August 6, 2012 at 11:12 am #35841
So the other weekend a friend was telling me about his experiences on online dating and it kind of caught my interest a little. He encouraged me to sign up so I sat down to make a profile and after I generated the typical general information I came to the questions….and there-in lies my issue. They are stupid and I hate answering them. It is seriously a struggle and actually just turned me off to the whole thing….and now I keep getting OKCupid e-mails that are annoying me and I didn’t even finish my profile.
Anyone else feel the same way? Tips for getting over it / ways to think about it that don’t make me stare blankly at my screen and slowly shut my lap top lid? I also HATE having my picture up there because I keep seeing people I already know from the area and have no interest in dating and I hate having my presence known on those things to people I already know in RL…I know I’m weird.August 6, 2012 at 11:27 am #35846
I feel your pain. I forced myself to power through and answered as few as questions as I could to get OKCupid to shut up. I skipped a lot and only answered the ones important to me, like about drugs/smoking/bigotry. Helped weed out the crazies anyway. They do use those when they match you with people, so you should probably answer a few. And I also changed my settings so I never got any emails about anything.
Good luck, I actually just had some good luck on that site recentlyAugust 6, 2012 at 11:59 am #35854
Ugh! I just did the same thing last week. Joined OKC, got frustrated with all the dumb ass questions & ran screaming from my computer. Now I’m getting all these emails from them about matches (that are nowhere near what I want – I realize this is mostly my fault because I didn’t answer the stupid questions, but still frustrating!) I keep saying to myself that I’m going to finish the profile, but just can’t seem to muster the energy to go through with it.August 6, 2012 at 12:12 pm #35859
haha same here…I doubt I’ll finish it out.August 6, 2012 at 12:29 pm #35860
Budj, it sounds like you don’t want to do online dating at all. That’s how they match you on any site and you have to answer a ton of those questions. I think you also feel a little jaded like myself. You haven’t had good luck before, so you feel why should I answer all these questions if my out ome is still going to be the same. Am I right? I felt the same way and still do. I felt I could never get matched correctly and the few women I did message, they weren’t interested.
I’ve thought about trying again, but I’m just not ready too. I need to mentally know that I won’t get as frustrated as I did before with the entire process. I just don’t think online dating is for you, but it’s the only avenue you have to meet someone. It’s the battle that no one likes to fight.August 6, 2012 at 12:54 pm #35862
The pay sites I was on had very few people on them. I think a lot of people in my age bracket are like…why the fuck would I pay? I see a lot more people on the free sites.
I don’t know about jaded…I just put a lot of stock on in-person chemistry…the x-facter or whatever you call it. People have too much time to think about how to phrase things online – I just think it’s a little less straight-forward. You put all this time into “getting to know someone” virtually and then you could meet them and it would just not be the same. I hear that happens often and it makes me worry about wasting time. I already have very limited time to “date around” so I don’t want to waste too much time doing the dating thing with misses.
And I mentioned this before – I hate having my face plastered on those websites…I’m typically a fairly private person with certain areas of my life and in a small town, even if your handle is different, people see your face and are like – I know him….haha.August 6, 2012 at 12:57 pm #35863
I think the biggest thing with the questions is that there is always a constant inner struggle to answer them how I know would be the best way to answer them…as in a truthful way that kind of “caters me” to a wider audience or to answer it flat out honestly in my own “voice”…haha… Be 100% me…or enough of me to be honest, but be more upfront appealing…i don’t know…I’d be fine with less hits better matches than more hits so-so matches so I guess I just answered that question.August 6, 2012 at 1:39 pm #35869
My frustration with all the questions is…it doesn’t really make a difference! I did OKC once before, answered about 120 questions, yet STILL got matches that I made very clear I did NOT want! I also got so very frustrated with the lying. Like there’s no way I’m gonna notice you’re minimum 4 inches shorter than your profile stated. Or 15 years older, or 30 pounds heavier….etc, etc, etc. I have major issues with lying and just can’t tolerate it ever. So the minute I see that you’ve lied – about anything – I’m pretty much done. It’s not so much that I don’t like older guys, or heavy guys (love them!) I just can’t get past the fact that you lied.
I’d also be much more happy with less matches, as long as the ones that do come through are actual matches. If I say my non-negotiables are african-american, non-smoker & career oriented, why do I continue to receive matches that are non-black, smoking “entrepreneurs.” In EVERY case I’ve met someone who says they’re an “entrepreneur,’ every single one of them lived at home, unemployed & “hustlin” to make a buck.
