When you are on a first date, what thought is going through your head? Back when I was single, I was usually trying to decide if I liked the guy, if I was talking too much, and if I should have worn a less-revealing shirt. The dating service, “It’s Just Lunch” recently asked 5000 singles the same questions and were surprised by the answers.
“Not only did men and women have different top answers, but the first choice given by 47% of men, ‘Could we have a relationship together?’ was one that in the past would have seemed more typical of women. Instead, women’s top answer, given by 50% of those polled, was the less stressful ‘Do I want to see him again?'”
The only part about those results that surprise me is that more women aren’t wondering whether they wanted to see the guy again. Of course guys are wondering if they want to have a relationship with the woman, because for them, that’s the least stressful question. If the answer is no, everything is fair game. If they’re attracted to her, they can put the moves on her without anything to lose. But if they do see a potential for a relationship, the risks are much higher and they have to plan accordingly. Women asking themselves if they want to see the guy again is the equivalent. If the answer’s no, they don’t have to really stress about whether they’re talking too much or if they should or shouldn’t kiss him or any of the other worries they might have if they see potential for at least a second date.
Another area where researchers found some big changes in results was in how fast men and women decide whether they want to see someone again. “In 2004, there was a huge disparity, where 79% of men took fifteen minutes or less, and 64% of women took an hour or more! In 2011, 60% of men and 55% of women take twenty minutes or less.”
Irene LaCota, spokesperson for It’s Just Lunch explains: “In today’s society, we’re so used to both demanding and getting instant information, that we’ve become a bit impatient and closed off, sometimes to our own detriment,” she said.
She may have a point. On my first date with Drew — a blind date — it took me over an hour before I decided I’d like to see him again. If I’d gone with my initial reaction, there would be no “us” today.