June 22, 2012 at 6:27 pm #31235
Yep. He sent me the text while I was driving home, so by the time I finished my hour commute, I found out I had been dumped and he had already changed his Facebook relationship status. And we lived in the same town, so it’s not like there was anything preventing an in person conversation. Except his being an asshole. However, I’m a lot happier now than I was for the last year or so. Sometimes I miss him, but in the end it’s better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you.June 24, 2012 at 12:55 am #31321
At that desperate, want to call and cry and beg place. Writing it here so I stay accountable and don’t do it.
Kare: Your last line is very true. I’m trying to remember that right now.June 24, 2012 at 3:24 am #31323
It’s really hard not to call, really really hard. Something that may help: Write down all the reasons why calling will do nothing to help heal your heart or to change his mind. Then keep reading it over and over again. Other things that helped me get through those rough days were taking really long showers (can’t make a phone call if you’re in the shower!), going somewhere without my phone, handing my cell phone to a friend at work to hold on to (so I wouldn’t call or obsessively check for texts.) My heart goes out to you, these early weeks are so painful.June 24, 2012 at 2:33 pm #31387
With my friends, we have a standing agreement to text/call each other instead of the person we know we shouldn’t. That helps me. Oh and changing the name of the person to “BE STRONG DO NOT CALL” or something similar. That way it’s like my phone is giving me encouragement.June 24, 2012 at 2:47 pm #31392
If you feel like you’re about to burst with pain and questions and anger and stuff, write an email in your drafts folder. Don’t put any name in the “To” line, but tell yourself it’s for him and you’ll send it later. (But really never send it. Just give your brain permission to pretend as though you will.)
Write it all out, save to drafts, and modify over and over again as needed. That’s what helped me get through without freaking out. My feelings would change and I’d delete parts and add new parts. After a few months of just keeping it in drafts, I was able to delete the entire thing with just a twinge and I haven’t needed it since.June 24, 2012 at 2:49 pm #31393
Also, once you’ve purged, get away from the computer and your phone and go do something with someone if you can. It helps a) not to be alone and b) to get away from the technology that would let you do something you’d regret.June 24, 2012 at 5:48 pm #31401
I like everyone else’s ideas for maintaining no contact. To add, I currently have a countup thing going, which is hard to look at at first (like when it was just a few hours from last contact), but as it gets up there, it’s a little more encouraging.
*hugs* this process blows.June 25, 2012 at 8:57 am #31470
Jedi hugs, mllryjo. You WILL get through this, and you WILL find a guy who wants to be with you and treat you like the awesome person you are!!June 25, 2012 at 9:43 am #31472
Sorry I’m coming to this pretty late in the game, mllryjo. But I want to emphasize that you did, and are doing, the right thing. Breaking up with your first serious boyfriend is FUCKING HARD. This might be a tough pill to swallow, but it helped me when I was in your shoes a few years back. Remember that he had time to think about this. He’d been feeling this way for a while. He thought through whether or not he wanted to be in your life any longer, and he chose singleness over being in a relationship. He made a choice to fall out of love with you. That might sting and hurt, but remember it when you’re *this close* to calling him. My pride and remembering that my ex left me for a reason (even if you don’t like the reason or think the reasons were bullshit) kept me sane. If he doesn’t want you, then fuck him. Getting mad is infinitely more productive, at least I think so, than being sad. Eventually you’ll be able to stop being sad and start getting mad…and that anger will feel marginally better than sadness.
Just keep being strong. The first serious relationship you have in college is just that…a first. You’ve got so many years of growth and change and personal evolution ahead of you, and you’re going to eventually be with someone who’s a much better fit for you. I promise!June 28, 2012 at 7:40 pm #32203
@mlryjo – Just checking in, how are you holding up, honey?
Also, in reference to what people will do to avoid calling exes, what a friend of mine did awhile back was delete all contact info, facebook, twitter, etc, and then give this info to me and another friend who were the most likely to talk him out of calling, but he didn’t have the excuse of “What if I forget some of the stuff I left? I NEEEEEEED that info, y’all!!!” He had all the info memorized, but even typing in his ex’s number rather than just pulling up his name and hitting “send” took some time and thought. By the time he actually thought through it, he could talk himself out of it. And he forgot all of that stuff more quickly than he got over the urge to call the guy.June 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm #32364
Hey everyone, I just want to say thank you again for all of the support. It’s been 9 days, and I feel like I am only getting sadder the more I realize what I’m losing, but I am handling it better every day. I moved into my new apartment and got my first paycheck from my big girl job, so I have had some things to make me feel good as an individual and without him.
Also, I decided to foster a cat! She’s going to be here until September or October, and she just arrived last night. So far, she won’t come out from under the bed.
Thank you again, you have all have been an amazing source of support. This is a wonderful community, and I’m so grateful I found it.June 29, 2012 at 8:48 pm #32391
That’s awesome to hear! Hope it keeps getting better. I can totally relate to the sadder feeling, but know that he’s not the only one in the world that can offer what he had AND there is someone that can offer even more. *hugs*June 29, 2012 at 8:57 pm #32393
so sorry mllryjo. i know it sucks right now, but it will get better! enjoy having the cat, it’s great that you’re fostering! i so wish i wasn’t allergic to cats. there’s nothing quite like coming home to a pet that’s always excited to see you. they love you even on your bad days and don’t look at you crazy when you cry about the same thing again. (well sometimes my dogs do, but hey, that’s ok ).
i’m glad that you have so many positive things going for you right now. every little thing helps!June 30, 2012 at 1:01 am #32413
Enjoy the hell out of all the awesome things you’ve got going for you. Before you realize it, he’s going to fade into the background and be nothing but bittersweet memories. It never feels like that in the thick of it – in my last breakup I kept saying I wanted someone to hit the fast forward till I hit the point that I was over him, but then one day I woke up and realized it didn’t hurt anymore.June 30, 2012 at 1:22 am #32421
Best Quote to Remember when going through a break up: Moving on is never a straight line. You’ll have all sorts of zig zags involving your emotional state. Acknowledge them and soldier on. Also on the break up day a year from now, drink champagne to toast the life lesson with some good girl friends. Its always so uplifting to see how far you’ve come
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