Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

20 Things It’s Okay to Say to Your BFF

Last week, I gave you 20 things it’s okay to say to your significant other, but what about the other significant other in your life: your best friend? Sometimes, it’s hard to know what’s off-limits and what’s appropriate to say, and while protecting her feelings is admirable, the truth, when given with the best intentions, is often the best way to preserve a friendship and protect someone from getting hurt in the long run. After the jump, 20 things it’s okay to say to your BFF.

 

1. No, that’s okay, I really don’t want to go on a blind date with your co-worker.

2. Bangs aren’t a good look for you.

3. I’m so sorry, but I can’t afford to be in your wedding.

4. You’ve had too much to drink to drive home.

5. You’ve had too much to drink to go home with him.

6. I don’t want strippers at my bachelorette party.

7. Your boyfriend hit on me last night.

8. Here’s a breath mint, my friend.

9. Are you depressed?

10. Your online dating profile pic isn’t doing you any favors.

11. It’s probably time to stop blogging about your ex-fiancĂŠ now.

12. Please don’t make me wear an ugly, unflattering bridesmaid dress, I beg of you.

13. It’s been a year and I need you to pay me back the $300 you owe me.

14. I’ve heard something about your boyfriend I think you need to know.

15. I think a bigger size might be a bit more flattering.

16. Yoga really helped me with stress management.

17. I’m worried about your drinking.

18. I’m sorry, I can’t babysit Friday night … or any Friday night.

19. Are you sure you can afford it?

20. He didn’t deserve you.

29 comments… add one
  • avatar

    SpaceySteph March 22, 2011, 12:17 pm

    Ugh #13 I have never been able to say. My best friend is a dirt poor graduate student and I went the other route and got a good job after college. Last August we went to a friend’s wedding and I paid for the hotel room we shared because she couldn’t afford it. She defintiely owes me about $150 from that, which she aid she would pay back… but I can’t ask her for it. Its not hurting me not to have it, it would hurt her alot more to give it to me. Maybe one day when shes a PhD star engineer making 5 times what I make, I’ll be able to ask her for it.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy March 22, 2011, 12:31 pm

      If you can’t say #13, you definitely need to start saying #19 more!

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      • avatar

        SpaceySteph March 22, 2011, 2:41 pm

        That is very true. Why do you always have such great answers?

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    ReginaRey March 22, 2011, 12:29 pm

    To go along with number 11…

    “Nope, definitely NOT a good idea to Facebook message your ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend, ‘for her sake’.”

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      Kerrycontrary March 22, 2011, 2:26 pm

      thank you! My boyfriend’s ex-hookup messaged me about something I didn’t even care about. She was just mad because he only wanted to sleep with her (never gave her the impression of wanting to date) and he stopped doing that to actually date me.

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    • avatar

      delilahgem March 22, 2011, 9:08 pm

      Also, not a good idea to message your boyfriend’s ex, for all your sakes

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    RoyalEagle0408 March 22, 2011, 12:37 pm

    One of my best friends from college is getting married in June and unfortunately has too many sisters for me to be in the wedding. However, this saved me from having to say number 12, since her favorite color is bright pink.

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      baby.blanka March 22, 2011, 2:14 pm

      The bride in our family doesn’t like me very much… which saved me from saying it – no dark and light lavender dress for me 🙂

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        Southern Girl March 23, 2011, 4:15 pm

        Same here. My brother is marrying a girl I can’t stand. He knows I don’t like her and she doesn’t like me, but we’re both civil to each other because we love him. I am so thankful she didn’t choose me as a bridesmaid. There aren’t words for how thankful I am. Especially since she chose a hideous black/red/blue/green/yellow print dress.

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    ladiejoy March 22, 2011, 12:51 pm

    Ugh, I’m debating #3 now. Sadface.

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      Lylacrabbit March 22, 2011, 1:18 pm

      #3 is the absolute worst, I feel your pain.

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    • avatar

      fallonthecity March 22, 2011, 2:18 pm

      I recently had to say #3 🙁 It sucks a lot, but sometimes you just have to.

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  • avatar

    Jessica March 22, 2011, 1:40 pm

    I love these lists. I think they really can give people that “push” to say something they’ve been needing to, or to know it’s okay to say certain things etc.

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  • mandalee

    amandalee March 22, 2011, 4:27 pm

    ahh #7- While I agree with most BFF’s, you SHOULD be able to tell them if their boyfriend hit on you, but that’s not always the case with some girls. My best friend and I had this dilemma a few years back when one of our other best friend’s boyfriend hit on her, and we ultimately decided not to tell her. I love her to death and I think she had a right to know, but she she’s like a lost puppy dog with her now-fiance, and there’s no way she would have believed us- it would have been end of friendship.

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    • meadowphoenix

      AB March 22, 2011, 10:14 pm

      I agree that some people wouldn’t take #7 very well. I’ve always tried the slightly less confrontational, “I was very uncomfortable with your boyfriend last night. I’ve tried talking to him, but I would appreciate if you could tell him not to do X.” Although some boyfriends deserve it, it pushes the blame slightly off of him and makes it seem like you’re making a reasonable request.

