Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

17-Week Check-in

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I’m 17 weeks pregnant today and, if you’d have asked me a few days ago how I was feeling, I would have said “not very pregnant.” I guess I’m still not feeling very pregnant, save for the relentless fatigue that hasn’t let up in the second trimester like I’d hoped it would, BUT I felt the baby move for the first time Friday night and that was so exciting. It wasn’t just little fluttering movements that start around this time either; it was some full-on kicking. And Drew even felt it, too. I haven’t felt anything since and I kind of think it was a bit of a fluke to feel real kicks this early, but I’ll take it. That confidence boost should get me through until my next ultrasound in a couple weeks, when I can get another peek at the baby and see she’s ok in there. (At this stage in a pregnancy, when you aren’t really showing and maybe haven’t gained much weight and aren’t feeling the baby regularly, if at all, the weeks between prenatal appointments, when you get some confirmation that everything is progressing as it should, can feel so long).

It’s funny how, even though I’ve been to this rodeo once before, a lot of the wonder and uncertainty is the same this time around. I’m less concerned with, like, logistical things, like what we’ll need for a baby and how to care for her, but imagining how our lives will change seems as faraway and distant as it did when we were becoming first-time parents. I don’t think the reality of parenthood hit me with Jackson until I was in labor and experienced true loss of control. Suddenly, I was at the mercy of this baby and had to just . . . submit to what was happening (to my body, to my life, to my everything). It was a sensation I’d never really experienced before and it’s one I have felt in various incarnations over and over since becoming a parent, and, of course, I’m wondering in what ways I’ll have to submit to changes and responsibilities that having two kids will demand.

Anyway, even with the uncertainty and wonder of what will happen this time, one thing I haven’t and don’t worry about is how I will love another child as much as I love Jackson or whether there’s enough room in my heart and my life for another child. I know there is. I know there will be more than enough love and I won’t have trouble balancing my relationships with two children, at least in an emotional sense. I am less confident about, like, getting two kids ready in the morning and out the door in time to get Jackson to school by 8:20, and making twice the amount of pediatrician appointments and play dates and daily snacks and attending kids’ birthday parties. But I know that stuff will work itself out, and, even if it’s totally overwhelming and all-encompassing, it’s just for a few years. Eventually, this new baby will grow and become more independent the same way I’ve watched Jackson grow and become more and more independent. That’s the benefit of being a second-time parent: I KNOW, like really, truly know in a way I didn’t fully the first time, that the time passes quickly and these stages, for better or worse, will be over soon.

Now that we’ve had over a month to process the news that we’re having a girl, I’m feeling excited about the ways that dynamic will affect our family. Jackson, especially, can’t wait to meet his baby sister. The way he already talks about and to her is so sweet, I think my heart might explode. The other day, out of the blue, he said, “Mommy, I love my baby sister in your tummy so much. I love her THIS MUCH,” as he held his arms out as wide as he could. And then yesterday as I was getting him dressed for the day, I reminded him that he was going to share a bedroom with his sister eventually and I asked him what he thought about that.

“Good,” he replied. And then: “Can I sleep right next her?”

And I pointed to the corner of his room and said, “Well, that’s where we’re going to put her crib, so you won’t be right next to her, but you’ll be close.”

And he said, “I want to sleep right next to her. Maybe I can sleep on the floor, next to her crib.” I mean, COME ON. That shit is SWEET. I’m going to just enjoy it while I can, because something tells me not every sibling moment in the future will be as simple.

Kind of related/not really: I asked Jackson the other day if I could have a few cuddles and he replied, “I just want to cuddle the iPad.” So, yeah, the sweetness kind of comes and goes. But like the little kicks I felt the other night, I’ll take the good when I can . . . and I’ll just try to laugh off the rest. At least until I can drink again. 17 weeks down, 23 to go!

35 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Taylor February 10, 2015, 1:44 pm

    Love love love this. Thanks for sharing Wendy.

