’s from my hometown after all.

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  • cmary

    cmary February 22, 2012, 12:53 pm

    Here’s a question for those of you who’ve been through this before. I’m co-maid of honor in my friend’s wedding. I’m her closest friend here, where we both live, and her other closest and oldest friend is in Wisconsin. So we’re co-maids of honor. Anyway, on the day of her wedding, my friend is paying to have all the bridesmaids’ (8 total) makeup professionally done. Apparently it will take about 30 minutes per girl, so we’re expected to be at her house at 6am. Is that absurdly early to anyone besides me? Plus, I live in the same area, but about 50 miles away. And it’ll be a Friday morning, so traffic will put it at at least an hour drive. I’m thinking 6am is optimistic. Am I wrong? Not to mention she wants hair done before hand. Who’s gonna do someone’s hair before 6am? Is this really a thing? Does this go on?

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      GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 1:03 pm

      The wedding I was in we had our hair done at 8am for a 3pm ceremony. It realy does need to be done that far in advance…when you factor in how many people and make up application and getting dressed and pictures before the ceremony…it’s a LONG day.

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      evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 1:10 pm

      My wedding was at 3:30pm (and only 15 minutes down the road from the hotel where we got ready and had our reception). We started at 9ish and I still ended up late to the ceremony. It really does take a while. Especially if there are not many stylists doing hair or if there are a lot of girls. Updos also take a while. My girls hair was down simply for the fact that I wasn’t to shave some time.

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    • cmary

      cmary February 22, 2012, 1:14 pm

      Thanks. I guess my next job is to find a place where the girls can have their hair done that early. Fun. I really do understand the time constraints and all that, especially since we’re going to the venue before the ceremony (across town) for pictures to be taken. It just seems like one of those “huh, really?” situations for me, having never been through this before. I appreciate the insight!

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        GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 1:23 pm

        If you have that many girls a lot of places will open up specially for you. When we had ours done we were the only clients there and they had breakfast and mimosa’s.

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      • dabbler

        dabbler February 22, 2012, 1:34 pm

        Sometimes you can find people that are willing to come to you. I was in a similar situation, the wedding was at 11:30 am, and we had 8 bridesmaids plus the bride to get dressed, hair, makeup, and to the venue, all by like 10 am or something crazy. I don’t remember exactly. The bride had two of her friends that do hair and makeup professionally do ours (and they were invited to the wedding so they were available for touch ups as a bonus) but you might try asking around at local salons or the make up counter at the mall to see if you can find someone that is willing. I think its a fairly common side-business in the industry. Also if it’s logically/financially feasible, you might look into getting a hotel for the night before. Everyone’s there, no worries about traffic, and there’s a semi-comfortable place to get ready.

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        evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 1:47 pm

        I second this: “Sometimes you can find people that are willing to come to you.” We hired a makeup artist that does it on the side, so it was a lot cheaper, and she came to us so we could get ready where it made the most sense. Same with hair stylists.

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      • AnotherElle

        Laura February 22, 2012, 4:42 pm

        Yeah, my sister also had people come to her house to do hair and makeup. I want to say there were two girls working on makeup and one girl doing hair, but only my sister and a couple of other girls needed their hair done. The rest of us did it ourselves because we didn’t have to have updos. If it’s more than a couple girls getting their hair done, I would definitely look into having more than one person working on the hair.
        I also second the staying nearby thing the night before. Maybe if other girls are coming from further away, rooms can be shared, and everyone can get ready in the same place and help each other out.

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        Britannia February 22, 2012, 2:39 pm

        Why not try to just book every stylist for the first morning appointment in the same salon, and get everyone done at the same time?

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    ReginaRey February 22, 2012, 12:54 pm

    Ha! This is definitely timely. I’m the maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding this June, and while I love her and she’s not proven to be a bridezilla (yet)…the whole process has TOTALLY turned me off to “traditional” weddings.

    Seriously, I don’t care about “shabby chic centerpieces” and/or my wedding looking like a do-it-yourself board on Pinterest. My dad offered me $15,000 to elope when the time comes (because he figures he’d spend more than that on a wedding, anyway), and maybe I’ll take him up on it! Ha! And then use the 15K to go on a month-long honeymoon with my new husband. Sounds better to me than what amounts to the same (or more) dropped on a fancy party.

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      kerrycontrary February 22, 2012, 12:57 pm

      I am super girly and I love say yes to the dress etc…but my brother is getting married and we are helping with wedding planning because his fiance was born overseas (her family is still there). We went to a wedding expo on Sunday….omg I never want to go to one of those things again. I thought I would always be super into wedding planning but I’ve gotten turned off just from someone else’s wedding!

