Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

20 Reasons She Didn’t Call You Back

Most of us women have, at one time or another in our lives, wondered (usually obsessively and over a bottle of wine with our friends), “Why hasn’t he called?” The question can plague us for weeks before we finally get over it and move on. But rarely do we consider the torment we can put poor guys through when we don’t call them. Maybe they called after a first date and we never got back to them, or maybe we met them at a party or a bar and gave them our numbers ,never to return their first (or second or third) attempts to reach us.

AskMen.com has a list of reasons women don’t return men’s calls. They’re OK — “You drank too much,” “You took to long to call,” though I resent the excuse “She used you for a drink.” Men, when you offer to buy us a drink and we accept, we don’t owe you anything in return (except a “thank you”) — not a date, not a phone call, and certainly not sex. How can we “use” someone when reciprocity of any kind isn’t warranted??

Anyhow, stepping off my soap box, I’ve got 20 more reasons we women may not have called you back, after the jump.

1. Your divorce isn’t finalized yet.

2. She didn’t like the way you kissed her.

3. You talked too much about your ex.

4. You talked too much about your job.

5. She thought your jokes were stupid.

6. You insulted her line of work.

7. You had very bad breath.

8. You were a bad tipper.

9. She doesn’t want to date a dad.

10. You made a sexist, racist or homophobic remark.

11. You were too aggressive.

12. She caught you checking out other women.

13. You looked too much like her brother.

14. You looked too much like her ex.

15. She got back together with her ex.

16. You live in Jersey/too far away.

17. You’re a vegetarian.

18. She only gave you her number to be polite.

19. She decided to start a sex sabbatical.

20. You wore white pants.

141 comments… add one
  • avatar

    BoomChakaLaka June 14, 2011, 12:09 pm

    21. She/I just wasn’t feeling it.

    Sometimes people mesh well and sometimes they just don’t. You could be very good on paper, but maybe in real life, there is no magic, no spark. And for that reason, I won’t be wasting my unlimited minutes/data talking to you.

    Although, I do feel that maybe people should be more direct with these kind of things. I never want to be at the other end of the this situation, so I definitely do my part to let the gentleman know that hey, this just isn’t going to work and no, I won’t be calling you. If he continues to text/call, that’s at his own expense because he was already warned.

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    • avatar

      silver_dragon_girl June 14, 2011, 12:13 pm

      Who was it who said that “It’s Monday and I don’t like you anymore” was a perfectly acceptable reason to break up with someone? I loved it. It was on DearWendy. Your post made me think of it!

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  • avatar

    Amber June 14, 2011, 12:09 pm

    I think what AskMen.com is referring to with the “she used you for a drink” comment is when women lead the guy on by acting attracted to him and interested in him with the sole purpose of having drinks bought for her, not simply accepting one drink.

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    • avatar

      silver_dragon_girl June 14, 2011, 12:12 pm

      Incidentally, not ONCE have I ever had a drink bought for me at a bar or club, except by a guy I was already with, or a girlfriend. Am I not putting out “available” vibes? “Slutty” vibes? Too many “desperate” vibes?

      Anyway, my point is, I think this is a less-common pickup technique now than it used to be.

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      • avatar

        Jshizzle June 14, 2011, 12:49 pm

        It’s probably just the economy. “I’m gonna buy you a drank, got money in the bank”.

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      • avatar

        Desiree June 14, 2011, 12:51 pm

        I had a guy offer to buy me a drink just recently (first time it ever happened to me), but it was at the bar belonging to the hotel we were both staying at. I decided not to accept because of that variable.

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      • avatar

        silver_dragon_girl June 14, 2011, 12:57 pm

        Heh, maybe it’s more common at hotel bars? That reeks of “come upstairs and have sex with me before I fly out tomorrow!”

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      • avatar

        Jshizzle June 14, 2011, 12:59 pm

        When I would go to crappy dance clubs with my friends at 18-19 it would be canibuyyouadrinkohcmonpleaseletmebuyyouadrinkijustwanttogettoknowyou or else some guy i haven’t seen in awhile showing off his money and buying rounds for everyone. Never was it a handsome stranger sending me a glass of champagne.

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      • avatar

        thyme June 14, 2011, 1:02 pm

        No, it’s never the _handsome_ stranger who wants to chat me up at the bar, it’s the obnoxious douchebag who can’t tell when a woman is only (barely) politely tollerating his presence.

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      • avatar

        thyme June 14, 2011, 1:00 pm

        I’ve never had a stranger buy me a drink at a bar either. But I have friends it happens to all the time. A guy once gave my friend his credit card. I don’t think she’s hotter than me, but I think some people, like her, just give off more approachable vibes, and some people, like me, tend to have unintended bitch-face.

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph June 14, 2011, 2:16 pm

        Hah to ‘unintended bitch face.’
        I, on the other hand, wear the completely intentional bitch face. I use it to keep people out of my personal bubble at clubs, because nothing is less of a turn on than being grinded up against and covered with a stranger’s sweat.

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      • avatar

        Brooklyn June 14, 2011, 10:16 pm

        Guys buy me drinks all the time. It is 100% because I laugh big and smile at people. I’ve never had a one night stand with a stranger and never given them my number. I think sometimes guys buy the drink to take a chance and if it works out to sex then they like it and if not then they figure its worth it to meet someone new.

        Note: I laugh big and smile at people because I’m Southern and not because I’m a bar slut. I did the same thing to a woman in a Giant in Washington, DC and she looked at me like I was crazy. I think it’s a regional thing more than a “I’m easy, buy me a drink” thing.

