Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Bridezilla Wants Guests to Pay Her Bills

Bridezilla
In today’s crazy bridezilla antics, we have “Brandy,” a woman in her early 20s who got bent out of shape when her childhood friend “Gretchen” hadn’t given a cash gift for her wedding yet. Gretchen, who had recently been laid-off “had given Brandy a homemade bridal shower gift and had said (TWICE) that she’d ‘make up’ for the wedding gift when she had more cash.” Brandy, who spent $200 per person on her wedding, and apparently expected guests to foot the bill of the shindig, asked Brandy in a text where her wedding card was. Gretchen responded:

Screen Shot 2013-10-07 at 9.29.05 AM

Brandy replied that she needed the money to help pay her bills, to which Gretchen said:

Screen Shot 2013-10-07 at 9.29.28 AM

Then, Brandy replied:

Screen Shot 2013-10-07 at 9.29.37 AM

Dayum. It’s a little difficult to decipher because Brandy’s command of the English language is on par with my toddler’s, but I’m pretty sure she called Gretchen a freeloader for not paying admission to her wedding. Which, you know, classy. Gretchen’s response to that is classic:

2013-10-04-2batshitcrazybridetexts

Don’t worry, everyone — wedding season is coming to a close…

[via Huffington Post]

118 comments… add one
  • avatar

    lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 1:39 pm

    I want to give a statement penny!

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    • katie

      katie October 7, 2013, 2:00 pm

      i know, right! that is such a great, dramatic mic drop moment…

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    • avatar

      va-in-ny October 7, 2013, 5:36 pm

      I feel like there was a real missed opportunity here… for Gretchen to give her “two cents”

      Ha!

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  • avatar

    Christy October 7, 2013, 1:40 pm

    Sigh.

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  • avatar

    bethany October 7, 2013, 1:47 pm

    I’m glad some of these bitches are getting called out. This behavior is totally unacceptable.

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl October 7, 2013, 2:06 pm

      I completely agree. I really want to start calling people out on their bs, but it doesn’t seem to ever have a good end for me when I do.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary October 7, 2013, 2:12 pm

        “it doesn’t seem to ever have a good end for me when I do.”—This is me. I’m totally sick of people acting inappropriate and not having manners or any tact. Like I’m just tired of it. And I’m not a stickler for manners, but I know how to conduct myself in public or social settings. I don’t care how you were raised, if you’re an adult it’s your responsibility to know how to not be rude. And I don’t buy any of that “I’m a bitch but I own it so it’s totally fine because I know that I’m behaving poorly”. NO. But then, when you call someone out on it, everyone is like “why are you so confrontational” “you’re being a bitch” “why can’t you just leave it alone”. Why? Because people get away with behaving poorly because no one calls them out on it! So they know they can get away with it. And yes, sometimes it’s a waste of energy to start a disagreement over it but sometimes its not.

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      • avatar

        bethany October 7, 2013, 2:17 pm

        I agree with you about people not knowing how to act in public. It’s horrible in the city. People walking around yelling the F word at like 2pm while there are kids around and stuff. It’s horrible. People yelling into phones on the train, basically just not caring what they do or who they bother. It’s getting tiresome.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary October 7, 2013, 2:28 pm

        I just have so many people be rude to me. Whether it’s strangers, or its a friend of a friend and I wanna be like “were you raised in a barn! learn some social rules because what you are saying/doing is NOT ok”.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl October 7, 2013, 2:29 pm

        Saturday we went to the UF football game, and these girls in front of me kept standing on the seats rather than the floor completely blocking my view. I kept asking over and over and over again for them to please get down, which they would for like 4 seconds. I finally tapped this one chick with my paper fan (probably a little too hard but I was f-ing annoyed) and she FLIPPED. Started screaming that I was assaulting her and to call security etc. I told her to please call security so they would tell her to stop standing on the damn seat. It was absolutely ridiculous. Last game we went to people where screaming the n word and homophobic slurs. WTF? I’m so tired of these kids.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary October 7, 2013, 2:36 pm

        Well…in their defense everyone in the student section at penn state stands (literally the entire student section). But if everyone else is sitting then yeh, that’s rude. I’m sorry it sounds like you just had bad luck at that game 🙁

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl October 7, 2013, 2:39 pm

        We where only in the 5th row, and no one in front of them was doing it. Another girl came in with a huge sign, stood on the seat and waved her sign while plays where running. People asked her a million times to stop doing it while plays where happening and she wouldn’t. A guy behind me took the sign and broke it in half which is how I got caught in the middle of her frat boy BF and him fist fighting. The whole game was just a shit show of inconsiderateness and I honestly don’t know if I’ll go to another this year.

