It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Bride Number Two,” who was upset that her fiancé kept pictures of his first wedding in their home. You may remember, she even admitted to ripping up a few of them when a couple girlfriends came over and they all got a tipsy together. After the jump, find out if she confessed her actions to her fiancé and whether they’ve reached any resolution on the matter.
Of course, I’m insecure due to our rocky start, but we have gone to couples counseling because of it and to help us prepare for marriage. We’ve benefited from it immensely, and our relationship just keeps getting better and better. Contrary to what the readers assumed, I didn’t invite ten of my friends over to get hammered, have a slide show and set fire to his belongings. It was my two best friends who are his family members and who actually attended that wedding. The two pics that were ripped up were not professional; they were disposable camera pics of them kissing. I’m not okay with him keeping pics of full-on kissing/making out with another woman.
One reader comment pretty much summed up the reason why the pics bothered me, saying: “She feels the weight of their negativity might affect their relationship.” My fiancé complains and has a negative attitude whenever the ex-wife comes up — just her and only her, no other girlfriends have had this effect on him. So now it seems she has had a similar effect with me as well. But if like you said, he wants to keep the pics as reminder of how far he’s come, then I can understand and I’m okay with that.
Last night I told him that I was over the issue and I don’t mind him having the pics in storage. I also told him about ripping up a few. He was a little surprised and laughed but said that if he found pics of me kissing an ex he wouldn’t have ripped them up dramatically but probably just asked me to toss them. He said he’s glad I let go of the issue, and he’ll try to store them somewhere “more out of the way.” We’re both adults and understand that we’ve made mistakes and all we can do is try to overcome them together.
Sorry the outcome isn’t as dramatic as some of the reader comments hoped for. My letter seemed to have started a dramatic frenzy to see who could be the most personally offended by my situation. Lighten up. People write to Wendy for advice because everyone makes mistakes, but the anonymity of the Internet shouldn’t be an excuse to act holier than thou.
I’m so happy you talked to your fiancé and that you’re in counseling together. Sounds like you are committed to working through your issues, which is wonderful. It takes a good deal of self-awareness and maturity to own our mistakes, learn from them and actively work toward being a better person and partner. I wish you both much happiness.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.