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      • cmary

        cmary February 22, 2012, 1:00 pm

        Ha, I feel the same! I went to a wedding expo with my friend in Phoenix, and she said “And when it’s your turn I’ll totally go with you!” very excited like she couldn’t wait. I didn’t have the heart to tell her no way in hell I’d go through that again. Especially if I was the one who had to make decisions and figure stuff out. Oy.

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        GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 1:11 pm

        I went prom dress shopping with my little sister 2 weeks ago…and holy moly I wanted to cry. I’m getting married next May and will be ordering my dress from JCrew or Loft. I never want to go to a dress shop again. EVER.

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        ktfran February 22, 2012, 1:36 pm

        Have you heard of BHLDN? It’s Anthropologie/Urban’s new, separate bridal line. They just opened a store in Chicago and there is one in Houston, I think. But there’s a web-site too and they’re counting mostly on on-line sales. Anyway, check it out. I love JCrew dresses, but if you wanted something a little fancier, but easier to order, this is something to check out.

        No, I don’t work there. I just love Anthropologie.

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        GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 1:44 pm

        Yes I have! Their dresses are to die for! I love the one that looks like an upside down tulip with the black sash around the waist! JCrew and Loft are at the top of my list because my parents live near one of the few JCrew’s where you can try the dress on in store. Also BHLDN is a little more pricey than the other two…the JCrew dress I’m in love with is only $695!

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        ktfran February 22, 2012, 2:11 pm

        It is pricely. I would probably never buy one because I can’t fathom spending $1,400 (min.) on a dress. Although since I live in Chicago, I would love to check them out. They are super pretty though!

        That’s nice that you can actually go to a JCrew that is close and try them on. It probably helps with actually deciding what you want to wear.

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        GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 2:28 pm

        Close is a relative term 🙂 I live 900 miles from my parents house! But I’m hoping we can make the purchase when I’m home for a preplanned summer trip. Otherwise I might just have to hope for the best and order one!

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        ktfran February 22, 2012, 3:17 pm

        Good luck! I’ll keep my fingers crossed you get something you want in store. JCrew’s sizes are pretty spot on, according to the measurements they post.

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        bethany February 22, 2012, 2:22 pm

        I always thought I’d be into it, too. Then my turn came around and I really did not care. I cared about the colors at first (I wanted a grey and yellow wedding), but then when my fiance shot that down, I stopped caring. All I wanted to was to get married and have my closest friends and family be there to see it. The rest didn’t matter to me.

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      evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 1:51 pm

      RR, since you live in NoVa, too, I have a good makeup artist I can recommend that lives in Sterling, I think. Her prices are fantastic, she travels to most places in the area for no additional cost, and she does a great job. My MOH looked like a Victoria’s Secret model when she was done with her. Not sure if your friend has something in mind for that yet, but if she’s looking for someone who can come to her versus paying a salon (which is SO expensive), let me know. I was over the moon pleased with all of my vendors, so I’m always happy to pass on their info to anyone that is interested.

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        ReginaRey February 22, 2012, 2:05 pm

        This sounds fantastic! And I live very close to Sterling, and the wedding is only about 20 minutes away, so I think that would work well. Feel free to email me at relationshipsbyrachel@gmail.com or just paste a link here if you want to pass on the info!

        Also – Are you a NOVA resident??

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        evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 2:21 pm

        I am. I just bought a house in South Riding.

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        evanscr05 February 22, 2012, 2:45 pm

        Email sent!

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      honeybeenicki February 22, 2012, 9:36 pm

      Ugh my mom offered 3 tickets to anywhere in the world plus a week long stay (3 tickets = me, husband, her) if I would elope and some days while I was planning my wedding I regreted not taking her up on that. Of course, my wedding was beautiful and I’m pretty sure I was good to everyone involved and we all had a great time, but some days it seemed like a lot of work for nothing.

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  • MELH

    MELH February 22, 2012, 1:08 pm

    #3 made me laugh because of a story my mom always tells. She was in my aunt’s wedding (dad’s brother’s wife, not like her sister’s) wedding and my aunt told everyone to get whatever shoes they wanted in a specific color. My mom got a pair of closed toe pumps, and on the day of the wedding my aunt was like “Those are your shoes? I really meant sandals.”

    My girls wore any black shoe they wanted. Frankly, I didn’t even look at their shoes on the day of the wedding, I can’t describe what any of them looked like, except maybe my sister’s because she showed me before the wedding.