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      • avatar

        G June 14, 2011, 4:05 pm

        I hope I am not putting out “slutty” vibes! I have had guys buy me drinks before I even knew they were looking at me (So, I don’t think I did anything to lead them on…?). Just the other night I got a much needed self-esteem boost when I guy came up to me, introduced himself very politely, told me I was beautiful, and bought me a drink. I was completely oblivious to any prior attention. I even actually had a bartender hand me a drink and point to a guy from across the bar saying it was from him. It usually catches me completely off guard! I even had a guy hand me money to buy myself a drink. That was weird. I think he was excessively drunk.
        I have however, refused a drink from someone I was completely uninterested in. A much older man came up to my friend and I and offered to buy for me. My friend is very young and sort of immature… so she kept trying to encourage me to just take a free drink. But, I felt like it would be too misleading. So, I said “no thank you”…
        I know there are girls that use guys for drinks. I would not be happy with myself if I did…

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      • avatar

        Quakergirl June 14, 2011, 9:13 pm

        This only happens to me when I’m out with a particular two of my friends. I think it’s just their vibe/tools attempting to pick off the weakest member of the herd. They seem to think it’s me, although I’m way taken. If we’re being honest it’s definitely friend 2, who is super nice and naive/trusting, but she’s too pretty to look directly at, so they don’t think they have a shot.

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      • avatar

        SpyGlassez June 14, 2011, 10:47 pm

        My roommate and I had a guy buy us drinks one time. He was about my age, and drunk, and having a fight with his wife (she kept texting and calling the whole time he was there, and before he got to chatting with us he was slamming back drinks). Mostly I think it was because we were the only people listening to him. He wasn’t hitting on us – he showed us pictures of his kids, talked about his daughter, talked about the specific issue with his wife (I think he felt that she was undermining him around the kids and was making him feel like he wasn’t a good provider). I think he just didn’t want to drink alone.

        Only time anyone has ever bought me a drink.

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      • avatar

        jena June 16, 2011, 11:12 am

        Eh, I don’t think it’s less common, but maybe moreso the environment you’re in. Are you out with a group of girls when you’re at bars? Guys tend to buy drinks for women who are a)by themselves or b)with one other girl.

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    • avatar

      AKchic June 14, 2011, 1:17 pm

      *laugh* The “obligatory sex drink”. Seriously, there are guys out there that think that a drink equates a sexual favor. There was a kareoke bar I used to go to so I could hang out with friends right after I started my second divorce. I had friends that worked the karoeke booth, were security guards at the bar, one was a bartender, half of the folks patroning the bar were friends, so it wasn’t like I was an unknown. I was the designated driver too. I’d get total sleazeballs coming up to me with drinks. One guy was 50, wearing the 80s leather jacket (wannabe biker with FRINGE). Would not stop trying to give me a drink. Even after I told him I couldn’t drink (medications, but I wasn’t about to tell him that). Then he tried to get me to dance with him. Even tried to physically lift me out of my seat to dance. He got swatted with my leatherbound edition of the Ultimate HitchHiker’s Guide.
      I’ve had some interesting experiences in that bar though. A stripper on an offnight gave me free lapdances (and she came home with me), had a military chick buy me drinks all night, plenty of “why did you bring a book” confrontations, a few redneck fights (one guy decided to pick on my tranny friend on my birthday, and another was mad that I was dancing with a girl he liked another time). I don’t go anymore. No time, and well… not many of my friends go anymore either. The clientele at the bar went downhill.

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    • leilani

      leilani June 14, 2011, 2:16 pm

      I would never intentionally lead a guy on just for a drink….its just a drink! I would accept a drink that somebody bought for me and I might continue to be friendly to them if I enjoyed their company (even if just in a friendly way), but I’m not trying to spend all night chatting with some loser just so I can get a free beer.

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    • avatar

      Morgan June 14, 2011, 7:24 pm

      To which I will freely confess being guilty. Though in my defense, not wanting to go home with him or pursue a romantic relationship doesn’t mean I’m not genuinely enjoying talking to him. If a guy can hold his own in a debate on politics or the intricacies of the NFL lockout and he’s buying? Hell yeah, I’ll talk to him all night.

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  • avatar

    LeahW. June 14, 2011, 12:19 pm

    22. She really wants to find someone she likes and did her best to convince herself it was you when she was in the moment, but realized her error when she had more time to think about it.

    At least, that was usually my reason for not following up…

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  • avatar

    Sarah June 14, 2011, 12:20 pm

    21: You kind of looked like a caveman.

    22: I made a joke about French Stewart and you said, “Who?” Who the hell doesn’t know who French Stewart is?

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    • avatar

      thyme June 14, 2011, 1:03 pm

      I don’t…

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      • avatar

        Sarah June 14, 2011, 3:04 pm

        3rd rock from the sun?? Squinty eyes?

        …but you know who Bob Saget is though…right? RIGHT?

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      • avatar

        thyme June 14, 2011, 5:48 pm

        I know who Bob Saget is (thanks, America’s Funniest Home Videos), yes, but I never made it through a whole episode of 3rd Rock.

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      • avatar

        Brooklyn June 14, 2011, 10:20 pm

        WHAT!? That is so sad!!!!
        He was so funny back in the day. He was in Stargate too. I loved that movie. I think you can buy it on BluRay for $8 at Target.

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    • avatar

      spaceboy761 June 14, 2011, 1:17 pm

      Worse offense: Not getting a 3rd Rock reference or not getting a Wings reference?

      Both are considered to be slappable.

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      • avatar

        TheGirl June 14, 2011, 1:29 pm

        Crazy people living under a rock, don’t know Wings… I LOVE Wings! Storms out, still naked

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      • avatar

        spaceboy761 June 14, 2011, 1:34 pm

        “It made Tony Shaloub’s career!!!”

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe June 14, 2011, 1:47 pm

        Still, “Big Night” was my fav. Tony Shalhoub performance

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      • avatar

        lk June 14, 2011, 1:33 pm

        I think it’s kind of endearing that I don’t watch television…

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      • avatar

        lk June 14, 2011, 3:51 pm

        Eek. Ok. Haters gon’ hate… I promise not to sass anyone when they don’t get my Old Time Radio references ; )

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  • avatar

    TheOtherMe June 14, 2011, 12:21 pm

    21) You kept texting/answering texts on the date.

