June 24, 2012 at 5:58 pm #31402
Anna, but why on earth would you want to be with a guy that you can´t talk about his moms cooking about? It´s as you said, if he´s still so close to his childhood family that that would be a really big deal, he´s probably not really grown up and ready to have an adult family.June 24, 2012 at 6:29 pm #31404
I can see some guys being sensitive about it, but not most. Most adults emotionally remove their identities from their parents enough that they shouldn’t take it personally. Now, if daisy said something rude then it would make sense for him to be offended. But it should be fine if she just gently tells him that she’d rather leave his mothers recipes for their weekend visits because they’re not necessarily in her taste.June 24, 2012 at 6:36 pm #31405
Yeah, obviously he wasn’t ready for an adult family because we spent 9 years together and that’s all I asked for. Apparently it was too much to ask. But I did want to be with him because I was in love with him. We lived together for 8 yrs. I wouldn’t have had anything to say about his mom’s cooking because she is an awesome cook, but if that weren’t the case I still wouldn’t say anything negative about anyone in his family. They were and still are everything to him. More than I was, apparently. Although since he moved out of state with them, he seems to have a different perspective like maybe he should have chosen an adult family with me. Since he left, I got a huge raise, got pre-approved for a mortgage, and started looking for a house to buy. He had to take a huge paycut in order to even get a job and lives with his parents. I can see how living with me would be attractive at this point.June 24, 2012 at 6:37 pm #31406
The attack said it right- you say it’s not your taste/not what your used too/ not your cup of tea.. You don’t say her cooking is terrible…June 24, 2012 at 9:03 pm #31420
I’ve criticized my bf’s mother for different reasons and he has criticized mine. I don’t see why should take offense (as long as the criticism is done in a polite way).
@Anna Did he move back with his family because he wanted to or because he had no choice? I think it’s pretty weird for a 29 year old to want to move back with his family. And yes you certainly are an attractive option, but if he goes back to you I’d hope it’s not because you are a better option than his family but because he wants to actually be with you.June 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm #31429
My guess is that Anna’s BF wanted to break up but waited until he had a place to move to – maybe he had been waiting for awhile, Anna? How long did his parents know they were moving? I think you can do better than someone who needs to be taken care of. It’s like in his mind it was either stay in your home under your care or move back in with his parents. … Does he not have the ability/know-how to live on his own? Anna, I think you dodged a bullet! I hope he doesn’t come back to you just because he thinks living in your house (once you get it) will be better than living in his parents’ house! You will find a good guy who wants to be with you and who is not afraid of commitment and who is mature… I promise! And then when you do you find out if he has an older brother and you send him to me, ha.June 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm #31430
WAPSJune 24, 2012 at 10:31 pm #31431
My 2nd MIL was/is a terrible cook. Her idea of a home-cooked meal is popping a family-sized Stoeffer’s meal in the oven. Her cookies are hard as rocks coming OUT of the oven. I come from a family of decent cooks.
When living with my in-laws, I dreaded the times she would want to cook. Normally, because I wasn’t working while in NJ, I cooked. Everyone loved it. Unfortunately, they’d make comparisons between the two of us, which would get her “cooking” again. She overcooks, burns, mixes weird shit together (tuna with spaghettios was my favorite “wtf” moment) and wouldn’t know a healthy meal if it bitch slapped her while she was on the can.June 24, 2012 at 11:09 pm #31433
“I know I cannot tell my bf that I don’t like his mom’s cooking”
Why not exactly? You guys are in a serious 2 year relationship, is this really that sensitive of a topic that you can’t talk to him about it? It doesn’t strike me as serious/personal enough to hide from a SO, but maybe that’s just me.June 24, 2012 at 11:21 pm #31436
Ah, and I just read the rest of the thread that already said it better than me… I’ll just add a +1 to Addie’s first comment.June 24, 2012 at 11:49 pm #31441
@Caris – What happened was that his dad got a better job 600 miles away so his entire family moved there. He decided he wanted to move there too because he wasn’t happy here and wasn’t even from here (relocate here last time his dad changed jobs). I told him I wasn’t moving out of state unless we get married because 8 years is plenty long enough to decide if I’m wife material. After a fucking year of hemming and hawing and not making a decision, he decided he wasn’t ready to get married. He quit his job and moved out of state with his family. He said he is planning to get his own place down there asap but so far it isn’t going well. The only job he’s managed to get is through a temp agency making $10/hr with no health insurance, and he has a pre-existing condition so his COBRA from his old job costs $520/mo. When he lived here, he was making $14/hr and had good insurance.
He could have easily moved back into his parents’ house here before they moved down South so I don’t think he was specifically waiting to break up with me, just very undecided as to what he wanted. When it came to our relationship, it was as perfect as a relationship can be with the exception of his fear of commitment. Since the breakup, I got a huge raise at work and started the process of buying my own home. All of a sudden, marrying me is looking pretty good. He’s been texting me saying that often. I told him that in order to get me back he will have to literally show up at my door with an engagement ring and a huge apology for being such a jackass and prove to me he’s ready to be a big boy with an adult family.June 24, 2012 at 11:50 pm #31442
@AP – If I do find a hot new boyfriend with a hot brother I’ll be sure to tell him about my lawyer friend in Chicago.
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