Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

15 Things in a Man’s Apartment that Will Scare a Woman Away

You just met a guy you totally click with. Maybe you’re even out on your second or third date and planning to go back to his place later if he invites you. Let’s just hope there aren’t any unpleasant surprises waiting for you. After the jump, fifteen things in a guy’s apartment that will kill the mood faster than you can say, β€œI don’t think that burrito really agreed with me.”

 

1. A neon beer sign.

2. A closet full of women’s clothing.

3. Unframed posters tacked to the walls, Γ  la freshman year circa 1997.

4. A RealDoll.

5. A framed photo of his ex.

6. Dried toothpaste chunks in the sink.

7. A red lace bra hanging from the bathroom doorknob.

8. A Zorro mask on the nightstand.

9. A wedding ring.

10. A stack of self-help books by his bed.

11. Pubes, anywhere (other than where they originate).

12. A Justin Bieber calendar.

13. Cats, plural.

14. Adult diapers.

15. An empty toilet paper roll.

115 comments… add one
  • avatar

    sweetleaf July 7, 2011, 12:12 pm

    I am guilty of some of these things and I’m a lady πŸ˜‰

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      callmehobo July 7, 2011, 12:26 pm

      It’s ok, sweetleaf, adult diapers are nothing to be ashamed of… πŸ˜€

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        sweetleaf July 7, 2011, 3:45 pm

        Oh yeah!

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    MissDre July 7, 2011, 12:15 pm

    I want all those kittens!

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      G July 7, 2011, 12:41 pm

      I want all those kittens too. And, I would love a guy who had multiple cats… as long as the litter boxes were well taken care of and that cat smell didn’t permeate the place! My roomate has a dog that well… too put it not so delicately… eats cats. So, I can’t currently have one πŸ™ I need to live vicariously through those that have them.

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      • avatar

        MissDre July 7, 2011, 12:44 pm

        I have 2, they are my soul mates! LoL… my boyfriend wants to get a dog though, not sure how I feel about that!

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        G July 7, 2011, 12:49 pm

        I think if you train the dog, it can be perfectly nice to the kitties. This dog that I live with, however… she has a “record”. My roomie jokes that we should get a kitty we don’t like to train Moxie (the dog) to be nice. What?!? A kitty I don’t like? Impossible.

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        MissDre July 7, 2011, 12:57 pm

        Impossible indeed. Kitties are precious πŸ™‚

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        honeybeenicki July 7, 2011, 2:31 pm

        My dog likes to try to eat cats too, which i didnt know before I got him so now we have a segregated househould.

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        SpyGlassez July 7, 2011, 11:13 pm

        We were told our dog would NEVER accept a cat, and I completely believe that – if I had brought home a kitten, he would have killed it. He was a hunting dog by nature. However, I brought home a cat that weighed almost as much as the dog, and they were the best of friends until our dog passed away last year.

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      • avatar

        cmarie July 7, 2011, 3:39 pm

        Get the dog as a puppy so the cats can get used to him while he’s still small enough for them to kick his butt. When we got our first dog we were afraid the cats would panic, and they did, but when they realized they were bigger and could therefore dominate they were ok as he got bigger.

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      • avatar

        Emma July 10, 2011, 10:16 pm

        That’s sad… the closest I’ve had to a dog-hating cat was a lab mix who was terrified of them, and snapped at them, yet never hurt them.

        Is it an afghan? They are predisposed to hate cats (as they were bred to hunt lions).

        If a guy has several cats, I am all about him. As it is, my fiance is a dog person… but my Ginger is converting him. Now he wants a kitten.

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    • avatar

      LennyBee July 7, 2011, 1:29 pm

      I want all those kitties too, but only if they solemnly promise to remain kittens and never grow up into gigantic adult cats with bizarre personality quirks.

      I love my 2 cats, but both grew bigger than expected from their kitten-size and developed interesting personalities. My oldest spends all day trying to get outside, then once she’s outside she wants back in – we tie her up so she doesn’t harass the neighbours. We tried leaving the door open so she could come and go as she pleases, but my younger cat is a Ninja who escapes from both collar and harness, and runs off to climb the fence like Spiderman.