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    RedroverRedrover February 10, 2015, 2:00 pm

    Wendy, are you worried that one of them will be your favourite? I also love my son so much that I do actually wonder how I could love another one SO MUCH. But I guess I love my husband and my parents that much too. But there’s an extra pull I feel for my son. I wonder how I’d deal with having twice that pull.
    .
    Also, the ad on the side that used to claim it could help me get my ex back, is now telling me about a new infertility breakthrough. 🙂

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy February 10, 2015, 2:06 pm

      Nah, I’m not worried about having a favorite or loving one more than the other or anything like that. I imagine there might be times when I enjoy one more than another because of the stages they’re in or moods or their behavior or whatever, but for as much as I love Jackson, I anticipate loving his sister just as much and, hopefully, finding a lot of enjoyment in watching their relationship develop and evolve over the years.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover February 10, 2015, 2:08 pm

        Awww. 🙂

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    • FireStar

      FireStar February 10, 2015, 2:36 pm

      It is funny to think how to handle the love for more than one child. I think about it too thought I suspect it would be a non issue should it happen. Not exactly the same but I know a family that couldn’t conceive after years of trying so adopted two children. Then a fertility drug hit the market that helped them and they had two biological children. They did not treat those children the same at all. The bio girls got far more affection and support and love than the first two did. I was friends with one of the bio-daughters in law school. Her younger sister was in university but the first two were never really encouraged and one floundered until she got married and accepted into her husband’s family and the other son just shifted from drug charge to drug charge and now his sister is a prosecutor and will literally be across the aisle from him in court on arraignments where he is the defendant. Those parents clearly felt a difference among their children – even though the adopted children were first and longed for. Sad.

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      • avatar

        RedroverRedrover February 10, 2015, 3:27 pm

        I have a friend like that. His parents adopted a girl because they couldn’t conceive, and then like 5 years later they had him. He was the “miracle” baby, he could do no wrong in their eyes. Doesn’t help that they’re from a culture where sons are everything and daughters are nothing. And so they ended up totally suffocating him and now he doesn’t want to even be around them. Whereas the sister was always wanting their affection and trying to be close to them. Then she went and screwed them financially and now they don’t even speak. It is sad, really sad.

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki February 10, 2015, 3:42 pm

        That’s so… sad 🙁

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  • Addie Pray

    Addie Pray February 10, 2015, 2:28 pm

    Aw, I love hearing updates on your pregnancy. Out of curiosity, can a pregnant woman eat crab cakes?

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    • FireStar

      FireStar February 10, 2015, 2:36 pm

      I did.

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      RedroverRedrover February 10, 2015, 3:27 pm

      They’re cooked, right? Any cooked meat is fine.

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    • FireStar

      FireStar February 10, 2015, 3:34 pm

      why are you asking????? Anything you’d like to share?

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  • honeybeenicki

    honeybeenicki February 10, 2015, 2:56 pm

    I love this 🙂 I think its great that you KNOW you won’t struggle to find love for two children. I actually wondered (and to be honest, sometimes still wonder) if the love I feel for my bonus kids will be the same as what I feel for the new baby. I mean, I love my kids more than anything but I didn’t grow them and carry them inside me for 9 months so I just wonder if it’ll be a different experience. I have committed to myself and my husband and them that they will not be treated any differently. They are just as much my kids as future baby is, but sometimes I wonder how it will feel different.

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    • something random

      something random February 10, 2015, 3:13 pm

      Honeybeenicki,

      I’ll bet it will be different but you seem like such a loyal, committed person I’m guessing all those new extra feelings you will experience will only deepen your bond as a family with ALL of your children.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy February 10, 2015, 3:20 pm

        I can imagine for someone like you who is already such a committed, loving stepmother, being connected to them through your bio kid/ their bio sibling will just deepen your bond. Best case scenario, they will love being older siblings to your baby and you will love watching the sibling relationship develop among all of them. I think it will be really sweet.

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki February 10, 2015, 4:19 pm

        Aww thank you 🙂 It’s already awesome to see them getting excited. And they’re so protective of the baby! It’s super sweet.

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  • something random

    something random February 10, 2015, 3:08 pm

    I love this. Its such an awesome experience to come to this site and get to hear about this intimate moments in pregnancy and motherhood. I was blown away the first time I felt each of my boys moving around distinctly. Such a sweet time, and your little boy sounds so sweet, and this was really a warm uplifting read. Thanks for sharing.

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  • avatar

    booknerd February 10, 2015, 3:49 pm

    I love this. Actually having a baby, the reality of a child was so crazy when I gave birth. In the picture where I am holding my son RIGHT after birth, I look so shocked. And I was. Somehow, in all those nine/ten months, I really don’t think I really understood what my life would be like, or that that kind of love exists.
    Wendy, I really love hearing your story and about your life with Jackson and Drew. You are so articulate and warm and real. And hilarious in a lot of your advice.

