Recently, his ex mother-in-law had a health issue and he travelled two hours to surprise her and spend the night with his niece. I was somewhat uncomfortable that he feels the need to remain that close. I didn’t say too much about it, but he knows how I feel! When he left for the visit, we were OK. We text often when we’re not together, but when he went down there it was like I didn’t exist — the entire second day I didn’t hear from him at all, which completely pissed me off! He thinks I’m over-reacting and being childish, but I think, if he hadn’t have ignored me during his visit, I may have felt more comfortable, especially since he knew I wasn’t thrilled about it to begin with. So what do you think: am I over-reacting? Acting childish? I know I’m insecure — I’ll agree to that much! — Not Thrilled
I actually side with you here. It can be an uncomfortable thing when a significant other remains close with his ex and his/her family, but you seem to keep your feelings mostly in check. You aren’t making unreasonable demands, like he cut off contact with these people, and, while you expressed your feelings of discomfort about your boyfriend visiting his former mother-in-law, it sounds like you didn’t make that big a deal about it. I think he could have shown better appreciation for your understanding by throwing you a bone while he was away (i.e. sending a couple of texts, which would have taken a total of maybe two minutes).
On the other hand, it’s possible he just lost track of time, was distracted by his mother-in-law’s condition, or just focused on his niece and didn’t realize that going 24 hours without contacting you would result in such hurt feelings. I say let him know you were hurt and that, while you realize you have insecurity issues regarding his ex and her family, they could be easily assuaged by his being a little extra attentive to you in situations when he’s in their company. That said, I bet those situations will be fewer and further between as time goes on. If this is one of the only issues you have with him, I’d let it go. It doesn’t sounds like it’s worth making a big deal about. If he and his ex still wanted to be together, they would be, and him remaining in casual contact with his former in-laws, who could very well be the closest thing to loving parents that he’s had, doesn’t mean he loves you any less.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].