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      • katie

        katie October 7, 2013, 2:42 pm

        maybe just find a better section to sit in? when we went to the bears/packers game last year with jake dressed up in his packers stuff, i was really scared, but we were in the club level so everyone was just nicely making jabs at each other… i imagine that in other sections we would have gotten beer poured on us and stuff…

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 2:43 pm

        That’s good advice. I’d do that GG. Sounds like you are sitting with college kids, so its kinda a ‘what do you expect’ situation. I wouldn’t want to sit near them either!

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl October 7, 2013, 2:50 pm

        We don’t get a choice. Student seating is randomly assigned when you go to pick up your ticket. Last game we where like 5 rows from the back of the stadium, this game 5th row. I wish we had a say.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 2:52 pm

        What if you pay for tix? I’m guessing you get yours free?

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl October 7, 2013, 2:55 pm

        We get student season tickets for under $100 a year, regular non student tickets are substantially more. Plus we’ve already purchased the full season tickets for this year. Like a regular ticket to the FSU game would cost more than we pay for the season.

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      • katie

        katie October 7, 2013, 2:57 pm

        oh yea well with student seating… this kind of stuff is going to be par for the course i think.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl October 7, 2013, 3:04 pm

        It is, I agree but that doesn’t make it right the way the act. I’ve just seen SO much inconsiderate crap from the undergrads, I hardly want to leave my apt anymore. It’s ridiculous what they think is acceptable.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl October 7, 2013, 2:40 pm

        I agree that MOST people stand on the seats, but that doesn’t make it the right thing to do. And she did not have to flip out on me either.

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      • avatar

        Christy October 7, 2013, 4:43 pm

        Most people stand ON the seats? That just seems excessive. I’m all for standing all game, but ON the seats?

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary October 8, 2013, 8:16 am

        We stood ON the bleachers all game, but that was just my school. Sometimes the bleachers broke if people jumped up and down too much to zombie nation. And then we would pass them up, crowd surfing style, to the top to be taken away. Goddamn I miss college.

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      • katie

        katie October 7, 2013, 2:19 pm

        well, to be fair, we have no idea how this ended for her either. or like, that girl who just recently quit her job in a youtube video or whatever- that probably ended badly for her, burned bridges, severed professional relationships, ect, but the video looked cool.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle October 7, 2013, 2:25 pm

        Off-topic but ugh, that girl super annoyed me. I was just like, “great, you’re being SO MILLENNIAL. MAKING THE REST OF US LOOK BAD” haha

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl October 7, 2013, 2:30 pm

        Yeah, I can’t figure out why people are applauding the video girl.

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      • avatar

        Christy October 7, 2013, 4:43 pm

        I mean, her job was to make viral videos. Obviously she’s pretty good at that. I think if her job WEREN’T to make viral videos, she’d have a harder time of it.

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      • avatar

        MaryBeth October 8, 2013, 12:48 pm

        Those of you who can’t figure it out obviously have never worked in a bad job under a micromanaging megalomaniac boss. I envy your luck.

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  • avatar

    jlyfsh October 7, 2013, 1:52 pm

    I’m just so glad that I’ve never found any of my friends to be this materialistic and bitchy.

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary October 7, 2013, 2:02 pm

    Yeh…Some people have no class.

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  • avatar

    thatgirl October 7, 2013, 2:04 pm

    YAY GRETCHEN! Unfortunately, it won’t stop everyone, but hopefully it would give at least one horrible bridezilla pause from similar complaining. Thankfully, my mother taught me to graciously accept all gifts as just that….a gift, not an obligation. Hopefully I have passed this on to my children well enough. It seems to have sunk in with them!

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  • avatar

    Taylor October 7, 2013, 2:04 pm

    What’s with the missing line? Printer error or was something blurred out? I’d hate to miss any of that letter =)

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  • theattack

    theattack October 7, 2013, 2:13 pm

    So has anyone actually known a bride or groom like this? I find this sort of behavior so appalling that I don’t fully believe that it’s real.

