Today’s guest post comes from Elaina Osteen who muses about the trials, tribulations and “first-world problems” in the life of a single young professional on her blog Quarter Life Confused.

I’ve spent the last seven years of my life in what I somewhat affectionately call “The Decade of Weddings.” As my friends and I have traversed this love and lace-filled minefield, I have seen, heard and experienced the many trials of the ever-loyal, always-a-bridesmaid. Trust me brides, there is no one more qualified to tell you how to clean out your friendship closet as you enter into your marriage than a bridesmaid spurned. After the jump, 10 ways you can ensure your bridesmaids will never speak to you again after your wedding.

1. Ask your bridesmaid for her “honest” opinion on every wedding-related decision you make. Then, explain to her in pain-staking detail why her opinion is completely wrong. Bonus if you can incorporate some kind of self-made diagram or spreadsheet.

2. Forget your bridesmaid’s birthday/graduation/arrival of her firstborn. Blame it on “bride brain” and invite her over for a glass of wine to make up for it. While she’s over for wine night, have her tie 250 bows on your wedding programs while you “catch up.” And by “catch up,” I mean you catch her up on all the latest wedding hoopla including, but not limited to, the heinous dress your mother-in-law is planning to wear to the rehearsal dinner.

3. Tell your bridesmaid you don’t care what shoes she wears with her bridesmaid dress as long as they are silver. And strappy. And sandal-ish but not stripper-ish. And 2.738 inches tall.

4. Spend your entire bachelorette party weekend on the phone with your fiancé talking about how much you miss each other. It’s your party, and everyone is there for you so they totally won’t mind that you would rather whisper sweet nothings to your boo than participate in any of the activities they planned months in advance.

5. Invite every person you’ve ever met in your entire life — your grandmother’s bridge partner, the wife of that guy who mows your aunt and uncle’s yard, your entire sorority pledge class, including the girls you hated — to the wedding shower the bridesmaids are paying for. They said the more the merrier, right?

6. Don’t give your single bridesmaid a “plus one” even though she will be the only person over the age of 11 attending the wedding alone. Then have the DJ call her to the dance floor by name for the bouquet toss. With the sub-11-year-old set.

7. Invite your bridesmaid to every dress fitting, cake tasting, venue visit, etc. that you have. When she says she can’t come because she has to work (yeah, right), tell her how disappointed you are because she’s the only person who she can really trust to give her an honest opinion. (See #1.)

8. Ask your bridesmaid to “help out” with any of the following: paying vendors, dipping hundreds of strawberries in chocolate, polishing silver, arranging centerpieces, wrangling the unruly children of relatives, running interference with you mother-in-law, and/or convincing your groom to wear the outfit you picked out for him for the rehearsal. Make sure that the above tasks include chaos, sweat, sleep deprivation, and the risk of ruining her outfit and/or manicure.

9. Expect your bridesmaid to be as excited and involved in your wedding as you are. When she acts uninterested, make her feel guilty because this is your one and only day. Promise that when her turn comes you’ll be there every step of the way for her. Later, as soon as she gets engaged, get pregnant.

10. After you get back from your honeymoon, call your bridesmaid and ask her what’s been going on with her. For the first time since you got engaged.

BONUS: Never send her a thank you note for the wedding gift she bought you.

Elaina Osteen is a semi-professional bridesmaid and wedding enthusiast, who muses about the trials, tribulations and “first-world problems” in the life of a single and questionably fabulous young professional on her blog Quarter Life Confused. Elaina is currently obsessed with college football, pinterest, fall recipes, and Ryan Gosling.

No, no, no — do not pretend like you never found out what you discovered. Communication is always the best policy. Because what you don’t know here is much scarier than what you do know and as long as you remain in the dark, the not knowing is going to eat away at you and your relationship. There are lots of possibilities for why your boyfriend is on Paxil and why he hasn’t told you. I’m not a doctor and don’t know much about that particular drug, but perhaps it truly was prescribed for something other than depression and anxiety. But even if he is taking the drug to treat psychological issues, it doesn’t mean that you are the cause for his problems.

You mention that your boyfriend has no stressors in his life, but in the same paragraph you say that he’s “solid” at work and that his band is taking off at a local level. What a lot of people aren’t aware of or don’t truly understand is that success can be just as nerve-wracking and stressful as failure. It’s true. With success and everything it entails — more work, a tighter schedule, less time for yourself, more pressure, more responsibility, more people counting on you — comes stress. Perhaps your boyfriend is feeling some of that. Or, maybe his issues are unrelated to his work. But that still doesn’t mean they are related to you. But even if they are — even if you and your relationship have somehow caused him to crack and seek help from a professional — don’t you think that’s something you ought to know about and discuss with him? And if he isn’t coming to you to talk, you need to go to him.