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    Me February 22, 2012, 1:14 pm

    I’m actually having the reverse problem, with a bridesmaid who is constantly complaining about how she doesn’t feel special, taking offense at every single little thing, and is basically making my life miserable. It is baffling and exhausting, and i have no idea what she actually WANTS from me. The ironic part is, I was a bridesmaid in her wedding last year and she made our lives miserable. I should have seen this coming.

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    GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 1:15 pm

    We decided a long time ago we’re not having a bridal party when we get married next May. I do not want to deal with all of that drama!!

    #8 I sort of disagree with though. Asking your close family and friends to help out with DIY projects can be perfectly fine…if you ask nicely and thank them properly afterwards. I would be more than happy to sit around, have a glass of wine, and put some M&M’s in little boxes. It sounds like a nice bonding experiance to me. I plan on asking for help from close relatives with my DIY projects.

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      HBomb February 22, 2012, 1:18 pm

      I once had a bride ask me to dip 400 strawberries the night before the wedding. She asked me at 11 PM after we had already set up the entire ceremony/reception night. That is the kind of think that is not ok.

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        GatorGirl February 22, 2012, 1:21 pm

        Goodness that sounds terrible!! I plan on doing as much as possible my self, but we’re having an at home wedding for 150 people so it will need to be all hands on deck! But we’ll be asking for help weeks in advance.

        I would have cried if I was asked that late to do such a tedious task!

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    Addie Pray February 22, 2012, 1:31 pm

    This is wonderful! I’ve been in 3 weddings, and I’m dunzo. I mean, I hope I’m dunzo. I don’t think I could say no if a good friend asked me to be in her wedding… But I really, really hope we’re done with this crap.

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      Addie Pray February 22, 2012, 1:51 pm

      Fun fact: I’m dearwendying from the bathroom on the 96th floor of the Hancock building. The view is amazing – best view of the city is in the women’s restroom. … If you’re around, meet me at the Signature Lounge for a quick liquid lunch. 😉

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        jlyfsh February 22, 2012, 1:53 pm

        It’s national margarita day by the way, in case you needed another excuse to get a drink! 🙂

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      • Budj

        Budj February 22, 2012, 3:49 pm

        The phrase liquid lunch while DWing from the restroom is not a good mental picture.

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  • Jess

    Jess of CGW February 22, 2012, 1:44 pm

    APPLAUSE

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    bethany February 22, 2012, 2:08 pm

    This list makes me SO Happy that my wedding is over and that I didnt’ do any of those things (or anything even close to those!)!!!

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  • mandalee

    mandalee February 22, 2012, 2:17 pm

    Do brides actually do these things, in real life? I had crazy bridesmaids, well a few, so maybe that’s why I wasn’t crazy myself, but really? I could not tell you what shoes my bridesmaids wore, I said they could wear anything gray or silver they had, but I really can not recall what they had on their feet- who cares that much about things?

    I think sometimes brides forget that these girls and guys in your wedding party are your family and friends! We paid for some of the groomsmen tux rentals, gave them all dates & had them sit with them, took allll our pictures beforehand so none of their significant others felt awkward or left out, provided breakfast, lunch and beer/wine during the getting ready part, and thanked them a million times all weekend. And we had a super tight budget.

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      honeybeenicki February 22, 2012, 9:33 pm

      I was confused for a minute about you giving the attendants dates. I thought maybe you provided the date 😉 But I agree with letting the attendants sit with their dates. I let mine all sit with their “plus ones” because why should their SO’s be stuck sitting next to my grandma instead of the person they came with.

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      • mandalee

        mandalee February 22, 2012, 11:34 pm

        LOL- yes like giving them a +1 if they weren’t in a relationship and letting them sit and actually eat with their dates. I was the MOH in my cousin’s wedding where she had a huge head table and I hated it. Not only did everyone have to watch me eat, my boyfriend was stuck next to my crazy cousins at the “random young people” table.

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      • MELH

        MELH February 23, 2012, 12:07 pm

        I actually stole my seating arrangement from my best friend who got married before me. We had one table of groomsmen and their dates, one table of bridesmaids and their dates, then my husband and I sat at a table with our parents and the priest. I thought it worked out well. Even weddings I have gone to where I know the people at my table I always missed being able to sit with my husband, especially when the pre-dancing/mingling events took forever!

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    MsMisery February 22, 2012, 2:18 pm

    I thank the gods my BFF of 20 years had a “shotgun” ceremony on a navy base in another time zone by a (judge/justice/whatever the naval equivalent is) and there was no Huge Wedding- just a quick thing with her, the husband, and a couple of witnesses.