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    • JK

      JK October 7, 2013, 2:15 pm

      People like this sure seem to be all ove the internet, and there have been several LWs similar to this on here, so I´d say yes

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      • theattack

        theattack October 7, 2013, 2:19 pm

        But it’s all over the internet, so I almost just think it’s an entertaining way to get attention.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 2:24 pm

      No, thank god. I actually recently asked my friends if they ever used the gift certificate i got them for their wedding gift (it was for a place they vacation at a lot, mentioned they wished they could register for it when they were getting married) and they got all awkward and said they never got said gift from me. OOPS! Their wedding was over 3 years ago and never once did they mention I never gave them a gift.

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      • theattack

        theattack October 7, 2013, 2:27 pm

        Oh, yikes! That’s sad. It’s probably an awkward position to be in if you’re actually wondering if your friend’s gift was lost, because you would want to thank them for it if they sent it. There’s not a great way of doing that. I guess they can’t go back and find it now?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 2:32 pm

        I did get a thank you card though! I asked them why they sent it without ever getting a gift and they said they were thanking me for coming/helping! If only my friends were a little ruder, I would’ve known they never got it, haha.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 2:37 pm

        Oh, btw, it all got worked out. The place sent them a new gift certificate after I called. And now I’m babysitting for them for an overnight! Bonus!

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      • othy

        othy October 7, 2013, 3:40 pm

        Very impressed with the company. They totally could have screwed you if you had lost the certificate.

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    • avatar

      jlyfsh October 7, 2013, 2:29 pm

      i mean yeah there was that one forum that someone here on DW started where the groom actually told the commenter that their gift was crappy. so, while they might not be the norm, i think idiots like this do exist.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 2:33 pm

        Who is teaching these brides that this is even close to ok? That their guests are paying to attend? Like, how did we get from A to B on this issue?

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle October 7, 2013, 2:42 pm

        Right? Like that thinking is so bizarre— if you want guests to pay to attend your wedding (“its still something instead of u coming for free” eww ew ew), don’t even expect “gifts”, just make everyone buy a fucking ticket or something. “YA KNOW”? If people are going to overtly just expect each guest to pay for their plate, then you aren’t having a celebration; you’re having a fundraising event

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana October 7, 2013, 3:10 pm

        One of my roommates best friends and her former roommate got married earlier this year and came over and was talking about people not giving enough for gifts or getting them any gift at all and how she was paying $200 a person and they owed it to her to bring a gift. I wanted to be like wtf is wrong with you, you are choosing to do this. Noone is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to have an extremely extravagant wedding and noone is asking to attend and have you spend the money on them. THIS IS YOUR CHOICE. I didn’t say anything because it would have been so awkward going forward in the relationship, but this level of entitlement people feel is just absurd. This was a fairly wealthy, and soon to be wealthier girl too. Just so sick. Weddings turn people into monsters.

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      • Kate B.

        Kate . October 7, 2013, 2:51 pm

        Our society is teaching it to them, and their parents. This behavior doesn’t just crop up overnight. Someone has to let them get away with it and give them bad examples. I can only imagine what my parents would have done if I acted this much of a brat.

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      • Kate B.

        Kate B. October 7, 2013, 3:04 pm

        Society teaches them and their parents. This behavior does not just crop up overnight. Someone has to let them get away with this and set bad examples.

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      • avatar

        artsygirl October 8, 2013, 9:17 am

        I think there is confusion with “it’s your day” and “you are the sole and only focus today and not matter your behavior, you are a precious and special snowflake that everyone adores”.

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      • theattack

        theattack October 7, 2013, 2:34 pm

        Oh yeah, good call! Forgot about that one.

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      • Imsostartled

        Imsostartled October 7, 2013, 2:53 pm

        That one made me irate! Who does that? Who? I loved that her friend took it back and gave it to a homeless person who’d actually use it.

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      • avatar

        Jessibel5 October 7, 2013, 5:35 pm

        That was the wedding I attended. Bride’s been way more chatty with me lately and has thanked me profusely for coming, no mention of the gift, so I’m wondering if she’s embarrassed by her husband’s behavior.

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      • avatar

        StephieC October 7, 2013, 9:29 pm

        After her husband’s display you’re probably one of the only friends she has left.

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      • avatar

        jlyfsh October 8, 2013, 7:31 am

        well at least she’s been better. maybe her wedding really did make her go crazy? her husband though, i’d be embarrassed too!

