Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Fake or Real? “I’m 15 and Pregnant for the Second Time”

Part of my job as an advice columnist is trying to discern the fake letters from the real ones. Occasionally, I need a little help, which is where you come in. In a new series called “Fake or Real” I invite you to weigh in on the legitimacy of a questionable letter and offer advice if you believe it’s real.

I am 15yrs old and my boyfriend is 17yrs old. Him and i have been together for 3yrs now. We have been trying to have a baby for about 1yr. In April of 2011, i found out a little one was comming along. I was so exsided when i found out i was going to have a baby. I tried to call him and tell him the news…but he’s brother said he was in jail. I got a letter and my grams hid it from me. but then a week later, he called me and i couldnt tell him that i was pregnat. But 4days after talking to him, i lost my baby. I was crying so hard. So when he got out (3months later) he called me and we got in a fight. I blurted out that i had lost the baby. It hurt him so bad. He didnt even know i was gonna be having his baby.

Now, it is 2012 and just 5weeks ago, he came over and we made the most romantic love ever, and when he took the condom off, some of his sperm got on my vagina. i was kind of scared at the moment. But then we started talking about names and everything. On Wednesday, 11/28/12, i took a pregnacy test and i was positive YAY! i told him to call me after work I had great news. He didnt call, which was very strange. So I called the next day, no answer. Then on 11/30/12, his brother said he was in jail, again. What i dont understand is, he payed all his fines, he got a job, he got his GED, he hasn’t smoked, hasn’t drank, he has been doing amazing. So i dont know what he when in for.

Anyway, i asked his brother where he was locked up at and what he went in for and for how long. He wouldnt text me back. I got mad and told him i was pregnat and i have been for about 4-5weeks and i needed to know where my boyfriend is. his brother told me “get an abortion. he’ll never know. he’ll be gone for 2years.” I bursted into tears, i cant move on with out my boyfriend. I sure in heck can’t raise a baby without him. The jail said i cant go see him cause im not his family. i haven’t got a call from him yet, nor a letter (i looked in grams’s room). Wendy, i need help. should i wait for the love of my life and keep the baby? or get an abortion and move on? i want to get him out early but i have no idea how jail works. Please tell me how i can get him out early? i dont own anything, so bail bonds men wont work. I really need help. What do i do?

Thank you for your time
-with his baby and lost without him

***************

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

111 comments… add one
  • avatar

    artsygirl December 3, 2012, 9:07 am

    If this is not fake I fear for the future…

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    • avatar

      LT December 3, 2012, 5:16 pm

      I think we’re OK- I’ve never met 15-year-old who used the word “nor,” much less one that doesn’t capitalize.

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      • avatar

        Jiggs December 3, 2012, 9:18 pm

        And can correctly spell “blurted” and “abortion” but uses “he’s” instead of “his”? Yeah I call bullshit,

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      • Cassie

        CassieB December 8, 2012, 1:14 pm

        I agree– I picked the “nor” out, too. Fake.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray December 3, 2012, 9:10 am

    The worst fake evah.

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle December 3, 2012, 9:12 am

    All I can say is that I hope this is fake. But it’s so jumbled, that it sounds real?

    Like, I don’t understand why anybody would write a fake letter– but I’d assume that a fake would have a more linear “plot”, so matter how ridiculous the scenarios was. This letter is so confusing, despite all the dates listed, so there’s an element of real-ness to it. But I really hope it’s fake…

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray December 3, 2012, 9:24 am

      I say it’s a fake because, coo coo story line aside, certain phrases sound deliberately trashy, like “sure in heck,” “him and i,” “so exsided,” etc., as if the LW tried really hard to sound like a hot mess. There, mystery solved!

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      • LK7889

        LK7889 December 3, 2012, 9:40 am

        I hope you are right but I’ve known plenty of people who really are that trashy and really do say/write things like this. I blame that on growing up in the south and hanging out with trashy folks until about half-way through college.

        On that note, one of the most awkward things that can happen to a person is dating your old high school sweetheart while you’re in college and then fully realizing just how white trashy him/his family is because they show up to a college function and totally embarrass the living hell out of you. And then his younger cousin (who is 16) decides that the only way to get out of her momma’s house is to get pregnant with her drug dealing boyfriend…. And then tells me, the college student, what she is planning… And, dear god, how I wish I was making this up…

        Oh no, it’s only too real that people can be this stupid and trashy…

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      • LK7889

        LK7889 December 3, 2012, 9:52 am

        After making this reply. I thought that someone might be interested in the outcome of Ashe’s (the younger cousin) story. Or maybe I just feel compelled to finish it.

        She got pregnant on purpose (like she told me she would). Her boyfriend was actually happy about this. She dropped out of high school. He entered the military. They got married. Seven years later, they are still married but she lives with her mom again (getting pregnant to get out of her momma’s house didn’t work) because she “can’t deal” with him being in the military. And they have three children now. All living in a tiny, POS trailer in the middle of nowhere GA with her mother, stepfather and brother. Ashe still talks/types like the LW all over FB.

