Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“The 5 Most Annoying Facebook Posts About Being Engaged” [via HuffPo]

“What makes us marriage material? Trust if you’re a man, sex appeal if you’re a woman” [via DailyMail]

“The Evolution of Bitchiness: Women engage in indirect aggression and slut-shaming, even in clinical research studies. Why?” [via The Atlantic]

The state of extramarital affairs: Just as the stigma of cheating fades away, opportunities to stray have multiplied — and so have the chances of getting caught” [via Boston Globe]

“On Labeling Women ‘Crazy'” [via HuffPo]

“The Internet Gives Me ‘Brain Orgasms’ and Maybe You Can Get Them Too” [via Time.com]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

41 comments… add one
  • iwannatalktosampson

    iwannatalktosampson November 22, 2013, 12:19 pm

    Oh god I need to get work done today but these links are all so good! I want to read every single one and have a long discussion about them with all of you!

    Instead lets talk about facebook quickly. Colin and I have joked about making our relationship facebook official and I’m so glad we’ve unofficially agreed not too! I love having nothing on my facebook page about my status. I mean if you stalked me enough you could probably tell we’re dating. I mean he said “happy birthday babe” on my wall that day. It was the first time he’s ever posted on my wall, and he did it because I told him he essentially sucked since my middle school friend said happy birthday before he did. I was kinda tipsy. He reminded me that he’d said happy birthday when I woke up. But that’s neither here nor there.

    ANYWAY, I love keeping some things to myself. TO ME (not making broad generalizations or judging others) the more private I keep my relationship the specialer it feels. I have never been a “love oversharer” on facebook. I mean pics are one thing, but I just think some things need to be protected.

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle November 22, 2013, 12:25 pm

      I agree that all of these are great (not all “great” as in “I agree”, but great for discussion)

      And yeah, I hate over-sharers on FB. I’m in a relationship & we post pics, but we hardly every write on each other’s wall. Although the other day I did kind of want to post something about how he sliced his finger open at dinner & then proceeded to clean it off with wine. I was like, “are we in Jesus times??”

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson November 22, 2013, 12:26 pm

        Haha. Jesus times. Either that or in college times. Also, wanna know how crazy my mom is? Before she’d met him she asked me – dead seriously – if he was ashamed of me because he’d never posted on my facebook wall. Crazy is genetic.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle November 22, 2013, 12:36 pm

        hahaha

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    • GatorGirl

      GatorGirl November 22, 2013, 12:35 pm

      Yeah, I hear you about the status on fb. We where dating for almost a year when we made it “fb official”. I do try to not be uber lovey on fb, but we often end up in pictures/posts together because we’re almost always together!

      I will never be one of those people who posts “you’re the best thing that ever happened to me! I live you to infinity and beyond!” Yuck!! (Sorry to those who do that…but it rubs me the wrong way!)

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson November 22, 2013, 12:42 pm

        I hate it when people I genuinely like post shit like that. It’s like guys – you’re better than that. Like it’s just so embarrassing. I don’t know how they take themselves seriously. Or look in the mirror. Or wake up in the morning.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl November 22, 2013, 12:46 pm

        My uncle and his fiancé (maybe I’m not sure) post shit like that all the damn time. It’s morning he put this terribly punctuated ramb,ing paragraph about how she is his solemate blah blah. I judged. I don’t feel bad. What is accomplished by smearing your affection all over fb? Convincing everyone else you’re happy?

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson November 22, 2013, 12:48 pm

        And it’s just gross. Everyone is judging them, not just you. Look over the couch and say that shit.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl November 22, 2013, 12:55 pm

        Hahaha right? When I want to be sappy with GGuy I’m like “hey let’s snuggle and ramble about our feelings” not click click click fb post!

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson November 22, 2013, 1:01 pm

        I KNOW. I mean I’m not saying I’m NOT that embarrassing, but I can admit it’s embarrassing and not do it in front of people.

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      • avatar

        bethany November 22, 2013, 12:51 pm

        I think I’ve blocked/defriended everyone who does that. I have a very low tolerance.

