Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: CSP (aka “Wishing for a Baby”) Shares Her Adoption Story

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from CSP, a longtime DW reader and commenter who has shared some of her infertility journey with us over the last few years, in a column, multiple updates, and in the forums and comments section. A few months ago, after years of trying to have a baby biologically, she and her husband adopted. Here’s the dramatic and heartwarming story:

In September 2015, a new coworker of mine asked me to go on a walk at lunch during which she said, “My 19-year-old daughter is pregnant and I wanted to know if you wanted to adopt the baby.” I was flabbergasted and quickly ran out to call my husband. We both cried on the phone and agreed that, while this hadn’t been on the radar right then, we should go for it. This woman had started working with me in May and had seen me go through three rounds of fertility treatment. She saw the drugs make me cry at my desk and immediately thought of us when her daughter decided to put her baby up for adoption.

So we started the adoption process, having social workers come to our house and compiling 100 pages of documentation proving we were worthy people. We met both the birth mother and father and they both were good people. I went to the ultrasound appointments and even accompanied her to childbirth classes. The baby was due in December, so all of this happened quickly. A week before the baby was due, the birth father changed his mind, signed up for public assistance, and refused to allow the adoption to go through. So as fast as all this happened, it fell apart.

We were devastated. We had a perfect nursery ready in our house, car seats installed in our cars, and tons of washed little outfits all folded and ready. It was a terrible Christmas and we got weirdly famous. What I mean by that is everyone who knew us, or knew of us, went to their families for Christmas and told our story. It was just too crazy not to share. In our town, people would stop us and just start crying. We got food delivered and prayer cards, and there was an overwhelming outpouring of support. But my worst fear had been an empty nursery haunting my house, and we had to face it. I sat for hours in the room just mourning the dream. We were lucky that my in-laws gave us a trip at a bed-and-breakfast in Rhode Island between Christmas and New Year’s so we could run away for a while.

While we were on the trip, my coworker called me. She said she needed to talk right away and told me her other daughter, 16 years old, had just told her she was also pregnant and due at the end of January. She wanted to know if we would like that baby. My husband and I had a long conversation and realized that we had to try and it would be hard to hurt us anymore than we had already been hurt. We found out that the 16-year-old was so scared to tell her mom that she had hid the pregnancy until mid=December. When she finally came clean and went to the doctor, she was measuring at 37 weeks and the baby was in position for birth. We met with her and the birth father, and we decided to go for it. This was a crazy set of events and we knew we wouldn’t have a chance like this again. There were a ton of unknowns including the sex of the baby. There had been no prenatal care and we had to hope it would be all right.

Our son was born in January and I was in the delivery room. I got to cut the umbilical cord, and the hospital let my husband and me stay in a room with the baby next to the birth mother’s room. The baby was perfect. We didn’t realize it at the time, but we were so lucky for the first failed adoption attempt. Had we not been preparing for that adoption, we would not have been able to turn around all that paperwork in time for this baby. This whole process has been crazy. We started trying to have a baby in 2011 and this just fell into our laps like it was meant to be all along.

Now we are just going through more paperwork. We had three home studies with social workers and have two more court dates, and then our son will be officially ours. We are on the home stretch!

 
Thank you for sharing such a personal and, ultimately, joyous story with us. I know I speak for the whole DW community when I say congratulations and that we are so very happy for you and your husband! May you enjoy a lifetime of love and happiness with your son.

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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22 comments… add one
  • Cassie

    Cassie May 23, 2016, 12:24 pm

    Way to make me almost cry at my desk at work! I’m so happy for you and your husband!

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      ktfran May 23, 2016, 12:46 pm

      Me too. I have a few tears.

      CSP, I hope all goes well and that soon, you’ll have an official little CSP. Good luck!

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      csp May 24, 2016, 7:17 am

      Thanks! That is really sweet.

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  • mylaray

    mylaray May 23, 2016, 12:39 pm

    What a great story! I had a failed adoption this year at the last minute, and I know how rough it is. I’m glad things have worked out! If you feel like sharing, I’m curious if this will be an open adoption in the future.

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      csp May 24, 2016, 7:20 am

      Yes, it is open. The birth parents have access to our facebook/instagram but both have not made an attempt to see the baby so far. I think they are getting on with their lives but we might have visitation down the road. It is a loose agreement right now though.

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  • Monkeysmommy

    Monkeysmommy May 23, 2016, 12:42 pm

    Congratulations!! I am so very happy for you and your family! I am so glad you are getting a happy ending. Thank you for sharing your update!