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      • avatar

        fallonthecity December 3, 2012, 10:19 am

        Urgh, yes. There were plenty of folks like this where I grew up too – they also write exactly like this all over Facebook… Even the ones who are in their late 20s. 🙁

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      • avatar

        Anna December 3, 2012, 8:33 pm

        Unfortunately I know a lot of people exactly that stupid too. In Ohio, they’re the same ones who pose as farmers or rednecks because they think it’s cool. Ok, wearing a John Deere shirt is kinda stupid if you live in a trailer park and don’t own a tractor. Wearing confederate flags is especially stupid if you were born and raised in Ohio, which was part of the North. To these types, spelling and grammar are not cool and neither are condoms/other forms of birth control.

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      • Kate B.

        Kate B. December 3, 2012, 12:34 pm

        Oh, yes, they can. I friend of mine has a stepson in TN. He had [notice the past tense] a girlfriend named Jenny. They came to visit. When my friend asked Jenny what she wanted to do with her life, Jenny replied, “I’m with Austin. He’s going to take care of me.” My own brother married a girl who was barely legal, 18. (He was 35.) He lives in NC.

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      • avatar

        tbrucemom December 3, 2012, 10:06 pm

        Your comment makes it sound like people in the south are all like the possibly fake LW. There are “trashy” folks everywhere and I don’t think you should stereotype a whole region of our country.

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  • avatar

    MissDre December 3, 2012, 9:15 am

    I definitely think this is a fake letter, however the scary part is that I absolutely believe that this sort of situation could be very real.

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  • katie

    katie December 3, 2012, 9:15 am

    honestly, after that teen mom girl was all bent out of shape for having to miss a ke$ha concert because of a good deal a judge made with her for her jail time…. sure. yep, its probably real.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary December 3, 2012, 9:21 am

      oh my god…that was the most awkward thing to watch ever. and I was so pissed that someone like that can “raise” a child. Thank god her mom has custody.

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      • katie

        katie December 3, 2012, 9:24 am

        i saw it on The Soup, so i got a good laugh out of it…. but yea. its sad. its quite depressing.

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      • avatar

        va-in-ny December 3, 2012, 2:08 pm

        Well, that mother that is now raising her child raised her… so……

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  • LadyinPurpleNotRed

    LadyinPurpleNotRed December 3, 2012, 9:16 am

    This letter feels like someone trying too hard to be 15 and comes off way fake.

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  • avatar

    bethany December 3, 2012, 9:18 am

    For the love of God, please let this be fake.

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary December 3, 2012, 9:21 am

    I hope this is fake…but unfortunately I hear a lot of conversations similar to this on my metro ride to work in DC. 🙁 babies having babies.

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    • Jess

      Jess December 3, 2012, 12:05 pm

      Ditto riding the bus/subway in Philly. The only thing that makes me question it is, I’m not sure that’s part of Wendy’s demographic. Somehow, I just can’t see it. But then again, if you are just googling for advice columns, maybe you send out your SOS to any site accepting submissions.

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      • avatar

        canefan December 3, 2012, 9:31 pm

        Um YES re: subway in Philly! Is it sad that I’m secretly terrified of all the teenagers who take over the train when school lets out?

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      • I'm An Earth Rocker!

        Vicious Delicious December 5, 2012, 12:11 pm

        I live in Philly too; considering the flash mobs (and we’re sooo not talking song and dance!) and lack of home training throughout the city, you’re being realistically cautious!

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  • LK7889

    LK7889 December 3, 2012, 9:32 am

    I actually knew a couple of girls like this when I was in high school (I sort of suspect it might be a southern thing), so I’m not going to be surprised if it’s real. I’m still hoping it’s fake but it just might be real.

    Assuming this isn’t a fake letter:
    LW, just how do you think you and your boyfriend could care for a baby even if he wasn’t in jail? How are you going to provide your child with all the things it deserves if you don’t finish school? Add to the mess that your boyfriend is either in jail or is hiding from you and things suddenly get a lot worse. I would recommend either having an abortion or giving the baby up for adoption. You need to be more interested in finishing your high school education than procreating right now.

    (Hoping, hoping, hoping that it is faker than fake.)

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    • LK7889

      LK7889 December 3, 2012, 10:13 am

      See above (the story about Ashe) if you’re interested in the best story I have regarding girls that are actually doing this sort of thing. “Best” as in the only one that I actually know the outcome of.

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  • avatar

    pamplemousse December 3, 2012, 9:36 am

    Like everyone else I hope this is fake, but it could easily be real. The LW writes and talks like a lot of people in my family, and in high school I knew of 15 year olds trying to get pregnant and with the “encouragement” of their boyfriends. It may sound over the top but she sounds a lot smarter than much of what comes up in Facebook feed from people in my hometown (scary, I know), so I think it could be real.

    My advice: get an abortion. If you come from a place where that is not easily accessible, consider telling your caregiver (grandparent or whoever) and putting the baby up for adoption. Seek legal aid to explain how that process would work with the father of the child in jail.

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  • avatar

    csp December 3, 2012, 9:39 am

    I vote real. LW, you should make a pros and cons list and see about this baby.