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      • avatar

        Caris July 15, 2011, 2:16 am

        My cat does the same and it drives me crazy in winter!!! lol When he goes outside on the front yard, he is ok as long as you leave the door or window open, but the second you close it he is staring at you through the window and meowing to get back inside (after getting back inside though, he meows to go outside AGAIN!!! ) He does not do this when he goes out to the backyard though.

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  • avatar

    sohara July 7, 2011, 12:16 pm

    That picture of kittens is so adorably cute that I would stay in the guy’s apartment just to play with them. Almost certainly, however, no romance would ensue.

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      MissDre July 7, 2011, 12:26 pm

      Why not? My boyfriend cuddles and kisses my kittens like a big baby and I find it so adorable!

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      • avatar

        sohara July 7, 2011, 12:29 pm

        No romance because I would be so captivated by the kittens that I would scarcely notice the guy.

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        MissDre July 7, 2011, 12:41 pm

        That’s very true, kittens must come first πŸ™‚

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    Zyggurat July 7, 2011, 12:18 pm

    Packs of condoms lying UNconcealed on the dresser or nightstand

    More than one brand of video game console/system

    A fridge containing only beer and hot dogs

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    • EscapeHatches

      EscapeHatch July 7, 2011, 1:33 pm

      So, I have an Xbox 360, a Wii and a PS3. Multiple brands should be fine – it’s the evidence nothing else is accomplished. The PS3 works as an AWESOME home media sharing device, the Wii is just plain fun, and the Xbox 360 is a relic of an old relationship…

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      • avatar

        Maracuya July 7, 2011, 1:35 pm

        I want more than one brand of video gaming system. What do I do when I game I want is only for the PS3 and all I have is an Xbox 360?

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    • avatar

      Britannia July 7, 2011, 3:59 pm

      Or a fridge containing only condiments.

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    SGMcG July 7, 2011, 12:26 pm

    Tampons, or any feminine hygene product, would make me bolt….especially if the guy doesn’t have a female roommate.

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    • avatar

      redessa July 7, 2011, 12:28 pm

      What if the guy’s sister left them there last time she visited? I’m just sayin’… you never know.

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        SGMcG July 7, 2011, 12:38 pm

        Maybe an errant one or two for a guest who visited. Yet the big-ass multi-pack? In FULL display? I can’t think of any reason for a guy to have that, unless he wants to cockblock himself.

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      silver_dragon_girl July 7, 2011, 12:44 pm

      You would think. However…I once made a poor decision and went home with a guy while on my period, and was SO RELIEVED that some other girl had left a box of tampons there.

      Just sayin’.

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    • avatar

      Fairhaired Child July 7, 2011, 12:54 pm

      Haha I’ve done this to my guy friends. I’ll leave stuff there – esp. if I hang out a lot there.

      My one guy friend and I “half lived together” ie I was over there 3-5 nights a week for workouts/dinner and I also crashed there anytime after a night of drinking (i had my own bed! – IN HIS ROOM he had a freakin huge room). He still dated, and so did I, and yes it kinda made things awkward because I’d be passed out in my bed, and he’d bring a girl up and she’d be like “WHO IS THAT” and he’d be like “oh that’s El-Belle.. yo El go downstairs please”. haha – what a weird friendship.

      I had clothes in his closet (in the back far far corner), and all of my “shower stuff” on one of his bookshelves, I had pregnancy tests I left there once that he actually called to ask if he could use once (for his g/f at the time).

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    AnitaBath July 7, 2011, 12:34 pm

    There’s nothing wrong with more than one cat!

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    • gatecrashergirl

      NancyPants July 7, 2011, 1:06 pm

      I’m with you! I think that animals are much better in pairs. They can play together and keep eachother company while you’re away at work! 10 cats however….

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    • avatar

      WiddleBabyCharles July 7, 2011, 4:32 pm

      Screw you, thumbs downers! You can just continue being miserable in your feline-free hell!

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    • avatar

      applescruff July 7, 2011, 9:44 pm

      Only because they make me break out in hives. πŸ™ But I admire them from afar.

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  • avatar

    SpaceySteph July 7, 2011, 12:42 pm

    Hah my boyfriend has a neon beer sign and crappy posters tacked to the walls without frames. He’s 26 and owns his own house.
    Also his bathroom was fairly disgusting the first night I slept over… which was after our second date because I was drunk. I think he didn’t clean because he didn’t really plan on having company (though you should always be prepared!)… and it was a little trashy of me to get wasted on our second date, so I would call us even. Its cleaner now.

