Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links


Illustration Lea Heinrich for The New Yorker

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Haha. Dear Airbnb Renters: Please Make Yourselves At Home and Have Sex

The Ambition-Marriage Trade-Off Too Many Single Women Face (reminds me of the second letter in this recent column)

Women in Their 30s Now Having More Babies Than Younger Moms

Fuck yeah! “Swearing makes you stronger.”

Yeah, no duh: “New study: Women don’t want to get married just because men make more money”

Keepin’ Austin Weird: Austin man sues date for texting during movie

Oh, I wonder why! In Trump Era, Men Have Grown Far More Confident Than Women About The U.S. Future

A Very Considerate Person ‘Fixed’ Ivanka Trump’s Book Display

Andrea Constand’s Story: Will It Send Bill Cosby to Prison? Though more than 40 women have accused Cosby of sexual assault, the task of convincing a jury that he is a predator will largely fall to just one.

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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22 comments… add one
  • meadowphoenix

    meadowphoenix May 19, 2017, 8:18 am

    Apparently that Austin dude a) is an attention whore and has done similar stunts to up the profile on his “business” and b) is an asshole. I totally believe that woman when she said he was creepy so she did the emergency texting thing. Guy who complain that their date isn’t feeling it after they paid like paying for the date is an obligation to subject yourself to shitty guys can get fucked.

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    • meadowphoenix

      meadowphoenix May 19, 2017, 8:19 am

      So it’s more like Keeping Austin full of misogynists.

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      ktfran May 19, 2017, 9:00 am

      Speaking of…
      http://chicagoist.com/2017/05/18/yep_the_guy_suing_his_date_for_text.php

      This guy dissed Chicago a while ago too.

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    • avatar

      RedRoverRedRover May 19, 2017, 9:03 am

      This is a big reason why I don’t let guys pay on the first date. The main reason is equality, but this is a very close second.

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    • TaraMonster

      TaraMonster May 19, 2017, 9:36 am

      Seriously. She made a statement saying made her feel unsafe, which is why she left. There isn’t a woman alive who hasn’t been in her shoes, and frankly I commend her for listening to her instincts and getting the hell out of Dodge as he went on to prove her instincts correct by harassing her family to get in touch with her and now SUING her for $17 flippen dollars. What a POS Creeper.

      Her statement from KVUE: http://www.kvue.com/news/local/man-sues-woman-after-she-texts-throughout-date-leaves-him-at-theater/440256356

      “I did have a very brief date with Brandon, that I chose to end prematurely. His behavior made me extremely uncomfortable, and I felt I needed to remove myself from the situation for my own safety. He has escalated the situation far past what any mentally healthy person would. I feel sorry that I hurt his feelings badly enough that he felt he needed to commit so much time and effort into seeking revenge. I hope one day he can move past this and find peace in his life. “

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    • Copa

      Copa May 19, 2017, 10:12 am

      OMG! Well, I’m glad he hates Chicago because it means one less weirdo around here. Contacting his date’s sister is creepy as hell!
      .
      In the comments section of the article @ktfran linked to, there was this comment from another woman who went on one date with him. “I had a glass of water and wasn’t allowed to eat while he had a burger and a soda. Met him on Bumble. We actually went out about this time last year. One date. I stayed late at work so I could meet his schedule. We went to McCormicks & Schmicks on Chestnut. He wouldn’t let me have a menu. We stayed just long enough for him to eat a burger and complain about constant harassment from mostly black homeless people and how he thought his life was in danger. Then we left. I was literally in awe and don’t think I said a word the entire time. Never answered any of his texts again.”
      .
      I can’t believe she sat through the date with him, tbh. If I was meeting someone for dinner and he didn’t allow(?) me to have a menu and forbid(?) me to eat anything, I’d leave on the spot.

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    • Copa

      Copa May 19, 2017, 10:15 am

      Also! I hate frivolous lawsuits like this. I hope the suit is dismissed and he is fined for wasting time and resources over something so incredibly petty.

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    • avatar

      TheHizzy May 19, 2017, 10:29 am

      The theater they went to has a strict no-cell-phone policy. It sounds like she was texting during the movie. They have kicked people out int he past. The Alamo Draft house explains before the movie it will do that.

      That being said. He’s dumb to sue. Dates don’t amount to anything all the time. What a jerk.

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster May 19, 2017, 11:18 am

        Yeah pretty much all theaters have that policy, and I despise movie-texters as much as the next person, but I’d bet money she was texting a friend for support during her creepy-ass date and wondering if she should leave/fake a crisis—especially since leaving was the next thing she did. So movie theater policy be damned. I’d rather be alive and well while receiving glares from a bunch of annoyed movie-goers than dead/assaulted with a bunch of strangers really pleased I silenced my phone.

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      • avatar

        ele4phant May 19, 2017, 11:37 am

        Eh – I hear you to a point.

        I agree – your personal safety should get prioritized over the convenience of others, buuutttt, if he truly was such a creep that she felt unsafe and that she needed to text for the whole movie, she should’ve left. Why sit there next to him, for hours, when you could excuse yourself to “get popcorn” and just leave? Or at the very least, “get popcorn” and call your friend from the lobby to get their opinion about what you should do.