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  • avatar

    oldie December 3, 2012, 9:40 am

    The wording is strange, but other than the claim that she was trying to get pregnant at 13 but now not trying to get pregnant at 15, the story seems all too likely. Happens a lot in the city where I live. A pregnant ninth or tenth grade isn’t rare and many keep their child. A lot of the pregnancies are not accidents and a lot of the fathers are in the wind or in jail.

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  • avatar

    Leah December 3, 2012, 9:41 am

    Jesus Christ, I hope not….

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  • avatar

    Lucy December 3, 2012, 9:48 am

    In the fake column: It reads like someone wrote a letter in correct English and then went back and edited in mistakes.

    In the real column: The problem is too ordinary. Usually the fakes have a better hook (gay twincest!).

    Overall: Too close to call.

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    • SixtyFour

      SixtyFour December 3, 2012, 10:13 am

      Yeah, if it was fake, I would expect someone to be writing in with something more out there, or something really dirty or sexy and that the writer was getting off thinking about Wendy reading the letter. But I could totally see this situation happening.

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    • LK7889

      LK7889 December 3, 2012, 10:18 am

      Oh geez…. Gay twincest…

      My (gay) brother felt the need to tell me that this is actually “a thing” in the fetish gay community about a month ago. Reading your post made me remember him telling me that.

      I threw up a little bit in my mouth just now.

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      • avatar

        SuzyQ December 3, 2012, 10:27 am

        I saw somewhere… Dear Prudence? Dan Savage? About a twincest pair. They intend to live together for their lives. It was sexual in the beginning but now that they’re older has become platonic.

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      • othy

        Othy December 3, 2012, 10:48 am

        It was Dear Prudence. She even did a follow up with them about it.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle December 3, 2012, 10:56 am

        One of my gay friends would always wish aloud for a twin brother that he could fool around with, haha. I’m pretty “meh, to each his own as long as all parties are consenting & of age”about it. Butyeah, this was definitely a Dear Prudie column.

        P.s. I’m on my phone right now, so I apologize for any typos. The internet at my job isn’t working, so my DW addiction must be satisfied through other means 😉

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster December 3, 2012, 11:51 am

        What the what?! I have a good friend who is gay and has a gay twin brother. They’re not identical, but are one of those fraternals where you’re never really sure if they’re identical or not unless you ask because they look so much alike. He has never mentioned this to me!!! AND I FEEL LIED TO. Especially after all the inappropriate stories we’ve shared after a few too many martinis. Especially the one he told me last week. Jesus. If he could tell me THAT, then how has THIS never come up?!

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster December 3, 2012, 1:24 pm

        Also to clarify- I obvs don’t think my friend is participating in weird fetishes (and if he is, it’s not my business!). But I guarantee he knows about this somehow. And now I’m off to consult my favorite 18th century perv, Marquis de Sade, to see if he’s got anything to say about it!

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      • LK7889

        LK7889 December 3, 2012, 12:08 pm

        Just to clarify, my reaction is because my brother told me about it. Like, why does my brother know about this and why does he feel the need to inform me about it?

        Otherwise, my normal reaction would just be “meh, whatever.”

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  • Diablo

    Diablo December 3, 2012, 9:52 am

    A girl in my high school was in exactly the same situation. Mind you, this was the late 70s, but still, we knew where babies came from, some of us. (Stork, right?) She got pregnant at 13. Boy went to juvie, got out, came back, went for baby #2, then ended up in jail followed by the military. They did not live happily ever after. But she did OK for herself, once she got her head sorted out. I run into her from time to time.

    Doesn’t mean this is real. If it is real, LW, get real.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl December 3, 2012, 9:58 am

    Even if this specific letter is a fake, I would wager there are a handful (if not more) of young women in similar situations.

    So my advice would be- first, get your self to a doctor. Find out if you are pregnant for sure and if so, get prenatal care from a doctor. (Planned Parenthood would be a good place to start if you don’t have access to a doctor.) Secondly, tell your grandmother (or who ever you’re living with). If you decide to keep this baby, you will need help and support from your family. Third, tell father or the closest person you can tell if you can’t reach him in jail. And lastly, please explore all of the options on the table- abortion, adoption (both open and closed) and lastly raising the child yourself. Please please know that a baby is not going to make this boy stay with you, and it is not going to be an easy journey. You are still a child yourself, you shouldn’t be burdened with trying to raise another child.

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  • FireStar

    FireStar December 3, 2012, 10:03 am

    The only thing stopping me from saying it’s real…is a (dying) hope that it isn’t. So yeah – I’m going to say real.

    And I’m afraid the only advice I have is to consult a Planned Parenthood Center about termination or adoption options and – while you are there – about an IUD or long term birth control options. At this point, you don’t have a boyfriend. Let’s assume the brother is telling the truth – If your boyfriend is in jail for two years it means there was an arrest, a trial and a conviction. That you didn’t know any of that was going on means your boyfriend chose not to tell you. That means he didn’t care about your place in his life because he wasn’t interested in keeping you in his. And that means, sadly, he doesn’t care about you. Let’s assume the brother is lying – that means the boyfriend is avoiding you and the responsibility of fatherhood…which also means he doesn’t care about you at all. Either way, you are in this alone, my dear. As to what to do – have no more contact with any member of your ex-boyfriend’s family and take the steps you need to take to put all of this behind you and move on with your life. And THAT means after your termination or giving up your child for adoption you focus on school, maybe a part-time job, taking the steps to plan a life for yourself where you are independent… and do not even think about babies until you can afford to raise one on your own many, many years from now – no matter what promises a man may make to you.