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    • avatar

      TheOtherMe July 7, 2011, 12:53 pm

      …”and it was a little trashy of me to get wasted on our second date, so I would call us even”…

      HAHAHA !!

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    kerrycontrary July 7, 2011, 12:44 pm

    Im not too picky about the dried toothpaste in the sink…but I think Real Doll is number 1 on my list.

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      silver_dragon_girl July 7, 2011, 12:45 pm

      Yeah, my sink looks pretty disgusting, so I can’t judge on that one.

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        SpaceySteph July 7, 2011, 12:58 pm

        Tip I read in Real Simple magazine… if you wipe it out every couple of days with one of those clorox wipes it never gets gross. Now I keep the container under my sink… goodbye toothpaste clumps!

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        MissDre July 7, 2011, 12:59 pm

        I use them in my kitchen, maybe I should stock up in the bathroom too!

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      • avatar

        Kim July 7, 2011, 5:20 pm

        I totally mis-interrpreted your post the first read-through. The initial post was on dried toothpaste and real dolls, and then you said something about “real simple” magazine, so my mind jumped to the real dolls. The sentance “if you wipe it out every couple of days with one of those clorox wipes it never gets gross” has an ENTIRELY different meaning… Then I got to the toothpaste clumps and got all confused.

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      • avatar

        thefabulousmzm July 7, 2011, 6:05 pm

        My mind made that same leap.

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    • avatar

      Britannia July 7, 2011, 4:02 pm

      idk how the whole clumped-up toothpaste thing HAPPENS. I wash out my sink of all the toothpaste residue right after spitting out; I never have dried toothpaste stuck to the sink bowl. I don’t understand how a huge clump can be not noticed? Or even originate? Maybe I’m just dense :/

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      • avatar

        MissDre July 7, 2011, 4:09 pm

        Because people spit, and then couldn’t care less about rinsing out the sink afterward.

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        AKchic July 7, 2011, 5:56 pm

        Usually – it’s a little kid thing. I make my boys rinse the sink when they are done. If they leave toothpaste globs in the sink, they get to clean the sink. If they pee on the seat, they get to clean the toilet. Pee behind the toilet? Mopping the floor. Boys are messy – so I don’t have to clean my bathroom much! *laugh* I get to “supervise” instead!

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      • avatar

        ape_escape July 8, 2011, 12:57 pm

        oh my god – so you’re saying, your boys will grow up to be men who actually know how to clean up after themselves?? and…in the BATHROOM no less?!

        I’m going to thank you in advance on behalf of all of the women of their generation.

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      • avatar

        AKchic July 8, 2011, 3:40 pm

        *takes a bow* Yep, my boys will know how to clean a house, cook and do their OWN laundry. Whether they do it once they move out is there own business, but at least I taught them!

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      • MissRemy

        Ally July 9, 2011, 8:40 am

        That’s such a great idea AKchic! I am totally going to take up that rule πŸ˜€

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      • avatar

        thefabulousmzm July 7, 2011, 6:03 pm

        I’m confused about that too. Even my guy’s sink (which rarely gets cleaned unless I do it) doesn’t have clumps. Water spots and beard hairs? That’s a whole other thing. Thank god for separate sinks…

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  • avatar

    G July 7, 2011, 12:44 pm

    A waste basket in the bathroom that OVERFLOWS with trash because every room mate is too stubborn to empty it. I mean… used q-tips and tissues on the floor. This was fairly unacceptable. But, I loved the guy so I continued to go over. ::Sigh:: But if he hadn’t been awesome in many other ways, that would have been a deal breaker.

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  • avatar

    spaceboy761 July 7, 2011, 12:48 pm

    @4

    Nobody will ever replace what Momoko and I had! EVER!!!

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    • avatar

      Betty Boop July 7, 2011, 4:51 pm

      Completely unrelated: I LOVE that you have Pintsize as your avatar! I imagine everything you say in the same voice I imagine for him. Makes everything that much funnier.

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  • avatar

    TheOtherMe July 7, 2011, 12:51 pm

    First few times I went to my Ex’s apartment, there was no toilet paper, he was using “Barney” party napkins. No milk in the fridge (ever) and he kept his phone books in his oven because it had been broken since a few years !

