Afternoon Quickie: “How Long is Too Long to Wait for an ‘I Love You’?”
How long is TOO long to wait for someone to say they love you? I feel that, after a certain amount of time in a relationship without it being said, you kind of lose your chance to say it altogether. But I hope I’m wrong. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. THREE YEARS. I’ve said it accidentally one drunk night around our one-year mark, and he was quick to reply with: “Those words mean more than a one-year relationship warrants.” That’s his point of view and I respect that. So I waited for him to be comfortable with saying it. But, it’s now been three years and still nothing. What do I do?! — Where’s the Love?
It’s not (generally) the amount of time that warrants or doesn’t warrant saying those words, it’s the feeling behind them. What your boyfriend was telling you that drunken night two years ago, and what he’s been saying with his avoidance of expressing his love for you, is that the feeling isn’t there. If the feeling of love isn’t there after three years — “THREE YEARS” — and you don’t have overwhelming evidence to the contrary (like, he overtly expresses his love in other ways), I’d move on, because three years is way too long to wait for someone you’ve been in a steady relationship with to finally start loving you and saying so.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.