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      • Copa

        Copa November 22, 2013, 3:13 pm

        SO, um, the same acquaintance I complained about in a thread recently (the one who posts lots of pics of lots of kids to her Facebook) is in a new-ish relationship, and she doesn’t do the lovey-dovey status updates, but she’ll write things like, “I had such an amazing weekend with [Tagged Boyfriend’s Name Here]. We went to apple picking, had apple cider, carved pumpkins, played Battleship, spent time with his adorable nieces, blah blah blah.” It was this riduclous list of every single thing they’d done that weekend. I felt like I was reading her embarrassing diary. And I was like ho-ly fuck you are 30 years old and have been dating him for a month. Just stop, this is embarrassing like how my 18-year-old-self used social media, except you’re in your 30s! And then like 40 people liked it. And I was like… wtf? who are these people? Everyone stop now.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest November 22, 2013, 12:38 pm

      I’m still not facebook official. Haha.

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    • avatar

      ktfran November 22, 2013, 12:42 pm

      I love that you said this. I was just telling a friend the other day that when I do finally date someone seriously, I 100% guarantee I’m not changing my FB status to “in a relationship.” I like to keep things a little more private too. I’m also fairly certain that the only way FB will know if I ever get married is if I change my last name. But by then, FB will probably be a thing of the past.

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    • muchachaenlaventana

      muchachaenlaventana November 22, 2013, 1:17 pm

      I have never been FB official with a boyfriend, and it has worked out pretty well. It’s especially great in breakups where you don’t have to go through the awkward status change and people offering condolences and weirdness that can ensue. I get weirded out when the guy I am dating posts pics of me to Instagram but whatever I am a social pariah and don’t even have Instagram so it’s fine I guess. Its nice to see that some people share these thoughts because pretty much everyone I know thinks that I am extremely weird for never taking this huge step in the relationship.

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      • Copa

        Copa November 22, 2013, 3:08 pm

        I just got an Instagram like 3? weeks ago and can’t figure out how to use it very well. I think I’m ancient.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson November 22, 2013, 3:13 pm

        I LOVE INSTAGRAM. I feel so much more okay with posting weird pics on instagram than facebook. Like I probably only post 50% of the pics I take (which is like 1 a week) to facebook. I really really wish I took more pictures. It’s a family trait to be bad at taking pictures, I have like 5 from my childhood, but sometimes I’m like – ermygod – life is passing you by and you have the memory of a goldfish so you need to document things! And then I don’t.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle November 22, 2013, 3:41 pm

        Yesss to the feeling-more-okay-posting-weird-pics-to-Instagram (as opposed to FB). That’s why I love it, although it took me a minute to use it regularly. So you’ll get there, @COPA

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl November 23, 2013, 10:54 am

        I love Instagram!! We print out physical copies too which is awesome 🙂

        I do feel like I Instagram stalk you IWTTS since I’m always liking your pictures.

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  • avatar

    bethany November 22, 2013, 1:03 pm

    Ok, in all seriousness- When I got engaged, I told my parents/close friends right away. About 4 days later, I went to see my extended family, and told them all in person. Then a few days after that I said something on FB about it. My actual post was this: “had a great week- 2 nights of DMB, a trip to Rochester to see my family and best of all- Dave asked me to marry him”
    Was that obnoxious?

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    • GatorGirl

      GatorGirl November 22, 2013, 1:04 pm

      I don’t think it is. I just put “we’re engaged!” And I had to rush to do it since it was April Fools Day and I wanted everyone to think we where kidding. I’m lame.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary November 22, 2013, 1:13 pm

      @bethenny and @gg yours sound like perfectly fine examples of an engagement announcement. I would probably just put “we got engaged!” after telling friends/family. I know this is a personal schtick, but I get really annoyed when one of my extended family members announcing something life-altering on facebook before letting it get around the family. Like my cousin announced her engagement AND her pregnancy on facebook (not at the same time) before telling any aunts/uncles/grandparents/cousins. Like when I get engaged I’ll probably tell parents and close friends and then let my parents disseminate the news for a week or so before putting it on FB (I don’t have this planned in my head or anything…. :))

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      • avatar

        bethany November 22, 2013, 1:17 pm

        I think it depends on how close you are with your family. But I’m with you- Everyone that I told before my extended family was told to keep it off facebook until I said something on there. I had the chance to tell them in person a few days after it happened, and I really wanted to do that before it was ‘public’ knowledge.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl November 22, 2013, 1:19 pm

        We only called our parents and siblings. They then called the grandparents. I didn’t feel bad about it. It depends on the family dynamic.