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    MissDre July 7, 2011, 12:54 pm

    I once dated a guy whose bathroom I REFUSED to enter. There were 5 guys living in the house, and the bathroom floor was COVERED in dried urine. So so nasty.

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      TheOtherMe July 7, 2011, 12:56 pm

      Ewwww…. I also wore flip-flops to take a shower at my Ex’s :p

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    • avatar

      mcj2011 July 7, 2011, 3:14 pm

      grossssssssss!

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      Rachelgrace53 July 8, 2011, 12:44 am

      That is the most disgusting thing I’ve heard all day…….. Or maybe ever.

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    Fairhaired Child July 7, 2011, 12:57 pm

    @zorro mask

    I’d have to say I’d def put it on as soon as he left the room and when he came back for sexy time i’d just be like “are you ready for this?” haha but maybe that’s just because I’m crazy

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      spaceboy761 July 7, 2011, 1:00 pm

      I think it was implied that the Zorro is already on the RealDoll.

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      TheOtherMe July 7, 2011, 1:01 pm

      Not crazy ! Masks are awesome πŸ˜‰

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        Fairhaired Child July 7, 2011, 1:04 pm

        haha my boyfriend left his bike helmet in the bedroom once and when he left to go get some water, I put the helmet on and hid under the sheets (he’s used to me trying to hide in the room when he leaves – i’m awful at hiding i always giggle) he through back the sheets and i was like “i’m ready for anything.. whats our safe word”

        needless to say we laughed for like 20 minutes before we could calm down and try to get sexy time on

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        Fairhaired Child July 7, 2011, 1:05 pm

        threw*

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    Bethany July 7, 2011, 1:12 pm

    One I’d have to add is weapons…
    Like you go to a guy’s house for the first itme and he’s got Samuri swords or guns displayed on the wall. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about art and self protection, but having that kind of stuff out in the open when I don’t really know someone all that well freaks me out a bit.

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    • avatar

      Maracuya July 7, 2011, 1:34 pm

      All the guys I know that have samurai swords (yes, plural) aren’t psychos. They’re just nerdy. My boyfriend would love to have one, I’m sure.

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    • avatar

      AKchic July 7, 2011, 2:40 pm

      Hey now… there is nothing wrong with a weapon collection. If they KNOW how to use them properly, have no criminal convictions and have a good temper (and a great sense of humor). Now, if they don’t know how to use them and don’t have a zombie survival plan – forget it, I’m taking the real weapons and leaving. *laugh*

      Of course, this is coming from a woman with battle axes hanging above her fireplace in the living room, swords and guns in the gun cabinet upstairs, etc. AND a multi-scenario plan for the zombie apocalypse πŸ˜€

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      • avatar

        callmehobo July 7, 2011, 3:11 pm

        My boyfriend and I have seriously considered what we would do in the event of zombies, with distinctions between our living dead/insane infected plan…

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        Britannia July 7, 2011, 4:13 pm

        Of course different plans need to be enacted – the differences between slow vs fast, intelligent vs reptilian, passive vs predatory, are very important!

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        kali July 8, 2011, 12:58 am

        Yup yup yup… us too. Including contingency plans for the dog!

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        SGMcG July 7, 2011, 4:11 pm

        Establishing a mutual agreement of mercy-killing your partner once they’re bitten in the event of a zombie apocalypese – that’s a sign of a good relationship.

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        Britannia July 7, 2011, 4:12 pm

        I honestly agree. Logic = survival. I’d rather have my boyfriend survive than end up a zombie because he couldn’t bring himself to double tap me.

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        callmehobo July 7, 2011, 4:18 pm

        ALWAYS DOUBLE TAP

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        AKchic July 7, 2011, 6:05 pm

        *laugh* Y’know… I could say “if you did it right the first time…”

        Make sure the brain is destroyed. Almost all zombie lore/legends/stories say the frontal lobe. Aim for the forehead.

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        callmehobo July 7, 2011, 7:24 pm

        Hahahaha- my bf said almost the exact same thing- only it was you don’t have to double tap when you have 18 point buck shot.

