If you want to remain in Mike’s life, you need to suck it up, meet her and be nice. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that she’s nowhere near as bad as Mike portrays her. Maybe she’s even cool. Regardless, if we can learn anything from this morning’s letter, it’s that if you want to remain friendly with an ex, it’s much easier to do so if the new girlfriend/partner accepts you. Going out to dinner with Mike and Megan is the first step toward acceptance, but luckily, it’s actually much less about you passing an interview as it is about simply letting Megan publicly mark her territory.
Of course, there will be an interview portion of the evening and doing well on it pretty much depends on one thing and one thing only — whether or not you threaten Megan. You’ll have a better shot at achieving this if you agree to meet her on her terms, bring along your new guy so it’s a double date, and refrain from looking too sexy. Once you’ve got those bases covered, the next best thing you can do is let her have the mic. People love talking about themselves, so ask her lots of questions and give her a chance to show-off and shine. If you make her the star of the show, not only is the spotlight off you and your friendship with Mike, it gives Megan a chance to toot her own horn and remind her boyfriend what a catch she is — basically, the female equivalent of marking her territory.
Yes, it’s annoying … and maybe even a little degrading. But it’s the price you have to pay if you want to remain friends with an ex whose new girlfriend is controlling and insecure. You already expect your friendship to change to an extent — like, don’t count on seeing him “a few times a month” for much longer; try “once a month” if you’re lucky — but hopefully if you can convince Megan you aren’t a threat to her relationship, you can keep your buddy. … And if they ever get married, you can attend the wedding without feeling like your attendance is the bride’s worst nightmare.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.