Don’t pussyfoot around this. Come right out and tell your boyfriend you know he has been prescribed Paxil and it’s your understanding that that’s a drug that treats psychological issues. Refrain from being accusatory. I’m sure he knows where you stand on anti-depressants and that’s part of the reason why he hasn’t openly discussed this with you yet. So don’t confirm his fears that you are someone who will judge him for needing help. And don’t make this about you. It’s not. This is about your boyfriend’s health, so approach it from that angle. Be compassionate and understanding. And keep your judgment about anti-depressants to yourself until you have a better idea why your boyfriend is taking them and what his plan for treatment is. And remember: There’s no shame in taking medication if it’s necessary to be well.

*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com and be sure to follow me on Twitter.

In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:

There was such an overwhelming response when I asked readers to introduce themselves on a weekend open thread that I decided to give you all a weekly column to do just that. I’ve always said this site wouldn’t be what it is without the engagement and participation of its readers and this column is the place to learn more about who you are what makes you tick. After the jump, let’s meet Christy.

1. What’s your name, age and whereabouts?

My name (both in real life and on the site) is Christy. I’m 23 and I just moved to Washington DC on January 1st. I’m originally from Baltimore, and there is nothing in this world that makes me feel more at home than the sea of Ravens purple during football season and the shouted “O!” in the national anthem. (As is, “O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave o’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.” It was originally for the Orioles but has evolved into a regional thing.)

2. What’s your relationship status?

I am in a relationship! My girlfriend and I got together in mid-December, after meeting in grad school, becoming friends, acting like we were dating without actually dating, and then finally me asking her out.

3. How do you spend your weekdays?

I just finished my Master of Library Science in December. Weirdly enough, I went to the same program as Kerrycontrary. Now I’m working full time for the government, in the same job I worked part-time while I was in school. It’s in a research office, and I generally copy-edit or work with databases. They’re trying to hire me permanently after my internship ends in April, so hopefully I can work here for a while, earning money and figuring out how to exist outside of school.

4. How do you spend your free time?

This whole idea of “free time” is a new one to me. I’ve been in school nonstop since I was 3, and in college, I basically lived in the theatre, working backstage on shows. After college I went directly to grad school and I spent my life working, going to class, doing unpaid internships, and commuting.

Now, I live close to work and I have all this time on my hands, which is totally new. I am a die-hard Ravens fan and a brand-new Caps fan, so I spend a fair amount of time watching sports. I’m trying to cook a new recipe once a week — I once failed at making Kraft Mac-n-Cheese, so this is an important life step for me. I spend a fair amount of time reading, and I have a couple of television shows that I love.

5. What are your top likes and dislikes?

Likes: Baltimore Ravens, technical theatre (especially building scenery), the entire city of Baltimore, young adult literature, the people I met in library school, mathematics (especially abstract algebra), sunshine, 68 degree weather, karaoke, mussels, good beer, and Funfetti cake with Rainbow Chip frosting

Dislikes: lesbians who speak in gender studies/queer studies jargon, dogs, driving in DC traffic, winter precipitation of any sort, lists that don’t use the Oxford comma, and men who hit on me when I’m just trying to watch football in peace. (If you see a girl alone at a bar, wearing team gear, trying to watch the game, please do not try to talk to her during the actual plays of the game, especially if you are not in the same line of site as the television. Wouldn’t it be better if to wait until they’re just standing around on the field? It’s football, it’s not like that’s a rarity. And for the record, I’d hate it when guys do this even if I weren’t a lesbian.)

6. What’s the best relationship lesson you’ve ever learned?

I’m actually in my first relationship right now so I don’t have much actual relationship experience to draw on. I think the most important thing I’ve learned so far is that you can’t be afraid to show affection, and you have to have confidence that things will work out. You can’t live in doubt, especially not in self-doubt. When you’re nervous about how every little action is going to turn out, you end up paralyzed by fear.

7. Besides DearWendy.com, what are some of your favorite websites?

I just organized my bookmarks and I feel so much better about my life. This also means that I have very certain answers to this question, and plus, they’re all categorized!

News websites: I am obsessed with the New York Times. Obsessed. I’m in love with it. I print out and attempt the crossword puzzle every day, and then I read what Rex Parker has to say about it on his crossword blog.

Lesbian websites: After Ellen and AutoStraddle.

Sports websites: ESPN, Grantland, and Bleacher Report for general things, and Puck Daddy and Russian Machine Never Breaks for hockey/Caps coverage.

Time-wasting websites: Cracked, Sporcle.

8. What are your favorite books?

This is a complicated question, mostly because I have so many books that I love. I think I have to list the three books of the Fionavar Tapestry first: The Summer Tree, The Wandering Fire, and The Darkest Road. I read this fantasy trilogy at least twice a year, and if I go too long without reading them, I feel out of sorts. In terms of other books, The Giver and Number the Stars by Lois Lowry, Harry Potter (of course), 1984 and pretty much any other dystopian novel ever. I just finished reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan, which is about two high school boys who are both named Will Grayson. It is so good, I really highly recommend that you check it out.