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      • katie

        katie July 8, 2011, 12:53 am

        i literally thought this entire thread was sarcasm until like half way down….

        lol

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        AKchic July 8, 2011, 3:42 pm

        It’s never too late to prepare…

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        Britannia July 7, 2011, 4:09 pm

        Yes yes yes, AKchic, I wish I could give you 100 thumbs up for this. My boyfriend and I have baseball bats leaning against the door frames of the entrance points, pepper spray on the counter next to entrance doors, shotguns in some of the closets (in their cases, unloaded, of course), a handgun under the mattress, etc. Neither of us are particularly proficient with swords, however, so we don’t have any. We put all our weapons away in a lock box when we have a party, of course, but otherwise, they’re out and ready for use to protect ourselves.

        We also have water, protein powder, ammo, survival kits, and Emergency-Ready backpacks with military-issue combat boots standing next to them, all sitting in the closet in the center of the house. One of the first thing I did when we bought our house was have security gates and window bars put on every orifice of our house, and made our small stockpile. Yeah, maybe I’m just paranoid and in the past it definitely did affect my dating life because I made no bones about my fastidiousness about being prepared for ANY sort of emergency or apocalyptic scenario. Luckily, my boyfriend is just as invested in being prepared and safe as I am.

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        AKchic July 7, 2011, 4:26 pm

        Completely agree. Thanks to being in Alaska, we can rotate some of our supplies out as camping/winter foodstuffs and replenish as needed. I have no problems in putting the SO down if he gets infected. The hard part will be putting the kids down. Luckily, they have a weird mom, so I can hope they will be fine.
        Renaissance Fairs usually have individual SCAs attached to them (Society for Creative Anachronisms). Join one of those and learn archery, swordsmanship, all weaponry/caring for your gear, etc. Learn some blacksmithing, basic toolmaking skills, woodworking skills, etc.
        Talk to a “hands-on” older male relative who is good with mechanics, woodworking, etc and LEARN. Buy books and learn dammit. My 10 year old knows how to change the oil in my older suburban, and if he were taller, well, he’d be able to change more of the filters. My SO isn’t good at that stuff, being a techie guy.
        Learn to homebrew. That will come in handy. Especially when someone ends up hurt. Homebrew can be potent and knock someone out for a cleaning of a wound (or be used to CLEAN the wound). Used for barter. Save your spices. Spices and salts are going to be worth their weight in gold in a non-money society. (and they make game meats taste great – even if they’ve been preserved for 6-9 months)

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        Britannia July 7, 2011, 4:45 pm

        I don’t understand why I’m getting thumbs down about all this. I guess Alaskans and Arizonans are the only ones who understand the value of being prepared?

        I know archery but my back is still healing so I’m more than a year out of practice. Boyfriend was a boy scout practically from the time he could walk, and still now volunteers as a Scout Leader on their retreats sometimes. He’s also insanely handy with anything mechanical – he’s an electrical engineer raised by a father who is the ULTIMATE handyman. I know how to drive dirt bikes and motorcycles, am a licensed pharmacy technician (applicable knowledge about medicine), my mother taught her basic surgical techniques, and my grandfather taught me from a young age how to man a sailboat. Boyfriend and I both know how to hunt, skin, and butcher game.

        I’m not sure if either of us know how to woodwork. We both know how to do basic whittling and build a raft, but beyond that I don’t think we’ve ever discussed it. I also didn’t consider the spices thing! Salt will definitely be added to the stockpile next time we hit up Costco; I completely spaced about meat preservation.

        Hahahahhaha– the things that end up being discussed on Dear Wendy πŸ™‚

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        AKchic July 7, 2011, 6:02 pm

        Do you have an ammo-making kit? You need to learn how to make your own ammunition, and it wouldn’t hurt to go out and buy a basic chemistry book or two to teach you a few things. You can find the basics in nature that might help you (such as mineral salts in the earth, basic dirt preparation for farming if the dirt isn’t the “right kind”, etc).

        There are great how-to books on woodworking. Mortisse and tenon (sp) jointing, how to build basic furniture and shelving, etc. Don’t forget to add a couple of bolt cutters to your stash. One smaller pair and a heavy-duty pair. Never know when they’ll come in handy.

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        thefabulousmzm July 7, 2011, 6:20 pm

        Damn girls, you guys are crazy prepared! When we moved in to our house my guy and I got armed. But I think we need a least a couple more weapons, preferably a gun for each floor. And for the cars. My guy got me a taser that I keep with me, but a gun in the car (or purse, we’ve gotten our CC permits) couldn’t hurt.

