June 3, 2013 at 3:00 pm #77357
I still make fun of my husband for our first fight. He was trying to make plans with me on the phone and he asked me why I was being so noncommittal. I told him I needed some alone time. He flipped out, said something really angsty-mean, and started crying. Then I was like, “WHOA, overreaction much? Why are you so weird?”
We yelled at each other for about two minutes, and then I figured out he thought I was breaking up with him. He thought I meant something alone the lines of, “I just need to be alone right now,” instead of, “I could use a day or two to myself.” I think it’s funny, anyway. He gets all sour-faced when I mention it.June 3, 2013 at 3:23 pm #77362
The only “fights” Jeff and I have had aren’t even a little bit related to our relationship, so they’re kind of funny to think about. We both have personalities where we’re easy-going most of the time, but every once and a while will get overwhelmed and need some alone time. On two or three occasions those times have overlapped, and the result is that we kind of ignored each other for a few hours or a day. No discussion or anything, we just coexisted in our house without saying anything more than, “Did you feed the dog?” or “I took the dog out, so he should be fine for a few hours.” It’s actually kind of nice, because since there’s nothing to fix (it’s usually about being overworked or stressed about outside situations), we just eventually flow back into our normal patterns again when we feel decompressed. It’s like a relationship mini-vacation!June 3, 2013 at 4:19 pm #77391
Our first fight was a doozy. I’ve talked about it before on here. A few months into our relationship we were out of town visiting Nigel’s family (meeting most of them for the 1st time). I had a test on Monday to study for that weekend, but Nigel really wanted me to come so I planned to drive back early on Sunday morning in order to study at home. I would also drive Nigel’s brother’s girlfriend- Beth- back with me so that she could go to work on Monday. She was on meds that inhibited her from driving herself, so I was doing her a favor. Long story short, she ended up throwing a crying tantrum to Nigel’s family on Sunday morning when she realized I planned to drive us back earlier than she wanted (“Sobriquet is making me leave you all early! Can you make her stay??!?” Ugh). Nigel asked me to stay longer and his mother asked me to stay longer and when I protested to Nigel and told him that I felt backed into a corner and that I had no support, he told me that it was a mistake that I even came that weekend. Bam. That stung. In hindsight, he was just stating the obvious… I should NOT have come that weekend… but he certainly chose a horrible time to tell me!
The fight ended up making our relationship stronger, though. We talked about it and started learning each others communication styles. He apologized and also realized that he should have stuck up for me. That was also the first time we really saw Beth’s true colors and it completely took him off guard. He STILL feels like a jerk for how he handled the situation and our relationship has strengthened so much that I know he would stick up for me if this happened in the future.
Still, though… that was a bad one!June 3, 2013 at 4:47 pm #77399
I’d say the most we’ve done so far (in 5 months) is bicker a little. No shouting, no mean things said, just a disagreement. One was about the fact that we’d be doing gchat and he’d just stop replying for like an hour when I thought we were in the middle of a conversation. Turns out he stops replying if he feels the convo has dwindled, whereas I’m more the type to say “bye” and give it a definitive end.
The other one was this weekend. He’s friendly w/ his ex-wife and we all were together briefly on Saturday for a event for the kids, and apparently I didn’t talk to her enough (?) so when she called him later to talk about their son, she asked if I was ok. That annoyed me, because me/our relationship is not her concern, and it turned into this discussion with him reiterating that he wants me to be friendly with her, which I am, but I have no interest in being her BFF, and it just was a kind of intense conversation. I think we both discussed fairly and I was happy for that.June 3, 2013 at 5:11 pm #77403
I was managing the bar we co-managed then, we were a few months in, and he came and closed the bar because he felt I was drunk (I was no more tipsy than he ever was while managing). And when I say closed, I mean he walked in, flipped on the lights, threw everyone out and was all prissy bitchy about it. A total patronizing ass. I went totally apeshit. He starts bawling about how he doesn’t want to break up. I was like wtf we’re just fighting what the hell is wrong with you? That should have been a huge clue to me, honestly. He perceives any anger expressed between a couple unless it is super quiet therapy talk “I feel X when you do Y, please stop” in a soft calm happy voice to be something bad. To me you express the anger, solve the problem, and move on. To him, the anger ITSELF is the problem. He also grew up in a home where his parents were roommates. For him it’s okay to feel angry, but it is absolutely not okay to express it. He seriously thinks it’s abusive. It took a therapist 8 years to get through his head that his passive aggressive bullshit tricks were not any better than just blurting it out in a loud voice like I do. He was under some delusion him simply not coming home and ignoring me was more appropriate and respectful. (insert WTF face) I laugh at that now. We’ve both come a long way. (now I am REALLY going to clean!)June 3, 2013 at 5:16 pm #77406
jeez Briar, that’s annoying!June 3, 2013 at 8:41 pm #77440
I originally read the thread title as fist fights, and was really disappointed that no one was talking about fist fights. Now that I realize it’s first fights, I don’t remember my first fight with my ex. But we did fight a lot about sex, and looking back now, the problems we had with sex mirrored the problems we had in our relationship.June 3, 2013 at 8:57 pm #77442
My ex boyfriend has Aspergers and I thought I could totally handle what that meant, but things eventually compounded and our first big fight ended up being me basically lecturing him (or at least that is what it felt like) about how I couldn’t be only one making an effort in our relationship and if he wasn’t going to step up I was done. Very classy of me at the time. I think I ended not talking to him for several days to try and prove my point that I was the only one making an effort and around day 4/5 I finally heard from him. Yeah, even classier! I kind of feel like I need punch myself in the face when I think of parts of that relationship haha.June 3, 2013 at 10:31 pm #77449
@mrmidtwenties, sorry to disappoint! Haha. Can’t say I’ve ever been in a fist fight myself…June 4, 2013 at 12:03 am #77461
Onions. Our first big fight started with the correct way to cut an onion. We also had an onion redux fight about three years later. And then it came up again about a month ago.June 4, 2013 at 12:05 am #77462
@mrmidtwenties Feel free to post a story about a fist fight if you want! I’d chime in with one, but honestly the only one I can really remember isn’t all that interesting, just kind of obnoxious.June 4, 2013 at 6:58 pm #77826June 4, 2013 at 7:12 pm #77827June 4, 2013 at 8:13 pm #77833
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mac makeupJune 5, 2013 at 4:43 pm #78188
Our first fight came up while we were planning our wedding. We’d been together for about 3 years at that point, and we’d had serious discussions about our feelings, and a few very unmemorable two-minute spats, but had never really fought or argued before. We’d gone to look at wedding bands, and after being completely overwhelmed by their cost, we realized that we had managed to forget to include it in the wedding budget. We were talking about how we could afford it and he said that we would just not get a limo, and that I wouldn’t get my hair and makeup professionally done. Now, in retrospect, this shouldn’t have been a big deal, but for some reason those things were really important to me. The fight ended up being more about how he felt I was being irrational, and how I felt that he was failing to even attempt to understand how I felt about it. There was some crying on my part, we argued for about half an hour, and then I went for a walk and he went to clean the kitchen. When I came back 30 minutes later, we’d both calmed down and were able to discuss it more rationally. That was the first and last fight we’ve had in our relationship.
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