Passive-Aggressive Neighbor Drama

[Something MoreParticipant]

Honestly, I think your note is too apologetic and nice. I think something along the lines of:

“Hi. I found this note on my door and I’m not sure if you’re the author, as the note was left anonymously. If you are, I apologize for the noise. We don’t leave him alone often at night, so I’m sure that’s where his barking came from. My number is 303-123-4567. If there is ever anything you would like to discuss or if my dog is distressed like that again, I would really appreciate a quick call or text letting me know. I would also like to apologize in person so please feel free to call me or stop by. Thanks, IWTTS”

I live on the bottom floor of a two-apartment building, so I have one neighbor upstairs. Well, it’s two roomates, but I know who is stomping up and down the stairs. I know whose dog is whining when they leave. I know whose music is too fucking loud at 2am on a Thursday morning. Anyway, most of the time they apologize, but I don’t want an apology. I want them to stop being assholes. Totally not calling you one, tho. Mine do it All. The. Damn. Time. So, while an apology would be nice, they would probably rather you take steps to not let it happen again (like offering your number so they can let you know if it happens again.)

[Michelle.LeaParticipant]

i’m with bgm.. leave it.

or, if you have to, i like Something More’s suggestion. if it happened once, i honestly wouldnt think twice about it if i was the other neighbor. but depending on the dog, it can be horrible to listen to a dog that’s home alone. as inconvenient as it is, if you know everyone will be out of the house and the dog is home alone, you might see if you can find someone to come hang out with it. if there’s always people in the house normally, it can be very distressing for them to be home alone. they’re ok, but they get lonely. then they bark. and neighbors rage.

[lets_be_honestParticipant]

Sweet, I got iwanna’s number!
These are the sort of things that send me into a blind rage. I’m not even kidding. Once in the middle of a HUGE snowstorm, it was time to move the cars out of the apartment lot onto the street. So like 30 people are trying to do this all at once and then return the cars once its cleaned. Always a disaster, but everyone’s usually nice, helping the old people clear the snow, etc. So my boyfriend moves my car for me to shovel a spot or something. Leaves my car, running, for no more than 10 minutes. I walk over, hop in and some asshole leaves a note that says something like don’t ever leave your fucking car here again. Actually wrote out the word fucking. I nearly lost my mind. It was the most furious I think I’ve ever been.

[lets_be_honestParticipant]

Ugh, you guys are so freakin’ mature.
Did I also leave out the part that if someone uses my spot that’s clearly marked reserved it also sends me into a blind rage? What is it with me?

[iwannatalktosampsonParticipant]

Everyone that suggested I let it lie – I have to now because I can’t find the note to photocopy this morning, haha.

SomethingMore – I truly am both apologetic and I don’t want it to happen again. Not because I give a shit about them and their comfort level – but because I don’t want my dog to be sad and stressed out. That was the whole point of me leaving my number. That and because I think we’re all fucking adults and should be able to discuss things without leaving bitchy little anonymous notes. When a dog was whining until the ungodly hour of 9:30 at night. Once. Seriously. I know it was once. This is the first week Ethan has had to be out of town in at least two years, and the first year that I have night classes simultaneously.

Michelle – Yeah I actually don’t mind having someone watch him when we go out – we normally do. As I said before this is literally the first time I can think of it happening. If we are “going out” going out he stays at my MIL’s house because I don’t want him to be home alone until 1 or 2 in the morning. Otherwise it is normally me going out with my friends or him going out with his friends. If we both go somewhere but plan to be home early like to watch a football game or something with friends we normally just bring him with us because all our friends have dogs too. And I known our walls aren’t thin because anytime we’ve heard our neighbors playing music really loudly at 2am – we can only ever hear the base – not the actual lyrics or song or anything. We’re in a condo so I don’t know if they make the walls more soundproof or what. But this is just making excuses – like I said above – I would love to apologize and open the lines of communication in case it happens again – but I’m not going to bend over backwards doing detective work to figure out who I need to write this wrong for. You don’t leave your name – I don’t apologize. And I may or may not leave a burning pile of shit on your doorstep. See if I lend you any sugar.

Summary – I’ll let it lie. But understand it is physically painful for me not to respond to something so pathetic and immature.

[iwannatalktosampsonParticipant]

*right this wrong*

[lets_be_honestParticipant]

i wanna, your number isn’t working…

[Something MoreParticipant]

Yeah, I reread your orig posts and I didn’t realize that you were trying to be snarky. I wrote my response thinking you were honestly apologetic and trying to be diplomatic about the situation which is why my suggestion was to tone it down. A moot point now, but I could have bitched it up a little more for you had I realized.

[iwannatalktosampsonParticipant]

Haha thanks – and I realized my snarky response looked like it was directed at you but it was directed at my stupid passive aggressive neighbors. It’s sad too because it could be possibly 3 (really probably only 2) neighbors and they’re in their 50′s, 60′s, and 30′s. But it’s probably the 50 or 60 ladies. WTF. You haven’t learned how to maturely handle conflict at your age? Pathetic.

[iwannatalktosampsonParticipant]

LBH – it’s a number clue. Rearrange the numbers and keep trying. They’re all there just in the wrong order. Ready – GO!

[iwannatalktosampsonParticipant]

Oh – I forgot to ask this question – since I’m not replying can I say anything when I see them? Or how should I act around the two older ladies – I’m convinced it’s one of them. Should I kill them with kindness? That is my specialty. Should I bring it up?

[rachelParticipant]

Ha! Sampson, the older ladies are usually the worst! At the last place I lived, the elderly woman who lived next door to me would like spy on Toby and me out her window. Instead of, you know, opening her door and saying “hey, it’s in the HOA rules that you have to have him on a leash”, she reported it, which meant that they had to go through my landlord and make me seem like an irresponsible person.

[rachelParticipant]

Don’t bother bringing it up. Just act normal. If they were going to talk about it like normal human beings, they wouldn’t have left a snarky anonymous note.

[bluesundayParticipant]

If you decide to bring it up, don’t be passive-aggressive or snarky about it. If you see them in the hallway, be like “Did my dog’s barking bother you the other night? I received a note about it but I didn’t know who it’s from. Sorry if it disturbed you, we’re normally home in the evenings to be with him/her but it just wasn’t possible last night”. Simultaneously make them feel like their complaint has been heard, and assure them that you’re a good owner that is concerned about your dogs comfort.

[iwannatalktosampsonParticipant]

You guys really are more mature than me. I’m like that LW that was hoping y’all would tell me I could be a bitch back. Sigh. But you’re right – that’s not the best long term solution – and since we own it’s not like we can just move in a year. I just can’t get over how immature an anonymous note is. But deep breaths. I’m going to let it go. Or at least focus on the message and not the delivery. God they’re probably going to start complaining that I give all the neighborhood squirrels peanuts too now.

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