Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

20 Signs You Need to MOA!

While I’m spending some time with baby Jackson, I’ll be posting an occasional re-run column. This one originally ran on February 24th.

One of the more frustrating parts of being an advice columnist is the amount of letters I get from people asking how they can resuscitate a relationship when it’s clear what they really need to do is MOA! So, I thought in the interest of saving everyone time, I’d create a little checklist that people could use to determine whether it’s indeed time to MOA! After the jump, 20 signs your relationship is o-ver and you need to move (the fuck) on already.

1. You live on opposite sides of the country — or world! — and neither of you is willing to move.

2. You broke up three years ago, but you still blog about him every week.

3. You’ve gone out with him four times and he hasn’t so much as held your hand.

4. When you ask why he hasn’t changed his Facebook status to “In a Relationship,” he says he doesn’t want to upset his ex.

5. He’s obsessed with Justin Bieber.

6. He dumped you three months ago, but his Twitter is your homepage.

7. You want to get married, but he’s repeatedly told you he has no desire to wed you.

8. This is the fourth time you guys have broken up.

9. Every time you argue, he says, “You’re just like my ex!”

10. He’s hoping to be cast as next season’s “Bachelor.”

11. Every time you argue he says, “You’re just like my mom!”

12. You’ve been together more than three months but he still has an active online dating profile.

13. When you text him how much you love him, he texts back, “Who’s this?”

14. “Getting closure” sounds like a great idea for Date Night.

15. He tells you to lose weight even though you’re the same size you were when you met.

16. He owes you a large sum of money he keeps “forgetting” to pay you back.

17. Even your therapist wishes you’d stop talking about him.

18. He doesn’t own a phone, he refuses to introduce you to any of his friends or family, and he tells you you can’t come to his house because his guard dog might attack you.

19. He never brushes his teef.

20. He married someone else.

53 comments… add one
  • avatar

    sarolabelle February 24, 2011, 1:39 pm

    number 19….a little typo. 🙂 I hope I’m being nice about it! Also I remember #18’s letter…I’m wondering whatever happened to that girl.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy February 24, 2011, 1:43 pm

      Thanks, but that’s intentional!

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      • avatar

        sarolabelle February 24, 2011, 2:01 pm

        oh ok. Sorry!

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    • avatar

      Maracuya February 24, 2011, 1:48 pm

      No, I think that just sounds cute. 🙂 Didn’t seem like a typo to me, though I could be wrong.

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    • avatar

      _jsw_ February 24, 2011, 1:50 pm

      I’d also say that if he typically refers to them as his “teef”, it’s also time to MOA. Or at least wait until he hits puberty.

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      • avatar

        Woman of Words February 24, 2011, 10:41 pm

        … or gets some new false teeth!

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      • avatar

        Jay December 9, 2011, 4:43 pm

        Lol, wait for what?

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    • avatar

      Steeze February 24, 2011, 2:49 pm

      dude, dont you know when people are joking?! that was obvious…

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      • avatar

        sarolabelle February 24, 2011, 3:13 pm

        I’ve honestly never heard of “teef”

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      • avatar

        _jsw_ February 24, 2011, 3:23 pm

        They’re what you chew wif.

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      • avatar

        Caris February 24, 2011, 8:33 pm

        Man you are hilarious! Your comments always make me laugh 🙂

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  • LK7889

    LK7889 February 24, 2011, 1:53 pm

    You know, so many of these items are common sense. I wonder why people always think that they are the “exception” to these items when they would tell their girlfriends to MOA in the same situations. It baffles me.

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    • avatar

      thyme February 25, 2011, 5:57 pm

      It doesn’t baffle me. Love is a very effective rationalizing device.

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  • avatar

    MAC2011 February 24, 2011, 1:58 pm

    Well said Wendy!!!

    I wonder what ever happened with the girl from #18 as well

    21. He doesn’t want kids and you do!

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  • avatar

    Pam February 24, 2011, 2:01 pm

    22. He uses his kids as a reason NOT to have a committed relationship or get married.

    23. You’ve been dating more than 6 months and he hasn’t introduced you to his kids OR he is unwilling to meet yours (same goes for parents or friends).