        Our basement is stocked with emergency food and gear in case of crazed social unrest or tornados. And I’ve drilled him countless times on what we are to do for various scenarios. My guy even talked about getting night vision goggles, that way we’d have an advantage over anyone trying to do us harm at night. And the gun in our bedroom is right within arms reach. Plus, I’ve told him we need to start carrying our passports at all times, just in case we need to bounce fast and don’t have time to get home first. Don’t wait for me honey, I will meet you in our previously agreed escape country.

        I don’t care, I know it sounds crazy paranoid, but whatever, I’m ready!

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        AKchic July 7, 2011, 6:31 pm

        I’d rather be considered paranoid (and prepared) than unprepared and dealing with either reanimating corpses or some natural disaster. Alaska can have another “big one” (earthquake) at any time, and Anchorage is on a faultline. We are 2-3 days away from empty shelves at the grocery store if it wasn’t for modern transportation, so the smart ones (and older folks) have learned to stock up and prepare.

        The worst thing to have to deal with during a NORMAL Alaskan winter is running out of a needed item (like diapers) during a snowstorm and there is 2 1/2 feet of snow on the ground and they haven’t been able to plow the side streets, let alone most of the major roads. By 3 feet, most stores are closed or minimally staffed. Most cars on the road are stuck, so if you have an SUV, you’re in 4×4 mode and are whiteknuckling the steering wheel. If you get stuck, a tow truck won’t get to you for at least 2 hours, if you’re lucky.
        No thanks – I’ll be prepared for anything – including the zombies πŸ™‚

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        Britannia July 7, 2011, 6:24 pm

        Just a warning – I used to carry my passport on me at all times too. I was in a car accident, and some horrible fucker actually robbed me as I was unconscious, being loaded into the ambulance. So all my credit cards and ALL my identification except for my SS card was in someone else’s hands. It was really horrible to deal with potential identity theft on top of all the other things going on.

        It would be wiser, I think, to just keep your passport’s number on you.

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        thefabulousmzm July 7, 2011, 6:31 pm

        I actually keep a copy of my passport. Though I don’t know if that’s any safer since all of my info is still there.

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        silver_dragon_girl July 7, 2011, 4:50 pm

        My boyfriend would leave me for you πŸ˜›

        Seriously. He wants to build a fortified bunker under his future house.

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        AKchic July 7, 2011, 6:04 pm

        *giggle* During a zombie attack, I would never be underground. I would be above. Depending on the kind of zombie – they don’t/can’t climb. All zombies can fall DOWN. If it’s a nuclear holocaust, then yes – underground is where you want to be. Zombies – no way. Don’t even want to be in a city.

        And trust me, your boyfriend wouldn’t want me πŸ™‚ I have too many kids of my own.

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    • avatar

      Caris July 15, 2011, 2:23 am

      I would personally love to have swords displayed on my wall

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  • avatar

    Maynard July 7, 2011, 1:14 pm

    I feel ya on the cat(s)

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    Joanna July 7, 2011, 1:23 pm

    My boyfriend is only guilty of number 15. Also, I think Wendy is hinting at signs that he may be married.

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    Laurel July 7, 2011, 1:32 pm

    A Zorro mask would be totally hot on the right guy. (Why yes, ‘Dread Pirate Roberts’ Westley is so so so my fantasy crush, how did you know?)

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    • Firegirl32

      Firegirl32 July 7, 2011, 3:02 pm

      Just don’t see him lately! He got…umm…chubby! Cary Elwes was on Psych last year…totally ALMOST ruined Westley for me.

      Stop that I mean it! Anyone want a peanut! πŸ™‚

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      • avatar

        AKchic July 8, 2011, 3:43 pm

        *laugh* He will always be Robin of Loxley to me. *giggle* *snicker*

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  • EscapeHatches

    EscapeHatch July 7, 2011, 1:36 pm

    I think the neon beer sign could be forgiveable – my fiancΓ© just moved in and he has a Fat Tire sign, which is a microbrewery that does awesome stuff in addition to making wicked good beer. It’s hanging in the garage, and was a gift from his late brother….