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    LT February 22, 2012, 2:25 pm

    Just go with no bridemaids. Save your friendships and cuts out the drama.

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  • AKchic_

    AKchic_ February 22, 2012, 3:22 pm

    This just totally reinforces my mantra of “I am not making anyone miserable for our wedding – least of all, ME”.
    No attendants, no gifts, casual dress for people (I don’t care if they show up in pajamas!), and everyone will get thank you cards for showing up. We’re inviting about 35 people (that includes kids, extra spouses, etc). Will everyone show up? Probably not.

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      lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 3:29 pm

      Can I come? This sounds like the wedding of my dreams!

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      • AKchic_

        AKchic_ February 22, 2012, 6:14 pm

        You planning on being in Anchorage at the end of September?

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    Meredith February 22, 2012, 4:33 pm

    I got married when I was 23 and had my daughter when I was 24…now 4 yrs later all my friends are getting married and I get to do the bridesmaid thing over and over again. It may be snotty, but whenever the bride is freaking out over something like the dress her future MIL has picked out, I’m always secretly thinking “REALLY? These are your big problems? STFU!” But I can’t, so I suffer in silence. I hate bridezillas, you never get your friend back until after the wedding is over. I had small wedding w/no bridesmaids and it was nice. I had one friend who was terrible the whole year and a half she was planning her wedding. I threw her a shower and had to do destination bachelorette party and wedding. Total cost me well over $1500. Finally got a combined thank you note for throwing her shower, shower gift and wedding gift a year and a half after her wedding. Lol.

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    camille905 February 22, 2012, 5:10 pm

    I’m recently engaged and already in the middle of planning so this was good to read! We’re doing a semi-traditional wedding I suppose but anything we don’t want to do or don’t care about we’re not doing. You’d be surprised how much that cuts out. Also, I like things simple. I know tons of little details will come up but most things I’m content to let fall by the wayside.

    As long as I’m married to my sweetie at the end of the day I could really care less.

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      lets_be_honest February 22, 2012, 5:12 pm

      So you’re saying we aren’t going to get to read a great/psycho letter from you while wedding planning? How boring!

      You’re attitude is very refreshing. Best wishes 🙂

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        camille905 February 23, 2012, 9:05 am

        Lol, reading dearwendy has really helped me rein in any bridezilla tendencies.

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      bethany February 23, 2012, 9:26 am

      I had the same attitude when wedding planning, and it’s really beneficial. I hope everything goes smoothly for you!

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      Amanda February 23, 2012, 12:14 pm

      Have you joined the OffbeatBride Tribe forum yet? I highly recommend it! It helps to keep your sanity in what at times can be an insane process of wedding planning.

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    Caris February 22, 2012, 6:05 pm

    After reading all this I definitely do not want to have a wedding. Ever.

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    MajinMD February 22, 2012, 10:19 pm

    1 Way to Make Your TWIN Sister Never Want To Talk To You Again:

    1) Get pregnant—with fertility treatments—so that your due date is the. exact. same. day. as your TWIN sister’s wedding—a date she had chosen for one YEAR prior—and with whom you shared EVERY significant life event, and whom you told, four years ago “you’ll have your turn, so do what I say” at your own wedding.

    Yep, that’ll do it.

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      spark February 23, 2012, 8:16 am

      Gosh, if she was having fertility problems, you really can’t blame her!!! I mean, if she was desperate to have a baby, and spending thousands of dollars trying to make it happen, I don’t think it’s reasonable to say that she should have skipped a cycle merely because it COULD have resulted in a so-desired pregnancy that COULD result in a due date on her sister’s wedding. Sheesh! Talk about being a bridezilla!

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        MajinMD February 23, 2012, 1:06 pm

        Oh, honey, relax! A little sarcasm and hyperbole never hurt anyone 😉

        The thing that pissed me off was not so much that she’s pregnant and due on my wedding day (despite my ill-perceived rant above) but rather that she INSISTED on being my matron of honor, even though she probably wouldn’t be there. The minimum expectation (and I don’t have many) of my matron of honor should be attendance at the wedding itself. If the child was as “so-desired” as she says, than she needed to put the baby first and bow out, rather than turn it into a dramatic “will-she/won’t-she” show at the altar scene. Can’t have it both ways, my dear.

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    Lindsay February 22, 2012, 11:57 pm

    So true. Though I happily ran interference for my friend with her own mother, but that was a result of 10 years of knowing how crazy she is!

