Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

9 Ways to Get Him to Propose

Guest columnists and contributors are generously sharing their talents and insights while I’m taking some time to care for my new baby. Today’s post comes from freelance journalist Hannah Ehrig who is getting married on New Year’s Eve.

To every girl out there who has ever had a man who just wouldn’t pop the question: this is the article for you. If you want that ring, forget the classics like faking pregnancies and needing green cards, here is a list of nine sure-fire ways to convince a man to propose.

 

 

1. Bring it up … constantly. Leave out bridal magazines, circle pictures of rings you like and put them on the fridge and leave sticky notes in his briefcase with messages like, “Tonight’s the night!” If there is anything men respond to it is persistence.

2. If the constant reminders don’t get his attention, start sending yourself flowers, gifts and chocolates. Make sure you receive them at a time when he is home. He will become so jealous of your suitors he will have to pop the question.

3. If that doesn’t work, go “shopping” with a friend. When you get to your local jeweler, call your man and tell him you just spotted your engagement ring and he needs to pick it up tonight. Be direct; they like that.

4. He might try an excuse like, “I can’t afford it right now.” If it that’s the case, take whatever ring he is wearing, put it on your finger and tell him the deal is done.

5. Some men will think you are joking and grab the ring back. If this happens, go home and regroup. Think of everything you know about all his ex girlfriends. Every time you see him for the next two weeks, mention those girls and how awful they are compared to you and how you were the one to save him from his dark past. He will have no choice but to marry you.

6. He may decide that none of his exes were that bad, or you might be his first girlfriend. If that is the case, fall into a deep depression that can only be cured by shiny objects. The more bling the bigger the smile.

7. It’s rare, but some men still won’t get it. If that’s the case, it’s time to pull out the big guns. Take to big, romantic gestures. Especially in his work place. The more people watching, the better. If you know he has a meeting, surprise him by showing up after 20 minutes with roses, balloons and other tokens of your love. Let him know you care at every moment.

8. Remember, “no” does not mean “no.” It means try harder. If he is resistant to your charms, don’t give up. Show up more. Do more.

9. If, after this list, a proposal does not come your way, plan a surprise dinner with all his family and friends. Tell him it is a low-key dinner with just the two of you. Make sure you have an argument before hand so he does not suspect. As soon as everyone surprises him, scream, “Yes! OMG, a hundred times, yes!” at the top of your lungs. Tell his family the day before that he has already asked you and you’ve been waiting until the party to give your answer.

Finally: congratulations! You’re going to make a beautiful bride.

* Hannah Ehrig is a freelance journalist and aspiring author who got engaged over the summer. She is head-deep in planning her New Year’s Eve wedding.

33 comments… add one
  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark November 30, 2011, 12:52 pm

    Nice bit of satire on here that I must confess is totally DEAD ON to the desperation often exhibited by most. 😉

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      ReginaRey November 30, 2011, 1:11 pm

      Mark, I can only pray that 100% of readers understand this to be satire. I shudder to think about those desperate people who actually do these things…I’ve known quite a few of them.

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        Ani November 30, 2011, 2:22 pm

        All I kept thinking as I was reading this is “I seriously hope this is a joke”

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        Ani November 30, 2011, 2:22 pm

        *was

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        LTC039 November 30, 2011, 5:20 pm

        I kept thinking the same thing. I was hoping no woman on this Earth would think this is appropriate advice…

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    MissDre November 30, 2011, 1:01 pm

    Oh lord… I know this is supposed to be satire but… this is just frightening.

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    HBomb November 30, 2011, 1:09 pm

    This is hilarious! Love to see someone with a sense of humor!

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    Meaghan November 30, 2011, 1:19 pm

    I was at a store trying on wedding dresses and a woman started talking to me about my wedding. When I asked her when hers was she replied, “Oh, we aren’t really ‘official’ yet so he hasn’t asked. I know he’s my The One though so I figured I’d get a head start!” Yea…Take a Valium lady and go home you creeper.

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      MissDre November 30, 2011, 1:34 pm

      LoL… and I thought I was crazy for looking at pictures of wedding dresses online… I can’t believe someone would actually shop for a dress BEFORE getting engaged…

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        mcminnem November 30, 2011, 3:46 pm

        I can’t help but look at dresses and engagement rings, just because I like looking at pretty things. Never in a million years would I let my boyfriend catch me looking, though. Super creepy.

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        MissDre November 30, 2011, 3:54 pm

        Haha same here, but I already showed my mom the kind of dress of want 😛

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        GatorGirl November 30, 2011, 4:10 pm

        I don’t think it’s creepy once you’re far enough into the relationship. My BF and I have been together for 4 years and he knows I look at wedding stuff and we’ve browsed rings together. We’ve talked about styles, price ranges, time of the year the engagement will probably happen, ect, ect.

        Nut I would never ever in a million years go dress shopping before the ring. Never.

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        *HmC* November 30, 2011, 4:49 pm

        One day I nonchalantly complained to my roommate about how my ads on Facebook and other sites are frequently for engagement rings. The internet was reading my mind! Then my roommate pointed out that I had been perusing rings online, then the ads were targeting me specifically for that. *Gulp* Thank God my boyfriend wasn’t in the room at the time. I just hope he doesn’t start noticing the type of ads that pop up when he borrows my computer. 😛

        I was only looking because they’re so pretty!

