Columns

“I Haven’t Met My Boyfriend’s Family”

I’m a 31 year-old woman and have known my current boyfriend, 33, since 2007. We dated for a year and a half and parted ways. He wanted to marry me but I still had baggage from a divorce and didn’t think it would be fair to him to marry him before cleaning my life up. We kept in touch but not too much; I signed up for school and pursued my dreams without a man and embraced my alone time. I always loved him and never forgot him.

To make a long story short, fate brought us back together. But by then, he was living with a woman and I would not settle for second best. It took him about a year to end things with her. She had no job and nothing going for herself and I guess that’s what he missed — he has always admired my ambition, so he eagerly reached out to me once she was gone for good and professed his love and pursued me again. That was February of 2011 and we are still together. He treats me well, spends much of his free time with me and talks about the future.

The problem is, I have anxieties about what’s next. I want to get married and he says he still does too, but he avoids the issue if I bring it up! It’s like he talks about the future only when he wants to. Most important, I haven’t met his mother but I know she knows about me. Is that a bad thing? I know he’s not embarrassed to be seen with me because we go out together all the time. I go to functions for his work and his friends, but have never met his family. Am I maybe a little pushy? My mom says I’m controlling and impatient.

I have prayed about him and all the signs lead to him. We still have great chemistry, are highly attracted to one another, and we rarely get upset with each other (and when we do, it doesn’t last long). Is it the divorce that gives me anxiety? Or should I just enjoy the moment and not worry too much?! I don’t want to nag him. He wants me to believe in him and he always says: “Whatever I say I’m going to do, I do! It may not be when you expect it, but just believe in me.” That does make me feel like I can trust him. I don’t want to mess things up, I just need some pointers. — Growing Impatient

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by Wendy on May 16, 2012 · in Columns

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“My Boyfriend is Going to Two Weddings with Other Women!”

My boyfriend recently got invited to two different weddings. The thing is, he got invited as a ‘plus one’ so he is not able to take me. The girls who invited him are supposedly really good friends with him and have known him longer than I have. I want to wig out on him about it but I don’t want to be overreacting. I want to be a cool understanding girlfriend but I can’t help that this makes me jealous. We’ve been going out for five months and things are pretty great. He didn’t ask permission or anything about the weddings but as soon as he was invited he told me. I’m not sure what to think. I’ve asked my friends but they just want to be mad at him for accepting to go to the weddings. I feel like I need a more level headed person to assess this situation. — Un-Plus One

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by Wendy on May 15, 2012 · in Columns

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“He Won’t Commit. Should I Give Him an Ultimatum?”

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half. Before we met, he lived in L.A. working in a job he enjoyed, and then was fired because of cutbacks. His father recently passed away so with that and losing his job he decided to move back home to help out his family. He got a new job that he pretty much despises and which pays miserably, and he has been searching for work for a little over two years now with no luck. Right before our one-year mark I asked him if he saw a future with me. He said with living at home and working in a miserable job, he can’t even imagine buying a home and supporting a wife and kids. He’s gotten close to getting a job he really wants, begins to feel hopeful, and then is let down. So he’s decided to not make plans for the future because he doesn’t want to be let down again. He can only focus on the present.

I can understand how depressing that is, but I was always hopeful about us and I’m now beginning to lose hope. I wonder if I should wait it out to see when/if he gets a job and see if then he’ll want to talk about a future with me. I know we love each other and we have a good relationship, but I’m turning 29 this August and beginning to need something more stable. I don’t expect him to propose to me tomorrow, but I feel I at least need to know that he wants a future with me. I want to talk to him about this, but I feel that, if I do, he will give me the same answer and either I have to live with that or end the relationship. Do I wait it out longer or do I give an ultimatum? — Impatient

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by Wendy on May 14, 2012 · in Columns

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“Where Are All the Strong, Confident Men?”

It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss take-charge men, the problem with texting, and turning down a wedding invitation.

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by Wendy on May 11, 2012 · in Columns,Shortcuts

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“My Mother Forged My Signature on a Check”

After I received the following letter, I reached out again to prolific commenter, “Addie Pray,” our resident legal expert who has contributed some law-related advice in the past. She was nice enough to extend some of her superstar legal expertise again to answer the following letter:

Let me preface this letter by saying that my relationship with my mother has been a downward spiral since I was about 12 years old. Along with being verbally abusive and a compulsive liar, she may, I think, have psychological problems that fuel her erratic, irrational, and manipulative behavior. Still, most of my life I felt guilty for telling her off or ignoring her (I am 23 now). About 9 months ago (August of last year), I severed ties with her after a particularly explosive argument over something rather insignificant. She tried to get back in touch around Christmas and again around her birthday in February, but was rather hostile and controlling about it, so I told her I did not feel comfortable having a relationship until she got a better handle on her emotions and anger issues. She said she had no plans to change and I made no further contact either time.

Just as I began to feel guilty again for cutting her out of my life, I found out today that she forged my signature on a refund check which was mistakenly sent to her house last October. I contacted the bank and they promised to get my money back and said they “might press charges” against her. However, since the check was only for $60, I doubt they will. At this point, if she is willing to commit a crime for a petty $60, I am afraid of what else she might do and feel like she should face some consequence for this. My first question is: if the bank doesn’t take any action against her, is there any legal recourse I can pursue for what she did (either for check fraud or for opening my mail without permission)? And on a more personal level, how should I handle our relationship from now on if she contacts me again? This is my last straw in terms of feeling guilty for severing ties, but I’m not sure how to come to terms with the very real possibility of not speaking to her again for the rest of my life. — Mama Drama

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by Wendy on May 10, 2012 · in Columns,Guest Column

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