August 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm #36406
I would have submitted this for Friday links, but I JUST saw it & had to share immediately. There are so many lines in this peice that made me shake my head, the first being “I know, most women think their breasts are theirs.” (& I think it sounds even worse IN context)August 10, 2012 at 5:06 pm #36408
this is a good article for the case of not losing yourself in motherhood and forgetting about your husband and marriage.
with the choice between breastfeeding til 5 (5!! what??) and maintaing your marriage, i would pick maintain the marriage.August 10, 2012 at 6:02 pm #36411
i dont know how i feel about this article. i personally think 5 is too old to breastfeed, but i dont think that’s the main feel of the whole article. some (not all) guys tend to get ‘lost’ when their wives have a baby. sometimes it’s the whole madonna/whore thing. sometimes, they’re selfish and require more ‘adult’ time. i think women can be like this too, but you don’t hear alot from that side. one the one hand i want to tell the guy that it’s NOT his body or breasts. but on the other hand, as a married couple, i feel you share yourselves with each other. i do like being ‘claimed’ and ‘claiming’ him.
i also know just from experience, that my husband did not do well when his younger two were born and were toddlers with his second wife. i dont think he really knew that part of himself until it was ‘too late’. it takes two of course, so both sides are to blame, but i honestly think their breakup was partly because of that. i keep that to myself, but i think it’s true for him.August 10, 2012 at 8:16 pm #36414
The way this was written skeeves me out, but the general point doesn’t. Parenting decisions made by only one parent with zero thought to their effect on the other parent nor the relationship as a whole are universally bad news. Though the writer’s attitude that his wife’s body is now a turnoff because it’s his son’s instead of his is pretty creepy and gross, I could see how watching a kid who is old enough to look like, well, a kid, nursing from his complicit wife would be pretty repellent. At that point the kid is old enough for it to look…um….wrong no matter which way you look. Motherhood is important, of course, but it isn’t more important than your partner’s needs, and it also isn’t more important than fatherhood. Something tells me Mom never said, “Hey, I’m going to nurse this kid till he learns to ride a two-wheeler, a’ight?” It sounds like she did what she thought was best, regardless of what Dad thought or how it might affect him, and there, she’s been really negligent. But yeah, couching it like his son has “stolen” his property? Ugh.August 13, 2012 at 9:12 am #36617
Oh, right– I meant to come back here & sort of elaborate on why this article skeeved me out, but I never did. There’s good points included (& personally, I don’t know how to feel in regard to the whole “extended breastfeeding” thing) but the way this guy tried to explain himself was so tone-deaf that I could barely get through it. My partner & I like to claim each other’s bodies & that’s a big part of being romantic with each other, but the way to phrase that feeling is not “your body! our nookie!” or whatever the hell. So yeah, my main problem was writing style.August 13, 2012 at 10:04 am #36624
When I was 5 I remember boobs giving me a cherub chub…..I think this type of “mothering” could cause an in-flux of oedipus complexes…ew.August 13, 2012 at 11:14 am #36632
Although I don’t understand breastfeeding the five year I also don’t get why it is so repulsive to the husband that he feels he can’t have sex with his wife. I don’t see why he feels that he is in competition with his son. Children always take time and resources and hugs and kisses, so this one is also getting some breast but that doesn’t mean there is nothing there for the dad. It doesn’t mean the breat is all his or all the son’s. It mean his wife has a body that she is sharing with three family members, the husband and both sons. That is pretty demanding on her and I don’t know why she does it and I think she should be discussing this decision with her husband from time to time. I think they need to come to a joint decision and they haven’t but I still don’t see why he feels so replaced by his son unless there is no time for him at all in the marriage. I think this is just the most visible expression of an unhappy marriage.August 13, 2012 at 11:58 am #36638
Yeah, I think breast-feeding a five-year-old is weird, but what bugged me about the article was the resentment and anger that the husband/father seemed to have toward his wife. She’s YOUR wife, dude! Talk to her. Ask her. Don’t publish a column about how much you resent your son having access to your wife’s boobs and/or indirectly threaten her with infidelity.
Good grief.August 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm #36639
Like skyblossom, I really don´t get the competition between father and son.
I´m a big proponent of breastfeeding (not THAT extended, though), My eldest was weaned at 10 months (the last month she´d only been feeding at night), but my youngest at 15 months still breastfeeds A LOT- 3-4 times during the day, another 2-3 at night. My idea is for her to be off by 2, but I know it´s going to be tough.
That being said, I know (think) that my husband doesn´t really have a problem in separating my roles (although the boob play is definitely less). I think the guy that wrote the article has some serious insecurities.August 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm #36641
Oops, forgot to clarify boob play has lessened in my case because of the ick factor (risk of milk squirting out)rather than because they´re the babies boobs now.August 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm #36651
I wonder if she’s still breast feeding simply to keep him away from her boobs.
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