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  • avatar

    Matthew December 3, 2012, 10:10 am

    On the off chance this letter is real, and really for any future letter writer who finds their letter in the “Fake or Real” section, here is some sage advice:

    If the entire DW community thinks your letter is fake, you need to immediately and entirely remove yourself from the situation described, then go get counseling.

    As for whether it’s fake or real, my vote is fake. For one, their is no consistency to the locations of bad capitalization, which suggests someone randomly making edits. Additionally, given the tone of the letter, if it is real, I am shocked that the LW jumps straight to “get an abortion and move on” as one of her options.

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    • LK7889

      LK7889 December 3, 2012, 10:20 am

      You have a very valid point. NONE of the girls (including Ashe) that I’ve ever known in a similar situation would even remotely consider abortion as an option. That is the most convincing point for calling “fake” on this letter that I’ve seen yet.

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    • avatar

      Molly December 3, 2012, 7:54 pm

      Also, what 15 year old misspells excited, but spells vagina and sperm correctly? More to the point, what 15 year old actually uses the words, vagina and sperm?

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  • avatar

    Trixy Minx December 3, 2012, 10:24 am

    This could very well be real. I have two cousins who are just like this. Their baby daddy is in and out of jail and both are under 23 and together have five kids and I believe one on the way. So yes.. People really are like this. Also, one of my cousins had her baby foot prints tattooed on her chest where its clearly visible and she goes out to clubs and hooks up with guys.

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    • LK7889

      LK7889 December 3, 2012, 12:10 pm

      Oh cousins. Keepin’ it classy.

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  • avatar

    Dennis Hong December 3, 2012, 10:26 am

    Wow, this is WAY different than the “fake or real” games they have over at Maxim….

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  • avatar

    Sue Jones December 3, 2012, 10:40 am

    Hopefully fake. That is all I have to say…

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  • avatar

    Bossy Italian Wife December 3, 2012, 10:45 am

    I would love to hope it’s fake…but I just can’t decide. Because so many kids think that getting pregnant is cool (which I don’t understand.) Also because the spelling mistakes seem pretty genuine and the lack of punctuation and attention to grammar, well, they seem legit. Like this question was typed on a cell phone.

    If it’s real: HONEY GET AN ABORTION, AN IUD AND FOR GOD’S SAKE STAY IN SCHOOL. THERE IS NOTHING COOL ABOUT BEING A TEEN MOTHER. And for the nice portion of my comment: reaching out is half the battle, but following through is the other half. LW, real or fake, there ARE people like you out there, and you have to know that strapping yourself with children at a young age will not fill whatever void you are lacking. (Which means, if you need love, you are going about it all wrong.)

    I hope you are a fake LW. But if you are real, please PLEASE stop having babies. You have plenty of time for that.

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    • avatar

      Eve Harrison December 3, 2012, 8:51 pm

      On an optimistic note teen pregnancies peaked in the 1970’s but have been on a decrease since then, and are currently at their lowest. I believe 25% of pregnancies are by teenagers today , but in the 1970’s teen pregnancies was over half [nearing 75%].

      Honestly, having kids isn’t worth it at 15. Seriously consider abortion, adoption or open-adoptions. You’re too young to have another child that WILL affect your quality of life and ability to support the first baby.
      Buy of course, if you keep Baby 2 best of luck! 🙂

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  • avatar

    painted_lady December 3, 2012, 10:49 am

    Sounds real to me. I think I had this kid last year.

    And yes, this is exactly how some of my kids write. It scares me, too.

    Girl, here’s the thing. You are not ready to be a mom. You’re not. Whatever is right for you, get an abortion or place it for adoption, but what is best for this fetus is not to be born into a home with a 15 year old mother and a prisoner father. Figure out which you can live with, but DO NOT keep this baby. It will not have the happily ever after ending you’re hoping for.

    If you’re not convinced, here’s what you do. Go volunteer at a church Sunday school or preschool program or something where there are a lot of kids, and get as much experience as you can working with kids of all ages, infant to kindergarten, where you can’t give them back when you’re bored, and there’s no one else to hand them off to. Do this for a year, at least once a week. Don’t have time for it? How are you going to have time for a baby? Don’t like doing it? A baby’s not going to be any different. Sick and dont wanna? Tough. Parents dont get sick days. Get asked to leave? You aren’t fit to be a parent. I know you *think* you know what it’s going to be like, but you don’t. No one does. People who are fully grown with stable incomes and spouses who are present and a DRIVER’S LICENSE and a car still go through hell sometimes having a kid, and they have all the odds in their favor. You think this is a way out, but what it really is, is how you’re going to be trapped for the rest of your life.

    Sweetheart, you’re a hot mess. Seriously. It’s okay, though, because you’re fifteen and you’ve got a lot of time ahead of you. Go have a conversation with your school counselor about the fact that your having some issues with self-confidence as well as long-term decision making and boundaries. If he or she can’t help you, you can get a referral to someone who can help you. You’re not bad or damaged for any of this, but you do need to do what you can to get off this scary track.