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    Greebo July 7, 2011, 1:41 pm

    #15 made me giggle. My husband and I have “toilet paper wars”. It started because one of us (I say him, he says me) forgot to put a fresh roll on. Now, whenever the toilet paper runs out, whoever gets the empty roll hides it somewhere for the other person to find. I’ve put it in his shoe, the pocket of the pair of shorts I know he’ll put on when he’s off work, over his comb, whatever. I’ve found it in my gym bag, on the seat of my car, you name it.

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      MissDre July 7, 2011, 2:08 pm

      My brother and I do that to each other with the spiny top of a pineapple. We’re weird, I know. But it started when I was home for the holidays with my cat, and I found the pineapple top zipped up in my cat carrier…. we kept hiding it back and forth in each other’s things (under my sheets, in his motorcycle helmet, etc.) I even fed-exed him a pineapple top for his birthday when I left town to go back to school.

      The best was a year later when I gave him an entire pineapple in a gift bag for Christmas.

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      Bethany July 7, 2011, 2:55 pm

      My parents do the same thing, but with plastic bugs. They hide them all over the damn place! My mom even hides them in my dad’s luggage when he goes away for work trips.

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        MissDre July 7, 2011, 3:00 pm

        LoL… being silly is so much fun. Once I sent my boyfriend a picture of one of his hairs that he left behind in my bed, with the subject line “I believe this belongs to you…”

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  • Budj

    Budjer July 7, 2011, 1:53 pm

    #16 People actually put up with a lot of this stuff (minus the marriage thing and even then…sometimes) if they like someone enough.

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    Jena July 7, 2011, 2:01 pm

    16) his mom (i.e. still lives at home and didnt mention it).

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      AKchic July 7, 2011, 2:44 pm

      Or his dad – who smokes like a chimney, has cats he doesn’t clean up after, and has a “pill problem” (substitute for alcoholism). *shudder* Y’know, I don’t know which made me happier: When my SO’s dad moved back in with HIS parents or when my sister moved out of state.

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    stillalive July 7, 2011, 4:09 pm

    His cats are no problem as long as he cleans the litterbox and they get along with my kitty.

    Anyone who finds the Zorro mask to be a dealbreaker is not someone I would ever pursue even a casual friendship with. Kinky roleplay, Halloween, or even just “masks are comfortable.” Bring it on.

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      stillalive July 7, 2011, 4:10 pm

      Not to mention, as far as weapons go – I grew up in a house with multiple swords on display, and though my tastes are a little more subtle, my antique pocketknife collection is beautiful, unique, and functional when building furniture.

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  • sobriquet

    sobriquet July 7, 2011, 4:37 pm

    When I first started dating my boyfriend, his house was… shocking. We had already been dating for over a month and I was hooked, otherwise it probably would have scared me off.

    He owned his house (big plus) and was in the process of remodeling. There were no sinks in the kitchen and he piled his mail on the kitchen counters and stove. No kitchen table. He had a cheap coffee table (with a hole in it) and bookshelves from his college years. The only door was on the hall bathroom (he took them all off while painting) and the master bathroom was piled with tools. And his bedroom… oh, the bedroom… He had posters tacked all over the walls. He had a full size bed sans bed frame with his college comforter. His dresser and nightstands were of the same quality as his living room furniture. I felt like I was in a dorm room.

    He was proud of it, though, because he had made a ton of progress on the house. He didn’t see the sloppy paint job because he was so happy the walls were no longer bright orange. He didn’t care about the dismantled kitchen because he had the sinks ready, he just needed a plumber to put them in. Some guys can be oblivious to the way their home is perceived by females.

    The house is almost complete now. Hallelujah.

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  • avatar

    Anna July 7, 2011, 5:47 pm

    How about a copy of “The System” book by “Doc Love” over on http://www.askmen.com? That man seriously has a screw loose and does not know how to relate to women at all! That would make me run.

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    AKchic July 7, 2011, 6:08 pm

    I have seriously gotten these books for my 2nd ex-husband AND my brother:

    “The Bro Code”
    “How To Make Love The Bruce Campbell Way”
    “Dick Jokes and Beer: An Autobiography of Drew Carey”
    and of course…
    “Zombie Survival Guide”

    My brother also stole my copy of “The Meaning of Liff” by Douglas Adams. May have to raid his bathroom for it back… I’m sure his new wife cleans it better than he ever did!

