Now nearing 4.5 months until the wedding, my one bridesmaid has stopped talking to me. I’m still not totally sure why, but, basically, once she didn’t need me to drive her to school I stopped hearing from her. My maid of honor also had to drop out of the wedding because she will be out of state for an internship (and, of course, I wouldn’t want her to skip that because it’s way too important!). In order to fill in the gaps, we decided to just have siblings and close relatives to make the process easier. So now my finance’s two brothers and my two brothers will be groomsmen, but the bridesmaid side is still a mess. I have my sister-in-law, fiancé’s cousin, and fiancé’s brother’s wife. Since I needed one more bridesmaid, I asked another cousin I hang out with a lot, but she doesn’t want to give me a straight answer. She will be seven months pregnant by the wedding and said she doesn’t want to look fat standing up in front of everyone. Though I reassured her and said she wouldn’t look fat, she said she would try on dresses but probably wouldn’t do it.
I am totally at a loss. Is it me? I can’t possibly be asking my maids for too much. I have done all of the planning myself. The only thing I’ve asked for help with is picking a dress. What should I do? I feel as though I’m out of options. — Hopelessly Confused Bride-to-Be
Instead of asking the people who mean the most to you to be in your wedding party, you’re basically cobbling together a string of somewhat random people — a cousin here, a carpool friend there, a finance’s brother’s wife here — to be your bridesmaids because… because you want the sides to be even? Why? For the photos? So one side of the room doesn’t topple over? I mean, I don’t get it. You’re asking a bunch of randos to wear dresses and stand up next to you so you’ll have pretty pictures? Is that it? Because that’s seriously one of the dumbest things ever. Either have bridesmaids because you think it’s a nice way to honor relationships/friendships that are important to you, or don’t have bridesmaids at all if you’re afraid an uneven number won’t look pretty enough.
What you’re doing is trying desperately to find people to play a role in the play you’re directing, complete with costumes they feel uncomfortable wearing (at least in the case of the pregnant woman). Please…stop the madness. Take a breath, take a step back, and, like, bring yourself back down to earth. No one gives a shit about your wedding except you. These people don’t really want to be bridesmaids. They’re saying yes — IF they’re even saying yes — because it’s awkward to say no when someone asks you to be in her wedding. But you know what else is awkward? Being in a wedding for someone you don’t really know that well. Or squeezing your 7-months’-pregnant belly into some ugly satin concoction. You’re making this awkward for everyone. Because you want an even amount of people flanking you and your husband-to-be. Do you realize how stupid that sounds?
You’re not out of options; you’re just out of your mind if you think an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen actually counts as a problem.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.