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    • avatar

      ktfran November 22, 2013, 2:06 pm

      Not at all. That’s totally cool. Especially since you told the people you care about first. A friend just got engaged in Paris and before telling anyone, posted it on FB. Now, that’s lame.

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow November 22, 2013, 2:35 pm

      When I read the HuffPo piece, I thought, “Wow, is there a way to announce an engagement WITHOUT being obnoxious?” … but there is. I liked Rachel’s post. It was so nonchalant.

      The worst is, “He liked it so he put a ring on it.” Ew.

      Reply Link
  • KKZ

    KKZ November 22, 2013, 1:30 pm

    Friday Pet Peeve:

    Opening all of the Friday links in new tabs all at once, then a video ad starts playing on one of them and I don’t know which tab to mute!
    (For everyone else’s benefit, it was the Atlantic piece.)

    Pet Peeve #2, Opening all the tabs and realizing I do not indeed have time to read all of them because it’s Friday and I’ve got shit to wrap up. Sigh.

    Reply Link
  • bagge72

    bagge72 November 22, 2013, 2:34 pm

    Check out this Ask Amy. This mom is such a dildo, and Amy’s advice is awesome.

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle November 22, 2013, 2:59 pm

      God, that letter is so bad it sounds fake. “He will just not stop being gay!” Surriously?? And yeah, I love the answer. And I like how she throws in, “neglecting his birthday ain’t cool either”

      Reply Link
      • bagge72

        bagge72 November 22, 2013, 3:04 pm

        Yeah that is the thing it does seem like it could have been a troll sending in a letter, but if it is real good for Amy, especially the part about the mom choosing to be gay for a year!

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    • GatorGirl

      GatorGirl November 22, 2013, 3:00 pm

      That response was awesome!

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    • GatorGirl

      GatorGirl November 22, 2013, 3:02 pm

      Omg the dog question next is too funny! Really you let your dog shit in someone’s yard, even if you do clean it up…yuck.

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      • avatar

        rachel November 22, 2013, 3:11 pm

        I’m actually kind of surprised no one has ever said anything to me about this. I always try to steer Toby towards the grass by the street, rather than someone’s front lawn, but sometimes he just pops a squat before I get the chance to stop him. I always clean it up of course. I’ve seen people watching before, and I always (in my imagined conversations in my head haha) figured I would just apologize and pay extra attention on that block.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson November 22, 2013, 5:18 pm

        Is that really weird? I mean it’s grass, and if you pick it up? What is the big deal? I guarantee squirrel’s aren’t asking permission to poop in their yard OR cleaning up after themselves. I mean it’s poop. That’s picked up. No one picks up dog pee. People are weird.

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      • bagge72

        bagge72 November 22, 2013, 3:14 pm

        Yeah I though that, too! and then she called that lady crazy!

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow November 22, 2013, 3:08 pm

      It makes me sad to think how likely it is that the answer could have been sooo different… not too long ago.

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    • bagge72

      bagge72 November 22, 2013, 3:25 pm

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  • meadowphoenix

    meadowphoenix November 22, 2013, 2:59 pm

    The “Women are Bitchy to Each Other, so it’s Their Fault Women are Sexually Repressed” article is making me so fucking mad. It’s so irresponsible to report a study, likely not peer-reviewed, in this way, in which they suggest conclusions which they could not have possible gotten from the study as attempted. This is why I hate when news sites report on “studies.”

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle November 22, 2013, 3:08 pm

      Yeah, same. They weren’t even TRYING to frame it any other way besides “bitches be bitches”. Like, WHAT.

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  • avatar

    HmC November 23, 2013, 11:45 am

    I think it’s kind of weird to single out and lambast engaged women for oversharing/being cliche on facebook. It’s kind of part of this horrible cycle where we socialize and brainwash women into believing that weddings are the be all end all of their existence, and then patronize and belittle them for being a “bridezilla” or oversharing about their wedding on FB. It’s really like women can’t win when it comes to weddings. People who overshare/post cliche cheesy bullshit on FB do that for every context, not just being engaged, and honestly if that kind of posting enrages you that much you should probably just scrap your FB account altogether because it’s rampant and shows no signs of slowing.

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  • avatar

    John Farrier November 25, 2013, 3:10 pm

    The infidelity story makes me sad.

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