    I agree with some of them, 3 – 6 – definitely 10 – and 12 would bother me.

    But # 9 ? No, I love daddies !

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    • EscapeHatches

      EscapeHatch June 14, 2011, 12:32 pm

      Though I’m on your side (my fiancé has a 9 1/2 year old son, and how he interacts with his son is a big part of what I love about him) a lot of women don’t want to / shouldn’t get involved with a man who has a child.

      It’s a lot of responsibility. If you’re the type of woman who needs a lot of attention, and to be first in her man’s eyes all the time – a man with a child may not be for you. Every man should have a rotating top 3, or top 5 (parents, wife/girlfriend, child, sibilings, best friend, etc.) but his child will likely win out more than not. No, he can’t join you for that art opening, because Jr. has math homework and a soccer game.

      Dating a father isn’t for everyone. Just like dating a woman with children isn’t for all men.

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe June 14, 2011, 12:41 pm

        I totally agree, I was just speaking for myself 🙂

        I’m dating a man who has 3 teenagers so I am well aware that they come first and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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      • avatar

        kali June 14, 2011, 2:58 pm

        I met a guy for coffee once who had SIX kids and shared custody. I was just about to ship my second off to college and was not about to start over again. Two or three kids maybe…

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom June 14, 2011, 6:29 pm

        But if you don’t mind putting the needs of the child first as when it’s homework or other things that have to be done it shows your ready to be a parent if that’s what you want.

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    • avatar

      BoomChakaLaka June 14, 2011, 1:54 pm

      This bugs me even if its not romantic. I hate when my friends are all texting/sexting while I’m right in front of them. Geez, can we enjoy this mocha latte? Just the two of us?

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary June 14, 2011, 3:00 pm

      I totally agree with the testing thing. My current boyfriend got the hint REAL fast that you cannot text/surf the internet on your phone when we are out to dinner on a date. It’s beyond rude! Same opinion for my friends and my family (my parents are actually the worst at being addicted to technology)

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  • leilani

    leilani June 14, 2011, 12:26 pm

    In 99% of cases when I meet a guy at a bar, the reason I wouldn’t call him back is because I just gave my number cause it was less awkward than denying it. Other reasons that I haven’t called back have been because you were boring, because I wasn’t truly ready to date, because you had horrible taste in music, because I drank too much and didn’t remember if you were actually cool or if I just thought so at the time, and because you were too physically aggressive. Oh, I guess another one is being too aggressive in your communication with me…I’ve not checked my phone for one night and come back and found three missed calls from some random dude I barely know. Not into it.

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  • avatar

    Lydia June 14, 2011, 12:30 pm

    #17 confuses me. What’s wrong with vegetarians?

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    • avatar

      thyme June 14, 2011, 1:10 pm

      There’s nothing wrong with vegetarians. But since I’m a huge foodie who wants to share all kinds of interesting delicious food (including meat) with my SO, a vegetarian would not be a good match for me.

      If Wendy was vegan who deplored the odor, appearence, and idea of eating meat, she might have said, “You’re eat meat” for 17. To each her own.

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      • avatar

        thyme June 14, 2011, 1:12 pm

        *If Wendy was A vegan
        *YOU eat meat

        Sorry about stupid typos.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy June 14, 2011, 1:23 pm

        I’m a meat-eater (much more so since getting knocked up), but a vegetarian would not be a deal-breaker for me. I know many women for whom a vegetarian would not only be a deal-breaker, but a turn-off, too, which is why I put it on the list…

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      • avatar

        Lydia June 14, 2011, 1:51 pm

        Interesting. I can understand the practical objections, but an actual turn-off? Huh. I love meat, but it never even occurred to me not to date my boyfriend because he’s a vegetarian.

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      • avatar

        jena June 16, 2011, 11:15 am

        I just tend to not like to cook two meals per night and I like cooking for the guys I date. I like eating vegetarian food, just not every night.

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      • avatar

        Anna June 14, 2011, 3:14 pm

        As a very carnivorous woman, it would definitely be a turn-off to date a vegetarian or especially a vegan. One of my favorite things about living with my boyfriend is when he grills meat. He makes sure to grill it perfectly, so it’s cooked enough but still juicy and tender. Then, when he comes inside. he smells sooooooo good! Also, the carnal bonding experience of eating steak together cannot be matched by any salad. A juicy ribeye can practically bring me to orgasm. I’ve kinda come to equate that to the sexiest masculinity. Of course I am capable of grilling my own meat, but why would I want to?

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      • avatar

        Calliopedork June 14, 2011, 3:57 pm

        Maybe its just my antiquated idea of gender but to me, men must eat meat. Lots of meat, preferably rare. With their bare hands. Wearing a fur loin cloth and drinking no less than a full keg of beer.

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      • avatar

        plasticepoxy June 15, 2011, 12:54 pm

        For a while, I considered not dating men that ate meat, as I’m a vegetarian, so to not date a vegetarian makes sense to me. It can be hard to find suitable restaurants to eat at; it’s even a challenge to plan a meal at home. Then there’s the moral standpoint of eating vs. not eating meat. I’m not against eating meat, I just don’t do it, so the morality doesn’t really come up, although I firmly believe in buying meat from reputable sources and as close to home as possible if the choice is to eat meat; that stance also presents its own morality hang up.

        Anyway, that plan went out the window when I met my current bf. He eats meat and loves greasy fast food. We’ve come up with a compromise of sorts…we don’t eat often, but we still go on occasion. Of course, he goes whenever he wants when I’m not along.

        We recently moved in together and while it’s weird for me to have meat in the house and to sometimes prepare it for meals (I usually ask him to handle his meat prep (haha, handle his meat) and cooking because I don’t feel comfortable being responsible for the end-product. I’m not against eating meat, I just don’t do it, so the morality doesn’t really come up, although I firmly believe in buying meat from reputable sources and as close to home as possible if the choice is to eat meat, which presents it’s own morality hang up. Plus, I get kind of grossed out, but I don’t tell him that).