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    • AKchic_

      AKchic_ October 7, 2013, 2:55 pm

      Yes. My uncle and his wife. It was so bad that my mom borrowed money from me to ensure that she had enough money to get them “something nice”. And they still mentioned to my grandma that my mom bought something that wasn’t on their registry, like a few others (me, for one) and why the hell did they waste all that time and energy if we weren’t going to look at it?

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      • avatar

        Taylor October 7, 2013, 3:07 pm

        Wow.

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    • avatar

      spark October 7, 2013, 7:34 pm

      I agree that it’s fake; I think most of these bridezilla anecdotes are fake but spread because they get attention.

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle October 7, 2013, 2:15 pm

    DAY-UMMM, that letter is so great though. I’m glad she called out ~every~ aspect of how tacky her bride friend was. Also fuck people who say “ya know” after making trying-to-be-sly bitchy/asshole statements. UGH

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    • JK

      JK October 7, 2013, 2:17 pm

      I just want to know what secrets Gretchen is keeping! Is the baby from a different guy or something?

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson October 7, 2013, 2:23 pm

        THAT’S ALL I CAN FOCUS ON. What secrets? I need them spilled. Also glad you’re back homie 🙂

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle October 7, 2013, 2:26 pm

        Oh shit, I missed that line. I want to know too!

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      • Lady_Red

        Red_Lady October 8, 2013, 5:29 pm

        I assumed she just got pregnant before the wedding, and wanted to keep it on the down low until after the wedding?

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  • mylaray

    mylaray October 7, 2013, 2:20 pm

    Ugh. What is wrong with people? And I swear something about weddings brings out the bitchiness. My best friend and I broke up over my upcoming wedding basically….because I’m engaged and getting married before she is, despite her being with her boyfriend longer. At least she showed me her true colors now. And I WISH I wasn’t always so nice and tactful because sometimes, I would just love to go all bitchy and call someone out.

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    • muchachaenlaventana

      muchachaenlaventana October 7, 2013, 3:13 pm

      OMG WHY DO PEOPLE CARE ABOUT THIS SHIT? My older sister who got engaged while I was in a serious relationship heading towards marriage told me before she met her fiance that I couldn’t get married before she did as she was the oldest and she meant it. I mean what????? Crazy. You are lucky your friend outed herself to you like this, because just WHAT? I can’t even imagine the non-logic that goes into deciding to end a friendship over something like that, or being angry someone who has been with their sig other less than you is getting married first.

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      • mylaray

        mylaray October 7, 2013, 3:38 pm

        Yeah it’s crazy. I don’t get why anyone actually cares about any of that. We sent out our invitations early because a lot of out of town guests + getting married in December around the holidays. Our friendship blew up pretty horribly after that, but I thought I was in the clear…until I got her RSVP yes recently! That will be a joy to deal with. I think I just need to tell her she can’t come period (because of unforgivable things she and her boyfriend said when she was angry about me being engaged). I can’t believe I would have a friend like that, but sometimes you really don’t know who someone is until something major happens. Life is not a competition!

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      • gatecrashergirl

        gatecrashergirl October 7, 2013, 6:23 pm

        She thinks she can still come?! Is she delusional? Wow. Some people’s sense of entitlement just astounds me.

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      • avatar

        Jessibel5 October 7, 2013, 5:38 pm

        That’s some Jane Austen Regency Era type sh*t right there. I hear her saying that in Dame Maggie’s voice like in the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice

        “and your sisters? Are they all out in society?”
        “Yes Ma’am, all of them.”
        “ALL of them?!”
        “Yes Ma’am, ALL”

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      • avatar

        va-in-ny October 7, 2013, 5:38 pm

        My boyfriend’s sister told me the same thing. She wasn’t even in a relationship at the time. But, she’s the oldest…and will get married first. Because… of…. reasons?

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      • avatar

        artsygirl October 8, 2013, 9:21 am

        My younger sister eloped less then a year before I got married. It honestly didn’t matter to me except I had to rush to get all the information changed from ‘maid of honor’ to ‘matron of honor’.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 3:17 pm

      My sister’s fairly new relationship is progressing pretty quickly and I said to someone ‘imagine if they got engaged for her bday (which was a few days ago)’ and that was the response I got…asking if I’d be mad she got engaged before me. Wtf? Very weird how people can be.

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana October 7, 2013, 3:39 pm

        yeah it is so weird. my little sister is def going to be engaged or married before I am and I could care less. I am so happy for her, just as I would be for anyone who got engaged and married and was happy and excited for it, regardless of what is going on in my own life.