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    • avatar

      quixoticbeatnik December 3, 2012, 12:13 pm

      I love your comment. WPLS x100!

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  • avatar

    scattol December 3, 2012, 10:57 am

    On the odd chance that the letter is real, it’s a real mean move to call it fake. If this is real, I am sure that for this LW’s the problems is dawnting.

    Since Wendy’s asking:
    LW, if it’s real there are few good suggestions up there. Listen good.

    if it’s fake: send such quality writing to reality TV instead. Better odd of money for your time. Good luck

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl December 3, 2012, 11:02 am

      I completely agree. Unless Wendy knows, for 110% sure, this is a fake letter – all of the negative comments could really be hurting this LW even more. I’m not really a fan of this “real v fake” column. It could very easily start hurting people and DW is about helping people.

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      • avatar

        Lydia December 3, 2012, 11:15 am

        I actually wanted to say this too, glad I’m not the only one. If it’s real (and it’s just too hard to tell to take the risk it’s not), this girl needs help, not people pointing at her and shaking their heads about what a mess she’s making of her life. It feels too much like schadenfreude and making drama for drama’s sake, and that’s not what DW is about, right?

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      • avatar

        scattol December 3, 2012, 11:23 am

        The redeeming quality of publishing this letter is that many DW commenter have related their own life experience with similar situation.

        It’s a surprise to me how frequent that seems to be but at least it exposes us to a part of society we don’t often see. On the upside it also points how as a community we fail in caring for our children so they aren’t drawn into such situation.

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      • LadyinPurpleNotRed

        LadyinPurpleNotRed December 3, 2012, 11:25 am

        While I agree that if this is real the girl needs help, but people would still be pointing out what a mess and how they hope it was fake if this was normally posted.

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      • avatar

        Lindsay December 3, 2012, 11:29 am

        Yeah, I’m not sure I agree with titling it “Fake or real?” but I don’t think it’s influencing people’s responses. Honestly, I’m sure some of the people who might be really harsh are leaving one-liners about how fake it is instead.

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      • avatar

        sarolabelle December 3, 2012, 11:36 am

        my guess is that Wendy can tell it is fake by googling the name/email it came from. I’m sure if she saw say a 15 year old in the facebook search she might consider it real.

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      • KKZ

        KKZ December 3, 2012, 11:29 am

        Yeah, I’m not sure I’m a fan either. 🙁

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy December 3, 2012, 11:38 am

        I hear what you’re saying and I’m taking your thoughts into consideration before making this a regular feature. Here are my thoughts: for a variety of reasons — including Google research on the return name and email address — I am 90% certain this letter is a fake. Ordinarily, I would not answer or publish a letter I thought was fake. BUT I thought it might be interesting for people to get a peek into the behind-the-scenes life of an advice columnist and what some letters look like before being edited and different clues you might look for in determining the authenticity of a letter. I also considered that if I published a letter like this for real, it would get an equal number of negative comments.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl December 3, 2012, 11:55 am

        I assumed you took a ton of precautions before positng this, but it makes me nervous when the supposed LW is so young. And based on a lot of anecdotal evidence on here there are probably quite a few young girls in similar situations. But you’re right if you had posted this as a “real” letter just as many commenters would be calling a fake.

        I completely respect your decision to have a “real v fake’ column and I actually would think it was interesting to hear about some of the “red flags” you use to distinguish real letters.

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      • avatar

        Lindsay December 3, 2012, 1:12 pm

        OK, I’m sold, after hearing that. Not that I thought you’d be irresponsible about it, but I forget that you can google that sort of stuff. Like I said above, I think it would probably have gotten MORE negative comments if you hadn’t prefaced it with “real or fake.” Hearing that people think your letter is fake is probably a lot better than people telling you that you’re a moron for your actions…(if it were true)

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      • Diablo

        Diablo December 3, 2012, 2:46 pm

        Wendy, the thing is, every letter generates a certain amount of sympathy and a certain amount of scorn. Part of your decision to post this is bound to be the fact that lots of letters are called out as fakes, even when they are more plausible than this. Sometimes you get called out for appearing not to realize that they are fake (which i doubt is the case).

        I know lots of the commenters always want to be supportive and helpful, and that’s great. But: you forfeit your right to privacy and the quiet dignity that entails when you post your private life on the internet. Any fool (ahem) can say any fool thing, and any 15 yo knows this.

        In the forums, I get more of a sense of speaking directly to a real person, but I still know this is the net. They don’t know me, and yet have invited my comments, along with every other troll out there. People who have seen my comments know that I often offer a considered point of view. But I also often go for the joke. That’s OK; Dan Savage personally tears LWs a new one if he thinks they need it. You are much more respectful, and I think it suits you. That’ll never oblige commenters to be as respectful, and it shouldn’t. If this is real, that 15 yo needs to hear some of us say that her situation is so messed up it can’t be real. I think that level of reality check is as potentially useful as the hand-holding variety.