    24. He only wants to hang out at his house or yours, you never go OUT.

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    • bittergaymark

      bitter gay mark February 24, 2011, 2:52 pm

      Actually, having read many letters on here and other sites from many a stereotypical would be stepmommy dearest…I dunno know if that’s always the guy just being a jerk… Sometimes, he really IS just looking for his kids. Look, if a guy tells his significant other that, then it is definitely time the partner in question do a little introspection to see why the guy feels that way.

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  • avatar

    rainbow February 24, 2011, 2:11 pm

    25 he’s been depressed since you guys first met and is not doing enough to change it

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  • avatar

    WatersEdge February 24, 2011, 2:17 pm

    Wendy, are these all really from letters? Jeez…

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    • avatar

      Maracuya February 24, 2011, 2:19 pm

      Yeah, that’s what I thought. #18, really? That was a letter? How did I miss that one…

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      • avatar

        sarolabelle February 24, 2011, 3:17 pm

        it was actually one of the first letters on this new site:

        http://dearwendy.com/?p=355

        I hope the LW’s “boyfriend” is at least okay.

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      • avatar

        Maracuya February 24, 2011, 3:54 pm

        Wow, that sounds so fake. Probably too fake to be made up, that’s the sad part.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy February 24, 2011, 2:21 pm

      Not all, but a lot.

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    • avatar

      ArtsyGirl February 24, 2011, 2:40 pm

      I keep waiting for an update from 18! It was such a weird situation and amazing that the LW couldn’t see the blaring flags – she was just worried because he hadn’t talk to her in an extended time period!

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  • avatar

    cdjd2614 February 24, 2011, 2:22 pm

    26. He can never be sobor when your together cause it’s easier to be around you that way

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  • avatar

    Jessica February 24, 2011, 2:25 pm

    hahahaha.. wow. these are hilarious.
    I’m loving this site so much!

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  • avatar

    AnitaBath February 24, 2011, 2:42 pm

    21. He refuses to be seen with you during the day and, as far as you know, isn’t allergic to daylight.

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    • Firegirl32

      Firegirl32 February 24, 2011, 2:59 pm

      Or is a vampire? Wait…if he’s a vampire you should MOA too. 😉

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      • avatar

        Red_Lady February 24, 2011, 7:10 pm

        But if he’s a vampire he can make you one and you can be together forever. That’s supposed to be totally romantic and every teenage girl’s dream, right? *sarcasm*

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      • Firegirl32

        Firegirl32 February 25, 2011, 3:24 pm

        Oh too funny! …but I shouldn’t make fun…I totally wanted Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That would have been my (late – read early 20’s) teenage dream!

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  • bittergaymark

    bitter gay mark February 24, 2011, 2:48 pm

    Hah. Sounds about right to me, Wendy. PS — I love how #18 was ripped straight from one of your recent letters…. Actually, I suppose many of these were ripped straight from previous letters, but that one was so specific and memorable…that reading it again just cracked me up.

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    • bittergaymark

      bitter gay mark February 24, 2011, 2:54 pm

      Mainly because, frankly, it truly IS the most ridiculous on that entire list and to a casual reader would probably seem the most ridiculously far-fetched and made up.

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    • avatar

      ladiejoy February 24, 2011, 2:58 pm

      HAHA that was seriously one of the funniest DW letters I’ve read…

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  • avatar

    ReginaRey February 24, 2011, 2:49 pm

    21. He has a long history of cheating on you!

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  • avatar

    2_J February 24, 2011, 2:53 pm

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  • avatar

    Lamia_Aster February 24, 2011, 3:57 pm

    21. You want to leave, but every time you try (s)he threatens suicide.

    22. (S)He’s mean to your pets.

    23. Everything you say and do is apparently “stupid” (unless it really is)

    24. S(H)e refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem in the relationship that needs addressing when you bring it up.

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  • avatar

    elisabeth February 24, 2011, 4:03 pm

    This is such a good mix of solid advice and tongue-in-cheek (I’d hope and assume!) pointers. You made me laugh AND nod solemnly with understanding. Awesome.

