Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Mother encourages her son to use sexting to avoid being wrongly accused of rape. Interesting tactic… [via CNN]

“20 People on Sexting” [via NY Mag]

HAHAHA: “Why women still need husbands” [via FoxNews, of course!]

“Rise of the female ‘flexi-sexual’: Why women are far more likely than men to have a gay fling” [via Daily Mail]

“Men and Women have different regrets about sex” [via The Globe and Mail]

“How Women Change Men” [via The Atlantic]

“75 Years In The Making: Harvard Just Released Its Epic Study On What Men Need To Live A Happy Life” [via Feel Guide]

“I’m a 26-year-old virgin” [via Salon]

“Morning-after pill may be less effective for heavier women” [via NBC News]

“How Little Can Cash-Strapped Millennials Get Away With Spending This Holiday Season?” [via Forbes]

“Couples who drink heavy or don’t drink have same divorce rate” [via UPI]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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16 comments… add one
  • katie

    katie November 29, 2013, 12:13 pm

    omg wtf wtf wtf wtf

    “And there’s only one way to get it: rely on a man’s more linear career goals. Unlike women, a man’s identity is inextricably linked to his paycheck. That’s how most men feel a sense of purpose. Indeed, research shows men see it as their duty to support their families even when their wives make as much money (or more) as they do!

    So why not let husbands bring home the bulk of the bacon so women can have the balanced lives they seek? There’s no way to be a wife, a mother and a full-time employee and still create balance. But you can have balance by depending on a husband who works full-time and year-round.”

    what the actual fuck with that one.

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    • avatar

      WAPS November 29, 2013, 1:24 pm

      That one makes me so mad because it completely ignores that fact that divorce is a reality, and no matter what a lot of men like to say about alimony, a woman who has given up a career has crippled herself, earningswise. I have seen this play out in my mother’s generation too many times. Wife stays at home with children for 30 years, husband has an affair in his late 50s, early 60s, they divorce, and she has no real earning potential and no way to compete in a tough job market. Somehow, people think that situation is preferable over making a man feel emasculated because he makes less money.

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  • avatar

    MW November 29, 2013, 12:22 pm

    Sure, as soon as my husband finishes his degree, finds a new job/ career (after being laid off) and is comfortable with supporting the family on his own, I’ll let my Master’s degree and fulfilling career go to waste. Oh, yeah, and go on anti-depressants because staying at home with two kids all day, every day while being dependent upon someone who may get laid off, decide to follow his muse or die will drive me up the wall. Right-o.

    How about we let each family/ individual figure out what works for them? My husband and I love each other, support each other and see each other as individuals. We support each other through our ups and downs and don’t rely on outdated and simplistic gender roles.

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  • Lyra

    Lyra November 29, 2013, 12:27 pm

    There is a LOT of prude shaming in the comments of the 26 year old virgin one, yikes. People get upset with slut shaming which I totally get…but that definitely doesn’t make prude shaming ok. Obviously everyone is entitled to their own decisions. I wish people (from both sides) wouldn’t judge so much.

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    • avatar

      doctorelliot November 29, 2013, 12:35 pm

      I’m just kind of done with all of the “I’m X-age-old and a virgin” articles (I feel like I’ve read so, so many this year.) I mean, you’re a virgin. What’s the big deal? Why is it a big deal? You lose it whenever you choose to lose it – who cares if that’s when you’re 17 or you’re 23 or 30?

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      • avatar

        Ammie November 29, 2013, 1:42 pm

        Agreed. I chose to wait on PinV longer than most people (basically until I had a well-paid job and felt like, if I did get pregnant, I could support a baby on my own if it came to that. I didn’t want to be in a position to have to abort a pregnancy, since I knew that, emotionally, I wouldn’t be strong enough to handle it). (I know, I was probably really overthinking things.)

        But I never felt the need to go around advertising it… I told my boyfriends/potentials early on, most of whom were surprisingly cool with the idea (and those who weren’t were amicable splits), but I really didn’t feel like it was a source of shame or special-ness or anything else. It was just a personal decision, based on my personality, my finances, and my risk tolerance. And I think that’s all it should be for anyone… a personal decision, made for their own reasons and for their own well-being.

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      • avatar

        trixy minx December 2, 2013, 12:42 pm

        Its funny cause its not a big deal to people who have had sex but its a big deal to people who haven’t.

