In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months and he’s been sick lately so he went to the doctor and had a blood test and found out he has low MCV which could indicate cancer. Of course, I was devastated when I found out and totally worried and I went online to research and saw somebody on Yahoo Answers who was his age asking a question about it. I didn’t notice that it was asked 3 hours earlier so I went on his profile and looked at his other questions to see how it turned out and as I read through the list I realized that it was my boyfriend’s profile; there were a ton of questions about stuff that we’ve talked about. And then I noticed a question about his girlfriend dragging him to a play and I was like: What? I have never dragged him to a play. I saw the question was dated five months ago so we would have been going out for a month at that point, and he said the play was for their six month anniversary.
We live about 150 miles away from each other so I guess he could easily be hiding another girlfriend, but I just always trusted him so the thought never even entered my mind. I mean, he introduced me to his grandma five weeks after we started dating. Wouldn’t she know if he had two girlfriends? So bizarre. I don’t wanna confront him just so he can lie to me, so how do I find out the truth? Also, I don’t wanna just break up without giving a reason, especially since he just told me that he might have cancer.
There was another thing I was concerned about. In a question that was dated two months ago he said his girlfriend loves making out (I do) but that he hates it and that he just likes sex but making out is boring and a waste of time and makes him want to throw up. I feel like that’s not normal and it’s a red flag. And the weird part is that we haven’t had sex; we’ve come close to it but I told him when we first started dating that I want to be a virgin ’til I’m married and he said that he’s OK with that.
I was wondering if you could shed some light on that but mostly I want to know how I can figure out the truth without asking him cause I don’t know whether he’ll lie or not. — Truth-Seeker
by Wendy on April 25, 2012
· in Your Turn
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In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
I’ve been dating this guy for the last year. He’s my first real boyfriend and I think he’s great. But he has this one female friend who’s beautiful, hot, charismatic, funny.. and she knows it. Guys literally turn their heads for her, and she flirts with every men who comes into her path. She doesn’t care if they’re single, committed or married. She’s always touchy and makes sexual insinuations. Once I asked her nicely about it and she said, “I’m single, and if he’s not faithful it’s not my problem, I’ll just enjoy it.” I kind of see where she’s coming from, but I still think it’s a little desrespectful. I mean, she likes to brag about how she slept with her former boss’ husband after she got fired just to prove that if she wants your man, she can have him.
My boyfriend told me I shouldn’t worry and I trust him, but she’s always teasing him, trying all sorts of things to get his attention. He mostly tries to not show interest, but eventually he will look. I know it’s normal to find other people attractive and I won’t complain to him beacuse he’s not doing anything wrong, but I feel bothered that she shows no respect for our relationship. I’m also afraid that, I don’t know, they hang out together a lot, and what if someday he gets really drunk and ends up sleeping with her? Will it be ‘just a mistake,’ like I’ve heard from another friend of theirs who cheated on his girlfriend with her?
She’s in his close social circle and I don’t know how to deal with her. I’ve talked about it with my best friend and she told me I should leave it this way because there will always be women who want male attention and the men will always give it to them in some degree (why do guys do that?). The problem is that she makes me feel envious, bitter, jealous, insecure and unattractive. Maybe I just really am. I’ll never be as hot and pretty as she is. I know my boyfriend doesn’t care (he’s my boyfriend, after all) but I feel like I’m not enough. What should I do? — Jealous of His hot Friend
by Wendy on April 23, 2012
· in Your Turn
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In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
I cannot stand the jokes my boyfriend makes. He does a variety of bad puns and forced jokes, usually sexual, and usually during serious/romantic talks. And it ruins everything.
A few examples would be: he’ll make a boob reference when I use the word “cup” to mean the drinking vessel, an oral reference when I say “job” to mean employment, or T&A (tits and ass) when I try to talk about a TA (teaching assistant). It drives me absolutely insane because he does this all the time and reuses them. I can’t even come up with a comeback because I’m so exasperated. I’ve tried talking to him, but he is on the other extreme end of the spectrum. He thinks his jokes are hilarious and he doesn’t see what’s wrong with them. I tried telling him how they’re inappropriate and annoying (in a nicer way), but his defense was “that’s who he is” and it’s not something either of us can change.
I try to accept him for who is he and in all fairness, he’s a wonderful guy apart from his jokes. But the problem is he doesn’t see how much they bug me, and I can’t see how much he appreciates them. He’s tried cutting back a bit, but it’s still…bad. He doesn’t seem to understand how frustrating it is for me when he pops a joke in the midst of a serious discussion.
On the other hand, I’ve tried another approach by telling him how a sense of humor isn’t important to me and I always tell him how much I love him, so it’s not like he’s trying to get my attention. I don’t know what to do anymore. How do I approach this? I’m in this for the long haul so I can’t just break up because I don’t like his jokes. But I’m not sure where we can find middle ground in this issue. Thank you very much for any help. — No Joking
by Wendy on April 11, 2012
· in Columns,Your Turn
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In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
My boyfriend and I split up for two months. We decided to get back together as we can’t bear life without each other. While we were broken up, he was seeing another girl yet he told me she wasn’t for him because he doesn’t love anyone like he loves me. But there’s a snag…he told me she thinks she is pregnant; she did a test and surprise, surprise: yes, she is.
I told him to stay with her and have this family as I don’t want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he can’t stand her. He says he told her he’s not happy about this pregnancy and didn’t want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy, but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along, and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. It’s not right… I’m sure I wouldnt….! But I think she’s tried to trap him and he’s untrappable.
I don’t know how I’m going to feel about this baby malarky. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. He made his feelings clear to her when she was only two weeks pregnant, telling her they haven’t been together two minutes! I think she’s nothing but a little scroat. Any advice on this would be appreciated as I’m so confused and hurt. He said this is not gonna ruin us, but I’m unsure. — Already Tired of the Baby Malarky
by Wendy on April 9, 2012
· in Columns,Your Turn
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In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
Recently, I came upon my husband using his phone and he was getting the text tone. When I asked him who was texting him, he became very evasive. I took the phone from him and made some unpleasant discoveries. Long story short, he has been having online flirtations and sexting with a number of girls from all over the country. This has been going on for almost eight months. None of the girls is local and he says he has never met any of them or even talked to any of them on the phone; it was all just typing back and forth. I’ve talked to a few of the girls and believe he’s telling the truth about that.
Apart from this situation, he has been good and caring otherwise. He says he is sorry and wants a chance to start over, and I want us to start over too. I told him I was willing to work on it and I do love him, but right now I’m having a hard time. How does someone get the trust back after being lied to over and over and over again? I mean, I felt stupid and guilty for suspecting anything and it turns out I was right all along. How could he do that to someone he says he cares about unless he is actually lying about caring about me? How could he keep doing that knowing how it affected every part of our life and was getting in the way of our supposed happy family? How can I ever look back on any good memories and be anything but sad? And how can I ever remember all the lies and be OK with them? — Want to Forgive but Can’t Forget
by Wendy on April 4, 2012
· in Your Turn
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