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    spark February 23, 2012, 8:11 am

    A bridal shower has always been traditional for the woman. A bachlorette party is a VERY new part of the wedding process.

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    MsBorgia February 23, 2012, 11:07 am

    Ugh, thanks for posting this. I once had a friend dump me for unknown reasons, but the only one she would give me is “You didn’t seem that excited about my wedding planning.” Well, when you drag me to three bridal boutiques in one day, yeah, I’m going to run out of enthusiasm at some point.

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    Sue Jones February 23, 2012, 12:46 pm

    My husband and I got married in our living room with 4 other people. No dress, no drama. Then my husband and I went out to a dinner and a movie. 4 months later we had a party. I do not “get” this culture of wedding stuff…. We just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary whereas most couples we knew who had the BIG wedding are now divorced.

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    EMRose November 15, 2012, 4:00 pm

    #1. Brought to multiple dress shops over two weekends because she didn’t want to be one of ‘those’ brides that makes her bridesmaids uncomfortable in their dress; picks a dress that half the bridesmaids hate anyways. Asks for an honest opinion about what I want to do about my makeup and then cries and screams that I’m wrong when I indicate I want to do my own because the professional is over-priced for my budget.

    #3. Silver peep toe/sandle with 1.5-3″ heel. Hair must be a curly updo. For nails your fingers should be clear or white french tip, toes dark red or dark purple oh and “if you have something else, please know ill be asking you to change it :)” [sic]

    #4 Spent last half of bachelorette party crying because of a fight with MOB.

    #7. Got a facebook message when I couldn’t make one of her bridal showers asking “Why is that? Do you have something going on at 10 am that day? I was hoping you would be there especially seeming you are one of the bridesmaids” [sic]

    #8. Offered two weekend dates in September that ‘work’ for her with the indication to pick one to come and cut hundreds of ribbons for her streamers. This after volunteering numerous times to help with projects over the summer and specifying that my schedule would be tight after my MBA classes started back up in the fall.

    #10. After the wedding yell at bridesmaid for posting pictures of the wedding from the photographer’s website before she got a chance to approve.

    … #10 just happened today, a month after the wedding, and I finally had to crack and vent so thank you for listening and sorry for venting!

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    Lina February 5, 2013, 9:05 pm

    My problem is not with the Bride but the other Bridesmaids. I am a close friend of the bride but I barely know the others maids. I am the matron of honor and she has a maid of honor as well. I am married, supporting a husband who is a full time student, trying to buy a house and while I live close to the bride, I am almost two hours away from the other maids and the wedding itself. I am a shy girl and I am not a party girl, so I feel completely alienated from the group. I adore the bride but the other maids have even yelled at me because I don’t respond instantly to their questions. I work fifty hours a week. Oh and my husband and I are a one car family. I had to borrow money to pay for the dress. I shelled out for the shower that I was yelled out for not helping to plan, when it was apparently planned by the maid of honor and another maid before I even met the rest of the maids. Why should I plan something that I wasn’t included in to begin with? Now its a couple days before the wedding, I feel completely alone, the bride has strep and the maid of honor told me that she the maid of honor expects me to make a speech in front of the 300+ person reception. I am honestly considering just bowing bout at this point.

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      jlyfsh February 5, 2013, 9:18 pm

      Don’t do it! (back out that is!!) If this girl is truly your friend, you need to put on your big girl pants and get through the next few days. A great speech doesn’t have to be the wittiest, funniest thing ever. Just talk about how much you love your friend, how happy you are to see her happy and that you wish her and her new husband the best in the future. If you have a funny anecdote to add here or there, do, but sometimes I think that makes people more nervous. Just do the best you can, and remember that the people sitting in the reception aren’t there to here you speak, they’re there to watch them get married and celebrate with them. So just keep that in mind when getting up there to talk.

      Good luck and I hope the wedding turns out better than you expect. Just smile a lot, be nice and tell yourself it’s only one day. Your friend will appreciate you not backing out. Not that she needs to ever know you were thinking about it!

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      GatorGirl February 6, 2013, 8:44 am

      Seriously, don’t back out. That is a friendship ending move. Suck it up, for one day, and be there for your friend. Give a very short, quick speech- write it down if you need to.

      I was once in a similar position (all the other bridesmaids were terrible people but the bride was a very very dear friend) and I sucked it up. And it was worth it! I had a fabulous time at the wedding and my friend was very thankful and apprecaitive I was there for her. Our friendship is still going strong 4+ years later while some of the more dramatic bridesmaids have faded out some. Stay in the wedding unless you want to end this friendship.

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