Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

The Power of Empathy [via RSA]

“To The Women Who Choose Not To Have Kids” [via Thought Catalog]

“The Law of F*ck Yes or No” [via The Daily Hiit]

“The Routine of Rape Fear” [via Nancy Leong]

“How to Tell If Your Relationship Will Survive the Holidays” [via Time]

Signs you’re middle-aged (oh no, busted…) [via Washington Post]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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23 comments… add one
  • mrmidtwenties

    mrmidtwenties December 20, 2013, 2:01 pm

    Fuck Yes!

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  • katie

    katie December 20, 2013, 2:38 pm

    the law of fuck yes or no is the best thing ever. im going to try to live more like that just in general.

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    • mrmidtwenties

      mrmidtwenties December 20, 2013, 2:41 pm

      I liked the article, but a little too idealistic in my opinion

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      • katie

        katie December 20, 2013, 2:43 pm

        well sure, people are assholes… but if you always think about your choices in the context of a fuck yes or nothing? i think you’d make better choices, honestly.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle December 20, 2013, 2:47 pm

        I feel like I don’t work in a “fuck yes” or “fuck no” kind of way though, especially when making important decisions? If I waited to feel that strongly before making a decision, I’d never make any decisions, ha

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      • katie

        katie December 20, 2013, 2:49 pm

        well i think for me, itll make me just think about everything better.

        for instance, if jake wants to do it but im like ehh about it, i can then be like fuck yes or no? and then ill figure out if it is actually an ehhhh, which is no, or if im like, im just being stupid, of course i want sex! fuck yes!

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      • avatar

        csp December 20, 2013, 2:55 pm

        maybe it is. But I think in the big decisions it isn’t. You have to meet people where they are and not try to fit them where they don’t belong. I don’t think this applies to decisions like what you are going to eat for dinner. Sometimes you just eat because you are hungry and tired. I don’t usually say “F*ck Yeah, frozen dinner”.

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow December 20, 2013, 2:54 pm

      I think I’m like the example in the very end – I’m someone who won’t (or hasn’t, in a really really long time) say “Fuck yes!” to ANY dates. I just haven’t felt excited by anyone in ages.

      Pretty sure it’s just coincidence, though, because lately they’re all duds. I need to meet someone who knocks my fucking socks off! Fuck yes!

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow December 20, 2013, 2:44 pm

    I like the empathy video. Empathy is a skill, and it takes practice. I feel like I “At least…” people too much, so I’ll try to keep in mind from now on that it’s not really helpful.

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  • veritek33

    veritek33 December 20, 2013, 2:49 pm

    OMG I love the empathy video. I wish more people understood that.

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    • Classic

      Classic December 20, 2013, 3:47 pm

      Oh I loved it, too!

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  • avatar

    TheOtherOtherMe December 20, 2013, 2:50 pm

    I like the “rape fear” piece. Every man should be be required to read it to understand what (most) women go through on an everyday basis. But the article places far too much emphasis on “stranger” rape. Most women are in fact raped by acquaintances, friends, even relatives (when they are young). All women should take precautions against this too, and have their radar up in all places (i.e. the office late at night, when on a date with a new person, when at a party with lots of people you don’t know well…) This is not to say that every woman should be paranoid ALL THE TIME, just a reminder not to have a false sense of security just because you are familiar with someone. And carry pepper spray.

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle December 20, 2013, 2:56 pm

      I liked that article too, & pretty much had the same reaction regarding the emphasis on stranger rape—but I do think that’s what women are most conditioned to fear (although I also have large doses of acquaintance-rape fear—i.e. I was out once with a male friend who I hadn’t really ever been out with before, & he ordered me a drink in addition to the one I requested, & it was so crowded in the bar that I didn’t see the bartender hand over that one. So I poured it out in the bathroom.)

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  • avatar

    csp December 20, 2013, 3:00 pm

    I think the Thank you to childless children is very applicable to the letter earlier today. I think the children who are wanted in this world have such an easier time than the ones who aren’t. I am someone who wants to be a mom so badly. When I see good parents, I am fine. When I see ones that clearly resent their kids, I just am so angry. I think it is a different conversation about how much we owe our adult children but I think the LW was clearly happier with her later children and it shows in the whole dynamic.

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  • Lyra

    Lyra December 20, 2013, 3:15 pm

    I do about 90% of the things on the article on middle age…and I’m 25…

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    • Cassie

      Cassie B December 20, 2013, 3:23 pm

      Yeah, I’m in my late 20’s and basically hit all the marks on that middle age list. But, who doesn’t love slipper socks?! And gardening is the best!

      Ugh I guess I’ll just go get out my Vicks Vapor Rub and sit here complaining about my aches and pains and that darn loud music those whippersnappers listen to, like a proper middle aged person.

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    • othy

      othy December 20, 2013, 3:47 pm

      I’ve been middle age since about 15.

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  • Classic

    Classic December 20, 2013, 3:39 pm

    At first I thought that I have none of those signs of middle age. But now I’m thinking that I have been taking a keen interest in the garden lately, hmmm. You kids get off my lawn!

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  • mylaray

    mylaray December 20, 2013, 4:03 pm

    I couldn’t even get through the rape of fear article because it bothered me that much. I find it minimizing in a way…the intense fear and paranoia of stranger rape, when in truth, it’s far less common. I have no idea if this woman has ever been sexually assaulted, but I feel like I notice those who haven’t been have such an irrational fear of being raped by a stranger. In a way, I can understand that. But I also can’t. The last thing on my mind is a fear of being raped by strangers. But, I am very much afraid and sometimes paranoid about something happening to me when out and about…usually along the lines of being mugged or carjacked, or killed. I’m very aware of my surroundings but I do have this overwhelming fear sometimes, but I wouldn’t say it’s a fear of being raped. And I think that’s really normal for women to feel but I don’t really understand the focus on stranger rape. Reading the article made me feel icky in a way with this weird focus on stranger rape (mainly because I think a lot of people still have misconceptions on the motives for rape). I would be more concerned on a first date or at a party with friends than walking home by myself. But, I do like the writer’s point that these are things men don’t understand in the same way. My husband is just beginning to understand the lengths that women go through to feel safe alone and at night and he admits he doesn’t automatically think of those things.

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    • katie

      katie December 20, 2013, 4:12 pm

      yea, i dont think that the point of that was to actually talk about the dangers of rape, i think the point was to show how women are socially conditioned to fear their surroundings. and then how men have no idea, and are just literally living in a different world then women are.

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      • avatar

        applescruffs December 20, 2013, 5:39 pm

        I agree. I remember trying to explain these things to an ex after he got mad that I pulled him away from some friends at a Halloween party because this guy at it was being creepy toward me. We ended up talking about that, catcalling, all this stuff, and at the end I was barely holding back sobs because I just didn’t have the language to explain what it’s like to live in the world as a woman, and he didn’t have the language to understand.

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  • avatar

    trixy minx December 21, 2013, 9:41 am

    Woohoo i finally got an article posted! Mines the fuck yes

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  • avatar

    Sara December 23, 2013, 2:08 pm

    The rape article concerned me. Do most women walk around paranoid like that all the time? I don’t. Maybe I am overly-naive, but I try to pay attention to my surroundings and to my impressions of the people around me rather than exist in panic mode all the time. Yes, sometimes I run into people and situations that give me the willies and put me on high alert, but this article makes me think I am supposed to be on high alert just because someone at the grocery store said hi.

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