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    • avatar

      booknerd February 10, 2015, 3:50 pm

      Yikes. Too many reallys!

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy February 10, 2015, 4:52 pm

      Thank you so much!

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  • avatar

    jottino February 10, 2015, 4:20 pm

    This is such a sweet update! I love it.

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  • avatar

    Jane63 February 10, 2015, 4:27 pm

    Aww Love this update. Glad things are going well.

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  • Just Max

    Just Max February 10, 2015, 5:27 pm

    I love these updates! Thanks for sharing, Wendy!
    By the way, my sister is 18 wks pregnant with baby #2. 🙂

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    sarolabelle February 10, 2015, 11:12 pm

    Congrats Wendy! At 10 weeks pregnant I bought a heart doppler. Here is the link:

    http://www.fetaldoppler.net/sonoline-b.html?utm_source=googlepepla&utm_medium=adwords&id=18283950120

    I don’t think I would have been sane without it. About 2-3 times a day I would go and hear the heartbeat just to make sure “it” was still alive. I first heard the heartbeat at 11 weeks and heart it everyday until I felt her kicking around. Then I didn’t use it much but towards the end I would use it when she ran out of room and had a hard time moving. It really was a lifesaver! I recommend it! I even brought it on my cruise when I was 18 weeks. 🙂

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  • avatar

    Hannanas February 11, 2015, 5:09 am

    So awesome to read these updates! I’m 23 weeks along myself and I never get tired of hearing about other pregnant women and their stories.
    (wouldn’t have imagined that years ago, when I thought babies were “boring”)

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy February 11, 2015, 9:24 am

      congratulations! Is it your first?

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        Hannanas February 11, 2015, 9:41 am

        Thanks! Yes it is our first, so everything is very “new and exciting”. Though hearing from other second (or third or fourth) time moms, and then your update, it’s never NOT new and exciting. Which is simply wonderful.

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  • Cleopatra_30

    Cleopatra_30 February 11, 2015, 8:13 am

    Wait….what….WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?! Well 17 weeks ago obviously, but I don’t remember you posting about it…Oh my goodness congrats Wendy 😀

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    Taigi February 11, 2015, 3:09 pm

    Well, Auntie Taigi can’t wait to love her up!!! I am sooooo excited that she’s coming! I am beside myself….i’m already planning our joint birthday party!! I. CAN’T. WAIT.

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    Rachel @ Reality Chick February 11, 2015, 9:37 pm

    Oh I’m so excited for you Wendy. I know exactly what you mean about having to submit over and over to the changes. Most are lovely, but sometimes it’s just a meltdown in my brain. Like, having to get up at 5am over and over and over and over. Pre-baby I just never thought I would survive that (and some days I still wonder how I do it, but you just do it… right!?) Plus, we just had an impromptu break in a luxury hotel – first one with the bubba – and it was very very different. No visits to the cocktail bar, no dinner out because we were putting him to bed so room service all the way, and fitting in everything (ahem) around his naps. But still, it made me so happy to think we could still go stay in hotels and it was actually, pretty fine.

    My little bear is 5 months old now and we were only ever going to have one but I dream about a second all the time (a girl this time would be nice too!) I’m too old I think, but never say never…

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy February 12, 2015, 7:11 am

      Congrats to you. The 5 am wake-up calls won’t last forever! Jackson usually sleeps until at least 6:00, and he’s definitely an early bird among his peers (he doesn’t nap either and was the first of his friends to give them up). Around 3, I think a lot of kids are sleeping until 6:30 or 7.

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    MissDre February 12, 2015, 9:46 am

    I’m really excited for you, Wendy! This is awesome 🙂

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    MsMisery February 12, 2015, 12:55 pm

    Well I am 0% pregnant but still fatigued all the time. Half-convinced I have some debilitating medical drama yet to be diagnosed but it’s probably just My Thirties. And LOL @ “I just want to cuddle the iPad”!!!! Kids do, indeed, say the darnedest things. I have to rely on all my procreating friends for these tidbits since all my cat does is yodel and BRRRR. I know what he means, though.

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