Baby name problems

[Jessibel5Participant]

Grrr, guys, I need opinions.

I’m not pregnant yet, but we decided we’re ready and we’re going to start not exactly trying to prevent it. I’m so annoyed though I’m ready to shut my legs permanently. Since before we were married, we’ve been talking about all the stuff involved in babies. How to raise them, household rules for when they’re older, religion, etc. All these things, we’re totally on the same page.

Baby names however, we’re not.

My husband has a name completely already picked out.

He is absolutely insistent that if it’s a son, it gets named after him, but with a different middle name (he wants to use the last name of his childhood hero baseball player.) I absolutely HATE naming children after their parents. It actually makes me angry. I think it’s the height of hubris for him to want to do this, and I feel that everyone should have their own name (this is just my opinion for my case, if it’s important to other people and they’re cool with it, more power to them. I just don’t like it for my family personally).

What upsets me about this is, well, I guess in a nutshell it removes my choice, and my say in what my child is named. He has this name already picked out and is pulling a “this is the way it’s going to be” attitude about it, and here I am wanting some say in the naming of the baby that I’m going to be carrying for 40 weeks. Is that wrong? He’s pulling a “but, it’s really important to me because I’m the 5th one in my family with this name” (he’s named after his two uncles. His older brother is a Jr. There are about 6 names in their family that keep being re-used for first and middle names. No imagination) Am I a bitch for wanting to get together and compromise on a name? I mean, neither of us will end up with our first choice, but at least we both came to the decision as a team and could have something that we both think is great.

And yes, I know, we could possibly have girls. We’ve agreed on the girl names, so they’re not a problem. I think it’s silly that we’re thinking about this already and I’m getting all agita about it when I’m not even pregnant, but it’s the attitude about it that’s really bothering me. I’ve told him repeatedly that I hate the name and want to get together when I’m actually pregnant and if it’s a boy and go through names together, but it’s like he’s unable to remember this and agrees when we talk about it, and then continues to claim that that’s the way it’s going to be, like he has a blind spot in his memory for this topic. About a year before we got married he mentioned to someone in front of me that “if a woman doesn’t want to use this baby name, then I can’t marry her” and I went “well, then I guess we’re not getting married then” and when I brought it up later on in private he was all apologetic and said he was joking and didn’t realize that I had taken him seriously. Except I think he’s totally serious and thought he could change my mind.

On one hand, he’s not normally a bully about anything ever, but he’s pretty much being a bully on this, so part of me thinks, wow, this must be REALLY imporatant to him, but on the other hand, he’s being completely inflexible and it makes me feel like I’m just a vessel for this potential son of his. That doesn’t make me feel that great at all!

We communicate very well normally, but for some reason this is just a huge stumbling block that we’re going in circles on. Meh

[bittergaymarkParticipant]

I guess, I’d say, fine. But if it’s a girl, then its completely up to me… No ifs ands or buts…

PS: I agree, the whole Jr thing is tacky and narcissism at its worst — as is, frankly, naming somebody after a fucking athlete (talk about lowest common denominator…) But hey, you married him, not me.

[GatorGirlParticipant]

I think you should let this one go. If it’s a family name there is history to it. My fiance has our first born son’s name picked out already (which is his middle and obviously last name with a new first name after a family member)- I don’t love the name but it is important to him. And your hypothetical son will be getting his own name- no one else in the family has it. Call him by the middle name and he’ll have a really unique name.

[bethanyParticipant]

I hate it too, and I’d be pissed if I were you, too. A name should be something the parents pick out together, IMO.

However, I can see how something like this might be very imporatant to him, and in the long run it might just be easier for all involved to do what BGM says…

[Jessibel5Participant]

HA, right?! I’m pretty effing annoyed at him for that. Not to mention, this baseball player, long retired, is from a team that rivals my favorite team. But believe it or not, that’s not my biggest issue. Meanwhile, ironically I LOVE the first name of the baseball player and woud be fine with using that. However, :insert whiny husband voice here: “we caaaan’t my other friend who I only see once a year named his son that six years ago, we can’t use the same name!”
My response? “F*ck that, they don’t own that name”

I make him sound like a horrible person in these posts, but he’s really not. He’s just absolutely bloody out of his mind in this situation.