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      • othy

        othy October 7, 2013, 3:46 pm

        When Mr. Othy and I were engaged, we had a pretty long engagement (1.5 years) due to many reasons. A few months after he proposed, his sister got engaged and married in quick succession. And we couldn’t have been happier for her. Not only was she super happy to get married, she gave us a lot more wiggle room with saying no when Mr. Othy’s parents tried to demand something crazy “Well, it didn’t work when his sister did X, or do you remember how crazy Uncle John was about Y?”

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle October 7, 2013, 3:51 pm

        Yeah, wtf. All I can think of is Gone With The Wind where Scarlett’s littlest sister is having a fit— “She’s been married 3 times, & I’LL BE AN OLD MAIIIIIID”. Yes, that is how people thought in the civil war era, when there were ~slaves~ & women couldn’t work; so why are people today still absorbed in that mindset?

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana October 7, 2013, 4:00 pm

        HA love the GWTW reference. Yeah one of my good friend’s has 2 older sisters the oldest had been with her bf about 3 years longer than the middle when the middle got engaged and then married. The oldest still isnt engaged or married but the #1 thing she was asked at their engagement party/wedding was was she upset she wasn’t getting married first? So this is like a real thing people care about and think other people care about. I have been asked whether I am upset my sister will be married before I even have a boyfriend longer than a year ha and honestly NO. It’s weird people do care about this. It does seem to harken back to the idea of “old maids” and “being on the shelf” etc.

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      • avatar

        thatgirl October 7, 2013, 4:30 pm

        When my older sister got married, I stood up with her. While we were getting ready, she said to me “Well, I finally did something before you!” and she meant it!!

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      • katie

        katie October 7, 2013, 3:45 pm

        i had a friend apologize for getting married before me, because “you guys have been together for longer then we have”

        the world sucks, everyone.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 3:55 pm

        I had to lecture my little brother the other day about why its not a woman’s goal to get her boyfriend to propose (he’s 15). He apparently thought I’ve been wooing Peter all this time in hopes he would want to marry me. He got an earful, haha.

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    • kare

      kare October 7, 2013, 8:51 pm

      My best friend’s sister is mad she’s having a baby before her. Her sister is 30, in a serious relationship for about 4 years, and has profusely stated she does not want kids. When she found out my friend was pregnant, she through a huge bitch fit and said she can’t believe my friend had the nerve to have a kid before her. I mean the baby isn’t planned so it’s not like she went out of her way to one up her sister. She hasn’t spoken to my friend since and is not coming to the shower. People are bitches.

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl October 8, 2013, 8:58 am

      GGuy’s little sister got married before us, and they had been dating for half as long as us. She apologized. So strange. His other, older sister was pissed though.

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  • iwannatalktosampson

    iwannatalktosampson October 7, 2013, 2:21 pm

    That bride is clearly atrocious, but I kind of feel like the friend spent all those exchanges borderline sucking up to the bride, like “please don’t be mad at me! I can’t pay for your wedding! Will you still love me?” And then flipped the script. WHICH SHE SHOULD HAVE. But seriously why was she putting up with it and justifying her homemade gift at the beginning. Bizarre.

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    • avatar

      painted_lady October 7, 2013, 2:33 pm

      Eh, I would imagine it’s patterns of behavior that were set from the beginning or evolved over time. I don’t know that I would immediately call out that behavior in a friend, either. I would assume, oh, wedding stress, she’s not herself, it’ll blow over, or I might not even recognize it immediately as terrible behavior, depending on the nature of that relationship. And sometimes you just hope shitty behavior will quit and it doesn’t seem like too much to handle till it does.

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      • Imsostartled

        Imsostartled October 7, 2013, 2:59 pm

        Yeah I’m like Gretchen. I’d suck it up and be like “Oh, she’s just stressed” until something seriously Fed up (like the text) or if I just couldn’t take it anymore and then I would flip.

        I’m too nice sometimes and I generally dislike confrontation. BUT If a friend does something that crazily crosses the line I will BURN (not literally) you and never look back. I’ve gotten rid of a lot of toxic friendships that way.

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    • Lindsay

      Lindsay October 7, 2013, 2:54 pm

      I think it’s just because the normal response to someone being slightly annoying is to just go along with it. But after a certain point, you just can’t do it anymore/realize that their behavior is crossing a line. I didn’t find it that weird.

