The next morning, I got messages from my friend who had texted the night before, as well as a girl I had gone on a couple dates with. My longtime friend told me that Sheila had tagged herself in every one of her photographs on Facebook; the girl who I had gone out with a couple of times got a friend request from Sheila. I had not talked to that girl in six to eight months and she lived in another country, so it was a surprise to hear from her. When I tried to talk to Sheila about how what she did was wrong, she started to question every picture of every girl I was in a photo with on Facebook. I then blocked her because I had had enough of the interrogations, and we ended the relationship again.
Recently we have begun speaking again. I had deactivated my Facebook account to avoid controversy and because I lost a bet. I was also getting tired of politics on the site. I would get on from time to time when my son was visiting to share with friends and family our time together, but I would then deactivate again.
Last night we went to a club where I’m friends with a (female) bartender. I introduced Sheila to my bartender friend who is attractive but, once again, not someone I would never date. Well, Sheila asked if I was friends with her on Facebook. I said I have never been involved or interested in her, but that, yes, she is a friend on Facebook. Sheila couldn’t understand how I could be Facebook friends with her and not with Sheila. It got very heated, we had to leave the club, and I chased her for forty-five minutes trying to explain that what she did in the past made it hard to trust her and that she needed to earn that trust back. She’s done things much worse than the Facebook fiasco, so she needs to work to earn back my trust.
I just want to know: Am I wrong for not allowing her as a friend on Facebook at this time? She told me to ask a public forum what they think and that’s why I am asking you this question. — On-Again For Now
Honestly, I think if you even have to ask this question, you don’t belong together. It doesn’t even matter what the answer is — which, in my humble opinion, is: Yeah, you’re wrong for not “allowing” her to be your Facebook friend if you’re genuine about re-building a relationship with trust and open communication. I don’t believe you want a real relationship with her though. I think you both feed on the drama and this whole “Facebook fiasco” is a great way to continue stirring it up. You were married for fifteen years, so clearly you aren’t a teenager anymore. Aren’t you too old for this bull shit?
If he has a new girlfriend, would you invite her too and be ok with her coming as well? If the answer is no, then you aren’t ready for a friendship with him yet.
Should I try a speak with him about us? — Wanting My Family Back
He abandoned you and your then-13-year-old son five years ago to go live with another woman, and you’re actually considering taking him back because he called you “honey” and told you you’re beautiful? Oh, honey, no. He’s using you for a place to live. He doesn’t love you. Love doesn’t abandon you without any explanation for five years. Love doesn’t meet you for coffee to tell you his woe-is-me tale about being trapped in a loveless relationship for financial reasons. That’s not love. That’s desperation. And taking him back — even thinking about taking him back — isn’t love, either. It’s loneliness. He is not the answer.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.