June 20, 2012 at 3:54 pm #30807
I am delayed a day on the letters and the letter from yesterday has me thinking. Thank you Brad for perking my ears on this.
I’m for one am not very open about fetishes, because, well….. they kind of weird out women. I’ve kind of had a foot fetish since I was an early teen. I’m not the extreme guy who will ask a random woman to rub her feet or suck her toes, but it’s a fun kink or fetish in the bedroom. Luckily, two of my gf’s actually really liked it and the other one just didn’t like anyone touching her feet, which is understandable.
I recently tried a tie up fetish that my partner liked. Never really cared about it, but was open to fulfilling that desire for her. In the end, it was pretty lustfully intoxicating!
My point is, how many of you have a fetish and your SO, husband, or FWB were comfortable with it? Because I’ve been with women that didn’t want to try my fetish at all and it really made things a bit awkward. Some people think feet are nasty, which too is understandable, but feet for me show me a lot about how that person takes care of their body. It’s a personal trend that I have made notes on over the years.
What are some of your fetishes here? I kinda want to keep this PG-13, so if it’s a bit graphic, lets sugar coat it a little bit.June 20, 2012 at 4:28 pm #30815
Will, you can rub my feet anytime, but I don’t want you humping them or anything.
The more I read Savage Dan (thank you JK for suggesting him!) the more I realize I am a boring idiot in the bedroom. I’m ok with that, for now.June 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm #30819
I joke with my boyfriend that I wish he had a foot fetish, because I love getting my feet rubbed.
Umm, this thread is going to be pretty hard to keep PG-13 if people honestly partake. For myself, I like things a little rougher than most in the bedroom– but that’s pretty much the extent of it. I don’t like it that way all the time, but often enough that I have to coach the guy I’m with on it. It’s not something he naturally does, so if I’m in the mood, I need to direct.
Among my friends: one (male) has a thing for mmf threesomes, one (gay male) has a “daddy” fetish? With any fetish, I think when approaching it with a partner, you have to make it sound fun & “ooh, so I’m into ______, let’s try it!” not “There is a dark twisted part of me you’ll never understand, but I secretly hope you do.” That would make anybody feel anxious or weirded out.June 20, 2012 at 6:00 pm #30824
I think if you have a true fetish (something that you really cant go without), that you owe it to your partner and yourself to be open about it. a true fetish is usually someone has to have, so i cant imagine denying yourself forever, or not having that part of you accepted by the person you love.
anyways! with my husband (yay i can say that now lol) we really dont have true boundaries with most things. both of us are willing to try most anything once, because we’re comfortable with each other. nothing we have would classify as a ‘fetish’ really. (be prepared for a little tmi here) i like light bondage/flogging/BDSM. my husband has been willing to play with me a bit, but it took him a few times to realize that he’s not actually harming or upsetting me. hitting a girl (with a flogger, or spanking) was a bit foreign to him. it’s not something we do a lot, or go out of our way to do, but it’s fun. i have major trust issues, so to be able to give control to him is huge for me.
there are also things we’ve tried and both went ‘meh’, and sometimes we’ll give it another shot, but we look at it like, at least we tried it!
i dont know if that was really PG-13 or not :/June 20, 2012 at 6:07 pm #30825
I’m into watersports (pee play), have mentioned it to three of my boyfriends and all of them were up for it. One of them even mentioned it himself before I could do it. It never made me uncomfortable to ask for it, probably because it’s pretty common kink and since I’m a girl it sounds a lot like “I want to be your property, please mark me” and it’s an idea guys usually have no problem with as long as it’s for fun (or even when it’s not).
I also like being whipped with belts and light bondage, but guys have been less into it (it gets confusing around my personal history): two did, one or two times each, and the rest passed.
Whatever I want, I usually write a hot story about it (not like “there was this girl called Eowyn” but like “I have a fantasy about you and it goes like this”) and send it in an email, saying I’d like them to bring it up it they like the idea, so they can ignore it if it makes them uncomfortable, or save it
for when I’m away or they’re bored or whatever, or reply with one of theirs.
About your feet kink: Maybe you could offer the women you’re with a foot rub and explain why you like feet while you give them a great one and work up from there slowly? So it’s not mentioned in an abstract way and ends up being this blurry confusing perverted thing you want to do to their feet, but an extension of how nice what is happening in that particular moment feels. And find girls who like high heels! Maybe people who are better at using them don’t feel like that, but I end up all sore and wanting to die when I walk in them for a while, and someone I like/love rubbing my feet and playing around with them while I rest sounds awesome.June 20, 2012 at 7:10 pm #30837
TMI is more like “2 girls, 1 cup” That could be a fetish, but that’s just gross and over the line, even for me. In relationships, and FWB, I’ve had no problem with foot rubs or even toe sucking. Like I mentioned, they were into it. Just one relationship wasn’t into it at all. I will also say in these instances, it was IMPERATIVE that the women had pampered feet. A pedicure isn’t a requirement, but I seriously hate rough feet.
