June 21, 2012 at 11:50 am #30944
Guys, I’m in a funk. I can’t get out of it. So as some of you know I decided to take the part time job working as a tax litigator. I also got a full tuition scholarship to get my LLM in tax (which is pretty much required if you want to be a tax attorney – that or a CPA). I probably wouldn’t have gotten the job without being enrolled in the LLM program. So anyway these all sound like really great things going on in my life right? I just….can’t be happy about it. It’s really weird. I feel like such a brat but I don’t know. I hate reading tax cases. They are so boring. I spent 3 years in law school purposefully not learning how to do math – and then now I’m going to spend the next year learning how to see definite answers, not just arguing one side or another.
And this is going to sound really weird – but I don’t like thinking really hard all day. I just don’t. I go to work during the day and then have classes as night. I feel even more spoiled because today I’m working from home. WHAT? I job that you can work from home!?! Sounds like a dream. BUT. I don’t know I just feel weird. I feel like I’m doing all these things to set myself up in the future to be really successful, but I’m just really sick of trying so hard. I just want to have a job I love and stay there for the next 40 years. That’s it. I’m just really over delayed gratification. If being a tax attorney is so amazing because they statistically tend to make more than other lawyers because no one wants to read the tax code (duh) – then great – but that does nothing to make me psych up everyday.
I guess I just need to vent a little. And for those of you who are not happy with where you are in life or don’t enjoy your days as much as you would like – what do you do to get pumped up for the day? I feel like I need to wake up everyday, put some black paint under my eyes, listen to eye of the tiger, and take a tequila shot for breakfast. I mean I don’t really know how else I am supposed to get through my days.
And maybe this is a little snotty of me to say – but I just don’t like being bad at stuff. And then I don’t like being bad at stuff even when I’m putting forth most of my effort. And I just don’t get tax law. I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s awful. Ugh. I need to go take a shot. I don’t even feel like showering today. I might not, except I have a meeting at school. Blah. Oh and the other thing that sucks is that I feel like I can’t skip class since the head of the program that gave me the full ride teaches two of my classes. That’s normally how I have mental health days. But I can’t!
June 21, 2012 at 11:52 am #30945
- This topic was modified 11 months ago by Wendy.
Whoa I was trying to edit the subject and I accidentally posted it instead – anyway that subject was supposed to be I’m in a funk. And I didn’t get to finish editing it – so hopefully there’s nothing that sounds too bratty that I would have deleted.June 21, 2012 at 12:03 pm #30948
Do you really want to be a tax attorney? If it bores you and you don’t feel you’re good at it, why not find another specialty?June 21, 2012 at 12:11 pm #30950
Well the thing is – I like my job. I really like it. I mostly like the criminal side of it – but I can deal with the civil. It’s just getting from point A to point B is awful. Like I said I wouldn’t have gotten this job if I hadn’t mentioned that I was in the tax program, and I won’t get any more tax jobs without being in it. And I mean can I turn down a free degree that doesn’t require me to maintain a certain GPA? I don’t feel like I can. I think next quarter I’m just going to take like 1 class because he told me I can take as many or as few a quarter and they’ll cover how ever many I take.
I don’t know I just don’t handle life changes well and my life changed overnight with my path set. Which in one way is great and exciting and in another way overwhelming and makes me want to zone out and read harry potter at the pool.June 21, 2012 at 12:17 pm #30954
Oh my gosh the title got fixed – if that was you Claire Bear thanks!! Or Wendy thanks if that was you too!!June 21, 2012 at 12:23 pm #30959
I think wanting to take a step back is a natural reaction to big changes. Even if you have been working towards a goal for years – when you get there it can still be a little overwhelming. And you have a lot on your plate – so minimize the effects of change as much as you can – lowering your credits and working from home are great ways of acclimatizing to the changes. Congrats on your recent successes! and weekends were made for pool reading…June 21, 2012 at 12:31 pm #30961
I hear you iwannatalktosampson. I was in the same boat in 2007, when I took my position. It took me probably 12-18 months to finally get a grasp on what I was doing. I wanted to come in and be absolutely perfect; however, my work was very subpar, so I was hard on myself. Five years later, and I’m the Senior Analyst in my department. My Manager had to look over my work yesterday, due to the Loan Officer having a disagreement on how I graded a credit. After my Manager went through my work, the first time in probably 9-12 months, he was amazed at how good I am at it now. It’s my job so I don’t get too excited about compliments, but it did make my day a bit brighter.
In the end, just give it time and maybe you will or maybe you won’t like tax law. I was 6 months in with this position and my then girlfriend and I talked about it. I was coming home stressed out and feeling a bit defeated, and she questioned if the move was right for me. I thought in my head for a while about going back to a much more mundane job, just so I knew that I could excel at it.
I’m very glad that I stuck with my position and just slowly worked to perfect my craft. I was a B & C student in college where I had As sprinkled in here and there. For me, it was lack of effort, since I rather have had fun then buried my head in a book. I was lucky to get my position at that time, because the competition is stiff since the recession, and I got to be grandfathered in.
