I just came out of my first serious relationship about six months ago and have begun dating again. Instantly, I really connected with this one guy at work. (We’re both post-grad minions, so it’s not too scandalous.) We would text ALL the time, go to dinner and movies, hang out with his mom…basically dating without dating. To make a long story short, we ended up making out after a few too many White Russians. It was great and he was very considerate. Since then, we made out two more times, but the last time (a week ago) he was much more interested in going way further than I am currently comfortable with, so I asked him to slow down, which he did.
The thing is, now he barely talks to me outside of work. He used to text me at least three times a day and in the past week he’s only texted me twice. At work he’s perfectly normal, but he hasn’t mentioned hanging out again. I guess my questions are as follows: did he just want me for sex? Or has he mistaken physical intimacy for relationship status? (e.g. Is he not pursuing me because he wrongly thinks that I’m not interested in him because I wouldn’t go further?) And, in case this ever happens again, how can you backtrack physically without backtracking emotionally? — Let’s (Not) Get Physical
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by Wendy on September 27, 2011
· in His Take
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I’ve been seeing this great guy for almost six months and we are officially boyfriend/girlfriend. I’ve noticed, though, that in his Instagram profile that, in addition to a few friends, he follows about 10 or so random chicks who post provocative photos of themselves, as well as and photographers who post sexy (yet tasteful) photos of women they photograph (similar to Maxim). It doesn’t really bother me that much about the latter but the former makes me feel like I am not enough for him sexually (which is kind of strange to me because we have amazing sex almost every day/night of the week!). I wonder if I should ask him about it, but I don’t want him knowing I was looking at his Instagram profile (even though he has it set to public and has posted photos he has taken on Facebook). I send him dirty photos of myself randomly and when we’re away from each other because I think it’s fun and hot (safely, of course, with my face not showing). Do you think I have anything to worry about in terms of him cheating or looking elsewhere for sex? — Instagram Dame
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by Wendy on September 20, 2011
· in His Take
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When I was in college in 2006 I met a senior whom I had one class with and we ended up chatting before and exchanging numbers. However, after that he graduated neither of us bothered to pursue the friendship. Fast forward to three years ago we got in contact through a social media site and exchanged cell numbers. Since then we have developed a friendship, a serious flirtation and attraction.
He told me in the start of it he did not want a relationship and I was fine with that since I was just getting out of a three-year relationship. Since we live about an hour away from each other, most of our communication is on the phone, though in the past year we have seen each other six times. During our first meeting, we ended up making out heavily, but since then the times I have seen him we haven’t touched other than the occasional hug. On his birthday in June, which I gave him custom-made drumsticks with a matching design to his drumkit, we talked and flirted a lot and ended up having phone sex (we have done this on occasion through out the years). Since then zero flirtation on his part. I havent asked if he had a girlfriend because he always has time to text, and he hasn’t asked me.
I just invited him to a concert in October to which he replied that he isn’t sure if he can yet as he already has some plans that month, but he would let me know, which is fine. I am a big flirt, so I tell him I loved seeing him and that he looked great, to which i get no reply. I then tell him if I’m flirting too much he should tell me because I don’t want to overstep my bounds. Again, I get no reply. I am so confused. I will admit that I like him and would like to be FWB relationship with, but I don’t understand what he wants from me.
I have had FWB before and we haven’t gone out to dinner, or done any of the things like I do with this guy. I don’t want to tell him I like him for fear of him cutting off our friendship. I have even gone so far as to tell him that his mysteriousness drives me crazy, to which I just get smiles and the occasional flirty text. I am on the verge of seeing someone else if he can’t just tell me what he wants straight up. What should I do? — FWB or Bust
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by Wendy on September 13, 2011
· in His Take
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I broke up with my boyfriend in June after five years, and now he has a new girlfriend. I felt we lost the flame and things weren’t what they used to be and i was no longer happy so I ended it but now he frequently posts on Facebook about how you know when you meet the right person and how happy he is and life is just total bliss, and I think it strange that he’d do that at thirty. He never in five years ever told me that kind of thing and I wonder if he’s just trying to make me jealous or if he’s trying to forget me by quickly jumping into another relationship. We go to church together so I see him twice a week but the girlfriend lives elsewhere so is this all for the wrong reason, or is he really in it for the right reasons? No one gets over five years that soon, do they? — Bitter Heart
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by Wendy on September 6, 2011
· in Columns,His Take
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I’m 30 years-old and I had a fight with my boyfriend of two years; I told him I didn’t want to see him or speak to him until I was ready. We have since made up and our relationship seems like it’s brand new, butterflies and all… BUT yesterday he was at his second job and accidentally pocket-dialed me and it went to my voice mail. After six-plus minutes of shuffling noises I heard him say to his co-worker, “Hey man, you should have been there to see this stripper with me at the club on Saturday, she looked like Lady Gaga,” and they both laughed.
I confronted him and he confessed he went ALONE and got a lap dance. He said it’s nothing serious but he’s sorry he hurt me. Now I feel stupid and disgusted with myself and embarrassed to be naked around him and less desirable because while I was home crying about our fight a beautiful naked girl was taking his money and dancing privately for him. Am I over-reacting or is this why guys do? — Strip-Tease
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by Wendy on August 11, 2011
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