I’m just lucky that my little fetish was always reciprocated as normal. I’ve never tried any bondage, but I’m getting more open to those things. I’ve given it more thought now that I’m older, and it’s not as kinky as I thought.
@AP: My first gf actually rubbed my privates with her feet, or her accord, and it was an interesting feeling. She was really into it. Not pornstar into it, but she had that look in her eyes that I’m pleasing him and he’s really enjoying himself.June 20, 2012 at 7:51 pm #30842
is it weird that i dont have one? like, at all? i have never had the urge to do anything that anyone would say is taboo, weird, or anything.June 20, 2012 at 8:11 pm #30843
i dont think it’s weird at all.. we are who we are, right?June 20, 2012 at 8:42 pm #30847
I don’t know if what I like to do would be considered a fetish, but maybe? I love having sex in public or inappropriate places. I don’t mean like casually if the opportunity presents itself, I mean I love it and the weirder and more inappropriate the place the more I’m into it. (Sorry to my neighbors/random strangers, etc lol) Most ex-boyfriends claimed to be into it, but really weren’t to the level I was. Sex in a parking lot at night is not exhibitionist behavior, at least in my book!
I also love to do rougher role play scenarios. My husband wasn’t into it at first but then I sent him a play by play in an email, and it got his attention. The reason why my husband is my husband is because he got me and accepted me both inside and outside the bedroom. I can pretty much say whatever I want and do, even if sometimes I bring up ideas or fetish areas that totally freak him out. My best advice would be to make it known early in the relationship, even in a round about joking kind of way.
And I may have just overshared my sex life. lol oh well!June 20, 2012 at 8:51 pm #30849
@mandalee, I’m sort of a closeted exhibitionist too. I say closeted because no one has ever been quite as comfortable with it as I am. And now I’m a little more freaked out about it once I realized that I could be considered a sex offender if I got caught in public. Can I ask you how you do that safely without getting caught?June 20, 2012 at 8:57 pm #30851
Katie, that’s just as normal as having a fetish. I don’t have one. I mean, sure, sometimes I like it a little rough, but definitely nothing at the level of a fetish.June 20, 2012 at 9:17 pm #30854
Interesting topic. I have a bit of a BDSM/spanking fetish. I like role play scenarios where I’m a naughty schoolgirl (wearing my super short plaid skirt) or a bad secretary getting punished by the boss. It took a little while for my ex to warm up to playing along. At first, he was really hesitant about hitting me because he doesn’t hit women. I had to make him see that there’s a difference between consensual fun and domestic battery.June 20, 2012 at 9:50 pm #30856
@theattack- As someone who works with children and plans to for my career, that’s definitely something to take into consideration. Basically, I would avoid any area that is so open to the public and obvious that you would likely get caught by a cop, rather than a stranger. So public parks (even at night), anywhere that could be populated during the day, etc.
The best advice I could give ( I never thought I’d be giving advice on this in my life. Sorry mom! lol) would be to find places that are adventurous and fun without being somewhere you could get caught and labeled a sex offender. National parks, a night club, a college campus or classroom at night (campus police are sometimes more understandable in situations like this or so I’ve heard), apartment balcony, your own backyard at night, etc. Hell, even leave a window open so the neighbors *migh* be able to see. If you’re going public, I’d say keep as many clothes on as you can. Also, video taping yourself and keeping the tape obviously, is a fun way to get that “someone might be watching” vibe, without someone actually watching you.
It’s a weird thing to bring up to people. But so are most things when it comes to sex.
/apologizes to any of my neighbors, classmates, or friends who may lurk on DWJune 20, 2012 at 9:54 pm #30860
@rainbow, the idea of emailing a SO a write up/short story of your fantasy with a tag ‘do this to me if you’re game and if you’re not don’t mention’ it sounds like a good idea to me. I’ll have to remember that one. Full confession, I actually read more porn than I watch it, which is probably uncommon for a guy. I look at videos occasionally, but generally speaking they bore me too much. It’s just too obvious it’s fake, and too many of the females have fake boobs or too much makeup. I don’t find that blonde bimbo look attractive at all. And the closest videos get to being believable are soft-core, but that stuff is boring to watch just because it’s soft. Stories are easier to get into generally speaking for me. They can also push the envelope further than videos can…June 20, 2012 at 9:58 pm #30864
@mandalee, Thanks for the tips! I too will almost certainly be working with children at some point, plus I want to be a Scouts leader, etc. I do the window thing and the balcony thing already, but hadn’t thought of the others! We also use some little places that are slightly off of hiking trails, like overhangs, etc.
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