Have You Dated Outside Your Race?

I just finished reading this memoir by a woman who grew up biracial in the United States in the 70s and 80s, and I was surprised by her experience. She talks a lot about how different she felt from everyone else, especially being one of only a handful of kids of color in some of the towns she lived in and schools she attended growing up, and knowing hardly anyone from a mixed-race background. It wasn’t until she started college — at Stanford University — that she was finally able to connect with other mixed-race students and her journey toward self-discovery and self-identification really took off. I guess I was most surprised…

How Far Would/Did You Go On a First Date?

This column from earlier in the week prompted some thoughts about how far people are going in the first couple of dates. (It also prompted at least one person to leave the site for good, but that’s another story.) The LW didn’t kiss on the first date, and we can assume from her letter and her update, that that’s probably normal for her. Obviously, she was thrown for a loop when her date invited her back to his place on the second date, and she didn’t know if she had reason to feel offended, unsure what other people consider normal and appropriate. What are your feelings? Do you kiss on the first…

Best Advice You’ve Followed (or Not Followed)

Drew told me that his grandmother once told him that the key to staying youthful and active is to make two new friends every year. It can be a lot of work sometimes, especially when those friendships suddenly become long-distance ones, but it’s a general rule I’ve tried to stick to. And for clarity, I define a friend as someone I make plans with, confide in, trust, support, and like (as opposed to acquaintances whom I might like and may even confide in but don’t go out of my way to make plans with or extend emotional support to or seek it from, etc.). I think it’s too soon to say whether…

What’s Harder on a Relationship Than Cheating?

Over on Reddit, there’s a discussion going about what’s more harmful to a relationship than cheating, which, generally, “gets all the hype” (as far as relationship roadblocks go). I didn’t read the entire thread, but most of the usual suspects seem to be mentioned near the top: family death (especially the death of a child, ugh), serious illness, lying, withholding affection. I also think money problems (or disagreement on how to spend money, even if there’s an abundance of it), unmanaged addiction, disagreement over expectations of the involvement of family and friends in your lives, infertility, disagreeing on where to live, and typical kid-related stress (behavior problems, learning disabilities, social issues, fucking…

The Six Things You Need for a Happy, Longterm Relationship

On your search for a good one – and it only takes one — there are a few things you need in order to have a happy, longterm relationship. Yesterday, I asked the DW community on Facebook for six things that were most important for them in their search for a happy, longterm relationship. Here are some of the answers I liked best: 1. “Communication, ability to spend time apart, both people willing to invest in the relationship, someone to share chocolate with, and the same overall goals with the relationship.” 2. “A delicious cheesecake recipe, a willingness to make said cheesecake, a generosity of spirit to share said cheesecake, the foresight…

Weekend Open Thread: Your Deal-Breaker Moments

Today’s open thread question is inspired by a comment from last weekend’s open thread. As we were all recalling our moments when we knew we found “the one” (or, one of the ones), someone asked about those moments when you become aware that he or she definitely isn’t the one. I bet we all have more than one of those moments, huh? So, please, share your stories of when you realized the person you were dating was not going to be the person you stayed with much longer. And, if you don’t feel like discussing that, tell us what you’re up to on this lovely May Day weekend.

What’s the Relationship Pattern YOU Need To Break?

I have this friend who reads this site and she’s probably going to be pissed that I’m using her as an example of what not to do when it comes to relationships (um, sorry in advance!), but here it goes. This friend, whom I’ll call Carol, and I were talking the other day and she was telling me about this new guy she just started seeing after a rather painful breakup. I was happy she took my advice to get back on the horse and not waste too much time wallowing over her ex, but I was really concerned when she told me about one of her conversations with the new guy.

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