*Since we now have the message board where readers can introduce themselves to each other, this will be the last Reader of the Week post. Thanks for your submissions!

Yes, there are a lot of things you should consider and questions you should ask yourself before moving in with a significant other, but one that should not be of any concern is: “Is this a common arrangement for other people?” You aren’t living other people’s lives; you’re living your own life. Don’t worry about what other people do or think. Worry about what’s best for you. If you feel uncomfortable having three or four other people living with you and your boyfriend, then that’s what you should focus on. Who cares whether other people would have an issue with that kind of situation or not? You aren’t other people. Other people aren’t living your life.

You are making a personal decision and the only factors you should consider are those that affect you, your boyfriend and your relationship. To that end, here are a few questions to ask yourself that will help you reach a decision that is best for you:

1. If money were no object and you could afford to live anywhere you wanted, would you still want to live with your boyfriend?

2. If you knew that this was your only chance to ever live by yourself, would you want to spend a year or two on your own or immediately move in with your boyfriend?

3. Are you willing to sacrifice independence and personal space to live in a nicer neighborhood?

4. Are you willing to put your relationship in a potentially stressful situation to live in a nicer neighborhood?

5. Would you rather regret not moving in with your boyfriend sooner or moving in with your boyfriend too soon?

6. Do you and your boyfriend have to share a lease to enjoy the benefits of sharing space and spending time together?

7. What benefits would sharing a lease with your boyfriend grant you that you don’t have already?

8. What potential drawbacks would you face by sharing a lease — and space — with three or four other people?

9. What are your fears about living with your boyfriend in a house with other people?

10. What are the potential benefits for your relationship — not bank account — that you’ll have by living in a house with your boyfriend and several other people?

I would never recommend moving in with someone you can’t envision a future with because it’s a total bitch to break up with someone you live with. I’d also recommend that if you ever have a chance to live alone — to have a place you can call yours and yours only — you should take it. But this is your decision to make, of course, and you need to do what’s best for you. So take a look at those ten questions and see where you heart — and your head — lead you.

*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com and be sure to follow me on Twitter.

Just a reminder that next week we’ll be discussing this month’s book club selection, We Need to Talk About Kevin. If you haven’t yet finished yet (me), there’s still time! Hell, if you haven’t gotten the book yet and you’re a fast enough reader, there’s even time still to find a copy and get started. Not if you have a baby though. If you have a baby and you aren’t at least halfway through the book, you’re probably screwed. Unless you stop watching “Downton Abbey,” and other assorted TV shows, but let’s not be crazy.

And now a drumroll, please. Our book club selection for March is … “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks” by Rebecca Skloot. It was one of our semi-finalists for our first vote and a book that sounded really interesting to me. Plus, it’s in paperback for less than 10 bucks. Score! As always, you can support Dear Wendy and buy through this link (or through the Amazon link in the right sidebar; I get a small commission on any purchases made through that link, which help pay for this site and now help pay for a few hours of babysitting each week so that I can work on this site, hooray!).

We’ll discuss WNTTAK next Tuesday, so be on the look-out.

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Have Fiancé, Will Relocate” whose fiancé was unwilling to move to a town where she would have more room for career growth. Keep reading to see where things are with them since her letter was posted.

 
I’m so sorry to hear that. You must be heartbroken, but know that you will make it through this and one day you will look back and think of this as the moment your life veered into a different direction — one I hope and believe will take you much closer to where you’d like to be one day.

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:

Jackson is beginning to notice that we have pets and that pets are … cute. And fun! And they make good pillows. Miles was lounging on the couch one afternoon this week and sensing a good photo op — Jackson was wearing his red “Brooklyn” sweatshirt, after all — I sat Jack next to Miles and told him to “smile for Mama!” As instructed, he smiled brightly into the camera, but it was his other gesture that made my heart explode into a million pieces. As he grinned for me, he ever-so-gently reached for Miles’ paw and he held it long enough for me to snap several pictures. Years and years from now, long after Miles is no longer with us and Jackson has left home for exciting adventures of his own, it’s moments like these I’ll think of when I remember the “good ole days.”

This week, it was better. How was yours?

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

My home — and Miles and Simone! — were featured on the design blog, Casa Sugar (some time, I will share photos of the rest of our place, including Jackson’s nursery, which was a labor of love).

From Reddit: “My wife wants to have a threesome, I’m having some concerns”

From PsychologyToday.com: “Why Millennials Hook Up”

The identity of advice columnist, Dear Sugar, from The Rumpus was revealed this week!

From Huffington Post: “The French Philosophy On Love And Sex”

From Newser.com: “Marriage Won’t Make You Happier”

From CNN.com and Oprah.com: “Keep sleep from ruining your relationship”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!