Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links


Amrita Marino for Lenny Letter

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Why Did Becoming a Mother Bring Up All These Retro Ideas About Gender?

Oh, wow, this sums up perfectly what I’ve been thinking these last few weeks and haven’t been able to articulate nearly as well:

“If the past few weeks have shown us the unique horrors some women have faced, the answer to it can’t be a stringent new solidarity that further limits the definition of womanhood and lumps our highly diverse experiences together simply based on our gender. I don’t think that helps women. Or men.

I believe that the “believe all women” vision of feminism unintentionally fetishizes women. Women are no longer human and flawed. They are Truth personified. They are above reproach.

I believe that it’s condescending to think that women and their claims can’t stand up to interrogation and can’t handle skepticism. I believe that facts serve feminists far better than faith. That due process is better than mob rule.”

— NYTimes

Well, this is heart-wrenching: “Every Parent Wants to Protect Their Child. I Never Got the Chance. To fight for my son, I have to argue that he should never have been born.”

“Now we have a princess: Why a royal Meghan Markle matters. The “Suits” actress is ascending to a place millions of black women never thought possible. That’s a big deal.”

Haha:

I am so proud to announce that, early this morning, Jada gave birth to a healthy little boy. And we know that every new parent thinks this, but we honestly believed he would be cuter.

On September 8th, my wife brought baby Jax into the world. I love him more than I have ever loved anything, but if you subbed him out with any baby from the nursery I honestly would not notice.

Realistic Birth Announcements

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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11 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Amy December 1, 2017, 2:18 pm

    I loved the article about mothers putting their needs last. I’m expecting my first in May and have been spending a lot of time thinking about the upcoming changes in my life and marriage. I’m 38 and it has been a long time since I’ve faced such a drastic change in my life. It will be interesting to see how we navigate the changes in our time, relationship, and activities. Thank you for sharing the article!

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  • Cleopatra Jones

    Cleopatra Jones December 2, 2017, 2:27 pm

    Meh on the Megan Markle article. She is not the only black woman in the history of ever to hold a position in the royal court. This is why learning our history is so damned important! During the middle ages well into the 19th century, African women held positions in royal courts across Europe. In fact, in Africa it was a tradition for royal/ wealthy families to send their daughters to live in Europe to learn the language and culture. Sometimes they married while in Europe, and sometimes they returned to Africa. They often held high positions in the royal court.
    .
    And Catherine of Aragon, Henry the VIII’s first wife, had a very strong Moorish heritage (Um, the Moors occupied Spain for 700 hundred years). And was often called out on her swarthy skin tone.
    .
    Even in the highlands of Scotland, you can find Africans who traveled and married into the clans.
    .
    So let’s not act like Megan Markle has attained some kind of elite status that no other black woman has had ever. Ugh, I hate the whitewashing of history!

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  • avatar

    dinoceros December 2, 2017, 3:20 pm

    I’ve seen people on Twitter discussing the “believe women” thing. One argument I’ve seen is that the idea isn’t to blindly believe every single accusation. It’s that a lot of times the women are immediately NOT believed. Like with Al Franken, even after he admitted to it and apologized, some people were saying that it wasn’t true and he was just saying he did it because he knew that there was a conspiracy against him. So, then saying “believe women” is about believing that they could be telling the truth. I don’t think it’s trying to say that women are too perfect to investigate. We just need people to not immediately label them liars (and send death threats, etc.) in order to get to the point where the claims can be investigated. (But at the same time, a lot of this stuff has no evidence because it’s literally an interaction between two people who are alone.)

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    • avatar

      dinoceros December 2, 2017, 3:21 pm

      The other thing folks have been saying is that “believe women” is a lot easier to use as a hashtag than “give women the benefit of the doubt so that we can investigate their claims.”

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  • avatar

    Kate December 3, 2017, 10:48 am

    I’m not sure we’re at the point that we need to be concerned about “believe women” being taken too far. We’re not even really at the point yet where we are believed. A few years ago when an asshole in another department was making jokes about wanting to see me dance on a pole, and I went to speak with his boss, the (male) boss’s immediate reaction to “K has said some inappropriate things to me,” was “K is a really nice guy, he’s never said anything inappropriate to me.” I was like, why don’t you let me tell you what he said, and see what you think.” Granted, there’s been progress of late, but no way are we there yet.

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    • avatar

      Kate December 3, 2017, 10:53 am

      I think we’re still very much fighting to even get to where we can have due process. I had to speak to 3 men before the due process happened. When it did, I was very happy with it.

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      • avatar

        Kate December 3, 2017, 11:01 am

        AND I’m a big, old, scary bitch, not a 20-something who may be afraid to even say anything in the first place.

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    • avatar

      dinoceros December 3, 2017, 2:06 pm

      Definitely. My former high school teacher posted on Facebook about some case and was like, “I think we’ve gone too far,” as though in the past two weeks we’ve not only solved the harassment problem, but swung so far to the other side that victims have more privilege than predators. It doesn’t happen like that. The worries that it has seem like more symptoms of the same problem that we’ve always been having.

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      • avatar

        Kate December 3, 2017, 2:14 pm

        It’s the same problem we’ve been having forever, as the ladies on SNL pointed out last night, unfortunately this recent round of publicity is NOT going to solve anything, and if anything we are going to see a backlash against women in the workplace.

        Link
  • TheLadyE

    TheLadyE December 3, 2017, 2:38 pm

    I was born prematurely and my lungs weren’t fully developed. Looooooooong story, I have permanent lung problems – it’s called bronchpulmonary dysplasia –
    and have to take inhalers/have had to use that same breathing machine as the little boy in the CF article. My issues were not genetic (and it was the early 80s) so that sort of testing wasn’t done, and it wouldn’t have been a case to abort for my parents…but all my appointments were done in the CF unit because CF is also a lung disease. We saw a lot of CF children. Apparently I also had a sweat test done on me just to be sure.

    That article is really heartbreaking. I sent it to my mom, because she would be able to identify with the mother, at least in the sense that they both have permanently ill children. Thankfully, mine is manageable and not terminal – at least not as far as we know (babies usually either grow out of it or, uh, don’t survive it).

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    • TheLadyE

      TheLadyE December 3, 2017, 2:39 pm

      *bronchopulmonary dysplasia, I mean. Probably would be helpful if I could spell my own condition.

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