Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Afternoon Quickie: “Should I Give Him Another Chance?”

dead end

I met a guy online over the summer. We had three PG dates and had a really great time together. We went away for a weekend on our fourth date, and he asked me to be his girlfriend that weekend. Four weeks later, after lots of relationship talk and his being super keen, he called to say a friend had declared her love for him. He felt confused and so ended it with me. Three weeks later we started talking again; he told me nothing happened with the friend and he wanted to rekindle our relationship, so, after telling him how much of an idiot he was, I agreed.

Three months later, after feeling like he was growing distant, I asked him what was up and he confessed he didn’t want a relationship. He has, he has said, a history of doing this to women, which he blames on having his heart broken by a cheating girlfriend. And now, after a month, he wants to try again. He feels ashamed of his behaviour and understands my trust has been eroded, so wants me to decide on my terms. He has been erratic in the past, often changing his mind and saying a lot of things that he later says he didn’t mean….so would it be foolish to give him a third chance??? — Foolish?

Yes.

***************

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

20 comments… add one
  • avatar

    lets_be_honest July 23, 2014, 3:03 pm

    Ha, I was thinking this one could be answered in one word.

    Reply Link
    • Lianne

      Lianne July 24, 2014, 9:52 am

      Me too!

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Tmd260 July 23, 2014, 3:34 pm

    Not worth it.

    Reply Link
  • Kate B.

    Kate B. July 23, 2014, 3:48 pm

    Once bitten, twice shy. What’s three times?

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      Lily in NYC July 23, 2014, 3:54 pm

      Lucky! (it’s a Foghat lyric, which I can’t believe I remember)

      Reply Link
    • avatar

      camille905 July 23, 2014, 4:07 pm

      It’s sort of like “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”. I don’t think there is a third, because at that point, you’re just an idiot.

      Reply Link
      • Stonegypsy

        Stonegypsy July 23, 2014, 4:27 pm

        “Fool me three times, clearly I need therapy if I keep falling for this”

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    • Addie Pray

      Addie Pray July 23, 2014, 4:26 pm

      three times a lady?

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    quark July 23, 2014, 3:48 pm

    This is too much back and forth for a not-even-6-months relationship.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Lily in NYC July 23, 2014, 3:50 pm

    Trust us, OP, this dude is not going to change his behavior. It’s obvious he’s one of those emo guys who loves the self-centered drama of being a fickle asshole. This hoser isn’t worth the angst he causes.

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      csp July 23, 2014, 5:03 pm

      Seriously, I love the word hoser.

      Reply Link
  • Addie Pray

    Addie Pray July 23, 2014, 4:27 pm

    He wants to try WHAT again? If it’s a committed relationship you can count on, no. If it’s just having fun without any expectation of anything tomorrow, pouquoi pas, whatever you want!

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Sue Jones July 23, 2014, 4:47 pm

    Whenever someone shows you who he is, believe him.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    j2 July 23, 2014, 5:01 pm

    Not even worth a facepalm

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    csp July 23, 2014, 5:05 pm

    LW, this guy doesn’t want a commitment but doesn’t want to be alone. So he is keeping you on the back burner.

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  • avatar

    Kaluu July 23, 2014, 5:10 pm

    Maybe he could be a friend with benefits if you have a desire to try that?

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    joanna July 23, 2014, 6:48 pm

    Having once had a significant other who cheated is not an excuse to be an asshole.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Sassy Steph July 23, 2014, 7:21 pm

    Is it just me or does it seem that the more obvious the answer to the question the more question marks the LWs use to ask it?

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Lucy July 24, 2014, 2:42 am

    Holy drama factory, Batman. (It’s National Batman Day.)

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Queen July 24, 2014, 10:28 am

    Don’t waste your time. Once it’s spent, you can’t get it back. Move on!

    Reply Link

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