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    • theattack

      theattack October 7, 2013, 3:39 pm

      I can never think of the right thing to say in these situations. I always think of a great comeback later after I’ve already said something stupid, so I get why this LW did that.

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      • theattack

        theattack October 7, 2013, 3:40 pm

        Just kidding, there’s no LW. Oops.

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  • kmtthat

    kmentothat October 7, 2013, 2:27 pm

    I don’t know…I’ve been in a similar situation, and I’m just not a fan of being rude back to a rude person. Sending the penny in particular made me think of people who tip their waitstaff with penny if they are pissed. All it does is give the crazy person ammo to say you are crazy and deflects the attention off of them. If they are that far gone, getting in their face like that is just sort of stooping to their level.

    I would have sent a decline to attend note saying “I’m saddened that my presence, given our long history of friendship and support, was not enough for me to be welcomed on your wedding day or baby shower. I could have really used your support as I dealt with recent financial struggles, rather than an explicit demand for money. I found this thoughtless, cruel, and disrespectful. Should your priorities ever change and you realize how this has deeply affected me, please give me a call. Until then, best wishes in your chosen life.

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    • avatar

      jlyfsh October 7, 2013, 2:33 pm

      yeah i agree with you on the ammo part. but, i’m guessing she was livid and probably did this before calming down. not that it makes it ‘right’. but, i can understand being that pissed and doing something like that without fully thinking things through.

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    • Kate B.

      Kate B. October 7, 2013, 2:54 pm

      Some people only understand rude. I’d send this letter without qualms and if she came to me saying I was crazy, I would remind myself how lucky I am to not have to deal with her anymore.

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    • Nicolasa

      Nicolasa October 7, 2013, 2:54 pm

      I completely agree! Sometimes, the best way to make a dig is to be subtle. She should have kept her cool and responded with dignity- this would have really made her point more effective, and she would have demonstrated more class.

      But, snap! Gretchen has some lady balls.

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    • Lindsay

      Lindsay October 7, 2013, 2:57 pm

      I don’t know, I’m not sure everyone cares if the person thinks they’re crazy or is able to deflect attention somewhere. In those situations, my purpose is letting the person themselves know how I feel, not necessarily trying to prove anything to anyone else. So, those aren’t really big deals to me.

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    • avatar

      starpattern October 7, 2013, 3:54 pm

      Yes! Your proposed response is so much better. I really do get the temptation to be like “Fuck you, bitch!” to people who are being, well… bitches, but I have never, ever, felt better or satisfied after being harsh about calling someone out – no matter how wrong or rude they were. I just feel anxious and frustrated, because they never get it. Usually the only thing I will say to rude/hateful people is “Wow, that was really hurtful,” or maybe “Please don’t speak to me that way,” and then distance myself… ’cause while part of me wants to high five Gretchen for that letter and the penny, I know it probably didn’t actually do any good. She just spent a bunch of emotional energy to burn that bridge in a spectacular fashion.

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      • kmtthat

        kmentothat October 7, 2013, 5:28 pm

        Thanks! Idk, in my experience, the classier and more cool headed you are when you put someone in their place, the more pissed off they get. The few times I’ve been out of my mind angry are when I have decided to behaved the most calmly…because I know that this person is 100% out of my life and doesn’t deserve one more minute of my emotional energy.

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        BreezyAM October 7, 2013, 9:25 pm

        I kind of get this… but at the same time, I also feel this kind of talk often is code for women needing to “be nice” and “be okay” with things. See if she had written a note like that, all “dignified” someone later would come bitch and say it was inappropriate and the better path would have been to just say nothing at all and hold her head high.

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      • kmtthat

        kmentothat October 8, 2013, 10:17 am

        I can see that maybe….but for me, calmness doesn’t equate to nice. It’s more of not wanting to give that person more power over my emotions once I am done with them. Example: I had a boyfriend that cheated on me, with a girl that my best friend at the time (obviously not a friend anymore) had set him up with. It was mind boggling because we all aren’t that young and obviously I would find out about it. When I found out, I called and left him a very calm, short voice mail that said something like “Hey, I just talked to X and got the full story on you and Y. Since you cheated on me, this relationship is obviously over, so please don’t bother reaching out to me again.” And never spoke to him again, despite weeks worth of calls and texts. Maybe I’m just more evil, but I’ve found this kind of thing, just straight cold to the point cut off, tends to screw with people more than hysterical letters about your feelings and every way they screwed you over.