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      • avatar

        plasticepoxy June 15, 2011, 12:55 pm

        * eat out often, we do eat with regularity 🙂

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    • avatar

      lk June 14, 2011, 1:31 pm

      They aren’t real men, DUH! Haha…just joking — I’m a vegetarian.

      But even I know that vegetarianism – or any other voluntary diet restrictions – seems a little high-maintenance. So if you’re a veggie, you better be chilled out as well : )

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph June 14, 2011, 2:23 pm

        It is so hard to have voluntary diet restrictions. I am Jewish but was raised with little observance and I gave up pork a couple years ago (my parents still eat it and other non-kosher things). I was hoping it would lead me down the path of becoming more religious and keeping more of the kosher dietary restrictions, but it is SO hard. And very high maintenance, especially in a place like Texas where everything is wrapped in bacon or fried in pig grease.

        My boyfriend is tolerant of it (plus it means I don’t steal tastes of his food alot! bonus!) but sometimes it gets annoying… like when we went to his coworkers barbeque: The guy grilled sausages for everyone, but there was no food for me. Luckily someone brought beef hot dogs for their kids so I bummed a hot dog, but it definitely is more high maintenance than just eating the damn sausage.

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      • avatar

        plasticepoxy June 15, 2011, 1:00 pm

        That’s the hardest part of being a vegetarian. Many people make me feel like I’m being high maintenance by just asking what a soup or sauce stock is made from, whether there’s chicken stock in the mashed potatoes or bacon in the salad. I don’t see it as high maintenance (but I FEEL like it seems that way), I do my best to be prepared in all situations, such as bringing my own food to cook-outs or making sure I’ve had a snack before going to a family meal, etc, since meat and meat products are everywhere and I often end up going without eating.
        I don’t know if you experience this given that your choice is based on religion and my choice was originally just a personal decision, but I also have had people try to trick me into eating meat, or telling me “It’s only a little bit, you won’t notice”. My taste buds might not, but my digestive system certainly will and I’ll be out of commission for days afterward.

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph June 16, 2011, 3:09 pm

        I get the same kind of thing because I did used to eat pork, and I chose to give it up, rather than it being seen as a religious improvement its seen as a phase. So people are often like “mmm bacon, don’t you miss bacon?” (yes, actually, I do) or otherwise taunting me with it. Like maybe one day I’ll quit being crazy and go back to eating pork if you just remind me how good it tastes… which I think it the same thing they’re doing to you and its very rude.

        I usually always go to a cookout/camping trip with my own kosher hotdogs, this one was kinda sprung on me last minute and we were running late, or I would have remembered. But the restaurant thing is hard. Is there pork in the refried neans? Is there sausage in the soup? Is there pork in the egg roll? I always feel like a pain in the ass, especially when with a large group.

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    • avatar

      SpyGlassez June 14, 2011, 10:58 pm

      To me, it seems like it might also be “He’s a vegetarian and got judgmental about it.” It can go the other way; he could be a carnivore and be judgmental about the woman being a vegetarian.

      When my BF and I were talking about dating – before we even went out the first time – he asked me rather hesitantly if I was a vegetarian. At the time, I was not eating meat, though my roommate’s parents’ chickens kept us supplied with tasty farm-fresh eggs. It turns out that the BF’s dad hunts, and they basically eat exclusively from what he hunts. I grew up in the city, so I’ve never been a fan of hunting, but the deer population where I live is so out-of-control that they have urban deer hunts in some cities, just to keep the numbers down. It wouldn’t have been a deal-breaker for him if I was against eating meat, but it would have been different.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray June 14, 2011, 12:34 pm

    From a blind date I went on:
    21. You kept addressing the server as “buddy”, “sport”, or “boss.”
    22. When I asked you about your job, you answered “finance,” and when I asked what specifically you did, you looked at me like a child and said, “it’s really specialized and I doubt it would make sense to you.” [As a non-“finance” person, this is probably true, but at least give me a chance, jackass.]
    23. You tipped the cabbie a lot, which was nice, but you followed it with “keep the change, brother.”

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    • avatar

      thyme June 14, 2011, 1:13 pm

      ew, aha ha ha. was this all the same guy?

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 14, 2011, 3:31 pm

        Same guy, on the same bad blind date. I ran into him at our mutual friend’s wedding two years later. (He did not remember me, but I certainly remembered him.) By that time he was married, and he introduced her to me as “the wifey.” I’ve never met anyone so consistently annoying.

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe June 14, 2011, 3:34 pm

        “the wifey.”

        Lol, at least he didn’t say ” the Ol’ ball & chain ” !

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      • avatar

        thyme June 14, 2011, 5:57 pm

        Somebody married him???

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray June 14, 2011, 11:33 pm

        somone married him. un.be.liev.ably someone did. he probably says cheesy things while they’re having sex. gross, now i’m picturing that.

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    • avatar

      AKchic June 14, 2011, 1:19 pm

      Talk about a condecending ass. Wow. At least he showed his personality up front so you didn’t waste more than one date with him!

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    • avatar

      Brooklyn June 14, 2011, 10:26 pm

      Hahahahahahahah! The first two were hilariously sad. I would probably like the last one but that’s only because it reminds me of Desmond from Lost.

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  • avatar

    Valerie June 14, 2011, 12:35 pm

    21) You made a comment about my weight.

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    • avatar

      thyme June 14, 2011, 1:13 pm

      did that actually happen? What exactly did he say?

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      • avatar

        Valerie June 14, 2011, 1:28 pm

        No, this didn’t actually happen to me, I was referencing the “He Doesn’t Think I’m Fat Enough” column from yesterday.

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  • avatar

    Valerie June 14, 2011, 12:38 pm

    22) You’re a Cubs fan.

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    • avatar

      spaceboy761 June 14, 2011, 1:20 pm

      Mets fans secretly root against the Cubs just so that we do not assume the mantle of Shittiest MLB Franchise.

