Wedding gift etiquette question

[canefanParticipant]

Hi everyone! So in the spirit of wedding-themed questions on DW lately…

I got married in May and had registries at a couple of places. On my Macys registry, I was able to actually see who bought what (and when), which was great for thank you cards. A lot of my college friends flew up for the wedding, and being only a couple years out of school, I felt like that was more than enough to expect from them, gift-wise. That being said, two of my close friends, Justin and Celine, ended up purchasing a gift for me off of my registry. From the online list, I could tell that they had bought the gift a couple of weeks before the reception. I never received it in the mail, and they didn’t bring it to the reception or send it afterwards. Celine later mentioned on facebook that the gift was sitting in Justin’s house and jokingly suggested that I should get on his case to send it. I don’t really care either way whether they send it or not, it was enough to have them come up after so much time apart. I didn’t really respond to the post, and I don’t know if Justin ever saw it, but it’s now obvious that I know about the missing gift. Soo my question is, do I mention the gift in my thank you card? Or just ignore the entire situation all together?

And yes, I know I’m late with the thank-yous, but better late than never, right? Right??

[lets_be_honestParticipant]

Yes, of course mention the gift in the thank you card. Maybe add a little joke about one day being able to enjoy it (don’t use my wording, it sucked). And I live by Better Late than Never!

[bethanyParticipant]

Since one of your friends (who actually purchased the gift) told you about it, I think it’s ok to mention it.

Also, you’re not behind on your TY cards!!

[Addie PrayParticipant]

Now see, I think you shouldn’t mention the gift in the thank you card. They may never ever send it. It may be one of those “oh yea I have a gift for you” things but … they don’t. Like maybe Celine said, “Fuck, after traveling to canefan’s wedding, we’re broke – broker than I thought we were!” And then Justin said, “yea, and next week we gotta go to my cousin’s wedding – and we have yet to buy a gift or her!” Then Celine said, “let’s just give her the gift we have for canefan because, like, she doesn’t need it and we already spent a fortune just getting to her wedding; plus her creepy uncle patted my ass and that really offended me.” And BAM, the gift is now going to their cousin. I bet that’s exactly what happened.

So if you’re sending out cards, just send them one that says thank you for coming to the wedding. When/if they send the gift, then you can send another thank you card. That’s what I’d do.

[FabelleParticipant]

Yeah, if you don’t HAVE the gift, I’d say…don’t thank them for it? I think it’s kind of odd they bought you a gift & just let it sit there, though– so maybe some 3rd party should give them a nudge?

[Guy FridayParticipant]

I agree with AP. If you don’t have the gift yet, it’s no big deal to just thank them for coming. If/when they send the gift, you can always thank them again. I’d be worried that thanking them for the gift even though you hadn’t gotten it yet could be misconstrued as you nagging them about sending it, you know? And you don’t want to have that mistaken belief out there.

[GatorGirlParticipant]

I would send a thank you card thanking them for their attendance and nothing else. They should realize that you didn’t thank them for the gift and send it along. Even if the registry *says* they bought it there is a chance they aren’t gifting it- and you can not ask for gifts. Maybe they returned it for store credit or kept it for themselves or broke it and can’t afford to replace it.

And I’ve been told 2 (or maybe 3) months is fine for wedding thank you’s so I think you’re in the clear so long as they are out by the end of the month.

[sarolabelleParticipant]

Can you tell me how you get to see who and when someone purchased something off the Macy’s registry? I have Macy’s too and don’t see where I can see that online.

[canefanParticipant]

Awesome, thanks for all the suggestions guys! I think I’ll send just the thank you right now and if they send the gift later, I’ll send another card haha.

Sarolabelle, there’s a toolbar that goes across the top of the page when you login (on the same row as the search box). Click on “registry manager” and then hit “thank you card manager” on the menu (its under “registry tools”) that pops up on the left side of your screen. Then the whole list will appear! Its actually super handy haha I wish all sites did it! Our gifts from Bed Bath & Beyond were really hard to keep track of

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