        She clearly wasn’t worried about hurting his feelings or coming across like a b*tch because she felt empowered enough to refuse to give him a ride afterwards.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom May 19, 2017, 12:09 pm

        She said she was texting with the friend because the friend and the friend’s boyfriend were having a fight. You should be able to go on a date without constantly keeping up on a friend’s fight. If you can’t put your phone away to watch a movie that you agreed to see then you aren’t mature enough to date. If you sue over the date walking out on the movie you are also not mature enough to date.

        That said, if the guy was creepy, and he seems to be, getting up and leaving was the right thing to do but she didn’t need to proceed that by texting with a friend about the friend’s argument. I don’t think either of them was exemplary or without fault. To sue over a date seems frivolous and like he can’t handle adult life.

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      • Copa

        Copa May 19, 2017, 12:30 pm

        Yeah, I’m with @TaraMonster that my immediate reaction was that she was texting a friend about the weirdo she was out with.
        .
        Texting during movies is annoying, and I think most people are in agreement there, but so are people who are so entitled that they sue you(!) for cutting a date short.

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster May 19, 2017, 12:54 pm

        Actually @ele4phant, she left after 15 minutes and she says in this interview that her friend was texting her to see if she was ok on her date. She also gives him the money back, which I personally wouldn’t do, but whatever. This guy is scum.

        http://ew.com/movies/2017/05/19/woman-sued-texting-movie-confrontation/

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      • avatar

        ele4phant May 19, 2017, 1:16 pm

        I mean, I’m in no way arguing he’s a prize here. And I certainly trust her credibility more than his.

        But you know, its kind of a false choice to say it was her safety vs the convenience of other movie-goers. She’s in a public place, there’s a public lobby and plenty of good excuses to get up and get away from him to check in with a friend: bathroom, snacks, the truth (that she got a text she couldn’t ignore).

        It’s not like she was stuck in an elevator or public transit with him, she easily could’ve attended to her security AND been polite to those around her.

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster May 19, 2017, 2:49 pm

        Well that’s where we’ll have to agree to disagree because it doesn’t seem like a false choice at all to me. So often women are supposed to be “nice” and “not make a scene” or not violate a social norm and often at their own peril. And manipulative misogynistic toolbags like this guy know that and exploit that very fact to shame women and change the conversation into something that makes them sound like a victim when they’re just abusive, entitled aholes. Because now instead of a national conversation about trusting your gut when you’re on a date with a weirdo, we’re having moral outrage about 3 texts sent at the beginning of a movie. I’m just not buying it.

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        ele4phant May 19, 2017, 4:31 pm

        Look, I am a woman in my early 30s. I have been made to feel uncomfortable or threatened by men many times in my life. I have definitely felt myself held prisoner by social norms that dictate I be kind and accommodating above all else and that I should prioritize that over my personal safety. I have no doubt that this man is one of those men who will knowingly use how women are socialized to his advantage. I believe that he is a creep, I believe he made this woman uncomfortable. He sounds like a real jackass.

        That said, I fail to see how her *only* much less best recourse in this situation was to text in the dark. Regardless of what she does (texts in the dark or you know, gets up and leaves him there) she’s violating some social norms about being nice and accommodating, if not to him specifically then those in general around her.

        Nor do I see how, in this particular instance, texting actually does anything to ensure her safety.

        So yeah, I guess it is agree to disagree. I don’t get how her choice to text is supposed to lead to a safer outcome for her. I do see how her ditching him would (which yes, she ultimately did do).

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      • TaraMonster

        TaraMonster May 19, 2017, 5:47 pm

        Who is saying it was the only or best course of action? I think it was a defensible and understandable course of action, and not a huge deal. Because sometimes when you’re around a creeper you need a nudge/excuse make the call that it’s okay to gtfo. In her case, it was a nudge from her best friend via text. Like you, I’m a woman in my early thirties who’s been in similar situations, so I’m not going to side eye her for not having the presence of mind to go outside first.

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      ele4phant May 19, 2017, 11:15 am

      I mean, he seems like an entitled jerk and a creep and a showboat and she in no way owes him shit.

      But also, texting in a dark movie theater for the whole movie is an asshole thing to do. Its super rude to the other people in the theater who just want to watch the movie without this glaring light showing up in your peripheral vision.

      She could’ve “gone to the bathroom” and just not come back. Sounds like she had no issue leaving him at the theater, so she doesn’t seem like the type that would be afraid to just ditch in the middle of the date.

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      • meadowphoenix

        meadowphoenix May 19, 2017, 2:47 pm

        She did ditch him almost immediately, so…..

        I mean there are always people willing to validate asshole behavior because of some incredibly minor rude behavior on the another person’s part (and make no mistake, in framing of “he sued her for texting” that’s what “yes, he’s really horrendous but she’s also kinda rude” is), but maybe think about why you’re arguing that texting in the movie theater is the thing that should be noted? Like there’s having discussion, and then there’s missing the fact that focusing on something minor is normalizing the unsafe behavior that was ostensibly a response.

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  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom May 19, 2017, 12:16 pm

    I find the Airbnb one to be creepy. If anyone is that interested in your sex life I wouldn’t trust them to not have a camera up somewhere just to tape you having sex.

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      ele4phant May 19, 2017, 12:33 pm

      Shouts and murmurs in the New Yorker’s comedy column, so I think the creepiness is intentional and not serious.

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  • avatar

    Nicole May 19, 2017, 4:54 pm

    That is so stupid. A threat to society. Sounds butthurt. I would have been more upset with the fact that his ride just left. He is probably an obnoxious person though .

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