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  • avatar

    Laurel March 22, 2011, 4:44 pm

    Any help with #17? My friend and I have both been unable to find permanent work after graduating last summer. I had a temp job for a few months and am tenuously gearing up for a second degree starting this summer (going back to school for nursing). My friend has been doing some remodeling on her house because she and her husband are planning on selling it. So, we both have kept fairly occupied but we’ve both been drinking a lot (more than usual, at least for me) and I’m worried about her.

    I had tried to cut back on my drinking and was struggling, so I gave it up for Lent. (It’s a lot easier for me to just say, “no drinking, no way, you promised” than to force myself to drink in moderation.) I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship with alcohol and I’m glad I’ve taken a step back from it. I’m worried about my friend though. She’s drinking every night, and there have been a few times in the past couple months when she’s gotten too drunk to go out with the rest of us. I don’t want to offend her, and I really don’t want to come off as “holier than thou”.

    Any advice would be really helpful.

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    • avatar

      AKchic March 22, 2011, 5:00 pm

      Well, you did say that she AND her husband were remodeling. Has he noticed it too? Can you talk to him? Has he mentioned it to her? These are important.

      I work in the substance abuse field, with a family history of substance abuse problems, and friends with substance abuse problems. There really is no easy way to bring it up.

      If you are able to talk with her husband, the both of you need to sit down with her and be honest (yet compassionate), that you are worried about her drinking lately. That drinking can cause a lot of damage to a person’s body and brain chemistry (if needed, tell her that it ages people prematurely – vanity works for women). You can contact your local Al-Anon chapter for meeting times and places should she be interested in that kind of venue, or look it up online or talk with her general practitioner for a referal to a substance abuse treatment facility for an assessment for treatment.

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      • avatar

        Laurel March 22, 2011, 5:12 pm

        Thanks for your reply. Yeah, I’m sure he’s noticed, though he’d have a better idea than I would if/how much it’s escalated for her. They both “joke” that she’s an alcoholic. It’s a good idea to talk to him about it, I should try that.

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    Jenny March 22, 2011, 5:14 pm

    #11…love it, Wendy 🙂

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    • avatar

      _jsw_ March 22, 2011, 7:29 pm

      I’d like it except I have no idea to whom she could possibly be referring. I mean, I don’t know if I can think of any bloggers with ex-fiances. I mean, I guess there’s one, but she’s also… wait a second, does BFF stand for “Bitch From (the) Fr…” … no. Can’t be.

      I guess it was just from one of her letters, then.

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      • avatar

        plasticepoxy March 23, 2011, 10:46 am

        Maybe you’re using “bitch” in a friendly sense here, but it didn’t appear that way to me. I’m not opposing your opinion about a particular person, but I feel like it’s best not to put someone down without stating why or doing so in a way they can respond to. This just seemed like a snarky thing to say.

        If I misinterpreted your statement, I’d like to apologize for being a scold.

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        TheOtherMe March 23, 2011, 11:10 am

        I think I am also misinterpreting it because to me, it did sound like a nasty comment & Joe is generally not a nasty person. I guess maybe I’m just out of the loop – again.

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        _jsw_ March 23, 2011, 12:19 pm

        @plasticepoxy: No, I was just playing around with the initials, since it was a “BFF” list. It wasn’t intended to be a serious comment and would have been better off left unsaid. Should the subject ever come up legitimately and openly, though, I’ll make genuine comments then without attempts at humor.

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        RoyalEagle0408 March 23, 2011, 12:31 pm

        I figured that’s how you meant it, JSW, but I appreciated the use of snark, especially in this case. 😉

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    cdjd2614 March 22, 2011, 5:30 pm

    How would you advise telling a friend that the excessive amounts of body spray they use belongs on the back of the crapper for when your taking care of business and not for use as a perfume? All of her friends and even her boyfriend tells her that not only does she use way too much (you choke on it the minute when she walks in the room) but that it makes her smell like a dirty whore.

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    • avatar

      RoyalEagle0408 March 22, 2011, 5:32 pm

      Just ask if you can borrow it next time you eat beans and garlic.

      Also, I think that may be the issue with the cleaning crew at work.

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    • avatar

      _jsw_ March 22, 2011, 7:30 pm

      Would smelling like a clean whore be better?

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      • avatar

        cdjd2614 March 23, 2011, 12:26 pm

        It would definately be a step in the right direction. Anything would be better then what she is currently doing.

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      Emjay March 23, 2011, 4:07 pm

      Juat do what FH does to me. Or tell her Boyfriend to do it

      “I’m allergic to your perfume” and start choking as soon as she walks in! lol.

      When I burn a scented candle or buy a perfume he doesn’t like, its automatically “I’m allergic to it”. after almost four yrs I know he is full of BS, but it gets his point across, and i stop wearing, burning said above! (its his nice way of saying he doesn’t like it)

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