May 28, 2012 at 4:46 pm #27796
Rainbow is right – practical things mean the most now – they may not say so but they will appreciate it after. When my then-boyfriend’s mom went into the hospital I went everyday to bring food. Food is big for west indian people. We would cook up a whole set of cook-up rice and chicken or curry and rice and just make sure all his siblings and family were eating. They needed some legal things done so I did those too but I think quiet support goes along way. Buy whatever is comfort food for the family and just drop it off. You will able to tell if you are intruding or not when you bring the food and if it is an immediate family thing then ask what errands you can run for him or his parents after eating. The sister is young and strong – think good thoughts!May 28, 2012 at 5:09 pm #27798
I went through something similar with my MIL nearly 2 years ago, and I was on bed rest at the time due to complications with my 2nd pregnancy, so you can imagine how frustrating it was!
One thing I did to help was call friends, family, etc., to let them know what was going on… you might even be able to form a kind of help chain, with different people cooking meals/visiting, etc.May 28, 2012 at 8:26 pm #27803
Good news and bad news. The bad is that she is the most severe case the doctors and nurses have seen. Her brain is still swollen so it’s hard to see the extent of the damage, the doctor said they will know more tomorrow.
The good news is that she can most likely hear us. So people are taking turns to sit and talk to her. Her husband has been playing her favorite songs and brought in a Simpsons DVD. The doctor said not to give up hope, just keep talking to her and trying to stimulate her.
Thanks for all the prayers and positive vibes. Please keep praying or whatever it is you believe in. We need all the positive energy we can get.May 28, 2012 at 8:37 pm #27804
MIssDre, I am so sorry you are going through this. I’ve been in your bf’s position- And the practical things are the absolute best to do. Make sure that everybody has clean clothes, the dog/cat has been taken care of, etc.
Also, make sure he is eating. My mother’s sister had a brain aneurysm a week and a half before Christmas, and it was two days before we realized we didn’t have anything to eat in the house!
The best thing is to just be there. Be there, and be STRONG for him.May 28, 2012 at 8:45 pm #27805
I’m praying for her, and for you, too.May 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm #27809
I’m so sorry this has happened, MissDre. My thoughts are with you and the girl’s family.May 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm #27811
For what it’s worth, MissDre – I feel strongly that everything is going to be okay. It sounds like she has a fantastic, loving family, and best of all, she is going to know how loved and cared for she is. She has a lot to get well for.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed and keep sending out good vibes for all of you!May 28, 2012 at 11:04 pm #27813
I think my heart nearly broke tonight when we said goodnight to her. It’s hard enough seeing her mom leaning over her, stroking her hair and saying baby you’ve got to open your eyes, you’ve got to wake up. But when we were leaving the hospital for the night, my boyfriend leaned over her, stroked her hair and kissed her forehead and whispered goodnight, that he’d see her tomorrow. I couldn’t help it, I started to cry. I don’t want him to be hurting like this. I don’t want any of them to be hurting like this.
Nobody really seems to want food. I made sure my boyfriend ate a donut at least. I offered to get groceries for his mom but she said she had everything. So I just sat with everybody. I’m going back tomorrow after work so maybe I’ll bring a tray of something for people to eat. Her husband is making sure all of her friends get in to see her and sit with her and talk to her. She makes little faces when you talk to her, she sort of scrunches up her forehead but I can’t tell if it;s involuntary or if it’s because she’s responding. Her hands are twitching and she seems to react when the nurse puts lubricant in her eyes. Its hard to see her like that, with tubes down her throat and wires coming out of her everywhere and the respirator taped to her face…. Oh man.
I just want her to wake up so bad.May 28, 2012 at 11:23 pm #27814
I’m so sorry MissDre. I can only repeat the advice that others have said- bring food, do little chores etc. Be strong for them and try not to go to pieces (not blaming you at all if you do though, lord knows that’s understandable!). I just know that when I’m going through trauma, I appreciate being around people who can keep it together and who I can lean on without feeling like I’m going to overwhelm them.
Life can be so sad so unexpectedly. It’s shocking sometimes, and unfair. I’m sending prayers and happy thoughts your way.May 28, 2012 at 11:27 pm #27815
That’s rough. It’s just a really sad situation all around. My thoughts are with you all.May 28, 2012 at 11:35 pm #27816
MissDre, I’m really sorry to read this! I’m very sad for you. I hope your boyfriend’s sister pulls through.May 29, 2012 at 12:43 pm #27915
Saying a prayer MissDre!May 29, 2012 at 12:58 pm #27921
any news misdre?May 29, 2012 at 1:02 pm #27924
That’s terrible! I know how awful it is to feel helpless in situations where all you want to do is make things better for the people you love. I completely agree with all the advice about offering practical help (even if it’s doing a load of their laundry or bringing them fresh clothes and a cup of non-hospital coffee in the morning). Also, since you aren’t super close with his sister, try to keep your own emotions in check so his family isn’t in the position of comforting you. It’s more than understandable for you to be in a state of upheaval, but save your breakdowns for in the car or at home.
I’ll be thinking about you and praying for your boyfriend’s family!May 29, 2012 at 1:04 pm #27929
Nothing yet. She still didn’t wake up. I think a neurologist is supposed to see her today so I’m waiting to hear from my boyfriend. I’m going to leave work early today and head over to the hospital as soon as I can.
Thanks everyone for the prayers and positive thoughts.
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