        But we should still bear in mind that DW is at least partly entertainment and diversion. Anyone who really needs counselling should see a therapist, and you often advise this. Whatever you decide for future columns, I think this is an interesting discussion and experiment in setting the context, just like Your Turn, Short Cuts or guest columnists, all of which give the LW something other than what they expected when they wrote in. MOA and DTMFA are also shortcuts to a more detailed response which you have decided certain LWs are not entitled to. Because sometimes they ain’t.

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy December 3, 2012, 5:08 pm

        Thanks, this puts into words some of my thoughts of the matter.

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      • Diablo

        Diablo December 3, 2012, 5:45 pm

        My pleasure!

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  • avatar

    Lindsay December 3, 2012, 11:27 am

    If it’s real, I’m curious about how she knew she lost the baby because it doesn’t sound like she has prenatal care, and I’m not sure how you’d confirm that on your own, especially as a 15-year-old who probably knows nothing about the human body.

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  • avatar

    Kay December 3, 2012, 11:27 am

    “Now, it is 2012 and just 5weeks ago, he came over and we made the most romantic love ever, and when he took the condom off, some of his sperm got on my vagina.”

    And that’s what made me realize this letter had to be fake.

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    • avatar

      sarolabelle December 3, 2012, 11:50 am

      yep, me too. It was believable until that line.

      Reply Link
    • avatar

      emjay December 3, 2012, 1:27 pm

      This is not true. There are studies taking place that see if sperm is genetically programmed to find the egg. This had come about after cases of females getting pregnant while never having sex. It turns out that the couples were experimenting with foreplay n some sperm landed near the vaginal opening and found its way to the egg. Learned it at medical assistant school. And the hymn was not broken on the females.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest December 3, 2012, 2:34 pm

        Yes! Yes! This is what happened to me! Sounds much better than my immaculate conception story I’ve been using. Thanks 🙂

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      • LM

        LM December 3, 2012, 2:37 pm

        …especially because the woman’s body has a way of turning this pregnancy thing on and off…

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      • avatar

        cowsaysmeow December 3, 2012, 5:14 pm

        For me, it was specifically that they were using condoms in the first place, not so much that it couldn’t happen.

        Also, considering all of the seemingly forced errors, the use of anatomically correct terms for what happened plus the specific dates/time periods given didn’t ring true either.

        Sadly the situation itself is totally believable.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow December 4, 2012, 11:06 am

        When I was with my first boyfriend, we were fooling around and he splooged on my panties. I freaked the eff out and went to Planned Parenthood for Plan B because I didn’t want the spermies crawling up inside me! (And yeah.. they gave it to me).

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  • avatar

    *HmC* December 3, 2012, 11:33 am

    This strikes me as someone trying too hard to write poorly. The grammatical errors aren’t consistent and they’re a little too out there (ie. “he’s” instead of “his”). So, I call fake.

    If it’s real, I have no advice.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    llclarityll December 3, 2012, 11:40 am

    Unfortunately I think this is real. I was looking at a Facebook page of a girl (cousin of a friend) who was 15 and having a baby. Aside from the jail problem, the language and everything else sounded just like this.

    Even more unfortunate, this is far, far too common. Girls having babies slash WANTING to have babies with their men. Girls seeing their men as their whole life. Girls having no idea what it’s like to raise a child, not just have a baby.

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    • avatar

      llclarityll December 3, 2012, 11:40 am

      PS I really like this column idea

      Reply Link
    • avatar

      Lindsay December 3, 2012, 1:13 pm

      I know that people experience similar situations and have similar ways of talking/writing, but I don’t think that necessarily means that this particular letter has to be real.

      Reply Link
  • Miss MJ

    MISS MJ December 3, 2012, 11:47 am

    I haven’t read through all of the comments, but while I think the situation, or a similar one, might very be real for some people out there, this letter screams fake. For one thing, it used and spelled the phrases “sperm” and “vagina” properly, and, if you cannot spell “excited” or “paid” (spell check can fix these), then I have trouble thinking that you can use biological terms correctly. Not to mention that if the LW had been “trying to have a baby for a year” and then she was so upset she lost one, why would she and old jail bird be using condoms later? Fake.

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  • avatar

    sarolabelle December 3, 2012, 11:47 am

    I call fake. You have been trying to have a baby for a year, so you got pregnant before you were trying? If you are trying to have a baby, you do not use condoms. If you are trying to have a baby, you do not freak out when semen gets on your vagina. For pregnancy to happen semen actually has to enter inside of the vagina not just touch the outside. Why was he taking the condom off so close to you anyway? How did he get the semen out of the tip of the condom? With his finger? Nice try, but for next time it would be more believable if the condom broke.

    To go on about this letter being fake, you don’t know anything about jail or the court system but you know about bail bondsman?

    Reply Link
  • LM

    LM December 3, 2012, 11:50 am

    Anyone else think this would make a great plot to a Spanish soap opera…?

    ¡Ay, Dios mío! Not again! pero ¿por qué, niña, ¿por qué?

    And then some wailing in the back ground with grams on the floor hold one of the boyfriend’s letter in her fist and shaking it…

    Reply Link
    • LM

      LM December 3, 2012, 12:31 pm

      If it’s real, I fear for our future.