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      • taurons

        atlimbo December 1, 2011, 9:34 am

        Same here. On all counts, lol.

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        SpaceySteph November 30, 2011, 5:24 pm

        Disney princess wedding dresses, by Alfred Angelo. I may or may not spend too much time staring at those.

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      Kerrycontrary November 30, 2011, 7:07 pm

      OMg…My one friend really wants to get married and she saw a dress she liked and she almost went and tried it on. I told her it was really bad luck though. The people I know that have done that usually get dumped by their boyfriend 1-2 months later. because they are crazy…..

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    AKchic November 30, 2011, 1:29 pm

    *snicker*

    *giggle*

    *covers mouth with hands and tries really hard not to but…* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Eu de Desperation is a stinky cologne. And I can see some Alaskans doing this.

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    Sara November 30, 2011, 1:30 pm

    I had to SERIOUSLY talk a friend out of purchasing a wedding gown before her bf popped the question. In her defense, it was her dream gown and it was a return…so it was significantly discounted. (We worked at a clothing store that has a very popular bridal line that is catalog/online only) Luckily, she passed. About a year later, still with no engagement, they broke up.

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    Hana November 30, 2011, 1:49 pm

    I wrote this and I have to say this is NOT how I got proposed to lol… and also, I wrote a separate column awhile back about how to tell if you’re being a bridezilla. I didn’t have a chance to comment then, but a few people were curious about if the list was made-up or real. I can say 100% honestly that everything on that list was REAL! Things I have witnessed dear friends and family do. Some of the sweetest people go crazy when planning a wedding!

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    Mainer November 30, 2011, 1:50 pm

    I think it is very important to point out, also, that you should wait until at LEAST date #5 before doing anything on this list. You don’t want to come across crazy or anything.

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    sarita_f November 30, 2011, 2:02 pm

    My father was a wedding photog back in the day, and he had to add into the contract/planning documents all sorts of information for booking purposes: date, venue, the family members names, groom’s info, DJ, caterer, etc – and oftentimes brides would come in to book with him and DIDN”T EVEN HAVE A FIANCE YET. Sometimes no one even on the horizon. Yet they’d booked everything and bought a dress.

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      mcj2011 November 30, 2011, 2:45 pm

      That’s just crazy!

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    *HmC* November 30, 2011, 2:41 pm

    I opened this up with a shudder, expecting serious “tips” that would make my blood boil with paternal condescension. I was pleasantly surprised at the sarcasm! 🙂 Although it does scare me to think that not everyone out there would take these as a joke…

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    Mel November 30, 2011, 2:59 pm

    This reminded me A LOT of Cosmo articles. Go figure.

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    Jessica November 30, 2011, 3:28 pm

    #9 would make for a great and terrible April Fool’s Day joke.

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    Tinywormhole November 30, 2011, 4:09 pm

    I may be the only one who feels this way, but I find this article to be a bit annoying, simply because it perpetuates the idea that women who are ready to get married before their guy will behave in a desperate and pathetic manner to get him to propose. That ridiculous stereotype is the only reason anyone thinks this is funny.

    Then again, maybe I would be laughing if only it didn’t hit me where it hurts!

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      *HmC* November 30, 2011, 4:45 pm

      Interesting. On the one hand, I think you’re right… if the stereotype didn’t exist, the humor in this article wouldn’t make sense. But on the other hand, my take on this article is that it’s sort of skewering that stereotype. That is, it’s poking fun at how some people stereotypically think women would behave, when that isn’t really reality. But, I don’t know.

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  • fast eddie

    fast eddie November 30, 2011, 5:55 pm

    Having lived together for 7 years on New Years Day I said “Ya wanna get married this year?”. She said “Sure, why not”. It was romantic as all get out.

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      Tinywormhole December 1, 2011, 1:07 pm

      I love it! Low key proposals are the best. (I hope my boyfriend is reading this!)

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    peter November 30, 2011, 8:27 pm

    either I stay with you for who you are, or……I leave blessed by a god I choose not to believe in, or a municipal employee that was elected to pick up garbage and keep the street lights burning!

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    RoyalEagle0408 December 1, 2011, 12:10 pm

    When I saw the headline, I rolled my eyes and grunted. When I read it, I laughed and thought, “It’s so sad that I know someone who would take this seriously”. I know, because she has done some of them.

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    SpyGlassez December 3, 2011, 4:26 am

    Awesome! Those were funny. I admit I clicked on thinking “Really? Do I need to read this?” My BF and I are “all but engaged” in the sense that we have already talked about our future, being engaged, kids, finances, etc, but we won’t ACTUALLY take that step and get married until he has a steady job, because he does not want to go into marriage in an unequal place. It’s likely given our fields that I will out-earn him in our relationship, but he does not want to be seen as “living off me” starting our life together as a married couple. Although…..maybe I’ll convince him that the last one would be funny to do at a New Year’s get together this year……….

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