Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“Exercising restraint and applying sensible structure to something that feels great requires using the logical parts of our brain to override the pleasure-seeking parts of our brain. But it’s possible, and you can still fully embrace a promising romantic partner without letting the fire in your heart burn your life down.”

— some great advice in :How to Stop Rushing Into Love

‘Back-burner relationships’ are more common than you’d think

Women will make the difference in many midterm races

From a DW reader: I think it explains why so many people, including myself, feel pulled into web sites where they can can find some attention and sense of belonging. Look at me: why attention-seeking is the defining need of our times

Yes! Make the Friends Happy. Don’t Have a Wedding Party.

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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4 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Amy February 9, 2018, 11:55 am

    I loved the article about bridal parties. I have had two weddings, one in my 20s that was a kick-off party to a train-wreck of nonsense and a tiny elopement in my 30s with my lovely husband. The first wedding was very traditional with bridesmaids, etc. and was a fine time but really kind of a headache to plan and in hindsight wasn’t very special because it was the same recipe that most people used. When my husband and I got married a few years ago, we went to Taos, NM, his daughter and two of her friends were our witnesses. It was SO special and romantic. Then a few months later we hosted a “we got hitched/we moved to a new house/start of spring” party at our home for our close friends and family. It was so much fun! People’s feelings weren’t hurt because of feeling left out, there was no pressure, it was just a really great time and a great way to start our marriage. I always hope that all couples that are getting married and planning their weddings have the same sort of special memories about their wedding plans as I have about our little wedding. Thanks for sharing the article, it brought back such happy memories and warmed my heart!

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  • avatar

    MaggieB February 9, 2018, 12:16 pm

    The NYT lays out what a monstrous hassle wedding parties can certainly be, both to pick the members and for the people chosen, but it creates an all-or-nothing false dichotomy. Sure, being in a wedding party can be a massive imposition of expectations and expense, but it really doesn’t have to be. There’s a happy medium.

    We had my sister as my bridesmaid, and my husband’s two siblings as his best man/groomswoman. Told his brother to wear whatever he wanted, told my sister and SIL to wear a blue dress of their choosing. We made matching corsages for them to wear, and asked them to help us for a couple hours the morning of the wedding (which they would have done anyway, along with other friends).

    We also did small bachelor/bachelorette parties working around their schedules. My bachelorette was the first time my sis had met my sister-in-laws, and I don’t think I’m off-base to say that it was as special an opportunity for them as it was for me.

    That was the sum total of their involvement.

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    • avatar

      TeacherNerd February 13, 2018, 11:16 am

      Yes, thank you for mentioning the false dichotomy. My husband and I did include a wedding party, but given that with the exception of my parents, and four of my father’s cousins, literally everyone else was traveling from out of state or from another country (including my husband and me). We wanted some close friends and family up there with us, but aside from buying a dress/renting a tux (actually fairly inexpensive), that was it. We knew most people would have travel expenses, so it wasn’t specific to one side of the family. Half our bridal party was under 21, and neither my husband and I wanted bachelor/bachelorette parties. I would have liked to hang out with my bridal party more, but I don’t think it occurred to any of my bridesmaids to hang out. (My aunt, bless her, informed one cousin, her daughter, that she would coming over to hang out for a few hours.) In hindsight, I wished I had invited everyone in our bridal party (or those who were available) out for lunch. But with the exception of my MOH, none of my bridal party helped or offered to help with planning (although one cousin did come along for a cake tasting) – again, more to do with geography.

      It was low stress, though. The idea that all weddings have “drama” of some kind is ridiculous.

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  • avatar

    CCL February 9, 2018, 1:04 pm

    My bf’s sister got engaged recently and I am praying she doesn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid. I hate being in wedding parties – I’m totes down with the idea of having no wedding party at all, it can avoid so much drama and costs. But, considering there was a 50/50 fundraiser at her gender reveal makes me think this will be a big to-do with a lot of expectations.

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