      Besides all the spelling errors the line “I sure in heck can’t raise this baby without him” left me at…are you serious? LW, if you think that no/lack of/poor education and a man that’s in prison is really going to be able to help you with a baby… well, if you’re determined to have this baby God, or whomever/whatever you believe in, help you. And I hope you have a really good support system that can talk some sense into you.

      Reply Link
  • landygirl

    landygirl December 3, 2012, 12:12 pm

    She’s 15 and knows how bail bonds work? I don’t even know how they work and I’m 48!. I hope this is fake because I’d hate to imagine that level of stupid being real but then again, people have done far stranger things that this.

    Reply Link
    • othy

      Othy December 3, 2012, 3:50 pm

      Well, if you’ve had to use them in the past, for you or a loved one…

      Reply Link
  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow December 3, 2012, 12:24 pm

    I… I… I don’t know. I have encountered many teenagers in my line of work that think, talk/write, and behave in this way. But even though the situation could very well be authentic, I still feel like this is a fake. Something about it is off.

    If it’s not, then my advice for the LW is to speak to a responsible adult about this ASAP, whether it is a counselor, school nurse, family member, or someone at a Planned Parenthood. Since she doesn’t seem to be morally opposed to abortion, I’d say she should take that route. LW, you said you don’t have money and you have no idea where your boyfriend is. Given his history, I doubt he’s actually willing or able to care for a child. And given the limited amount of information you provided in your letter, I think it’s clear that you’re not ready either (no matter how much you actually do want a baby). You have your WHOLE FREAKING LIFE ahead of you. Seriously. Slow down! Finish school! Get a job! And in the meantime, get some birth control!

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  • avatar

    Grilledcheesecalliope December 3, 2012, 12:28 pm

    This is fake, and someone has been watching too much trashy TV. Also how do.we judge the romance level of the lovemaking, were there candles and silk. If not it couldn’t have been the most romantic love evah.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Steeze December 3, 2012, 12:47 pm

    clearly fake. at some points grammar is perfect and then at others the mistakes seem just too obvious…

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    cdobbs December 3, 2012, 1:01 pm

    Definitely fake. The LW made a few mistakes: 1) First said boyfriends brother wouldn’t tell her where he was locked up, then not even four sentences later states that she contacted the jail to see if she could go see him; 2) anyone can go visit prisoners in jail, even non-family members, its not like a hospital where you are going to visit someone in critical condition and they only allow immediate family.

    Reply Link
    • FireStar

      FireStar December 3, 2012, 1:24 pm

      The jail visitation stood out to me too – just because no jail would tell her only family can visit. A jail may restrict the number of visits an inmate can get – but preventing the girlfriend altogether?
      Then again, I can’t speak to everyone’s comprehension and communication skills… so I erred on the side of ‘just in case it is true’….

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        lindsaybob December 3, 2012, 6:11 pm

        I don’t know about the US, but in the UK I’m pretty sure that under 18s need special permission to visit prisons, which I think is often only given if the inmate is a family member. Perhaps something similar could be going on here? (Doesn’t explain the contradiction about not knowing where he is though…)

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  • Skittlegryph

    Skittlegryph December 3, 2012, 1:15 pm

    I hope it is fake, but really, this just takes me back to high school, and sounds like many a girl who dropped out of school and had two or more babies by the time graduation rolled around.

    Either way, this is sad.

    Reply Link
  • lemongrass

    lemongrass December 3, 2012, 1:27 pm

    I call fake because she wrote “sperm in my vagina.” If it was real, and this girl was really that trashy, she would have wrote “spunk in my hooha” not the correct terminology. Or she would have said he jacked off in the hot tub while she was in it. Or she swallowed and now she’s pregnant.

    Reply Link
    • othy

      Othy December 3, 2012, 3:52 pm

      I was thinking the same thing. And notice she mentioned ‘on my’ not ‘in my’. I know that it is possible to get pregnant like that, but isn’t it a very low odds if it’s just on the surface rather than inside?

      Reply Link
      • lemongrass

        lemongrass December 3, 2012, 4:22 pm

        Eh, that part isn’t that unbelievable to me. Condoms, when used correctly, still have a 1-2% fail rate. Meaning that 1-2 in 100 women, per year, will get pregnant. Also, the pull out method doesn’t always work even if the guy pulls out in time.

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  • AKchic_

    AKchic_ December 3, 2012, 1:33 pm

    I’m on the fence. Mainly because I have known girls like this, and I am related to girls like this (my cousin was having sex in the maternity ward and had her second at 14 years old; the older sister became a pregnant grandma at the age of 30 when her 15 year old daughter gave birth; etc).

    If it’s a fake, it is a good one. It has all of the classic (and stereotyped) markers of a girl desperately looking for love, stability, and a cohesive family unit. Broken home, obsessive relationship, criminal issues, etc.

