Your Turn

Love language-wise, I’m definitely a physical and verbal person. I come from a very affectionate family and grew up with lots of hugs, kisses, and “I love you’s.” From early on, I’ve known Aaron to be less affectionate than I and work to feel loved by him in many other ways. However, I often end up feeling like he’s just a roommate instead of my lover. Naturally, the initial intensity at the beginning of the relationship fades, but it seems like Aaron has lost sexual interest in me. He claims that this isn’t the case, but when I try to initiate sex or ask if he is interested, he often says he is too tired or that his stomach is full and he’s uncomfortable. He’ll give similar reasons of not having the energy when I ask to snuggle and talk before bed. If I wait for him to initiate, we end up having sex once every two or so weeks. He’ll often get defensive when I try to talk with him about my needs for physical love/affection. I am thankful though for the fact that he does hold me every night while we sleep, so it’s not like I’m completely without physical contact.

I’ve tried to talk with him about what I can do to help or what we can do together to make things better. I’m concerned about his physical and mental health; he’s gained quite a bit of weight since we first started dating, and he has lots of stress from work in addition to a stressful relationship with his family. He says he doesn’t have time to go to a therapist or to see a doctor and that he will work on losing weight when he is less busy, but that never happens.

To be honest, he and I have been in an off-and-on relationship. This was not the first time we ever broke up. I asked him why he slept with a prostitute if supposedly he loves me. He said: “You broke up with me, so why do you care?” And then he said he did it because he was mad, and he regrets everything and hopes I can forgive him one day.

I want to get back with him. I still love him deep down, but I’m scared of being lied to. He made so many promises that he never even meant. And I just hate the fact that we had sex the day after he slept with a hooker and, even if he used protection, condoms are not 100 percent safe.

Everything seemed to quiet down for a couple of months. But then one day my boyfriend and I were talking and his phone started going off with messages from his sister-in-law. He told me that she is one of his close friends and they talk all the time. I never knew they were so close. Well, slowly he has started spending more time messaging her and playing games with her into the night when I am over. (My boyfriend’s brother has to go to bed early, so the SIL gets bored and blows up my boyfriend’s phone). Once, it was 11 at night and they were playing games and talking. I was pouting a bit, so I asked him if he would text her hello from me. I was feeling left out. He told me he did not want to. After I begged, he agreed to, but then she never responded. I have since called her and texted her many times, and she won’t respond.

I am finding myself becoming increasingly jealous over her and hurt. It’s not even so much that he is friends with her — it’s what I feel like is a lack of respect for me. I’m not comfortable with my boyfriend having a female best friend, but I would still be upset if this was happening with one of his male friends. In this particular case I do not believe that my boyfriend would ever dishonor his brother by having sex with his SIL though.