It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Unsure Girlfriend,” also known as #18 from this post, a woman whose boyfriend had been MIA for two weeks and who was unable to track him down since he had no phone, she didn’t know his friends well enough to call them, and he had guard dogs at his house that made it scary for her to drop by. Telling her to MOA was a no-brainer, but after the jump find out whether she followed that advice.
I’ve refrained from sending an update because things still haven’t quite settled down with us yet, but once I saw your “20 Signs you need to MOA!” article, I had a nice laugh and realized just how many people wanted an update on our story. And to answer the question I saw a few times: yes this is (was) my real situation, as much as I hate to admit it.
First though, there were a few points that weren’t clear in my letter. At the time, the family that he lived with was his sister, her boyfriend, and his niece, and they lived right next door to his parents, due to financial woes. I know for an absolute fact that he’s not married, or has any kids whatsoever. Although he has one sweet pit bull, the dogs that terrified me were his roommates’ three pit bulls who have tried to attack me when I’ve gone over there, and were tied to the front porch so I couldn’t go up to his house. Also, although I had met his family a few times, I just feel very strongly about not using a family member as a middleman if you don’t know them on a more personal level, so I didn’t want to call his dad asking what was going on.
Now, though I’m sure everyone’s wondering why my boyfriend disappeared for two weeks and I didn’t hear from him, I think it’s best that I leave that part out. Not because I think I’m stupid for believing his story, but because it’s an incredibly long (but verifiable) story, and is also very unbelievable. I went over to his house after being encouraged by a close mutual friend (with full intent to end our relationship), and when I heard what had been going on, I had extreme doubts, but realized soon after that it was 100% true. Because of what was going on, his sister, her daughter and boyfriend (and their dogs) had to move out and into hiding and are each currently looking at a 15 to life sentence. I’m just very thankful right now that my boyfriend was not involved in any of the incidents, though I was quite right to worry about him.
He’s currently living in their house — with his best friend now, whom I’ve made it a point to become close with — and now I feel completely comfortable going over there. Although it was unclear in my original letter, my boyfriend and I actually have many mutual friends, just no one who could have helped me get in touch with him. I’ve even made it a point to become closer to some of his family members. Though he still does not own a phone (can’t afford it — he can barely afford food and gas at the moment), his new roommate does, and after his dad called me a couple times looking for him, I now feel more comfortable calling him if ever I have to to get in touch.
Though I am very cautious and still pretty unsure about things after he disappeared for those two weeks, I made it clear that I would never put up with it again, no matter what, and for the most part things are better, and nothing like that has happened since. I know many people will consider it a bad move on my part to stay with him after all this, and a huge part of me agrees and wonders if and when he’ll disappear again. But we’re taking things day by day, and I’m hoping that I never have to write to you about him pulling a stunt like this again, but if he does, I’ll definitely MOA like you and everyone else screamed at me to do the first time.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.