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Book Recommendation: “Calling In The One”

51F3HTHJYFLThis Sunday marks eight years since Drew and I were put in touch — over the phone — by our mutual friend, Meg. I was talking about the list of things I was looking for in a guy when suddenly something clicked in her head, and she immediately picked up the phone and called Drew, whom she knew from her days living in New York. That first conversation led to a blind date two weeks later, and the rest, as they say, is history. I’ve been thinking about that initial meeting and how much has changed since then and how lucky we were to have been introduced to each other. I’ve also been thinking about how, if Meg had made that call even two months earlier, I might not have been open or receptive to the idea of dating Drew.

I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this here, but I do credit some of my readiness – a lot of my readiness, actually — in meeting and dating Drew to a book I’d been reading in the weeks leading up to our introduction. It’s a (work)book titled, Calling in “The One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life, and my friend and I started reading it and working through it together, kind of on a whim. I don’t remember which one of us found the book, and I’m pretty sure we didn’t even spring for two copies of it, instead passing the same copy back and forth. As the title suggests, the book is a basically a seven-week “course” with activities and questions and daily lessons you’re supposed to work through in order to prepare yourself and attract your soulmate. It sounds pretty woo-woo, and, in all honesty, it kind of is. I don’t think either one of us did all the activities and lessons inside the book, but we did a lot of them and we made an honest effort to look inside ourselves and deal with some of the potential blocks keeping up from having fulfilling relationships.

Anyway, as I said, the book is pretty woo-woo and at times I felt really silly working through the various activities, but, since I was also at a place in my life where I was tired of being alone or getting stuck in the same relationship patterns, I figured, “Eh, what will a little silliness hurt? And what if it actually helps?” And it did help. Seven weeks almost to the day after I started Calling in “The One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life is when I first spoke to Drew — the man I would eventually fall in love with and marry. Coincidence? Maybe. But I really do think that, if I hadn’t addressed some of the issues keeping me from giving and receiving the kind of love I was looking for, I wouldn’t have been truly ready to give a relationship — especially one across hundreds of miles — a real shot.

I’m not saying this book will work for everyone. But I do think that, if you’re in a place like I was where you’re really ready for a life-changing relationship, this book can’t hurt. I don’t make any promises, but I also feel pretty certain that, if you give it an honest effort despite any potential feelings of silliness, you’ll get something out of it. And maybe you won’t meet your soulmate in seven weeks, but I bet that, when you do meet him or her, you’ll be in a better place of readiness. It worked for me. It might work for you too.

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Lianne Lianne April 16, 2014, 2:41 pm

Similarly, I read a “woo-woo” book prior to meeting my SO called Meeting Your Half Orange, which is more like The Secret and the power of attraction – so basically put out there what you ARE looking for (meeting a solid partner) versus what you ARE NOT looking for (I don’t want to meet another asshole) and the power of attraction will bring you what you want.

Like I said, also pretty “woo-woo” but I do believe in positivity and started employing some of that thinking. Within a year, I had met and fallen in love with my partner. I am so NOT a “woo-woo” person, but like you Wendy, was ready to make a change in my thinking.

avatar MissDre April 16, 2014, 6:19 pm

Funny…. I met my current boyfriend of 4 years within a week of receiving that book as a gift.

avatar Banana April 16, 2014, 2:54 pm

That’s neat! I kind of want to check it out even though I’m fairly certain I’ve found my man…I just love reading books like that. Even when I’m in a relationship, they help me reexamine my approach to it.
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It seems like the first step is simply acknowledging that one’s attitude plays a big part in finding a life partner. And sometimes that happens by picking up a book like that. Banano and I were once talking about how funny it is that we worked together for two and a half years before finally going out. We weren’t really work buds or anything, either; we interacted maybe once or twice a week, and it was always friendly (and occasionally flirty) but we didn’t even have any interaction outside the office until we started going out, and I could probably count on one hand the number of non-work conversations we had at work before then. The first time I met him, I thought he was kind of cute; and then a friend in his department thought we’d be a good match and tried to set us up way back when I first started working there. She didn’t even know I’d already thought he was cute — she just thought we’d be good together. At that time, he was with someone else, and let her know, so it dropped. For the next two and a half years, we had alternating relationships. I don’t consider that time lost, though. If we’d been single at the same time during those two and a half years (which we were, briefly, at different points) I still don’t think we would have been READY for each other. In fact, I’m quite convinced that if we’d started a relationship back then, it would have been a disaster. I think the relationships and experiences we had in those two and a half years made us into the people who were ready to date, and commit, to each other.