        I remember bring a teen and sex was the biggest deal then I grew up and have lotss of sex now its nbd.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark November 29, 2013, 1:46 pm

    Eh, if you BOTH want to work — don’t have fucking kids. Seriously. I am a big proponent of stay at home dads. SOMEBODY — I don’t care who it is should stay home. If you’d both REALLY rather be a busy little worker bee — then don’t have kids. We have way too many fucking people on the planet for vapid idiots to keep breeding like fucking rats just so they can HAVE it all. Yeah, you have it all. Whatever. How about your flipping kids?

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    • avatar

      Ammie November 29, 2013, 1:52 pm

      I think it’s awesome if one partner can stay home, whether the mom or the dad. But I think it’s also damn scary to do it that 100%, because you’re pulling yourself out of the job market and making yourself less desirable to employers. Not a big deal, if all goes well and you stay home permanently. But what if your partner dies or gets disabled and can’t work? What if they cheat on you and leave for another partner? Then you go back to work and have a five-year gap on your resume… who’s going to hire you?

      I think it’s a good compromise, maybe, if one partner can work part-time or do telework, just so it wouldn’t be so impossible to get a good job that could support them and the child(ren) if the worst did end up happening. I might be too paranoid about life in general, but I would want to be sure that both of us were capable of earning enough to support the family if we had to.

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    • Roxy_84

      Roxy_84 December 1, 2013, 12:55 am

      Are kids really that bad for not having a parent stay home though? The fact that both my parents worked enabled them to have good, consistent child care for us as we grew up. And now? They each have a defined benefit pension and are each independently financially solid if anything happened or they ever did decide to split up. Ammie has a point that things can happen that you don’t expect/plan for and if the parent who stays at home hasn’t been in the work force for years, that can severely impact their ability to earn a livelihood for them and their child(ren).

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    • avatar

      Jiggs December 1, 2013, 8:07 pm

      Who WANTS to work? That’s why it’s called work. People work to pay bills, which children generate a lot of. Little Tommy’s braces aren’t going to materialize out of momma’s wine bottles.

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    • avatar

      Sue Jones December 3, 2013, 10:21 am

      I agree it is not wise to pull yourself out of the job market for that long. What if your partner gets laid off? I had my son at the beginning of what would be 2 recessions and a war and the job situation/economy around here (a major metro area BTW) was wonky for a while. I know several families that found themselves going from a 6 figure income to a zero figure income in 2 seconds flat! My husband and I were glad we were both self employed professionals, which allowed me to design my own hours, fill in with nannies or childcare when needed, and adjust our lifestyles as business fluctuated. Sure self employment sucks in other ways, but I did not know anyone during those years who was unaffected by the shitty economy and we survived. If we did what idiot Fox News lady recommended (well it worked in the 1950’s!) we would have probably gone bankrupt, lost our house, etc. like SO MANY people DID during those (Bush) years.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark November 29, 2013, 1:49 pm

    PS — If you are 26 and male and a fucking virgin who HASN’T had sex with your “wonderful” fiance — I suspect you are a flipping closet case. Sorry, but I really truly do. Yeah… There is a REASON you’ve saved yourself all these years… It certainly wouldn’t be very hard for me to” wait” if I was only dating women… Plus, I’d then get to pen and publish vapid articles about my decision and how it makes me so fucking special and deep.

    😉

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  • Lyra

    Lyra November 30, 2013, 12:40 pm

    I just read the article regarding millennials and gift giving. I’m of the opinion that if you can’t afford to give gifts, you shouldn’t at all. NO ONE should have to ask parents for money for Christmas presents and NO ONE should go into debt just to buy gifts for people. That’s just stupid money management. If you can’t afford it, give your parents or your siblings or your SO a “service” gift instead — cook dinner for them, clean their house, volunteer to babysit…there are plenty of things you can give for FREE. Your family (hopefully) understands if you simply can’t afford it. I’m planning on giving a whole bunch of homemade gifts and doing things for people instead of buying material possessions this year

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  • avatar

    trixy minx December 2, 2013, 12:37 pm

    Bwahaha come on guys we women really don’t need you anymore.

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  • avatar

    Sue Jones December 3, 2013, 10:27 am

    As my BIL and our family started to have kids and expand, we transitioned Christmas as gifts just for the kids. And 1 gift for my MIL and FIL. That seemed do-able, since you can find a children’s book, etc. for $10-$15 or even a less expensive stocking stuffer. Or if you are really on a budget, a used bookstore will have lots of children’s books for even less. This scaled down holiday seemed smart. And really a lot of the stuff I would receive beforehand (not to be ungrateful, but…) was just house-cluttering cheap crap that I didn’t want anyway so it made sense to get stuff only for the kids.

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