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      • avatar

        Valerie June 14, 2011, 1:53 pm

        Well, at least Mets fans have the ’69 Miracle Mets to lean back on. The Cubs… Nada. Interestingly, my dad was a Cubs fan UNTIL 1969, when they broke his heart, and has been a White Sox fan ever since. So I was born and raised a White Sox fan. Trust me, in the eyes of a White Sox fan, the Mets will NEVER be the Shittiest MLB Franchise. 🙂

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      • avatar

        kali June 14, 2011, 3:00 pm

        Padres fan… I can relate.

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        Sami June 14, 2011, 5:21 pm

        Don’t worry… You’ll always have my team (the Pirates) to hold that particualar title yearly!

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      • avatar

        Morgan June 14, 2011, 7:33 pm

        When it comes to the last 14 years, Orioles have you all covered. Don’t even worry about it.

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      • avatar

        RoyalEagle0408 June 15, 2011, 9:52 pm

        And Phils fans openly root against the Mets. Because they are the shittiest MLB franchise. 😛

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  • Kate B.

    Kate B June 14, 2011, 12:47 pm

    You refused to take the Bluetooth headset out of your head.

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    • avatar

      Desiree June 14, 2011, 12:55 pm

      Oohh…that would bother me. I’ve had issues with my boyfriend being too much into his Blackberry sometimes when we are on dates. There are times when it’s justified, but other times I kinda want to shout “Just where the hell do I fall on your priority list?” Anyway.

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      • avatar

        lk June 14, 2011, 1:15 pm

        I gently put a hand on the knee & remind him, “Hey, you’re surrounded by real humans,” then smile sweetly & wait for him to finish perusing the NYT headlines.

        Guaranteed he will finish quickly, apologize & mobilize quickly into charmer mode.

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      • avatar

        spaceboy761 June 14, 2011, 2:31 pm

        If you replace “gently put a hand on the knee” with “forcefully stab a fork into his leg”, you might be getting closer to it.

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      • Kate B.

        Kate B June 14, 2011, 3:19 pm

        I really hate this. It is becoming my number one pet peeve of human behavior. (Not just male.) Unless you are wearing a mini-skirt on the Starship Enterprise, take that thing out!!

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        spaceboy761 June 15, 2011, 1:12 pm

        I once paid a hooker $300 to wear the Counselor Troi bunny suit from the earlier seasons.

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        lk June 14, 2011, 3:46 pm

        I shoot bees out of my eyeballs if kindness doesn’t kill him : )

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        LennyBee June 14, 2011, 1:46 pm

        I wave my hands at him and say in a slightly whiny tone “Pay attention to meeee!” It makes him laugh every time.

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        BoomChakaLaka June 14, 2011, 1:57 pm

        I snatch the Blackberry away, or at least attempt to. But he sees my hand coming and will put it away. It never happens again. At least not for the duration of that date. LOL.

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    Diana June 14, 2011, 12:54 pm

    nothing wrong with being from jersey!

    unless

    #21 you fist pumped (or any other jersey shore-ism)

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      AKchic June 14, 2011, 1:20 pm

      *laugh* Unless you’re from Alaska! Then “Joisey” is terrible and completely foreign and you can’t wait to get back home!

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      justpeachy June 14, 2011, 3:16 pm

      I think Wendy meant that, if you lived in NYC, Jersey might just be too far.

      But what do I know? I live in Tucson, AZ and when I was living on the East side of town, someone living on the West Side felt like it was too far.

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        NYC Girl May 24, 2012, 9:15 pm

        I live in Queens and Jersey is too far.

        For anything.

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    Jshizzle June 14, 2011, 12:54 pm

    Because you just randomly made me take your number and then walked away and I don’t remember what you even look like.

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    lk June 14, 2011, 1:12 pm

    Ooh 15. hahaha…

    Also… “You tried to bond over text messages instead of real interactions.”

    I hate when guys think texting is conversing. Some guys can do this well (“What about Winfrey-Couric 2012 – economic genius + actually informed?”), but I never think, “What r u up to?” followed by, “o. Jealous ; )” is a conversation.

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    thyme June 14, 2011, 1:17 pm

    You told me that you don’t want me to have male friends anymore. On our first date.

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      Rachelgrace53 June 14, 2011, 8:48 pm

      Please tell me you made this up……..

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    AKchic June 14, 2011, 1:26 pm

    21. You told me that you prefer women barefoot and in the kitchen – and you were serious.
    22. You told me that you want as many kids as possible – and I already have 3 (at the time), to which you replied “that’s a good start”.
    23. You still think a pound of gericurl in your blonde hair is “fashionable” (sure, for Draco Malfoy)
    24. When I hear a funny sound in my vehicle, you tell me not to worry, that you’ll take it to the mechanic when it “dies”, when I say I can pull over and check it out now, you look at me like I’m nuts and say “women don’t know anything about cars”
    25. Three words: “Women Can’t Drive”.
    26. You smell like you fell into a vat of Old Spice a month ago and haven’t showered since.
    27. You still have body glitter and fake spray tan on your clothes from the stripper club last night.
    28. You’re old enough to be my grandpa
    29. You’re older than my father, and just as creepy.
    30. Didn’t I see you on Cops a few nights ago?

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      thyme June 14, 2011, 1:46 pm

      “26. You smell like you fell into a vat of Old Spice a month ago and haven’t showered since.”

      Awesome.

      And #21,24? EWWWW.

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      SpaceySteph June 14, 2011, 2:38 pm

      Haha to you’re number 23 and 26. I always know when my boyfriend’s roommate has a date because first you hear the blow dryer and hairspray bottle, then you smell the overpowering scent of cologne that lingers hours after he leaves.
      I don’t know what kind of girls like the overstyled, overscented men, but you can count me OUT.