Lianne Lianne April 16, 2014, 3:00 pm

Totally hear you, Banana. Timing really is everything.

My BF is my best friend’s cousin. My best friend lives in Amsterdam and I am basically joined at his hip when he comes home to visit, which means I often accompany him to family parties, etc (whether or not his husband is here too). So, I’ve known BF for years, never really thinking twice about a romantic relationship. Then the Best Friend kept nudging me, telling me I should date his cousin, he’s a nice guy, etc. But I would always maintain that I wasn’t interested. Even the day I finally asked him out, the Best Friend had again tried to convince me and I told him to give it up. But then later that night, I just looked at my BF differently – and the rest is history. Early on in our relationship he asked me why now, and I could only say I wasn’t ready for you before this – and I know that’s true!

avatar emily85 April 16, 2014, 4:34 pm

Timing is SO important! I knew my bf for over 10 years before we ever dated, and it was totally down to timing that anything ever happened. We flirted back and forth over the years but dated other people. He’s told me he always figured something would happen between us eventually, but he’s a couple years younger and it never really crossed my mind. He was 23 when we finally got together and I definitely wouldn’t have considered it before that. I’m so glad I did though.

Lyra Lyra April 16, 2014, 11:03 pm

As Navy Guy and I are navigating the first months of our relationship I’ve found myself at really random moments realizing what an incredible guy/boyfriend he is. Like the time when I was really sick and literally couldn’t move from the couch and he cleaned my cat’s litter box for me. Or when he suggested we scrap our original plans so I could go see my family’s dog when she wasn’t doing so well (he’s not a dog person — it was so sweet and kind of him). Or when he came to church with me this past weekend. Or despite his political/personal views on gay marriage he still said he would go to my uncles’ wedding in July because it’s important to me (assuming we’re still dating). Or when for my birthday he gave me a tiny stuffed replica of the cat I had my eye on saying “I can’t get you that cat but this was the closest I could come to it”. It’s amazing to me now that I even put up with the immaturity and the stubbornness and the irresponsibility of the other guys I’ve dated. Obviously we are still in the beginning of the relationship, but I just really like where things are going.

avatar applescruffs April 17, 2014, 11:18 am

:) I like Navy Guy.

fast eddie fast eddie April 17, 2014, 10:07 am

It boils down to being at right place at the right time and in contact with the right person when your in the “RIGHT” frame of mind yourself. I was acquainted with ‘Sue’ for 11 years before we got together. 27 years later I still don’t understand why she took me on but I’m glad she did. She still claims it was my (then) cute butt and that works for me. ;-)

avatar SummerChat25 April 17, 2014, 7:36 pm

well i don’t think a book could hurt! i bought it :) sometimes i think i’m a bit too set in my single and living alone with my cat ways (i’ve been living alone for about 4 years now). i browsed through “the secret” a little bit ago and try to live my life positively. one point in that book that always stuck with me was along the lines of “live the life you want” – from what i recall. like, make room, physically, for someone else to share your space and you’ll give off the impression that there is room in your life for someone else. too bad i can’t even keep my bed clear. it’s usually me on one side and all the clean clothes i’m too lazy to fold on the other.

avatar greymama May 4, 2014, 8:56 pm

I’ve been reading this book for the last few weeks, and I am amazed at how hard the exercises are for me. I guess that tells me a lot about why my relationships always crash and burn! I am stuck on the chapter where I am supposed to visualize being in a loving relationship. I literally just can’t. I try, but get a big blank.
The hardest part of dating for me is that I am a single mom with a six-year-old. So I am stuck home a lot (eight o’clock bedtime!) and find myself hanging out in places with other moms and families. You’d think a lot of single dads hang out at the playground or the bounce house place, but nope! I feel very isolated lately and am just tired of being so lonely.