Home › Forums › Get Advice, Give Advice › This is so petty I can't believe I'm posting it
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May 10, 2012 at 8:00 pm #25330
But it’s been bothering me all day.
Ever since I’ve moved home after grad school, I’ve been feeling a little isolated since all my friends are at different places in their life. I feel like the isolation is made worse by facebook, because I get to see everyone else’s fabulous lives, and occasionally when they’re hanging out without me.
Now, I’m pretty quiet on facebook, I don’t often post status updates or photos or anything. I’m an avid sewer, and yesterday a project of mine turned out really well, so I decided to post a picture. This is the first time I’ve ever posted a photo of something I’ve made on fb, but because a lot of my friends show interest in my sewing when I see them in person, I kinda expected….. a bit of attention. And isn’t that the reason we share things on facebook? To get attention? Anyways I got a total of 3 likes. Whereas I have friends that post pictures of their dinner or a tree or something and get 15 likes. And I know it’s pathetic that I’m basing my social value on the number of virtual thumbs up I get, but I think it’s more pathetic that a genuine accomplishment of mine can’t compete with a picture of a bowl of soup. Why does this bother me so much? And how can I let it not bother me?
May 10, 2012 at 8:07 pm #25331Maybe you posted it at a time when there weren´t many people online? I know sometimes I miss out on things people post because I´m not connected, so dont see it on my newsfeed.
May 10, 2012 at 8:12 pm #25333And this is why I dislike FB with a passion. Because people over share. Come on, a bowl of soup?
While I have very few people on my news feed (mostly siblings and close relatives), I completely understand what you mean. I hardly ever post anything because I am quite private about my stuff. But something similar happened recently; on my graduation day (of which my closest peeps were aware, and not through FB, but through direct one-on-one communication), I posted a photo and a note about ‘oh, it’s that time’ kind of thing. I got one comment, today, two weeks later, by an acquaintance. It was Graduation. From college. Nobody made any comments. But then you get those lame posts about soup or a kid learning to potty, and everyone jumps at it. :-/
May 10, 2012 at 8:13 pm #25334First, Facebook is weird because we rarely show the “bad” parts in our lives. We like to share the good things like hobbies, new jobs, finishing a semester in college, graduation, etc. People seem to rarely post about the “bad” things…sickness, loss of job, etc. These people probably don’t lead as fabulous lives as you think they do.
Second, it honestly might not come up in your friends’ newsfeed. I know I don’t see everything that my friends post because my newsfeed picks and chooses what it *thinks* I’ll be interested in. Maybe because you don’t post things as often it simply didn’t come up for your friends in their newsfeed.
May 10, 2012 at 9:00 pm #25336Sorry JustMax, that’s really crappy. Graduation is a huge feeling of accomplishment and it feels crappy when it seems like no one cares.
Posting this felt cathartic, even though I know I’m being ridiculous. I just need to remember that I have actual, real- life interactions with the same people who’s virtual attention I’m vying for. It’s totally true that the grass always seems greener on facebook because that’s exactly what people want to portray. They post their party pics, but they don’t share the next days hangover.
Half of me wants to delete my account for a little bit, but since I already feel like a ghost, I fear it might make me disappear completely.
May 10, 2012 at 9:29 pm #25338Actually, if it makes you feel better, your friends probably didn’t even see the update in question. The fact that you rarely post means that facebook gives your content lower priority over someone who posts constantly. So it’s not that your friends are snubbing you deliberately, it’s just that facebook has no way of knowing that you put up a picture of a really awesome project, and so gave priority status to your friend’s eleven-thousandth duckface picture.
See this link: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/10/18/the-facebook-news-feed-how-it-works-the-10-biggest-secrets.html
May 10, 2012 at 9:34 pm #25339Also Facebook is run by the devil.
May 10, 2012 at 9:45 pm #25342@shiny, ugh the duck face! I hate those! They kill boners for reals. More effective birth control than condoms…
May 10, 2012 at 9:56 pm #25345Ha ha not going to lie, I have a few duckfaces in my facebook photos – it was my default photo pose my freshman year because I was paranoid my face looked fat (I have some big chipmunky cheeks) – I got better but I keep the duckfaces… as a reminder. There’s a little Snooki in all of us.
But really, Brad, it’s good to know they’re boner killers – now I know what to do to keep randoms from jerking off to my Facebook pics! ;P
May 10, 2012 at 10:12 pm #25350Iseeshiny, that link was so interesting!! That does explain probably why I see updates from the same people pretty much all the time… And how terribly ironic is it that I then posted it to Facebook? Haha.
Don’t worry about your picture. I have had that happen too, and then I have had the dumbest things I’ve posted get a ton of comments and stuff… Facebook makes no sense. Don’t let it get to you- just go with it and laugh… Hahao
May 10, 2012 at 10:14 pm #25351Hahahaha. That was a great read, Shiny. I always thought by being respectful of other people’s time and not oversharing, when I did have something cool to share it would be well- received. Time to change my strategy. I’m firing up Photobooth as we speak to post a few duckfaces of my own, thus ensuring my future updates resonate on all corners of my friends’ feeds, and also allowing me to avoid bikini waxes for a little while…
May 10, 2012 at 10:51 pm #25363I know right? I started posting a lot more links in my profile, just because while I rarely post status updates I’m egotistical enough to want to make sure they’re read!
May 10, 2012 at 10:53 pm #25364Now if only there were a way to hide posts from my mom from everyone else. She is on my facebook constantly. I feel like we’ve switched roles – she wants to facebook, and I’m like, what’s wrong with you? We haven’t talked in forever. Call me instead.
She’s kind of an exhibitionist, though.
May 11, 2012 at 7:56 am #25413There have been studies that Facebook use is linked to depression, and I myself totally get why – when I was checking Facebook avidly, I would also compare myself to my friends and acquaintances and feel like I was floundering in my life. Once I started using it only occasionally, I felt a ton better. So honestly: I recommend limiting your Facebook use. If it’s making you upset, and forcing you to compare yourself to your friends, it’s probably not doing your self-esteem any good. For the next few weeks, try using it only to send/receive direct messages to friends (or play games, I suppose if that’s your thing), but avoid the newsfeed like the devil. I bet you’ll find that you feel less down about these sorts of things, and generally happier.
May 11, 2012 at 9:03 am #25438This is why I HATE FB. I always find myself comparing myself to everyone, and how they’re all doing great in life and I am sucking at it. Now I barely look at it, and although I still feel crappy, I definitely feel less crappy. If that makes sense. I feel like FB could be a trigger for people with anxiety/depression/low self esteem etc etc. It just all feels like a game to me, like a big popularity contest.
Anyway, if you still use it, I would agree with the others, just limit your use and don’t check newsfeed! -
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