While I’m spending some time with baby Jackson, I’ll be posting an occasional re-run column. This one originally ran on April 13, 2011.
The Huffington Post published a particularly whiny article called “The Top 10 Myths About Single People,” written by a woman who blogs about the single life. Well, she’s got a word or two — or 1,000 — for those of us who basically dare to act happy if we happen to not be single, because obviously all we’re really trying to do is rub our single friends’ noses in it. How dare we! Well, we coupled people have a few myths about us we aren’t all that pleased about and it’s time we shed some light on them and set the record straight once and for all. So, after the jump, twenty-one myths about couples that simply are not true.
1. We feel sorry for people who eat alone in restaurants.
2. We all shop at Pottery Barn.
3. We are obsessed with setting up all our single friends with each other.
4. We love sticking our hands in the back pockets of our partners when we’re walking down the street.
5. We all secretly wish we could sleep with someone else.
6. We all want to have babies. Lots and lots of babies!
7. We love planning our weddings. We love everything wedding-related because it reminds us how lucky we are to be a COUPLE!
8. We love listening to Sade and drinking wine by a fire.
9. We think little B&Bs upstate make the best weekend getaways!
10. Everything we do together in public is to annoy everyone who’s single! Annoying single people is one of our greatest thrills.
11. One of our other greatest thrills is taking photos of ourselves on vacation and posting them on Facebook. It’s even better than the actual vacations because it makes people jealous, and making people jealous IS FUN.
12. If we’re married, we never have sex.
13. If we’re living together in sin, we have sex all the time.
14. We think it’s really adorable when we share our food in public.
15. We hated being single.
16. In hetero relationships, the man always drinks too much beer and the woman always worries about her weight, and they always fight over money.
17. In gay relationships, there’s always a “man” and a “woman” and they always fight over who’s wearing whose shirt.
18. We like playing board games. With other couples!
19. We think going to the bars is something only single people should do.
20. We think we’re entitled to a “happily ever after” and you’re not.
21. The toilet seat is always an issue. Always.