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        AKchic June 14, 2011, 3:15 pm

        My second husband liked the hair gel. I had to laugh because he was a mechanic (from New Jersey!) and even if he showered twice, there was still real grease in his hair and under his nails, so he didn’t need the extra hair gel. I think that now that he’s nearly 30, he has outgrown this – or, because we’re divorced and I still tease him once in a while, he doesn’t do it around me. Granted, when we go out to dinner with the kids, we don’t dress up, even if he does try to get me to wear a dress and heels (something I rarely wore even when we were together!).

        I think hair gel is an age-phase thing. My 3 elementary-school aged boys are getting into it. They love to spike their hair now. I had to be awesomely me and get them colored gel so they could (once in a while) have colored spikes.

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  • TaraMonster

    TaraMonster June 14, 2011, 1:35 pm

    “You live in Jersey” made me nearly spit my drink onto the screen. Especially if you live in Manhattan, falling for someone in Jersey can be a real pain in the ass; one of my friends has to do the Hoboken-UES commute for her BF and it makes them both nuts. Don’t get me wrong, parts of Jersey are really nice, but I’m a NYer born and bred. I can’t be hopping on the PATH or NJT for some dude every other day. And I will never own a minivan (NEVER!) so thank god my boyfriend is from Queens!

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      Quakergirl June 14, 2011, 9:44 pm

      All my friends have strict no-B&T rules. It’s enough of a struggle to decide which of us is leaving our neighborhood to have dinner together. I can’t imagine any of them getting on NJT every time they want to see their SO.

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      Brooklyn June 14, 2011, 10:29 pm

      This reminds me of How I Met Your Mother.

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    LennyBee June 14, 2011, 1:38 pm

    Oh man! #20! White pants! I have this friend, a very sweet man, whom I would love to set up with a very sweet woman, but first, I really want to tell him “sweetie, stop wearing white pants. And *really* stop wearing cream pants with a white top – you look like the nerdiest pimp alive”.

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      AKchic June 14, 2011, 1:54 pm

      *giggle* Seriously. Alaska has the WORST fashion in the US sometimes. It used to be that we didn’t get our clothing for 3-6 months AFTER everyone else, so we were always behind the times, but now, we get it at the same time as everyone else. Unfortunately, you still see guys (from age 7-40s) wearing the 90s style baggy jeans, “wife-beater” tank tops and the silkscreen bowling shirts. I just saw them in Wal-Mart on the racks again, so they must be coming back. Unfortunately, they never went out of style up here! The “oops, I crapped my pants” gangbanger wear, the “Juicy” sweatpants that former strippers wear when their cellulite thighs need covering, and the thin white hotpants while wearing neon underwear – GROSS.

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        SpaceySteph June 14, 2011, 2:35 pm

        Yes, bowling shirts are coming back. I think Charlie Sheen is responsible. I hope this trend dies quickly.

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        AKchic June 14, 2011, 3:17 pm

        I still have those damned shirts from the 90s in my closet. Some from my 2nd husband that I haven’t had a chance to toss yet (they make great “art” shirts for the kids in school), a few from my current guy, one of mine from jr high (my boobs are too big now, so my 11 year old wears it), and one that I have no clue where it came from. With 4 boys, 2 ex-husbands and a current SO, I tend to have waaaay too many clothes in the house and sometimes no clue how they get there. Some days, I think the clothes reproduce in the dark. It would explain some of the fashions.

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    SpaceySteph June 14, 2011, 2:33 pm

    8. You were a bad tipper.
    10. You made a sexist, racist or homophobic remark.

    These two are a major turn off for me because they remind me of my grandfather, with whom I do not get along. He is sexist, racist, homophobic, mean to waitstaff, and doesn’t tip well. They complain at every restaurant we ever go to. When they visit me, I dread going out to dinner with them because I feel so embarassed of their behavior, feel really badly for the waiter they will make miserable, and won’t ever want to show my face in that place again because of his behavior. Ugh.

    On my morning radio they do this thing called “Second Date Update.” A man or woman can call and discuss a first date they thought went well but the person never called them back, then they call the person on the air, find our their side of the story, and offer to pay for limo/dinner for the second date if there is one. Today was the worst southern stereotype man who wanted to find out why the woman he went out with never returned his calls after the first date. Her side was…
    1. He asked her to drive cuz his car was in the shop but when she arrived to pick him up he made her sit in the passenger seat because “the man should drive.” [Side note: the date would have been over for me at that point, when I refused to get out and sped away without him.
    2. He told her to button up more because she was being too revealing.
    3. She ordered a salad for dinner. He countermanded her order, and told her to eat ribs because he likes his women healthy.
    4. He was too drunk to drive home but made them get a cab because women shouldn’t drive a man around. Then sent the first taxi away because the driver was a woman.

    …this is all I can remember but I think there were more. Do any of those things to me and I’ll be gone before you finish the sentence.

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      silver_dragon_girl June 14, 2011, 2:49 pm

      Holy s****! I hoe the radio people ripped that guy a new one. That is CRAZY.

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        SpaceySteph June 14, 2011, 2:56 pm

        They did. They had a field day with the guy. After the girl he went on the date with hung up, he turned on the female host and at one point said “Didn’t your daddy raise you right? I bet nobody even wants to date a bad girl like you.” She flipped a shit. I hope it was staged, because it pains me to think that people think that way and don’t realize they are pigs… but I fear it probably wasn’t.

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        AKchic June 14, 2011, 3:20 pm

        Unfortunately – there are guys like that. I was married to one. And trust me when I say that he was probably using his “Public Manners” and thought he was being a charming gentleman.

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        Rachelgrace53 June 14, 2011, 11:14 pm

        *gag* I think I just threw up a little…

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        SpyGlassez June 14, 2011, 11:18 pm

        Now, my BF will offer to drive whenever we go anywhere, but he doesn’t assume that he should because I “can’t.” I like it when he offers, and I know he likes to drive; but the above is just insane.