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        starpattern October 8, 2013, 10:28 am

        Yeah, plus why cause yourself extra pain by dragging out the argument/discussion for weeks? Bam, boundary drawn, end of story. (And ugh, I’m sorry to hear that happened to you!)

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      • kmtthat

        kmentothat October 8, 2013, 10:52 am

        Yeah I tend to be the most forgiving person, but once you cross that very well defined line, it’s game over. But somehow people are always surprised.

        And in retrospect, I’m glad it happened, because I was able to cut two people out of my life that clearly had no respect for me, and it gave me the “nothing to lose” mentality that made me open to considering moving from SoCal to Chicago a few months later…which has been one of he best if not THE best decision I’ve ever made 🙂

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        starpattern October 8, 2013, 10:23 am

        I sat and thought about this for a minute, but ultimately I disagree with you, at least in this case. I get that sometimes people pressure women to just be nice and take it, especially when we are dealing with harassment by men, and that is a problem. But in this case and similar ones I really just think that by piling on the snark when responding to someone who is being rude you are just escalating the situation and usually getting no benefit out of it other than trying to have the last word – and in my experience at least, this kind of exchange is not gender specific.

        I don’t blame Gretchen in this story for responding the way she did and I totally understand why she did it, but I don’t think it did any good – the bride is not going to get that letter and suddenly repent. I mean, maybe some people actually DO feel better after making a response like that, in which case, carry on… the good that came of it was you got some satisfaction. But personally, I can’t see the benefit – like I said above, I usually just feel anxious and frustrated after I pull something like this, even if I was justified, because it never does any good. Somebody was a bitch to me, I gave a bitchy response and then it was just bitch squared and nothing changed for the better and I was the one that ended up feeling shitty. I still stand up for myself by not allowing people to treat me poorly… I just do that by removing myself from the situation or removing that person from my life. It just causes me a lot less anxiety that way. Personal preference.

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  • Kate B.

    Kate B, October 7, 2013, 2:41 pm

    Gretchen is my hero. I want to start a cult in her name and worship her.

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  • avatar

    Banana October 7, 2013, 2:54 pm

    I kind of agree with those who are wondering if this stuff is actually real. I’ve never encountered anyone behaving that awfully about a wedding gift. I’ve definitely seen or heard about rude exchanges about gifts, but not to that level of insensitivity or persistence.

    And if it was real — who the hell befriends someone like that? Behavior like that doesn’t just come out of the blue. How could she remain friends with someone like that for over ten years?

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    • Kate B.

      Kate B. October 7, 2013, 3:00 pm

      True story from a friend of mine who is a former teacher. (Not about a wedding, but illustrates bad behavior.) Mom came to complain that her daughter was flunking out of class. She demanded that Teacher give her daughter an A. Teacher replied her daughter didn’t do any of the work, and thus did not deserve an A. Mom proceeded to scream, yell and threaten the Teacher. Teacher calmly asked Mom if she was trying to teach her daughter the lesson that throwing a tantrum will get you what you want. Mom’s reply, VERBATIM: “Works for me.” Teacher quit teaching that very day.

      As to the friendship, maybe she had just had enough. We all give our friends passes once in a while, but we all have our limits, too. I ended a 30+ year friendship simply because I couldn’t take it anymore. (And I grew a pair.)

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      • katie

        katie October 7, 2013, 3:10 pm

        my former english teacher has lots of those stories… its sad.

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      painted_lady October 7, 2013, 6:53 pm

      It’s really amazing the kinds of 180s people can pull. I was friends with the same woman for 19 years, since we were 10, and she went from being my best friend – a little more traditionally-minded than I’ve ever been, but on the whole we saw eye-to-eye on right and wrong, shared a sense of humor, shared milestones with each other, etc. And then she got in a really awful relationship, there was a custody battle with her kids from a previous relationship between her and her parents because the guy was so awful, and she left the country with him and the kids. And lived on the street and left the kids alone with total strangers and lived on the streets…and then came home and called me to tell me she would never trust her parents again and said some of the nastiest shit based on the fact that she had clearly prioritized keeping them with her over their safety. It’s been appalling what she’s put the kids and her parents through…I thought it was because he was abusive, but then less than two years later, she married and moved in with another virtual stranger, uprooted her kids, etc. Not to threadjack, but people are capable of becoming complete strangers, and you might not know how they’ve evolved until the right situation occurs.

