His Take questions are answered by our panel of smart, opinionated, and funny dudes.
About seven months ago I met this guy on Craigslist and became, well, sex buddies. Of course over the next few months, I wanted to get to know him more and start building a friendship. He agreed to it, but every time we met, it would lead to sex again, even after I told him not to look forward to it. I took a break from him and every week, he’d text me once, but I never texted back. I figured he would just seduce me into more sex.After a couple more months, he finally asked if something was wrong and told me that he missed me. I straight up told him he missed the sex we had, not me. He admitted to missing it, but he said he missed me just as much. Problem is, we’ve never even been on an actual date in the day because even though he’d set the dates and times, he would bail out on me two hours beforehand.
So it hurts, but I wanna know if he is the least bit interested in me other than just the sex. I text him sometimes, and his texts are usually late or consists of the words “I miss you.” After sex, he’d usually kiss me on the forehead multiple times. And just yesterday, we finally went on a date even though it lasted less than two hours. He held my hand, wrapped his arm around me, etc. So I guess my main question is: Am I over-thinking this, or is he just playing with me to gain my trust so I won’t see our sex as just sex? — Craigslist Hookup
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by Wendy on January 19, 2012
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After a brief hiatus, His Take is back! Let’s see how the guys handle this one:
Three years after our breakup, my ex-boyfriend found me on match.com and sent me a message. We wrote back and forth for a little bit and then we started texting over Thanksgiving. After a few weeks I got frustrated and asked him to catch up over drinks. He wrote back right away and suggested a day. We went out and had an awesome time. He walked me home and told me he really wanted to see me again. Having been hurt by him three years ago, I shrugged it off and told him to call me. Instead, he found me on Words with Friends and we started playing each other.
You can text through the game and that’s what we did. Every so often he would send me a text to my phone talking about the game. This started to really annoy me, so I resigned from the game and told him I couldn’t bare to beat him again. He took himself off match that night and never responded. I took the game off my cell and didn’t think twice. Ten days later I get a text from him asking me if I was really going to leave him hanging on Words with Friends. We texted back and forth for a while and I eventually accepted his new game request and we started playing again.
He would text me to my phone and actually talk to me about other things. I started to feel good about stuff. And I found himself liking him again. But now we still haven’t hung out. It’s been a month and half since I last saw him and I think we’ve played six games on Words with Friends. He’s driving me insane. I don’t understand why he went off Match and I don’t understand why he keeps playing me in this stupid game. If he had such a great time why isn’t making plans to see me? — More than Words, More than Friends?
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by Wendy on January 12, 2012
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I have never had a boyfriend or dated or did anything like that — not even a fling. All through high school I watched my friends drool over boys, get chased, be chased and partake in all the normal high school romance shenanigans. It’s not that I don’t like guys — I do — but I just never saw the point of dating when I was in high school. It might have to do with me possibly being a bit immature when it comes to that stuff but I have changed a lot since then.
Now I am twenty, I live in a big city, have my own apartment, I work, I am a student and overall, I have become more outgoing. I want to date now! I want a boyfriend! But my lack of experience seems to be my road block. Whenever I’m kind of hitting it off with a guy and the question of past relationships comes up I am honest and tell them I have done nothing with a guy or been in a relationship before. They all act extremely baffled at my inexperience and I think it drives them away. I don’t see the big deal but for all these guys I meet they see it as a red flag and run the other way.
Do guys really care about that sort of thing? Should I lie about my inexperience or just try to dodge the topic? Everyone I try to talk about this with think I need to lie because being a “ultimate virgin,” as my friends dubbed it, is a turnoff. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. I do things in my own time and don’t like being told what a girl my age is supposed to be doing or have already done. Should I lie to the next guy I have feelings for? Please help me get my first relationship! — The Ultimate Virgin
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by Wendy on November 1, 2011
· in Columns,His Take
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My boyfriend and have been dating just under a year. We’re both in our early 30s, and we’re both divorced (I have one child, he has none). We’ve been fighting recently, and one night, after a particularly frustrating exchange over the phone, I told him I thought we needed to take a step back from the relationship. I told him I was worried that our relationship styles weren’t a match and that we might not be compatible in the long run. I only half believed myself as I said it, but I was pretty frustrated. The next night he came over saying that he had to know just what “taking a step back” meant. I told him I still wasn’t sure what it meant. We talked for a while, and he ended up breaking things off. He told me he hopes we can get back together some day, but that we are officially broken up (to the point of being able to date/sleep with other people, although he says he has no intention of doing that right now, which I believe).
This is where the issue comes up: he wants to keep hanging out, keep talking on the phone, keep being involved in my child’s life. He basically wants the best of both worlds — my companionship and love — without the responsibility of dating (and without the fighting). I told him several times that if we’re broken up, we actually have to be broken up — no going out to dinner, no phone calls at night, nothing. At least not for now. He doesn’t understand why I don’t want to see him anymore, and says he’s heartbroken. He says he loves me to death and that he wants to keep seeing me and hopes we get back together, but that we are officially broken up.
I just don’t know what to make of it. Do I try it his way — hanging out more casually — in the hopes that we’ll reconnect? Or do I just cut him off? He is a genuinely great guy whom I obviously want to be with, and no part of me thinks he’s using this as a chance to run off and meet someone else. But I have to think about myself; seeing the man I love, and getting only part of him when I want all of him, will destroy me, sooner rather than later. What do I do? — Part-time Lover
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by Wendy on October 4, 2011
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I just came out of my first serious relationship about six months ago and have begun dating again. Instantly, I really connected with this one guy at work. (We’re both post-grad minions, so it’s not too scandalous.) We would text ALL the time, go to dinner and movies, hang out with his mom…basically dating without dating. To make a long story short, we ended up making out after a few too many White Russians. It was great and he was very considerate. Since then, we made out two more times, but the last time (a week ago) he was much more interested in going way further than I am currently comfortable with, so I asked him to slow down, which he did.
The thing is, now he barely talks to me outside of work. He used to text me at least three times a day and in the past week he’s only texted me twice. At work he’s perfectly normal, but he hasn’t mentioned hanging out again. I guess my questions are as follows: did he just want me for sex? Or has he mistaken physical intimacy for relationship status? (e.g. Is he not pursuing me because he wrongly thinks that I’m not interested in him because I wouldn’t go further?) And, in case this ever happens again, how can you backtrack physically without backtracking emotionally? — Let’s (Not) Get Physical
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by Wendy on September 27, 2011
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