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      Brooklyn June 14, 2011, 10:33 pm

      HAHAHAH! Wow! Where do you live!? That sounds backwoods all the way! I wonder if this guy wore a flannel shirt on the date and drives a truck with a gunrack in the back window.

      I wish my city had this station. That sounds amazingly entertaining.

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        Brooklyn June 14, 2011, 10:37 pm

        Note, upon re-reading my comment, it sounds condescending toward StaceySteph, which was not intentional. I grew up in a literal cowboy town where people rode horses on mainstreet and such attitudes are common. I refused to date anyone in high school for this very reason.

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        SpaceySteph June 15, 2011, 11:57 am

        Nah I didn’t think it was condescending.
        I live in Houston, TX. The city itself is like any big suburb, but the surrounding cities ara sometimes a little redneck/cowtown. Its a big place where businessmen, rocket scientists, and oil tycoons and farmers could listen to the same radio station. Also, in the interest of full disclosure, it was a country station.

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        Brooklyn June 15, 2011, 7:23 pm

        Ahhh funny! I live in Texas as well so I think we are on the same page. I grew up in a town where we were excited to get our second fast food restaurant about 10yrs ago. It was a Sonic (the first was a Dairy Queen). 🙂

        It is ever more hilarious that it was a country station!!

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    LTC039 June 14, 2011, 2:19 pm

    21) Because you took her on a date & then instead of driving her home you parked in a parking lot, pretended you wanted to have a conversation & then proceeded to *literally* jump on top of her everytime she answered a question. After multiple times of attempting to tear you away, then asking you to please take her home, you proceeded to whine like a little girl because you did not want to take her home just yet. Then you called her EVER DAY for a good two weeks after that, whined when she politely told you she had other plans, & then FINALLY got the hint.

    22) Just because you bought movie tickets (without her asking or knowing so) doesn’t mean she wanted to hook up with you (WHILE ALL HER FRIENDS WHERE SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU & HER). She gave you her number out of politeness but never planned on EVER seeing you again. P.S. you didn’t notice she was sitting with her arms crossed at the edge of her chair, sitting the furthest she possibly could away from you.

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      AKchic June 14, 2011, 3:22 pm

      Your 21 – Such a juvenile move! You want to ask them if they are still 16 or in a 60s tv show. I haven’t done anything in a parking lot since I was 15. Makes you want to tell them that you’d like an adult for your next date.

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        LTC039 June 15, 2011, 1:42 pm

        Yeah. Most awkward date I’ve ever had, hands down… Totally grossed me out.

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    kali June 14, 2011, 3:20 pm

    Met online and arranged to meet for coffee (same guy as above with six kids):

    21. You said you were six feet tall – I didn’t realize you meant in your own fantasies!
    22. Your picture might have been you but it was taken in the last century.
    23. You said you work out every day and if that’s the case, you need to step up from the 12 ounce weights to something more substantial – or try some cardio.
    24. And seriously, SIX kids? Shared custody?

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      XanderTaylor June 14, 2011, 5:31 pm

      Lol – I met a guy with 6 kids, shared custody, & worked nights & weekends (I work 8 to 4:30 Mon – Fri) – oh, and had the opportunity for overtime pretty much every week. Huh? He had his kids every week day until 9 PM & every other weekend. I wished him good luck.

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    Laurel June 14, 2011, 3:26 pm

    She’s already in a relationship and was just out having fun.

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      SpaceySteph June 16, 2011, 2:54 pm

      Been there! I have never been picked up in a bar (see the bitch face referenced above). But one time I was out with some girlfriends for a bachelorette party, and we were dancing in a big group. A guy came up and danced with me and I let him. We were getting ready to move to another club and he handed me his cell phone. I stared at it a second (its kinda flattering, I guess), then my drunker friend snatched it away, typed something random into it, handed it back to him, and we ran out.

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    AKchic June 14, 2011, 3:34 pm

    I just remembered one that happened to me!

    “I don’t date moms. I hate kids and I can’t stand high maintenance brats and their helecopter mommies. Plus, I don’t like dealing with the dudes. Part time dads cramp my style”. Seriously? Just chatting me up in the bar like that, I had a guy friend and my girlfriend sitting with me and the both of them nearly choked on their drinks laughing. The dumbass couldn’t figure out what they were laughing about, so he tells my guy friend C – “you know what I mean, right man?”. So, I reached into my wallet and pulled out a picture of my (then) 3 kids and said “those are my boys”. He had the nerve to look me up and down and say “yeah right, your godkids maybe. With that body, you can’t have kids of your own”. He had the stupidity to ask a few other people in the bar if I had kids. All of them thought he was nuts (especially since some of these people had known me since elementary school). I didn’t see him again that night. F-ing idiot.

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    melikeycheesecake June 14, 2011, 4:21 pm

    21. You were high, talked about your ex constantly, made fun of me for believing in God, flirted with other girls in front of me, and told me I looked “do able”

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      thyme June 14, 2011, 6:21 pm

      EWWWWW

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    lk June 14, 2011, 5:41 pm

    Oh, & the worst one actually…

    “Because you act like I’ve already agreed to have sex with you & we just have schedule a time for it that works for both of us.”

    What is that? What is giving these men such a sense of entitlement?? Sometimes, when I just smile at a guy, he acts like I just opened my purse, flashed a condom & winked.

    It seems related to Wendy’s issue with the AskMen.com position about “using” men for a free drink… No one owes you anything.

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      AKchic June 14, 2011, 6:42 pm

      It’s that “confidence” that attracts us women, y’know! *snort* Wait, wait, let me go drink some more mind-altering koolaid so it will work this time!

      (glug glug glug)

      Okay, try it again! Nope, still can’t take him seriously enough to consider him a potential sex partner!

      Yes, lk, we hear you. That “machismo” and “confidence” BS. They act like they are God’s gift to women because they think that confidence attracts. Unfortunately, they jumped in a tub of douche, not confidence. Tre unattractive.

