I have been in a relationship for seven years with the same person (cohabiting for six), and I thought we were very open with each other. We have each other’s passwords and all of that jazz. I just found out (accidentally) that he has been prescribed Paxil. I wasn’t snooping to find out this information; he has his prescription information on my CVS online account, and he wondered if another prescription he needed was ready, so I checked. (I’ve ordered his prescriptions in the past, with his permission, while he was busy at work). I mentioned that his two prescriptions were ready, and he became really weird and quiet about it.
I feel so stupid because I didn’t realize that he had emotional issues. He said that his doctor prescribed them for some chest pain issues that he’s been having, but I don’t think he realizes that I recognized the name, since it was a generic. I don’t know how to bring this up. Is not saying anything the best plan? I had to seek counseling last year, which he knows about that, so I don’t think shame is the issue here. My first thought is that maybe he’s unhappy with me, because he’s pretty solid at work and his band is becoming more popular on a local level. He has no real stressor in his life at the moment, which makes me think I might be the problem.
Should I just pretend I never found out this information? I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m really afraid that he’s keeping something big from me. Another part of me wonders if the reason that he’s withholding this information from me is because he knows that I am very wary of anti-depressants because I know so many people who have fundamentally changed and lost all sex drive while on them. — Rx Blues
[Click to continue]
by Wendy on February 22, 2012
· in Columns
Read the full article...
In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
I had an affair with a married woman, “Kelly,” whom I dated back in high school. She left her husband — who now has a new girlfriend — and we have been dating seriously for over two years. Kids are involved on all sides but everyone pretty much knows everything minus details.
I am writing because sometimes, but not often, when there is a function for the kids and Kelly knows their dad will be there she asks me to stay away. She is cordial with him if she sees him but nothing more. Well, another dinner is coming up for her godson and while the ex is not invited her godson’s family is, including his uncle who happens to still be very close to Kelly’s ex. Her godson’s mother, “Mary,” and I are very close also and the godson even calls me uncle. Mary is also getting married this year and asked me to be in the wedding and asked Kelly to be her Maid of Honor. In spite of this Kelly has asked me not to attend the dinner because of her godson’s uncle and what he might say or do to stir things up. (I have never met this man before, although I have met many other family members including another brother of Mary’s, all of whom have been very nice to me). Kelly is particularly worried about him saying things in front of her own kids. I told her that I am not here to make waves but I am also not here to hide, especially from a friend of the ex. I told her that I did not believe it was fair of her to ask me, especially since his own mother wants me there. Instead of getting in a big fight about it, I told her I would just stay away, but now I am accused of having an attitude about it all. So not only do I have to be uninvited because she is worried, it’s my fault for being bothered by it.
Should I just keep quiet and stay away and chalk it up to “this is what I get” because of the way we started our relationship, or is she wrong for asking me to stay away? I feel hindered about moving forward as I feel she is not sticking by me enough. — Staying away in LA
by Wendy on February 21, 2012
· in Columns,Your Turn
Read the full article...
My boyfriend and I are in our late twenties, pretty poor and will be for some time due to loans and low-paying jobs we love. Currently, we each live in an apartment with roommates. Like many twenty-somethings, my experiences with roommates have ranged from okay to horrible, and I’ve been slowly saving up money to move into an apartment by myself, an exciting prospect even if I have to move a few towns away to find something cheap enough.
My boyfriend and I de facto live together now because my current roommate moved in, then promptly got a boyfriend and I haven’t seen her in months. He and I spend six nights a week together, cook and clean at my place, he has a key, etc. We’d like to live together, but he’s committed to moving into a big house with 3-4 other people. He wants me to come with him and there’s a lot of good reasons to go (including the house being nicer and in a better neighborhood than any place I could afford on my own), but I can’t shake the feeling that our first official living-together experience shouldn’t be with a bunch of strangers. However, I have no real concrete reason for believing this, and I know I could just be fixated on living alone because that’s been my goal. So I’m wondering, am I making a big deal out of nothing? Is this a common arrangement for other people? And are there other things you think should be on my mind before we make this decision? — An Unsure Roomie
[Click to continue]
by Wendy on February 21, 2012
· in Columns
Read the full article...
In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
For the past year I have been in a great relationship, I never thought I would find someone whom I would mesh with so well. However, there is a big elephant in the room that I don’t know how to deal with. About two months ago, I told my boyfriend I loved him (I don’t have the best mental filter and I kind of blurted it out in the middle of an unrelated conversation). He didn’t respond at all — just returned to what we’d be talking about even though I am sure he heard me. Ever since, I’ve acted like I didn’t say it, and he’s acted like he didn’t hear it.I haven’t repeated the sentiment even though I am sure of how I feel. But I’m scared to say it again because his lack of response hurt … a lot. It felt like I dove into an empty pool and hit the concrete. So I would like to avoid that. I think part of why it hurt me so much was that I was pretty sure he would say it back. He’s affectionate, thoughtful and in the last two months had said things like how lucky he feels to be dating me, and how great this past year has been. Is it wrong for me to want to hear the L word? Or at least have a conversation about if he is going to ever have those type of feelings for me? — L Bomb Explosion
by Wendy on February 20, 2012
· in Columns,Your Turn
Read the full article...
It’s wedding-planning season, everyone! Read on:
I’ve known my best friend, “Jane,” more than half my life — ever since high school. Though we still retain an important place in each other’s lives, we have grown apart over the years (both emotionally and physically – I now live across the country from her) and I believe both of us have people in our daily lives who are now closer to us on a day-to-day basis. However, no one can replace her in my life when it comes to shared history and memories, and she has been there for me over the years in many ways for which I can never repay her. When we do see each other, which is sadly rare these days, we have a relationship that is hard to match with “newer” friends, and we typically have a great time.
The last time I saw her was a year ago, when my husband paid for her and another close friend to fly out for my 30th birthday. (Her then-boyfriend, now-fiance also came out with them, but my husband did not pay for his ticket.) She did some things over that weekend that made me angry, the worst of which was that she was rude to another woman I consider a close friend. I should have told her I was angry so that we could have discussed the situation and moved on, but I didn’t want to ruin the weekend, and I haven’t seen her since. I realize now that I should have just picked up the phone and had the discussion that way, but I didn’t, which was my mistake.
She just got engaged over the holidays, and I will be in her wedding. I find myself resentful about many things related to the wedding, and I think it is because I still harbor resentment from the last time I saw her. (One example: When I first asked if they had set a date, she said she wanted to talk to me about it first, to see what was convenient for me. She then never actually did so, and set the date for very close to Thanksgiving, which means that my husband and I will not be able to visit my parents for Thanksgiving as we had planned, since we can’t afford to take two cross-country trips in close succession. Now, I would never have expected her to “clear” her date with me first – when I got married, I certainly didn’t clear my date with anyone – but I find myself resentful that she said she would talk to me about it first if she had no actual intention of doing so.).
How can I get over all this and just be happy for her – and, hopefully, excited to be involved in her big day, rather than upset? It seems awkward to bring up what happened last year now that she’s in the middle of planning a wedding. — Don’t Want to Be a Bitter Bridesmaid
[Click to continue]
by Wendy on February 17, 2012
· in Columns
Read the full article...