    If the letter is real, I do feel bad for the letter writer. She is in a very, very bad place emotionally. She will need more than our scorn. Her grandmother does seem to have her best interest at heart (or at the very least, wishes not to want to raise her great-grandchild as well).
    LW, if you are pregnant, it’s time to stop acting like a love-lorn child. As a former teen-parent myself, I highly recommend that you abort your pregnancy, throw yourself into your school work and STOP HAVING SEX. I am very serious about this. Sex does not equate love. It really doesn’t. You need to respect yourself before you have sex, and honestly, if this letter is real, if you respected yourself, you wouldn’t have allowed yourself to get pregnant multiple times like this. A baby does not keep a man around. I know, I’ve been divorced twice. Hell, I’m not even with any of the idiots I slept with when I was your age (and yes, I can call them idiots since the vast majority of them are in jail now).
    Since you say you live with your “grams”, I can assume that your mother/father aren’t exactly in the picture and you probably fall under the poverty line. Look for some sort of counseling. Start with the school’s guidance counselor. They can point you in the right direction. If you are on state-sponsored medical insurance – see what kind of therapy they pay for. You need someone to talk to (try the Boys Town National Hotline for ideas?).
    If you are real, please let me know. There are a few of us that are/were teen parents and would be more than happy to talk to you and help you through this. There are some of us who have been through abortions, miscarriages (even as teenagers), and have dealt with some of these issues.

    If the letter is a fake, well… honestly, I feel sorry for the individual who wastes the time to write in and pull this shit.

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl December 3, 2012, 3:36 pm

      Thank you AK for a sincere, well thought out response.

      Reply Link
  • Lyra

    L December 3, 2012, 1:35 pm

    And my students wonder why I always make them correct their grammar and spelling even though I’m a music teacher…

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      painted_lady December 3, 2012, 2:58 pm

      I just always tell them that they walk when they’re not in PE, so they have to write correctly when they’re not in English.

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  • avatar

    MMcG December 3, 2012, 2:25 pm

    I call FAKE… because of this and other things, but mainly this “some of his sperm got on my vagina”
    fake LW went from not being able to spell excited to clinical terms for reproduction. BS 🙂

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      lets_be_honest December 3, 2012, 2:30 pm

      Its a sad day when the fact that an LW is able to spell the word vagina correctly means anything.

      Reply Link
      • avatar

        MMcG December 3, 2012, 2:42 pm

        True, but we live in a world where state legislators don’t want the word spoken aloud during public debate about birth control because it’s vulgar… my standards have become so low it really is depressing.

        Otherwise, I would have thought the LW was real. The problem certainly is (also live in a large urban area, knew a 16 year old pregnant with #3).

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  • LM

    LM December 3, 2012, 2:40 pm

    Well, the clinical terms ARE phonetic…

    Reply Link
  • KKZ

    KKZ December 3, 2012, 2:59 pm

    Who the hell has time to think up, write, and send in fake letters to advice columns?

    I mean, really – WHO??!

    And of course the follow-up question is WHY??
    Internet trolls are annoying, but I can understand why they do what they do – attention, shit-stirring, bored at work, whatever.
    But I can’t fathom how someone would even come up with the idea of trolling an advice columnist with a fake letter. What’s the point?

    Reply Link
    • avatar

      lemongrass December 3, 2012, 4:49 pm

      This LW is sad if it’s true and sad if it’s fake. I feel sorry for people that really don’t have better things to do that to create fake letters.

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  • avatar

    emmkat December 3, 2012, 4:26 pm

    If it’s real, I fear for the future of humanity. If it’s fake, I still fear for the future of humanity because there are people out there making shit like this up.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Jennifer December 3, 2012, 4:48 pm

    Well he could be in jail for statutory rape…

    Reply Link
  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark December 3, 2012, 9:16 pm

    The letter is fake. But it happens daily because most heterosexuals are apparently TOO FUCKING STUPID to use a condom properly. Honestly? My patience is at an end.

    Meaning I am now PRO-ABORTION!

    This is a new radical stance outlining that anybody — and I mean fucking anybody — who has an unplanned pregnancy will be promptly be carted off to the clinic and presto! Gone-zo! No more baby! HELLO! Better society! The world is fucking overpopulated enough as it is… Its time to get fucking radical about things. Its time people take some fucking responsibility for their own stupidity…

    However would you enforce this? (I can already hearing you ask this!) EASY! If you are trying to have a baby — you just file the necessary paper work and all is well! Hell, an EMAIL would even suffice.

    No paperwork? No email? Oh, well… No fucking baby. End of story.

    And no, I’m absolutely not fucking kidding. For the record, I actually think this would be an amazing policy. Moreover, it’s one that’s apparently MUCH NEEDED because so many of you are abject idiots…

    End of Rant.

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    • avatar

      Anna December 3, 2012, 9:35 pm

      That’s a little extreme don’t you think? Plenty of married couples aren’t necessarily trying to get pregnant but if they do it isn’t the end of the world. I’m talking about normal responsible people with jobs and houses and enough income to raise a child. This is one of those scenarios where you can’t just throw everyone in a box labeled “irresponsible” and forcibly kill their children. This isn’t China.

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      • avatar

        MissDre December 3, 2012, 11:01 pm

        And not everybody looks at abortion as “killing children”

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark December 3, 2012, 9:45 pm

    Married couples could just have paperwork on file — saying that they are married and that they are trying for kids. Look, I’m not talking about married couples. I’m talking about every other LW here who apparently is so fucking retarded they can’t fuck without getting knocked up…

    Reply Link

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