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    Christy June 14, 2011, 8:05 pm

    18. She only gave you her number to be polite.

    Totally me! I was raised in the South and still find it hard to just tell a guy I’m not interested. Especially when they’re nice.

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    Rachelgrace53 June 14, 2011, 9:03 pm

    #WhateverOneWeAreOn: You told me you thought you were in love with me, even though we just met 2 weeks earlier and you had a girlfriend of 2 years.

    #differentguy: You hit on me in a very small bar then stupidly used the EXACT same lines on my roommate, who I had just been dancing with right next to you.

    #onemoreguy: you weren’t nearly as sexy as I remembered from the last time I had seen you, a year before our date… And I didn’t know until the date that you were 38 while I was only 20. (long story)

    Oh and #6 (insulted line of work) totally happened to me and I was super pissed… He thought because he was a (failing) physicist, that photography was basically a joke even though I have a Bachelor’s degree in it. Not cool.

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      Quakergirl June 14, 2011, 9:34 pm

      #6 is a fairly common one for me/friends, because a lot of us are chefs or pastry chefs. Once a friend told a guy she was a pastry chef and he said “So you’re like a massive anal retentive bitch, huh?” The fact that she didn’t throw her drink in his face still impresses me. Same friend once told a guy what she did and he replied “Oh, I don’t eat carbs. Carbs make you fat.” She just said “Okay, then we’re done here” and walked away.

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        Rachelgrace53 June 14, 2011, 11:10 pm

        WHOA. That mess is crazy! I don’t have anything but mad respect/jealousy of chefs, especially of the pastry kind. People can seriously be douches. What part of being a pastry chef means you’re an anal bitch???

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        AKchic June 15, 2011, 1:36 pm

        Wow… just wow. Up here, chefs can make a ton of money – especially if they are working up on the slope for one of the oil companies or their contractors. A crew HAS to eat, and dammit, they eat WELL. I know, I was the assistant HR manager for one of the catering companies up there. We did “auditions” for our chefs/cooks, and it’s a wonder I didn’t gain weight during some of the auditions.

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    MsBorgia June 14, 2011, 9:07 pm

    21) You told her her major was “the easiest thing ever.” And you dropped out of college.

    My personal favorite.

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      Lydia June 15, 2011, 1:57 am

      I have actually had boyfriends who did that. Most annoying thing ever.

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    Quakergirl June 14, 2011, 9:29 pm

    21) You were a 32-year-old bike messenger.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m completely understanding of people who are still getting it together, but this dude was for real a 32-year-old bike messenger. Not a 32-year-old aspiring artist who is a bike messenger to pay the bills, or a 32-year-old who is in between teaching jobs, or a 32-year-old who is working on getting his small business properly capitalized to open in a few months and doesn’t want to be without income in the meantime. This is a dude who thought it was to his benefit to tell my friend that he is a career bike messenger after explaining that he might call her early the next morning because of “work obligations” later in the day. Sorry, but the helmet hair is just going to be too big of an obstacle…

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    Brooklyn June 14, 2011, 10:42 pm

    You picked a fight for no reason whatsoever.

    You “burnt rubber” when you left the bar.

    You cried for no apparent reason, in public, during our first meeting.

    You asked what teams I liked and talked about how much they sucked. You asked what music I liked and talked about how much it sucked. You asked where I lived and told me…. (you get the idea).

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    caffeinatrix June 14, 2011, 11:13 pm

    I didn’t call a guy back once after we went out on a date because I found out he was vegan. That’s nice, but I eat meat. It just wouldn’t work.

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    Nadine June 15, 2011, 6:48 am

    I dont get the meat one. I am vegetarian, and my boyfriend isn’t. Quite a few of my couple friends have one vegetarian and one not. We don’t get all “ew, meat” and they don’t get all “oh, evolution caveman meat meat meat”. Do you have to be exactly like your partner? I love food and cooking and my boyfriend just roasts a chicken or whatever if he feels like it.

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      AKchic June 15, 2011, 1:40 pm

      It happens. Many couples don’t eat the same things. In my house, I’m a part time carnivore. My SO is a total meat and potatoes daily kind of guy. It’s rare that I eat beef at all. Chicken 1-2 times a week. Most of the time, I prefer wild game and fish if I eat meat. Otherwise, pastas, salads, etc.

      He cannot stand the smell of tomato soup. Seriously, if I make it, he gags and whines like a little girl. I can’t stand refried beans, corn beef hash, and anything Taco Bell. All things he loves.

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      kali June 15, 2011, 1:48 pm

      I worked with a vegan and she was constantly trying to convert everyone else in the place. Too bad it was a construction-related industry and few people had even heard of veganism and no one besides me knew what she was talking about. Until she got into specifics.

      I can imagine dating someone who wanted to change your ways would be annoying – whatever the change was.

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    Pinky June 15, 2011, 4:42 pm

    I went on a date with a guy who insisted that the Ides of March was March 13th. I explained that other months have the thirteenth as their ides, but, specifically, the Ides of March is March 15th because it is a Roman holiday for the Roman god of War, Mars. He barked at me and told me I was wrong because I was only a community college teacher. He left increasingly angry multiple messages on my machine after that date.

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    • meadowphoenix

      AB June 15, 2011, 5:41 pm

      In July, October, March, and May, the Ides is on the 15th day. You just brought back many Latin class memories. I think I would have laughed in his face since I thought that was the one Ides people knew about.

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        SpaceySteph June 16, 2011, 2:47 pm

        Yeah, ahem, Julius Caesar?… March 15th is the most famous Ides ever!

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    NYC Girl May 24, 2012, 9:10 pm

    >>16. You live in Jersey/too far away.<<

    As a NYC chick, thank you so much for this! SI and Jersey guys, get a clue: not in the boros, not gettin a call back. That simple.

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    Bobby May 30, 2013, 7:43 pm

    Love the note about white pants. Just goes to show how ego centric we all are. She didn’t call back because it has nothing to do with you. She didn’t call back because she has her reasons. Move on.

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