Just give it some time and not beat yourself up over your position just yet. Try to mix things up when you aren’t working or going to class. Maybe reward yourself with your favorite ice cream, or go buy a cute top or shoes you have been eyeing for a while. Careers are hard, and I’ve been working my way up the ladder for the last 9 years with my employer, but in the end, if the good days outweigh the bad, that’s all you can ask for.June 21, 2012 at 1:08 pm #30976
You’re both right. It just feels overwhelming, but I am not exhibiting signs of someone that is overwhelmed – I just feel really detached from my own life. I just feel really lost. And the sad thing is that I really like my job – I just don’t like how hard it is or that it makes me feel like an idiot pretty much daily. I was so excited to be done with school – and then I find myself going to class 4 nights a week. I just don’t think I have it in me to try that hard all the time. I know it will be worth it in the end – but I feel like I have been saying that for the last 7 years – or whenever I started college. 7 years is a really long time. I just want to be where I’m going. Not to get all corny but it’s hard for me to enjoy the ride, I just want to be at my destination.
So thank you for your words of encouragement – it’s what I need. And maybe a swift kick in the ass. But I really just need to know that other people have felt this way at some point. I just want someone to sign a contract saying my life will be okay, I’m on the right path, this is all worth it. I struggle with that blind faith that some people have. I’m not really religious but it’s times like this I wish I could just be all laissez faire and say “it’s in God’s hands, he will take care of me”, but I just don’t feel that way.
I need to go pop a Xanax, I’ll be right back, haha.June 21, 2012 at 1:11 pm #30978
Sorry. Maybe try to set up fun stuff in certain intervalls? I usually get into a funk when I have nothing special to look forward to, so I set up a weekend of volunteer work (which I love love love, I really shouldn´t call it work) every two months or so. Just so I don´t get sucked into everyday life.June 21, 2012 at 1:30 pm #30982
I know how you feel – being paid for thinking is different than being paid to just do something. When my friend started her job (as a lawyer for government – so not even high stress) she was just convinced that it would be better to be milking a cow named Bessie somewhere. That she could definitely make a life on farm somewhere. The reality of how hard farm life actually is killed that dream but for a while she was all about Bessie.
It’s normal to get a little burnt out once in a while. I’m feeling a little burnt out now myself – which is just my body’s way of saying I need a vacation – even if it is just staying home for a week in the hammock by the pool. And I love having my own firm – but still I need time away from it and the obligations. You need to make time to recharge – especially if you are constantly on the go. And as for the God thing – He helps those that help themselves. You are definitely on your way to success.June 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm #30985
Get thee to Lush and have a staycation Spa night at home. Even if its just for like two hours, a face mask and a soak in the tub with wine. MUCH MUCH WINE and one of the nice smelling bath bombs always helps ease tension and center me. I actually did it on Tues myself!June 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm #30988
Being overwhelmed (and possibly a little burnt out) is a natural reaction. You just spent a LOT of time dealing with the busy tax season, you’re working full time (irregardless of WHERE that work is being done) and going to school on top of that. You’re BUSY dammit.
If you can – take a few days off of work and get out of the house. Since you work from home, it could be that you feel like you never really get away from the work, so you are feeling a bit burdened. Go do something else for a few days. See if that helps.June 21, 2012 at 2:09 pm #31011
Well here’s where the bratty part comes in AKchic – I’m only working part time – like a project by project basis. Maybe that’s the problem. At least if I was making a whole bunch of money I would have less to complain about. And I just started a few weeks ago so I wasn’t involved in tax season – and my job actually won’t involve doing peoples’ taxes – that’s more a CPA thing – mine will be negotiating settlements with the IRS with people who have tax issues or defending them if they have criminal charges brought against them for fraudulent returns or whatever.
And I would have a cocktail – but that doesn’t really relax me lately – I don’t know I think I did it too much for a while and now I’m over it. I just don’t feel like doing anything you know? Like I said – a total funk. But I’m going to buy myself an Ipad today that was a late graduation present from my grandparents that I never got around to buying. Maybe just for today I can buy myself some happiness.June 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm #31030
I understand how you feel. It’s almost a case of where you’ve worked so hard to get where you are, and then you look around and say, “now what?” If you thought you had finished with school but are going back for night classes, it might seem like that student phase is still going (even though you’re also working). It’s always hard to figure out how you feel as you move into a new stage of life, where you had all sorts of expectations about what life would be like once you got there.
I definitely understand where you’re coming from on the thinking hard all day thing. I’m in grad school right now, so thinking is basically my job. It sounds sort of funny, but when I’m not working on my own work or teaching work, I like to do activities where my brain is turned OFF. Watching tv, working out, and other stuff like that gives your brain a break and lets you veg out. I guess I don’t have any more specific tips, but, like a couple others have mentioned, I would make sure you’re making time for fun stuff that you like to do and want to do so you can look forward to your breaks and fun activities. And, just think that all of this is still working on getting you where you want to be in the end, so it’s worth it!June 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm #31035
I totally understand how you’re feeling. I spend my workday thinking as well, and man, it sometimes makes me long for my college days when I worked in retail (so fun, selling clothes…). It sounds like between work and school, you’re just super busy, and also busy with similar things that don’t give you much time to explore other hobbies or things that are different enough to add some variety to your life. For me, I usually come home and crash on my couch and watch stuff like Say Yes to the Dress or something, or go work out, or sew, or whatever else. Right now, if you can get a chance to get away for a couple of days to recharge, that could help. And, sooner or later, you’ll be done with school, and you’ll get to the point where all of the work you’re doing now will pay off. And you’ll reach that point B, which will make this time worth the sweat. But in the meantime, it sounds like you need a little break, whether it’s getting out of town, or going out with friends to get drinks and commiserate, or something like that.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
by iwannatalktosampson on · in