[Elanie MayParticipant]

You are not being irrational. I have strong opinions on baby names and if my husband came to me with a name that I didn’t like already cemented in his mind as the name of HIS SON!, I would get pretty upset.

Is there any way you can give on this name at all? How much do you hate it? Can you imagine a cute little boy as a mix of you and your husband running around being called The Name, or a cute diminutive thereof?

Otherwise I think you need to tell him that you really can’t imagine naming your son that, and that the two of you should sit down together and make lists of boys names you like until you find one that you can agree on. If you can find any kind of compromise, like using his sports middle name with a more original first name, that would be best.

Ugh, SOs with their own opinions!

[KristenParticipant]

I think maybe give him the first name, but ask that you get to choose a middle name together (perhaps one that you could call him by, so he’s not always going by the same name as his dad).

I understand your frustration, though. It’s just as much your child as it is his! Try not to worry about it right now. You may end up with a girl and not need to worry about it for awhile

[Jessibel5Participant]

Ah. Here is the problem with calling the hypothetical kid by the middle name: It rhymes with my husband’s nickname, which he goes by instead of his first name. Which rhymes with HIS brother’s nickname, which he goes by instead of his first name. The three rhyming names make me want to vomit and cry at the same time (ugh, maybe I AM already pregnant?) It’s not that I just don’t love the name…it’s that I HATE the name.

I guess the reason that I don’t want to let this go is that I’m feeling completely bullied. It’s absolutely not cool. If I let this one go, where does it end?

[KristenParticipant]

Okay, well if you absolutely hate the name, then you can’t name your kid that! He’ll have to understand. I would stop fighting about it until you find out for sure that you’re actually pregnant and that you’re having a son. It’ll just put more strain on your relationship and your (future) pregnancy.

But for what it’s worth, I totally agree with you! You get an equal say in the name of your child.

[GatorGirlParticipant]

Maybe you can pick the nickname of the hypotherical kid? And let your husband have the name on the birth certificate? I know a couple who named there kid one thing, but he has been called his nickname his whole life. Actually I know quite a few people like that- their parents just picked arbitrary nicknames and thats what they go by.

[KristenParticipant]

P.S. Now I’m totally curious what the name is. Is it common enough that you can tell us without worrying about being identifiable?

[qmParticipant]

Have you told him you feel bullied? I know you said that you’ve had discussions about this, but have you told him how his attitude and his conveniently forgetting about your discussions is making you feel? Because I’d be terribly angry, too, to have someone come at me with an across the board ultimatum for a child that’s just as much mine as theirs. But he might think he’s being perfectly reasonable and doesn’t realize how bad you feel.

[bittergaymarkParticipant]

I just hope the middle name isn’t super obnoxiously obvious, like say, Kobe. (Yes, I know Kobe plays basketball, I just used it as that man is a arrogant fuckwad that everybody in LA worships…)

[Jessibel5Participant]

Not particularly. The first name is common, very classical name. I can give you hints, I guess….hmm, let’s make this fun. ( I just worry about my husband knowing this is about him if he ever reads it!)

First name is the name of the current heir to the British throne, who married and then divorced Diana…

Middle name is the last name of #8 shortstop for the Orioles from 1981 to 2001. This guy’s nickname was “Iron Man” so I guess that the Avengers reference could be cool as well…coincidentally, this baseball player is a Jr. himself.

I prefer the first name of said baseball player as the first name of maybe baby, because it’s less common.

Husband wants to call the kid “Rip” as a nickname. However, husband’s nickname is a name of a snack that Lays makes (rhymes with Rip) and his brother’s nickname is “Skip”. I just want to cry.

[Jessibel5Participant]

Also, as far as baseball players go, this guy is pretty cool and not someone to scoff at like Kobe, since he’s more famous for his incredible work ethic, teamwork, and drive as opposed to being a guy who made shittons of money for being a dickwad. But still.

I don’t know if I’ve ever used the word bullied, but that’s a good point next time this comes up! Thanks!

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