The problem here is that he says he doesn’t want to marry me until I am responsible enough. The thing is, I do everything in our house: I get up an hour early to make his lunch for work that day, run his bath, make him coffee and then wake him up for work. Then I start getting myself ready. I make dinner every night, and it is ready when he walks through the door. If I don’t cook, I organize take-aways. I clean the house as well — everyday — and spend one day of the weekend doing a full-house clean-up. I go and watch his cricket matches on the weekends, which last from 7am to 7pm. I wash his clothes, iron them and hang them in his cupboard. His ONLY 2 jobs are: feed the animals and take out the rubbish bag every morning (which he doesn’t always do).
What am I missing here? He says I’m not ready to be a wife or a mother because I don’t have any responsibility. What should I be doing? Is the problem me or him? — Wife Material
He’s probably afraid that, once your chase is over and you’ve got what you want (marriage, in this case), you’ll stop making such an effort to “win the prize,” so to speak. The thing is, YOU sound like the prize and he sounds like… well, he sounds like a cad, to be quite frank. Are you really happy being his work horse? Or, ARE you doing everything you’re doing in an effort to convince him you’re marriage material? Either way, you’ve totally spoiled the guy rotten and, unless you change your behavior — as in STOP RUNNING HIS BATHS AND STOP MAKING HIS LUNCHES AND COOKING HIS EVERY DINNER AND CLEANING THE HOUSE EVERY SINGLE DAY AND WASHING AND IRONING HIS CLOTHES AND WATCHING HIS LONG-ASS (AND PROBABLY BORING) CRICKET MATCHES EVERY WEEKEND, he will not change his behavior. Get a life — beyond being your boyfriend’s bitch (sorry, but I can’t think of a better way to say it), and maybe he’ll want to be part of it, like, officially and long-term. But right now he probably only sees you as, like, a glorified housekeeper he gets to sleep with. It’s time to remind him — and probably yourself, too — who you really are. I also urge you to think long and hard about whether you want to spend your life with someone who seems to have such little respect and appreciation for that person.
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