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Today’s guest essay is written by Nicki Stapleton (honeybeenicki), who has previously shared her essays, “My Life as a Prison Wife” and “My Life as a Post-Prison Wife” on Dear Wendy.
When I was a kid, I loved going through the photo albums that lined our book shelf, looking at pictures of “young me,” as well as other people I knew. In one album were photos of this beautiful little dark-haired baby girl, often held by my mom. I was my mother’s only child and as blonde as blonde could get, so I knew that baby wasn’t me. When I asked my mom about the dark-haired girl from the photos, she told me her name was Jessica, that she was my sister whom my mother had at a very young age and that she had been given up for adoption. As a child — and now as an adult — I always had an insatiable thirst for information, so I had question upon question upon question for my mom, and she answered them as well as she could with what information she had and with what she believed I could understand.
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by Wendy on May 9, 2013
· in Essays,Getting Personal,Guest Column
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The following essay was written by guest contributor, Sarah Fetters. She’s pictured above on her wedding day with her new husband, Josh.
When I got married in November of 2012 I was a first-time wife, but a second-time bride. About four and a half years before I walked down the aisle towards my husband Josh, I called off my first wedding. My first fiancé at the time, Tim, and I met and fell in love almost instantly. There were some red flags, though like his parents’ emotionally abusive relationship, and Tim’s tendency to tell small lies. But despite these things we had several blissfully happy years as we moved in together, got engaged, and planned a beautiful wedding. We booked a swanky museum for our reception. I bought a gorgeous designer gown in a rose pink tint. And then about six months before our wedding, a bombshell revelation about Tim’s father changed everything. [Click to continue]
by Wendy on March 6, 2013
· tagged as weddings in Essays,Guest Column
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In honor of the upcoming holiday season, I am re-posting this column that was originally published on November 8, 2011. It was written by guest columnist, Billie Criswell, while I was taking maternity leave.
I’ve been married for two years to my high school sweetheart, Mark, but we’ve been together as a couple for nearly 10 years, so I’ve had plenty of time to get to know my FIL, Hank. But the more I know about him, the less I want to have anything to do with him. Hank loves being inappropriate and making intentionally over-the-top bigoted comments just for the reaction. On two separate occasions when we’ve dined out as a family, we’ve been seated near a table where two women were dining alone, and he couldn’t stop snickering the whole time about how they must be lesbians. He also slut-shames one of his nieces because she’s 30, unmarried, was an NFL cheerleader for a little while and dresses sexy. After one of Mark’s other cousins brought a new girlfriend to a family event, Hank couldn’t stop talking about the size of her breasts. I have actually snapped back at him a few times, but teasing is common in Mark’s family – you only earn respect with them if you can “dish it out” as well as you can take it, so if I do fire a comeback at him, he takes it as playful banter.
Hank’s behavior has only gotten worse in the past couple years. Mark doesn’t like his father that much either, but family is family and he still loves him, of course, as he should. Mark is getting less patient with me when I vent out my feelings after a visit. His parents live on the opposite side of the state from us, a four-hour drive. But because the drive isn’t *that* long, we do end up seeing each other about once a month or so – the next occasion on the calendar is Thanksgiving at their house. I dread having to put up with Hank if he’s in one of his “ornery” moods. My patience with him is thin and I honestly wouldn’t feel that bad about exploding and chewing him out if he provokes me. I’m not expecting him to change, but if you have any suggestions for how I can tolerate being around him without blowing up in feminist rage or annoying my husband by complaining, I could really use the advice before Thanksgiving. — Offended In-Law
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by Wendy on November 19, 2012
· in Columns,Guest Column
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Today’s essay was written by guest contributor, Dennis Hong.
A few weeks ago, Wendy responded to a letter from a woman who was disgusted by her current boyfriend. As she put it, “He is grossly hairy EVERYWHERE, he is poorly educated, lacks common sense, is extremely clingy and he has halitosis.” Further complicating the situation was the fact that this woman was still in love with her ex.
Wendy’s advice was not to tell the current boyfriend how much he grossed her out and instead focus on the part about her not being over her ex. Pretty much everyone agreed with this advice. I mean, it’s the tactful and compassionate thing to do, right? He’s already going to be crushed. No reason to bludgeon him after reducing him to a whimpering pulp.
But then, over the next few days, I kept thinking back to this letter. And I kept wanting to put myself in the stinky boyfriend’s stinky shoes: [Click to continue]
by Wendy on October 31, 2012
· in Essays,Getting Personal,Guest Column
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This article is from guest contributor, “Avery,” whose recent letter asking for advice prompted her to write the following.
Out of the blue, my ex-fiancé started to have doubts about our engagement, and he eventually ended it. The people in my life had a variety of reactions during and after the breakup – the comforting, the unhelpful, and the downright insensitive. Some of the comments I heard were like salt in the wound, and some helped me feel better. If you know someone going through the devastation of a broken engagement, here are a few suggestions for what to say and what not to say.
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by Wendy on October 24, 2012
· in Guest Column,Lists
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