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  • Lianne

    Lianne May 23, 2016, 12:53 pm

    I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I remember reading your letters when you first wrote in, well before my husband and I had begun to start trying to create our own family and feeling terrible for you. Now, having struggled with repeat miscarriages and being days away from welcoming our first (biological) baby, I feel such a mix of emotions for you. Heartbreak for your fertility struggles; devastation for the loss of your pregnancy at 2.5 months; further heartbreak and devastation when the first adoption fell through; and now pure joy, that you finally have your son, the one you were meant to mother and raise. The path to parenthood looks different for everyone. Despite your struggles, I am so thrilled for you and your husband, and your son – he is so lucky to have you both, two people who wished, hoped, and longed for him for so long, as his parents.

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      csp May 24, 2016, 7:24 am

      That is so sweet. TBH – I got pregnant and miscarried again in the middle of all of this. It was quick because I found out I was pregnant at 5 AM, got blood work done at 7 AM at the fertility clinic, and knew at 2 PM that I had an 85 % chance of miscarriage. I ended up miscarrying 10 days later. The whole process is so brutal. Good luck with the end of your pregnancy!

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    keyblade May 23, 2016, 1:18 pm

    Congratulations, CSP! I was so thrilled when I heard you are getting to live out your dream of parenting a child. I was looking forward to hearing the story if you felt like sharing, so thanks for sharing :). What a crazy eight months for you and your husband. I’m so happy you finally have your baby in your arms. Best wishes.

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      csp May 24, 2016, 8:23 am

      Thanks!!!

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  • honeybeenicki

    honeybeenicki May 23, 2016, 1:29 pm

    Ah shit, you almost made me cry at my desk and I’m not one for crying. This is so sweet and amazing. The baby that was meant for you 🙂 Congratulations.

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      csp May 24, 2016, 7:26 am

      Thanks 🙂

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  • MaterialsGirl

    MaterialsGirl May 23, 2016, 1:53 pm

    Oh CSP, this is amazing. Truly amazing and I’m so happy for you, your husband, the baby, the girl and her mother (your coworker).

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    Samba May 23, 2016, 2:48 pm

    I’m so touched/teary at your story and so happy for you, CSP! I can only imagine what it must have felt like in December after going through everything else, and then…that is just the craziest twist of fate! It really does seem like this was meant to be, and this child really needed you at this moment in time, but I’m still sorry you had to go through so much along the way. I have a feeling you and your husband are going to be the BEST parents, what a lucky little boy!!

    It’s so unfortunate about the 16-year-old not being able to tell her mom or a Dr or anyone all that time, even though it sounds like Mom was trying to help the older daughter–and I have no idea how she was able to hide being pregnant til she was practically due?! Wow. Sounds like the family has been though a lot too this year, and I’m sure what you’re doing means so much to them.

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      csp May 24, 2016, 8:22 am

      Thanks! I get really protective e of the Birth Mother because she is the sweetest girl. She was just young and scared. It is hard to make adult decisions when you are still a kid.

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    j2 May 24, 2016, 8:07 am

    TY for sharing such a wonderful happy ending!

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    PumpkinSpice May 24, 2016, 8:09 am

    OMG! Congratulations on your baby! What a beautiful story in the end. Unfortunately, with people looking to adopt, birth parents do back out, and it is hurtful to the adopting parents. But it is hard to give up a child who is growing inside of you, that you start to have a bond with. But I am happy this has worked out for you and your husband in the end.

    When I was struggling with infertility, my husband and I were just starting to talk about adopting through the foster care system in our state, when we found out that I was pregnant (after trying for 6 years). There are so many children out there, in our own country, who need loving, stable homes. Adoption through the foster care system is still an option we are thinking about when we are ready for child #2. We are also thinking of adopting an older child/teenager because they are the ones who seem to be left behind, because almost everyone looking to adopt, look for infants or toddlers.

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      csp May 24, 2016, 8:20 am

      Thanks! I always say that adoption is not for the weak. It was all worth it 🙂

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  • veritek33

    veritek33 May 24, 2016, 8:33 am

    Congratulations CSP. Clearly this baby was meant to be yours 🙂

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    Sunshine Brite May 24, 2016, 9:17 am

    Congratulations! I’m glad your coworker was able to set aside any stigma on their part and open their personal stories to you in order to facilitate this.

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    mcj2012 May 24, 2016, 10:30 am

    This is such a beautiful ending to a hard and trying journey. I’m so happy for you both!

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    Katmich15 May 24, 2016, 12:28 pm

    What a beautiful happy ending, so glad you shared it with us. I think your son is a very lucky boy. 🙂

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