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    • avatar

      Fairhaired Child July 8, 2011, 12:07 am

      have you gotten the book “zen of zombie” its quite hilarious and also very well thought out. I really enjoyed it and it does really relax you (mostly because its so crazy).

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        AKchic July 8, 2011, 3:44 pm

        No, but I do have “ZEO: How to get A(head) In the Corporate Workplace”. It sits in my office next to my Corporate Bullshit Dictionary.

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    thefabulousmzm July 7, 2011, 6:27 pm

    The first time I visited my guys house there was a Zorro-like mask displayed on his TV stand. I must say, I was intrigued. It made me think that despite his conservative exterior he was a real freak on the inside. It looks nice on him, but I wore it to a masquerade party recently and now it’s mine. The reminds me that we should get him another one…

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    thefabulousmzm July 7, 2011, 6:34 pm

    #16. Roaches.

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  • avatar

    kali July 8, 2011, 1:37 pm

    First (and last) time at his place, I spotted a giant vibrator under a desk and made a hasty retreat. Bad enough it was out in the open, but on the floor, under a desk? Eeewww!

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      spaceboy761 July 8, 2011, 2:24 pm

      Are you sure it wasn’t an immersion blender? That would still be an eew but less of an eew.

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      • avatar

        kali July 8, 2011, 3:26 pm

        Yeah, positive.

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    misslisa July 8, 2011, 1:59 pm

    Here is the strangest thing I found in a dude’s home: I started dating a guy who seemed cute and sweet, but a bit overweight. I didn’t give his size much thought – he wore large, boxy shirts that hid it, plus I was on major painkillers due to recent surgery and my mind wasn’t focusing too well.

    The first time he invited me to his house, I went to use his restroom & saw a long, wand-like thing next to the toilet. I’d seen this thing before on some website that makes fun of weird products: It was a butt-wipe stick! The guy was so obese, he couldn’t reach his own asshole and had to use a stick to wipe it!

    The next day he said something mean to me, and I realized he’d been kind of a jerk all along, a hugely fat jerk, but I had been so whacked out on percocet & morphine that I had viewed him as nice, kind, healthy, fit, etc. The butt-wipe stick really snapped me out of the drug-haze.

    Moral of the story, ladies: Don’t date when you’re on meds.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy July 8, 2011, 2:08 pm

      Woah.

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      AKchic July 8, 2011, 3:49 pm

      Wow… too bad I can’t blame my 1st marriage on meds. I’ve been lucky enough NOT to date idiots while medicated (I’m on heavy-duty painkillers 24/7 thanks to a bad spine and nerve damage from a car accident). My biggest problem is feeling REALLY good coming out of surgeries (neck/lower back, and when I had my wisdom teeth pulled last year). I’ll want to go shopping, check my emails, work, etc. My boss will actually call my SO to ensure I’m in bed (especially when he’s been receiving emails from me on work an hour after I’m out of surgery).

      At least you have an excuse for the dating blunder πŸ™‚

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  • fast eddie

    fast eddie July 8, 2011, 4:00 pm

    If cats send you up the wall you might as well go home with someone else. There’s always been felines in my life and your a guest, so act like one.

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  • avatar

    Juan February 25, 2017, 5:41 pm

    Sooo, im legitimately curious…. If a guy takes a woman home, what kind of apartment is an instant turn off? Is there such a scenario even? Where you go back to his place and find out he lives in a 1 bedroom or studio, is that something that women size up or take note of importance?

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    • avatar

      Anonymous February 26, 2017, 12:02 pm

      Black leather couches are my run away from. I just imagine one day living with him and him insisting those monstrosities be in my house. No way!

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  • avatar

    shesays February 26, 2017, 3:48 pm

    I can top this list, the person I bailed from last night at 3am, you’ll see why when you read the list:

    1. torn up chairs covered in dog hair and no couch at all.
    2. multiple dogs (not his)
    3. several empty vodka bottles littering the kitchen
    4. an old plate of pizza next to the bed
    5. a pile of weed baggies, pipes and etc on the dresser
    6. mildew from like 1998 in the shower
    and my favorite:
    7. someone elses’s panties in the bed.
    yep, not even clean sheets, pre-sexed ones.
    This guy is wait for it……..38
    Never seeing him again, gross.

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