It’s so frustrating I just throw my hands in the air & vow to be single for life. Ugh.August 6, 2012 at 1:50 pm #35872
@Budj – I know what you mean about answering the question the “right” way….I did Eharmony last year and decided to go the route of answering everything totally as myself instead of appealing to the wider audience. I didn’t get very many matches….although that could have also been the “no kids” thing too. I may try it again and cast a wider net.August 6, 2012 at 1:59 pm #35874
Yeah, a long time ago, one of my friends was on match I think, or something like that, and he was like “dude you have to sign up for a dating site, all of my college friends, and I are meeting up with all of the girls, and they are putting out” So I was like wow that sounds great, because I’m not looking for a girlfriend, but as soon as I started to fill out all of those questions, I was like, ya know what this really isn’t for me. I really hated having to go through all of that, and I was doing it for the wrong reason anyway, and I really wasn’t the type of person who wanted to just have sex with random girls, but I was trying to be that person because all of my friends were that way!
But the questions never end, we went to go meet with our priest again before we get married, and the church made us fill out a 156 question compatibility test (yes because a computer will tell me how compatible we are) so if we aren’t that compatible we know what to work on. Some of the questions were hilarious like “are you prepared to let your wife see you naked” or “do you have any homosexual feelings”. My fiancée really wants to get married in a church, and I’m fine with that, because that is how I was raised, but it’s crazy that that Catholics make you meet certain requirements to get married in the eyes of god, even though god is suppose to be compassionate, and forgiving no matter what your sin is. So basically you have to lie to them to get married.August 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm #35875
It’s a toss up for me with kids. I rather meet a divorced mom with kids, than a woman that just had a kid(s). There’s a woman I know that may not be happily married. Yet stays for the kids and I respect that. She’s very much what I would look for, even though she has two kids. She can have fun, loves to be outside and exercise, and wants to make the effort to make her marriage work. It’s a shame she’s married, because if she wasn’t, I’d be on board in a second.
I 100% know what I want, but I’m afraid I will only get 60% of what I want. I know 100% is a big stretch, but 60% just seems like me compromising too much….August 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm #35877
I actually talked to my date–he needs a DW name, um…Zee? yes. Zee. Lili and Zee sounds cool. So anyways Zee said he had the same reservations about online dating, the lack of compatibility was pretty apparent early on and then trying to find and plan interesting dates with people–esp women who often times joined OKC (or match in my case) after a breakup and weren’t really ready to get back in the dating scene but wanted to feel desirable again. He went on a few blah dates and then deactivated his profile.
I mean, as Wendy said finding love with that special someone is like catching lightening in a bottle rare and precious, so don’t give up. I know its easier said than done, but really try to create a life you are happy with in the day to day, and always be up for new fun activities and who knows who will cross your path. I mean, I met Zee at an networking/alumni event and while I wasn’t sure what I wanted with h im-like a new friend or something more initially, two wonderful dates in and I’m starting to feel some major excitement about whats in store! He said what he really likes about me is I’m a happy person. I have a full rich life with friends, but he can see that I’m also looking for someone in a casual ‘it’d be great to have a awesome BF, but i’m not sitting at home crying about it’ kinda way. For me, dating is all about the person, not the role i want him to fill. I think OKC gives an abundance of options. BUT if a person is serious about finding someone, and its the RIGHT person, I think it can def bring people together. I know two couples who have been together over a year who met on OKC and POF. So, it DOES happenAugust 6, 2012 at 2:23 pm #35880
I think that whole “it’d be awesome to have a boyfriend but I’m not crying about it” place is definitely the right place to be.
And I met Ross on okcupid and we’ve been together 3 years!August 6, 2012 at 3:23 pm #35890
You know what helps with filling out the profiles? Friends. I have close girlfriends that HATE setting up profiles – it is so awkward answering those questions honestly about yourself…but your friend has no problem saying how great you are without sounding creepy. I go over – we pour a drink – and then I help her set up her profiles and pick cute pictures. Some of what she was staying sounded stiff – when she isn’t – but it is hard to answer from the perspective of what others see in you. A friend can help you relax and find the words to reflect more of your personality. My husband actually logged into another friend of mine’s account to give the male perspective and gave her suggestions. The After profile was way better than the Before – just having someone else look at it. Get a bottle of wine and good friend – female would be better – to help. (Finish the profile before you finish the bottle)
As for the picture – I can see how you would feel that way – but my friends don’t consider anyone without a picture and I get the sense that that is true for a lot of people. The assumption isn’t you are private – the assumption is that you are ugly.August 6, 2012 at 3:33 pm #35892
Yea – I know I have to put a picture up there, haha, and I am not ashamed of myself…just need to get over the “public-ness” of it all.
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