Let the record show thhat I, Addie Pray, am a vegetarian. After our meetup (which was super fun, btw), I went to a fundraiser thing and there was a pig – a big dead pig – that was carved up and turned into bbq and I vomited in my mouth watching that. Disgusting. I’m over meat. I’m also over beer. Disgusting. I’m about to puke. The world is spinning and I keep picturing that pig and I want to die.
I’ve had so many big beers. The kind that come in tall glasses. I want to throw up but it’s so bright outside and I’m having a hard time reconciling my need to vomit and the abundance of daylight. And that pig. All that is left is his head and two dozen or so empty bottles of Gates barbecue sauce. This is the end of the world. Where’s my bike? I wanna go home.
My face feels crusty. Like there’s crusty bbq sauce on it. I need to find a scrubber. What do you call those things that scrub dry crusty beer and bbq sauce off your face? A scrubber. My new pseudo boyfriend is at the office because he is a lawyer and that’s what lawyers do on the weekend, which is too bad because I would let him scrub me. I feel icky and sticky and I think I have pig on me. I’m never drinking again or eating pig. I hate Gates bbq. I also hate fundraisers because I coulda donated money without sacrificing a pig. Where’s my bike?