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  • avatar

    Calliopedork February 24, 2011, 5:20 pm

    21. He keeps trying to fatten you up so you wont leave him
    22. His mother told you to break up with him
    23. He refuses to shower for sexy times( unless you’re into that)

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    • avatar

      thyme February 25, 2011, 6:01 pm

      did these happen to you?? Did someone really try to fatten you up?

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  • avatar

    plasticepoxy February 25, 2011, 10:47 am

    I know I’ve ignored a couple of these things (7, 8, 15, 16, 19, okay, more than a couple!) in a past relationship, because I thought, “nah, couldn’t really be like that”, “he didn’t mean you should lose weight, he just meant you should be healthy” or whatever excuse I had to tell myself. I wanted to think of myself as a smart, desirable girl that wouldn’t pick a guy that would treat her poorly.

    It was so refreshing to have the strength to stand up to myself and prove I deserved more from a relationship!

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  • avatar

    Laura March 8, 2011, 9:26 am

    What does MOA mean…I have looked at all sorts of text abbreviations and it is just not there, so what does it mean? I know the gist is leave, break up, etc., but just curious.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy March 8, 2011, 9:32 am

      Move On Already.

      P.S. Always check my FAQ page if you have a question you can’t find an answer to.;)

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  • avatar

    Britannia December 9, 2011, 12:03 pm

    15 and 19 are both signs I ignored in the past… both of them were major jerks! Never again will I let a guy treat me with anything less than the utmost respect, and I will expect him to respect himself just as much.

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  • rainbow

    rainbow December 9, 2011, 1:03 pm

    Speaking of tragic letters: I’m trying to find the one where the LW’s boyfriend was living with his sister and her bf and kids in a meth lab (or so we figured). Anybody got a link?

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    • avatar

      amber December 9, 2011, 1:27 pm

      is it this one?

      #18 on this list?

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      • rainbow

        rainbow December 9, 2011, 1:46 pm

        That one! Thank you XD

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      • JK

        JK December 9, 2011, 2:23 pm

        Holy crap, how did I never read that???

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  • avatar

    bethany December 9, 2011, 2:09 pm

    Hey #18- If you’re still out there, we’d all LOVE to hear an update on how that one turned out!!!!

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    • avatar

      silver_dragon_girl December 9, 2011, 2:14 pm

      Yes- I just re-read that and OMG.

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    • avatar

      cookiesandcream December 9, 2011, 3:03 pm

      If you scroll down to the bottom, the LW writes a bit more information under the name “Hanna.”

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      • JK

        JK December 9, 2011, 3:15 pm

        I can´t seem to find the coment from Hanna that apparently explains her BF was a getaway driver of some sort, I see comments referring to it, but not the comment itself

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      • avatar

        bethany December 9, 2011, 4:30 pm

        She wrote 2 comments on that update- They’re below. I would really love to know what’s been going on with her almost a year later though!!

        1– I actually am planning on ending our relationship very soon, and have been feeling this way since last month when he disappeared and left me mad and unsure about everything. After reading all of these comments (some multiple times), and the ones on the first letter, I feel even more encouraged to do exactly that. I know I could do better, so it’s not a self esteem issue, or even that I am involved myself or condone anything that’s going on – I just care and love him so much that it’s been hard to imagine leaving him at his lowest point when I feel like he needs me the most. But like many comments have said, I need to love myself, and do what’s best for me.
        Hopefully when y’all next hear from me I’ll be in a new healthy relationship where I don’t have to worry about his or my own safety. Thanks y’all for your encouragement (or lack thereof in some cases).

        2–For more clarification. He’s definitely NOT a gang member, nor does he do drugs, or deals them. I would never date a gang member, and feel very strongly against drugs as well, which he knows and he agrees with, especially after the recent events. A few friends of his were bad apples (and he’s staying away from them now, hasn’t seen them since). His sister’s boyfriend so happened to be an extremely “bad apple” and is the reason that they’re both going down now – he’s even signed something to say he takes full responsibility.
        (Yes, I know I said one comment, but saying he’s a gang member, and other things I’m reading is a pretty big accusation, one that I don’t want y’all to think at all. Say and have any other ideas about him that you will, just please don’t think that he does anything along those lines).

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  • sobriquet

    sobriquet December 9, 2011, 3:50 pm

    Amen to #12… I found that one out the hard way. And #18 will never get old!

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