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  • avatar

    Sarah October 7, 2013, 3:17 pm

    I had a “friend” ask me for months for an invitation to our wedding. I knew she didn’t want anything other than a free party and sure enough I didn’t even get a card. It did boil my nerves a little.

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      Sarah October 7, 2013, 3:18 pm

      btw – I meant card with no money in it. That is all I really expected from anyone. Spend $3 on a nice card and show me that you are HAPPY for me.

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      • othy

        othy October 7, 2013, 3:51 pm

        I kept all of the wedding cards I got. I love looking through them every once in a while, because it makes me smile to think of all of the people who loved me and came out to show their support. I had a few cash strapped friends who only gave me small gifts (like, $10 gift card to Target), but poured their hearts out in the notes inside the cards. That meant a lot more to me than the token gift.

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        bethany October 7, 2013, 3:57 pm

        I like looking through my cards, too! I keep meaning to make them into a book, but never have gotten around to it.

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        lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 3:58 pm

        I did that with my cards. Hole punch them and get those binder clips (without the binder part obviously) from Michael’s or wherever. Takes 2 minutes.

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      • mylaray

        mylaray October 7, 2013, 4:32 pm

        A little unrelated, but I keep all the cards people send me for whatever reason and pin them up on a wall and then put them together in a book at the end of the year. I love looking through things like that.

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      • othy

        othy October 7, 2013, 5:18 pm

        We have a wall of wedding invites/save the dates/birth announcements/etc on our fridge. I think it’s so cool to see how much personality goes into things like that. And I’m sure our friends/family love that we still have the invites they sent out years ago.

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        lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 5:21 pm

        Me too! I even have some from engagements that never made it to the wedding…guess I should take those down?

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      • othy

        othy October 7, 2013, 5:50 pm

        Eh, just black out the face of the one you don’t like?

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      • kmtthat

        kmentothat October 7, 2013, 5:24 pm

        Am I the only one that isn’t keen on cards? I always end up throwing them away and feeling vaguely guilty that I am. I don’t like a lot of clutter or boxes of things/knicknacks/memorabilia in general, so I don’t know if this is more of an anti-pack rat thing or a sense that I find most cards kind of cheesy. Even for birthdays etc. I’d rather get taken to a play than get a card/gift/flowers/love note. Oh, love languages…

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        lets_be_honest October 7, 2013, 5:26 pm

        I probably tilt too far on the other end. I love cards, save them all and usually end up giving 2+ per event because I can’t decide which I’d like to give the most. My boyfriend just got 3 from me for his birthday.

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      • kmtthat

        kmentothat October 7, 2013, 5:31 pm

        I guess I better try harder with cards then!

        I will say, I don’t mind handmade cards, those I’ll keep. My dad always demanded handmade cards for every holiday when I was growing up, well into my early twenties. I refused to continue after he cried on my shoulder for 30 mins one Christmas when I was like 23. Overly sentimental dad ftw haha.

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      • mylaray

        mylaray October 7, 2013, 5:38 pm

        I definitely can be a pack rat because I love sentimental things. But there are a few people in my life that always throw out my cards. I’m a designer so I design the cards and envelopes. It’s just something I enjoy. But I give store bought cards to the people I know are just going to throw them away haha.

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      • kmtthat

        kmentothat October 7, 2013, 5:50 pm

        See, now that card I’d keep! Very cool that you do that 🙂

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        Sarah October 7, 2013, 5:54 pm

        I <3 cards!

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson October 7, 2013, 6:38 pm

        I’m with you – I don’t like stuff like that at all. I throw away all cards almost instantly because to me it just looks like junk mail. Don’t worry, I feel like an asshole for that, but I can’t help it. I just don’t appreciate them at all. I’m like that with all momentos though. Even toys and stuff I had as a little kid I have no issues with throwing them away.

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        bethany October 8, 2013, 9:26 am

        I usually throw away the ones where people just write their name in them. But if they wrote a special message, it gets saved. Forever.

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  • AKchic_

    AKchic_ October 7, 2013, 2:50 pm

    *stands up and starts a slow clap*

    Way to go. That is just awesome. Someone had to call that bitch out on her materialistic bullshit.

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  • gatecrashergirl

    gatecrashergirl October 7, 2013, 6:27 pm

    I feel like the bride won’t even flinch at this letter. If she’s as self-absorbed as she sounds, she’ll probably just call the girl a b*tch and play it like she was the one to end their friendship.

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